xyz001177 Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 I am happily in a relationship with my girlfriend and we have been dating for nearly 6 months. Before this we were best friends for almost two years. She moved to my country 3 years ago and I have heard a lot about her past. She has quite a big history but we have thoroughly talked about it and everything is fine. She has a male friend from where she used to live and they used to always inbox and skype each other. I have seen many of the messages which constantly contain the phrases "I love you" "I miss you" "I can't wait to see you" "baby" but they have never been in a relationship in the past. They are just friends and have never even kissed. I truly believe that is the case. There were points in time where they have (briefly) liked each other but nothing ever happened. Basically, I became really uncomfortable with their relationship when we first started dating and asked my girlfriend to cut down all the lovey talk. She happily obliged and said she would hate it if i was doing that with a girl. A few months into our relationship I saw some messages on face book and still thought they crossed a line and it made me feel sick to think they were always skyping each other. I simply told her how uncomfortable it made me feel and she stopped talking to him completely. A few months later and my girlfriend tells me she doesn't want me to talk to my only genuinely close female friend because it makes her uncomfortable. The friend and I have never been flirtatious or sexual in any way (or liked each other) and it is the only real female friendship I have. We have had many arguments about this and the end result was her not talking to her friend but me still talking to my friend because I thought she was the one crossing a line. The last few months our relationship has been amazing and then today she tells me she thinks it's unfair and she is talking to her friend. I don't know If I am being jealous or paranoid, should i cut ties with my female friend and she do the same? Should I stand my ground? I really have no idea what to do and we agreed to discuss things when I get back form soccer training in a few hours :/ sorry for the long read! Link to post Share on other sites
pbjbear Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 If you arent doing anything suspicious Im not sure why shes asking you to cut ties with your female friends. Ive done this to guys I have dated before but they were clearly being inappropriate and dsirespectful. Without any reason why that makes her seem insecure. Even more so when you add in the fact that she is doing that (inappropriate) with her guy friend while calling you out on it. I dont like it when men and women are held to different standards in a relationship but thats just my opinion 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 I simply told her how uncomfortable it made me feel and she stopped talking to him completely. A few months later and my girlfriend tells me she doesn't want me to talk to my only genuinely close female friend because it makes her uncomfortable. Read these two statements next to each other and notice the similarities. I bolded the similar parts for your convenience. You told her you were uncomfortable with something and she put a stop to it, completely. That was the outcome you wanted, right? Well, now she's telling you she's uncomfortable with something and you're digging your heels in and refusing to put a stop to it? How can you justify this? The friend and I have never been flirtatious or sexual in any way (or liked each other) and it is the only real female friendship I have. Look, it's a slippery slope when you start trying to influence who your partner can and cannot spend time with, especially when you have one set of rules for yourself and a different set for her. Not cool, what you're doing. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 It's a toughie, but this isn't simply a question of jealousy. It's also a question of trust, and boundaries. I think you need to discuss this and be completely honest with one another - but if you're 'uncomfortable' with what she's doing, she can hardly be blamed for feeling 'uncomfortable' with what you're doing... Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 Greatest Movie Quotes "When Harry Met Sally" Guys can't be friends with girls. - YouTube Your gut is screaming what sane people know to be the truth and the left wing nut jobs and feminazi's want us to do drink their relationship kool aid and not believe what is self evident. Men and women can ot be friends. Anyone on any infidelity forum for any length of time knows for seeing endless threads where an affair grew from an opposite sex friendship. If your GF is not able to meet all of your opposite sex companionship needs then you need a new GF. GF ain't getin' it done now, she's not gona get it done as a wife. Protecting relationships is how they endure. One should never let another opposite sex friend meet any of your needs. That is the first step on to the slippery slope to infidelity. Your GF is also right to request that you to give up your opposite sex friends. As an adult I have never had the need to have my ego stroked by having opposite sex friends. I have my guy friends and we do guy things. Never once have my guy friends or I have felt that we would of had more fun if there were women friends to share whatever we were doing. Common sense lead people to in the old days to believe in one's family breeding as a good indicator for someone to be judged as a suitable business associate, friend, spouse. Left Wing Nut Jobs brain washed society to believe that as nonsense. Scienists are now showing DNA connections to medical issues but now to mental issues. Saying's as like father like son, apple does not fall far from the tree. Common sense wisdom was ridiculed by the left using statistics (numbers don't lie, yes but liars use numbers to lie) is now being backed up by science and DNA. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 I don't know If I am being jealous or paranoid, should i cut ties with my female friend and she do the same? Should I stand my ground? I really have no idea what to do and we agreed to discuss things when I get back form soccer training in a few hours :/ sorry for the long read! This one has a simple solution that is difficult to pull off. Neither of you need to give up your friends. You BOTH need to bring your relationship into the friendship so that it's shared. For example... your GF must only Skype with her friend with you... and you will only contact your female friend with your GF around. Genuinely try to make them friends with one another. See the relationship isn't the issue... it's the secrecy and inappropriateness of some of the things said. Link to post Share on other sites
IAmRobot Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 I honestly think it was OK for you to be uncomfy with your gf since she was crossing a line with this guy. Since you never crossed that line with your female friend I don't see how that is the same kind of problem. Link to post Share on other sites
JennaMax Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 I think you're overreacting to be honest. If she's got a male friend and you have a female one, it's fair and square. What you may consider inappropriate doesn't mean it is for her. Either you both drop your close opposite sex friends or just leave it as that. Link to post Share on other sites
GSB81 Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Road, buddy, I love you. No homo. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xyz001177 Posted March 13, 2013 Author Share Posted March 13, 2013 thanks a heap for the help everyone who posted! We have decided to both keep our respective friend. We both had different ideas of what we thought the boundaries were but we do really love each other so we came to a compromise that worked for the both of us Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Road, buddy, I love you. No homo. Give me the High Sign. I need say no more Link to post Share on other sites
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