Letter to my ex, I want her back

[Hey505]

Hey guys. I guess before I show you this letter I've hand written for her I should tell you a little bit about the situation. Okay so I was with my ex for 2 years. She was my first love and my first everything. We've been broken up for around 10 months now and in that time she's had another boyfriend. I still love her and she said that she feels the same, but doesn't seem to want to pursue with those feelings. Maybe she doesn't mean what she says? I don't know but I've decided to write this letter that I'm yet to give her and I want peoples opinion on it. If some parts don't make sense to you, let me know.

 

Is it a good idea to send it? Is it sending the right message? What do you guys think? Any suggestions?

 

"<Her name>

Words can't explain how terrified I've been to write and give you this, but i feel like it can't hurt, Can it? Well, we'll see. I just want you to know how i completely feel. The last thing i want is to come across as needy and desperate.

 

I guess I've decided to write this because lately, I miss you so much it hurts. I miss looking forward to talking to you and seeing you everyday. I miss when we would just talk on the phone for hours. When you'd not say a word and tell me you love listening to the sound of my voice. I miss when I would go to look at you, but you were already looking at me. Some days I miss you so much i go through all the letters you wrote me, and it makes me smile, but then I wake up and realise you're not here anymore, and I get sad. To hear i was your world, always made me feel special. You were not ashamed of me and you would remind me you loved me everyday.

I've tried to convince myself i don't want you anymore. I just can't let go. I don't want to see you move on, but I'm not doing much about it either.

I could tell you how much I miss you for days, but I feel like it won't make a difference. Us being a part doesn't make sense anymore.

 

I love you <Her Name>. I've loved you ever since the day I met you."

 

So what do you think? Am I being stupid by sending this or what? :/ Sorry this was kinda long, and I appreciate you reading. Thanks!

[KJP]

I'm guessing she broke up with you? I feel like I need more background in order to give advice. If she ended it with you, will you be able to handle the rejection if she responds negatively to this letter?

[Hey505]

She did indeed end it with me. I want to give you more information and background but there is A LOT. Anything specific? And yeah, I think I'd be able to handle it quite well considering I made the mistake of pleading for her to stay with me when she first ended it. Silly mistake, I know.

[CC12]

What do you hope to accomplish by sending that? Honest question.

[othersideofthepillow]

Hey505,

 

I know that you think you "need" to do this as a last chance effort or one final shot at getting her back but my advice is to not send any letter. It will make you look weak and undesirable.

 

You guys broke up almost a year ago but you stil haven't let yourself accept the break up. She has moved on to another guy and regardless of what she is telling you (still loves you) you cannot believe her. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS and her actions are that a new man is more important.

 

This is what some dumpers do - they want to be free or date someone new but they keep just enough hope with the ex to keep them hanging on (breadcrumbs) to them in case they don't like being single or the new person they are with so they can come back to you if they want. There is NO FORMULA that will bring someone back.

 

They absolute BEST advice you can get is:

 

1. Remove and cease ALL contact

2. Go out and live your life and enjoy new things

3. Meet new people

4. Work on who you are as a person and learn what you can improve in your next relationship

 

It may sounds cheesy but IF it's meant to be....you two will get back together at some point. No one can tell you when that will be and that is why you MUST pick yourself up, become a positive person and become happy as a man. Once you do this you will truly become happy with yourself again and at that point can think about being with someone again.

[Hey505]

I hate to admit it, but you're right. She's stringing me along by telling me she loves me, but doesn't want to be with me. I just couldn't believe it at first... That sweet innocent girl I loved/love so dearly is messing with my head and feelings, so carelessly. Today I'm quite depressed about the whole situation, but I've been there before and I'll pick myself up, eventually.

 

To answer your question CC12 - I want her back. I don't want what we had; our previous relationship was a mess but I want to start something new. It hurts so much to think that she's telling me she loves me, when really she probably doesn't. Time to wake up to reality, eh?

Edited March 12, 2013 by Hey505

[KJP]

I'm not trying to play the devil's advocate here, but I wouldn't be so hard on her. It is possible to love someone, but to know that you two are better off not being together. I had to learn the hard way going through my last break-up, that sometimes the most selfless type of love lets the other one go and be free.

[TaraMaiden]

No, I think she probably does love you, but it's an affectionate habitual love, not a passionate sensual one.

 

She loves you but isn't IN love with you. Classic definition....

 

She's not 'stringing you along'. You're reading too much into it....

 

Sorry...

Leave this well alone, and go complete, total No Contact.

 

Read the Guide in my signature. Read the remainder of the thread too.

 

It makes for sobering reading.....

[Hey505]

No contact it is, again. I kinda hope she texts me and calls me but I'm guessing that's normal. I've gone NC a lot of times during the past year and she has always tried texting or calling me. I think the longest we went without talking was a month, and even then that felt like forever.

 

It's just... I don't see girls I like very often, and that's what worries me. She is the only girl I've been really interested in, ever. What if I never meet someone that can make me feel the way she does again? That's my main worry, being alone.

 

Oh and if any of you are interested, I'll let you know what happens. I've always been curious to how it ends when I read these similar kind of stories online

 

Thanks guys

[Hey505]

Hey again.

 

I need a little advice, again. I'm not sure what to do here and I'm confused to what she's doing...

 

So after my last post, I went no contact but not from a nice way. I found out something she did that really upset me so I told her to basically leave me the hell alone and never contact me again (I was VERY mad). A day later she text me saying she hates me so much, and she wish she'd never met me; surprisingly, this didn't hurt. I never replied and 4 days later she texts me again saying "I need your help, it's important". Again, never replied and 10 days after that text she texts again saying "Help." Now, why? What is she hoping to achieve from this? Is it an act of desperation? Is she trying to see if I still care? (which I do but I don't want her to know that). It's all head games but I just want to know what she's thinking and trying to do.

 

What do you all think? Thanks guys!

[Jono85]

Hey again.

 

I need a little advice, again. I'm not sure what to do here and I'm confused to what she's doing...

 

So after my last post, I went no contact but not from a nice way. I found out something she did that really upset me so I told her to basically leave me the hell alone and never contact me again (I was VERY mad). A day later she text me saying she hates me so much, and she wish she'd never met me; surprisingly, this didn't hurt. I never replied and 4 days later she texts me again saying "I need your help, it's important". Again, never replied and 10 days after that text she texts again saying "Help." Now, why? What is she hoping to achieve from this? Is it an act of desperation? Is she trying to see if I still care? (which I do but I don't want her to know that). It's all head games but I just want to know what she's thinking and trying to do.

 

What do you all think? Thanks guys!

 

it's games 100%. cmon man. try to be objective here lol. it may have been a "help my bf just ****ed me so good and now doesn't care to cuddle with me, why am i still so attracted to him" lmao. i know not appropriate but i'm serious...she's with another dude. help her to get the f*** out of your life, that's it. don't respond. you've retained a bit of power here, KEEP IT. many of us didn't get to retain ANY power, and it sucks more. keep going brother.

 

i haven't found girls i like either 9 months after my breakup. be patient though. have the mentality that you'd rather be alone than be with a b*tch that doesn't want you or wants you as a fall back option. screw that. you'll find someone...i know i found my ex when i was reeling from my ex ex, so i know it'll happen.

[Hey505]

it's games 100%. cmon man. try to be objective here lol. it may have been a "help my bf just ****ed me so good and now doesn't care to cuddle with me, why am i still so attracted to him" lmao. i know not appropriate but i'm serious...she's with another dude. help her to get the f*** out of your life, that's it. don't respond. you've retained a bit of power here, KEEP IT. many of us didn't get to retain ANY power, and it sucks more. keep going brother.

 

i haven't found girls i like either 9 months after my breakup. be patient though. have the mentality that you'd rather be alone than be with a b*tch that doesn't want you or wants you as a fall back option. screw that. you'll find someone...i know i found my ex when i was reeling from my ex ex, so i know it'll happen.

 

Yeah, it may be games but WHY? She left me, she has a new boyfriend but still, she's the one trying to still play games with me? Shouldn't it be the other way round? Shouldn't she want me out of her life so she can be happy with him? I like having that little bit of power you mentioned, it always helps when trying to stay strong with my ignorance (if that makes sense?). I don't like doing it, but it's what's needed.

 

So... Why?

[TaraMaiden]

This is important:

 

You ask why

 

Dumpers keep in touch, or re-establish contact far, far FAR more often than not, because they want to see whether their dumped ex- is still thinking of them, and would like to be buddy-buddy now.

The reason Dumpers throw breadcrumbs is two-fold:

 

One: it boosts their ego, and makes them think "Oh, good, they still think of me then - I must be more important to them than I thought!"

 

And

 

Two: it relieves their guilt, because if you reply (for which your motives are entirely different) they believe you've moved on, are healed and are happy to be in the 'friend-zone' because obviously, if you hadn't replied/agreed to a coffee/ things would be different. But you have - so it lets them off the guilt hook. I mean, if you're willing to engage in small chat, you MUST be fine, mustn't you?

 

Their motive is testing the buddy-level water.

'Yours' is "OMG!! S/he wants me back?? Maybe?? I think I may be in with a second chance!!" heart goes into overdrive, head turns into mush.

[Hey505]

This is important:

 

You ask why

 

Dumpers keep in touch, or re-establish contact far, far FAR more often than not, because they want to see whether their dumped ex- is still thinking of them, and would like to be buddy-buddy now.

The reason Dumpers throw breadcrumbs is two-fold:

 

One: it boosts their ego, and makes them think "Oh, good, they still think of me then - I must be more important to them than I thought!"

 

And

 

Two: it relieves their guilt, because if you reply (for which your motives are entirely different) they believe you've moved on, are healed and are happy to be in the 'friend-zone' because obviously, if you hadn't replied/agreed to a coffee/ things would be different. But you have - so it lets them off the guilt hook. I mean, if you're willing to engage in small chat, you MUST be fine, mustn't you?

 

Their motive is testing the buddy-level water.

'Yours' is "OMG!! S/he wants me back?? Maybe?? I think I may be in with a second chance!!" heart goes into overdrive, head turns into mush.

 

But I don't think I'll ever be able to just be friends with this girl. She was my first love and first everything. My heart still sinks when I see her in person, or even her name on Social Networking sites. Engaging in small talk may make it look like I'm over her and okay, but it will also make it look like I forgive her, which I don't. That may sound harsh, but she hurt me so much more than I ever thought was possible.

 

It still doesn't make sense to me that she text me saying "help." like she was in trouble or something. Just leave me alone and get on with the life/boy you left me for, right? If only...

[winstonsdreams]

Dude i am sorry but she has a new boyfriend, she is not your responsibility, she has moved on.

 

It's time to leave this one behind, you cannot show her you are weak by getting sucked into any stupid games. She is having sex with another man, the second that s*** goes down you have to move on and leave her behind.

 

I wrote letters and then i would leave them for a few days, then i would read them again and cringe! all i can say is i am so eternally grateful i never sent them! Wow would i have looked like a little b**ch. Dude you have to be a man now and tell her this.

 

1. You do not want to be friends

2. Not to contact you anymore

 

I assure you she will respect you more for saying these things.

 

If you have to say anything to her little 'help' text say 'what do you want?' then if she gives you some BS tell her 'sorry it's not my problem, later'

 

Dude TaraMaiden has the threads in her signature, read them over and over. Don't sent that letter you drafted, and move on buddy. TRUST me the sooner you cut contact and move on, the sooner you will find someone new, i can assure you this 1000%

 

she dumped you man. it's over, show her how much of a mistake she made!

[Hey505]

Dude i am sorry but she has a new boyfriend, she is not your responsibility, she has moved on.

 

It's time to leave this one behind, you cannot show her you are weak by getting sucked into any stupid games. She is having sex with another man, the second that s*** goes down you have to move on and leave her behind.

 

I wrote letters and then i would leave them for a few days, then i would read them again and cringe! all i can say is i am so eternally grateful i never sent them! Wow would i have looked like a little b**ch. Dude you have to be a man now and tell her this.

 

1. You do not want to be friends

2. Not to contact you anymore

 

I assure you she will respect you more for saying these things.

 

If you have to say anything to her little 'help' text say 'what do you want?' then if she gives you some BS tell her 'sorry it's not my problem, later'

 

Dude TaraMaiden has the threads in her signature, read them over and over. Don't sent that letter you drafted, and move on buddy. TRUST me the sooner you cut contact and move on, the sooner you will find someone new, i can assure you this 1000%

 

she dumped you man. it's over, show her how much of a mistake she made!

 

I did read my letter over and cringe too! I'm glad I never sent it. You do some crazy things when you're emotionally unstable. I've told her those things: that I do not want to be friends and I don't want to talk to her, but she gets mad at this and sends me texts like the ones she has... "I wish I'd never net you" "help."

 

I won't let her play anymore games with me and will not reply to it. That's all she wants, a reply. I've accepted that she's moved on, it took me a while because I always had that glance of hope for us, but it's gone now. If she doesn't already, she'll regret this and when she does... I won't be there.

 

I can't say I'll never take her back even if she did realise she made a mistake. The scars will always be there and they will never heal no matter how hard she atoned them.

[Hey505]

Well, I'm back again for some advice. It's always nice knowing I can come here for when I don't know what to do.

 

Well, it happened. She came back. How often does that happen eh? Not very according to the posts I've read.

 

Anyway she came back and all was lovely for around a month, but I felt that she started to pull away from me (which she was), and I reacted badly to this and clung onto her because I didn't want her to go again. She pulled away further, I clung harder. Me clinging resulted in us basically breaking up (even though we never actually got together). So I sent her a long text asking basically what is going on, what do we do and all that stuff. She says she doesn't want anyone right now, that she doesn't know what she wants from life and that she's going through a lot of stress. She says loves me, needs me, wants me but doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. She knows that I don't believe in ex's being friends. Especially first loves. I don't feel like I'll ever be able to see her as only a friend.

 

What do you think I should do? And should I believe her?

[TaraMaiden]

Go No Contact.

 

This -

 

She says she doesn't want anyone right now, that she doesn't know what she wants from life and that she's going through a lot of stress. She says loves me, needs me, wants me but doesn't want to be in a relationship with me.

 

- means she'd be most happy to have you as her security blanket.

Her option.

her second choice.

 

When she says she doesn't know what she wants, what she means is that she wants the best of both worlds.

 

You - faithful, loyal obedient and affectionate 'puppy' - and*him* - unknown, new, wild, reckless, adventurous. (Whoever *him* might be...)

 

She knows what you're like: You're reliable.

She is under the impression that she has your heart in her pocket.

All she has to do is pat it, and it starts beating for her again.

 

So, what you do, is re-read the No Contact Guide.

And the remainder of the same thread.

And THIS TIME - you do it.

110%.

[na49]

The "love letter" trying to get them back fails once again it seems...

 

Should you believe her? You have no reason not to believe her. She's not in a relationship with you anymore is she? Everything else she says is gravy.

[totallylost5040]

Hopefully you didn't send that letter.

 

Too many "I"s in it. It makes you seem desperate and makes you seem like you lack confidence.

 

Don't lack confidence, its a trait that all women love in a man. It's ok to lack it once the break up happens but afterwards, you can't show her that you feel like that, it'll just vindicate her decision.