madsionnow Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Ok! This is my story this is the first time im posting here. I got married when I was 19 and my husband and I have been married for almost 7 years. The first time we had problems was about 2 years ago. He started to have a phone relationship with a girl he met in another state when we were living apart (He was in the Military-we lived apart for a year and a half due to him going on float). He said that him in the girl were only friends but they talked all the time, I mean all the time it got me so frustrated especially when I started to go through his things and started to see text messages and emails they were writing,, it wasn’t just friend talk. I couldn’t believe it. So that was then, he moved out for like two months and then he came back. We were doing good again. But things just got really worse. Every year I go on a girl trip with my friends and he goes on guy trip with his. We usually go the same week but this year we went two separate weeks. He went in the earlier part of the year and I went this summer. To make a long story short. When I went on my vacation he left town to visit a girl in the place where him and his friends went in the earlier part of the year he stayed for 10 days. I knew nothing of these plans and he didn’t tell me. I was so mad when I got back. We talked and he said that we need to be separated. I keep asking him if he wants a divorce and he says no, I m not even thinking about that. He says that we just need time apart. He doesn’t know whats going on. I keep asking him if he loves me still he says yes. I say are you in love with me I get silence. What the heck is going on. I asked him if he loved the girl he said no, he said he does like her. Also, I asked if they had sex he says no. I don’t believe him. Its been a month now and he comes home when he wants we still do things and he still calls everyday to see what Im doing. I don’t know what to do. I love him and want to be with him but, I keep thinking about him having sex with her. He has never did anything like this before this was so low. He keeps saying he was an a**h*** for going but he still continues to talk to her. The one good thing I like is this girl is thousands of miles away and when he’s her hes mine. Well sort of mine, I dont know who else hes talking to here. Man, I kind of feel like I don’t know him. We were/are so close. I thought I knew everything. I don’t want to make it sound like Im an angel or anything but I have never cheated on him while we were married. He does complain that im to controlling and that I nag a lot and he doesn’t want to continue his life like that. The thing I don’t understand is, does he not realize I don’t like to nag and be controlling. It his actions that cause me to, Agh, it really annoys me. We have accomplished so much over the years and have been so many places (no kids ). He says he hasn’t been happy for a while. And if he was happy he would not talk to other females (e.g this girl and the other one form 2 years ago). I know I can’t make a person happy if they don’t want to be. But I just wish we could work things out. He doesn’t want to do counseling, but he has recently started to go to church with me two weeks ago. I was really excited. I wonder if there is hope. I don’t wan to give him up because we still have a lot together and he still pays for everything. I do have a good job and can live by myself but I just feel we are one and should have everything together. When I ask him if he wants to be with me or her. He says it’s not that and she has nothing to do with our situation. I think he is full of bull. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
1money3 Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 I am also married to a military man for 10 yrs whom upon coming home from IRAQ decided he wanted a divorce. At first he also told me the woman he was talking to all of the time was his friend. I found out later that they were more than friend from a third party. He told me was unhappy with me and did not want to be with me. He also told me Ihe was not going to counseling and that I need to move on. He moved out . So, I found out that he left me for a female in the military that he was with over in IRAQ. While I was supporting him in the state and was stressed out everyday wondering if he was alive or dead, he was having relations wth another person. We are now in the process of getting a divorce. We have one child. I currently live in the house we are buying but he is trying to force me to sale it because his girlfriend wants him to purpose a house for them and does not think it is fair that I am living in a house and she is living in an apartment. When he talks to me, he yells and demean me but yet if you say anything about her, He gets mad. He pick up our child and take her to see his girlfriend who also as a son. My advice: Go to marriage counseling with him or without him. Also, start documenting events. He is not unhappy with you, he is unhappy with himself. If he refuses to cut all ties with this other woman, cut him loose. He does not need to talk to this woman. He can talk to you. I know it hurts! I am still hurting. This happened to me 8 months ago. Please remember this is NOT your fault. Do not go to his command and report this because you will be wasting your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Mollie Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 Holy cow I feel for you, what a complete ass to act like you don't deserve the house you two got because his little gf thinks its unfair... I wish you luck and I hope you find someone that treats you as well as you deserve instead of this man. *hug* *big hug* to first poster, too... man, sometimes people are so immature and selfish! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts