A Natural Flow

[Draco57]

Hey everyone,

 

So I find myself in a dilemma with a friend of mine that seems complicated, at least from my own perspective. Its probably a good deal I'll write, but the tightrope I'm walking needs the sort of detail.. I'd love feedback from both guys and girls.

 

We both separately moved to the same place around the same time, while also being from the same place with the same friends, yet not really knowing each other before the move. At first we hung out for about a month, and we got along pretty well. However she was going thru some tough times, and so there was a span of a few months where we weren't in touch.

 

We finally got together again about 2 months ago, and since then we've simply clicked. There is a good deal of trust felt between us, and while we are both like our independence, we're usually together at some point every week, each time becoming more comfortable than the last. There is no question that we have a natural flow, to where several of our friends here now share wonder what's going on between us. A friend was even mistaken and said in front of a bunch of others that I had a great girl and shouldn't let her slip away.. so things are loosely said I can't control.

 

Where I stand is that this is a girl I am deeply attracted to, yet also see as being someone I care about incredibly. On my birthday, it was after a few drinks that it slipped that I was attracted to her. I hadn't intended to tell her then so it was rather embarrassing, and at the moment she had said she wasn't looking for a relationship. Because I was drunk, the next time we were together I wanted her to know that I had meant what I said the time before, but reiterated a bit better in a way that wasn't discomforting for her. She didn't have anything to say back to me during the pause, and so I said that, for however she felt about me, I truly cared about her.

 

Even then, she still didn't say anything to me. But this is where I receive mixed signals. I know that deep down she is quite shy. Yet most of her friends are guys, to which I don't show jealousy about, but only causes more wonder of how I stand in her eyes. She has been rather 'liberal' in the past and has a way of showing how she feels towards others, but I've never experienced this side of her for myself.

 

Yet ever since I've told her how I felt, we've only seen more of each other, and almost immediately after I shared how I felt, we planned several lengthy trips together. She isn't usually very affectionate, but I feel like I receive what she does show more than others. Often I find us sharing a lot of eye contact, even recently there was one of those moments where we found ourselves staring and smiling at each other before it was interrupted.

 

I'm continually trying to show her that I'm interested in her through different ways beyond being a natural flirt'. But I'm also concerned about pushing the envelope too much because she is dealing with spiritual and personal transitions in her life, and I mean to be there for her as it happens. It's a tight rope to walk because either direction could ruin the natural flow we have for one of us. I'm patient with how things will turn out, but I do want to avoid the mistakes I'm not aware of.

 

Some I know have said she isn't into me, others said they its wonderful what we have.. But right now, I'd love to hear what advice other unrelated individuals can share.

[rach24680]

have you ever kissed or hooked up? if she said nothing to you when you told her how you felt, it kinda seems like she's only into you as a friend. I ahve a lot of guy friends too and some had made the mistake of thinking that i'm interested in them because i hang out with them a lot, i'm blunt enough to put them straight, which is what she should do if she isn't interested in you romantically as otherwise it's not fair on you. If you find yourself getting too attatched to her you need to just ask her outright otherwise you'll never know, and it'll suck if the outcome isn't what you want, but if she's not into you, it's only delaying the inevitable.

[fungusamungus]

You're in the friendzone here.

 

Hanging out a lot =/= romantic interest, a lot of girls like hanging out with guys as just friends.

 

Look, I've gotten the "I'm not looking for a relationship" line a lot of times, and it usually comes under 2 circumstances...

 

1) She doesn't see me as anything more than a friend, and this was her way of letting me down easy

 

2) She likes me, but really just wasn't ready for a relationship (usually the case of a girl who just out of a relationship)... BUT... she DOES make it clear that she was interested, and we DO hook up. And... sometimes it turns into something, other times it just turns into a nice, fun, commitment-less fling.

 

If a girl is interested, she will not let a guy just sit there on a cliff hanger like that. You can rationalize things like... well, maybe she's just shy... etc. doesn't matter if shes shy. A shy girl might be slow to put herself out there, but she isn't too shy to reciprocate when she feels the same way.

 

Sorry bud.

Edited March 14, 2013 by fungusamungus

[Draco57]

Hey, thanks for the responses from you both. Writing it out put it all in perspective, but I still wanted to hear what others though. What you both said helped reaffirm those inclinations. She's a natural charmer, and hearing some honest reason helps break that spell of hers. Thanks again.