How do you get a divorce?

[FolderWife]

My husband and I have been having minor issues lately (He's worried about losing his job, which may cost us our home, and I'm just not feeling the intense love for him that I used to, and I'm worried about myself) and I have been thinking about what life would be like without him a lot lately.

 

This past weekend, I took a trip to visit my parents. My cousin had a wedding Friday night, and I didn't get to a phone until after 9:30...my husband usually goes to bed around 8:30 when I'm not home, so when I called, he was of course asleep. He had planned on going camping with his family Saturday, so by the time I got home, he was gone...so I didn't get to talk to him again. By the time Sunday rolled around, I was one miserable sad little puppy. I MISSED HIM!!! I called around noon on Sunday, and he wasn't home yet, so I stayed and visited with my family a little longer. Finally, at three, he was home when I called. I actually started crying, because it felt sooooo comforting to hear his voice.

 

I tried to describe to a friend of mine what marriage is. It isn't like dating at all. Yes, you still get that fluttery new love feeling occasionally for your spouse, but they aren't JUST in a relationship with you...your spouse is your family. How do you leave your family?? He isn't just the man I love and am married to, he's a part of me.

 

Whenever someone would say when introducing their spouse, "This is my better half,” I thought they were mocking the Biblical declaration of -Two coming together as one- but with my husband, I really do feel like half of me is missing, if I go too long without being near him. I do feel like we are one unit, because I find it hard to exist without him.

 

I wouldn't say that I am crazy mad in love with my husband, but I actually feel like I NEED him.

 

So with all that said, how does someone just terminate a marriage? How do you separate from half of yourself? How do you leave your family?

[tiki]

Originally posted by Monday

So with all that said, how does someone just terminate a marriage? How do you separate from half of yourself? How do you leave your family?

 

Sometimes it's been in the making for quite some time. Sometimes it's been a long time coming.

 

Sometimes you threaten or talk or even give ultimatums, and sometimes those don't always work. Sometimes you get fed up. Sometimes people become abusive or commit adultery. Sometimes there's not a really good reason, you're just bored.

 

^ ^ ^ That's what I've seen of it anyway.

 

You're lucky to have such an awesome love for your hubby. Embrace it everyday.

[SteveH]

That was a cool post Monday.

 

I enjoyed it since I am currently wrestling with possibly divorcing my wife of 20 years. Two kids makes this even more difficult. Even though we have major problems, I find that a major part of my life is buried inside my wife's soul. In many ways, I cannot imagine life without her.

 

Life apart from my kids? I'd rather be dead.

[CurlyIam]

Hi, Monday

 

My answer to you is: I think you just know. You know when your relationship is working, when it's not, when you're inlove and when not.

 

In my last relationship there was a LOT of routine. I was - we were - codependent. At one time I found the courage to leave only to find his absence unbearable. It was sooo frightening to be all alone again and I had isolated myself from my old friends which made it even more difficult to get my life back.

 

I do not know if you love your hubby or not. I do not know if he is the one for you. I do know that us, humans, we are incredible, we are able to do almost anything, in order not to be forced to indure pain. It's the fear of pain which makes us stay in situations where if we were reasonable, we wouldn't.

 

 

Is wondering ok in a marriage? I don't know. Is it okey in a relationship? God only knows I have a lot of that, me too. I just have to figure it out. MEaning confronting the problem. Thinking about it, solving it in order for it to go away, not ignoring it, learning to live with it.

 

Surely you understand what I mean...

[FolderWife]

[CurlyIam]

Love and let yourself be loved !

 

[Nosmas]

My husband and I have been having minor issues lately

 

(He's worried about losing his job, which may cost us our home, and I'm just not feeling the intense love for him that I used to, and I'm worried about myself)

 

and I have been thinking about what life would be like without him a lot lately.

 

 

I cannot help but interpret, perhaps incorrectly, that your attachment to your husband is directly proportional to his ability to maintain mortgage payments?

 

Regardless, your intent, wish, fantasy, and his anxiousness would no doubt change if you were working or if you are already working, you increased your income. Essentially, you may be in a position to be less needy of him, and he might appreciate a change as much as you would.

[magda]

Originally posted by Nosmas

I cannot help but interpret, perhaps incorrectly, that your attachment to your husband is directly proportional to his ability to maintain mortgage payments?

I dunno, Nosmas, check out Monday's posts. Seems to me she puts up with a whole lot.

 

Monday, I would definately look up information on co-dependency if you haven't already.

[FolderWife]

I have done research on codependancy lots of it. I may be co dependant.

 

No, my love for my husband has nothing to do with his money....I don't know how we got here. He just kept hurting me and hurting me, and hurting me, and finally when he straightened up, I was to the breaking point, and trying to picture a life without him. He was being Mr. Wonderful, and I was thinking, "What would it be like if I wasn't with him any more?" I was picturing my future, thinking of the things I'd do, wondering if I'd date again, and then coming home and being in love with him. It's like I stopped considering him a lot...I don't know how to explain it.

 

Anyhoo, the time away helped me to put my feelings in perspective.