Reasons NOT to tell

[Spark1111]

ok, so I think there is a consensus of a deathbed confession and a documented violent BS.

 

And that's about it in my personal view.

 

In a perfect world, I'd add pregnancy but after reading here many men cheat on pregnant wives and Bent is right, the baby needs to be tested too, so strike that one.

 

Every other excuse is smoke and mirrors and control and protecting one's azz from serious, life-altering consequences, IMO.

[nofool4u]

If I'm on my death bed with days or even hours left to live, don't tell me.

 

I would. That way I could change the beneficiary of my insurance policy to my kids.

[ComingInHot]

I'd have to say that if I were n my deathbed, I would SO WANT to know!!!

 

As no fool wrote, it would allow me to gracefully forgive WH before I die as well as leave him w/the consequences of his behavior, ie; no Life Ins policy in his name, all aseests changed to family & children as the beneficiary/ies, and add to letter that will be sent to everyone One year after my death.

 

Hey. I'm gracious and kind and forgiving BUT there is no way WH will be rewarded w/all of my after death assets to shower on another woman in celebration of my demise/death

[Spark1111]

I'd have to say that if I were n my deathbed, I would SO WANT to know!!!

 

As no fool wrote, it would allow me to gracefully forgive WH before I die as well as leave him w/the consequences of his behavior, ie; no Life Ins policy in his name, all aseests changed to family & children as the beneficiary/ies, and add to letter that will be sent to everyone One year after my death.

 

Hey. I'm gracious and kind and forgiving BUT there is no way WH will be rewarded w/all of my after death assets to shower on another woman in celebration of my demise/death

 

ha! let me clarify here....IF I had enough time to change the documents, like 3 to 6 months I would!

 

But if I only had days, or a few hours before I left for the great beyond, do NOT tell me, please! Let me die ignorant with all my illusions when there is NO TIME to change the outcome.

[Furious]

Sometimes I wish I believed in ghosts, because anyone who would cheat on a dying spouse deserves to be haunted.

[seren]

I didn't tell the OW husband, I knew he was a violent man who had badly beaten her before (for an A), that was one of the reasons, the other was that my H was dealing with PTSD and in a bad place - drama with the OW's husband was another brick on the pile on top of my chemo and illness and frankly, I had, had enough.

 

Had these factors not been in place, then yes, I would have told. In fact I asked H to not go and knock on the door and tell him, himself. H lived away from home and I just couldn't deal with the knowledge that the OW's husband would turn up at my door when I had no energy to deal with it. As it was he found out and beat her very badly, she ended up on my doorstep asking me for help (I worked in a social work setting and had contacts in Women's Refuge where I did voluntary work).

 

If I had been terminally ill I don't think I would have wanted to know. I just needed H when I was ill, he held the bowl for me when I was sick, rubbed my back when I had pain and was the only person I could break down to - had we separated he would still be the person I would choose to be with me as I have known him longer than just about anyone. However, I would hope he respected me enough to not have an A while I was dying, but can understand the loneliness some people feel when the person they love are terminal.

[Spark1111]

I didn't tell the OW husband, I knew he was a violent man who had badly beaten her before (for an A), that was one of the reasons, the other was that my H was dealing with PTSD and in a bad place - drama with the OW's husband was another brick on the pile on top of my chemo and illness and frankly, I had, had enough.

 

Had these factors not been in place, then yes, I would have told. In fact I asked H to not go and knock on the door and tell him, himself. H lived away from home and I just couldn't deal with the knowledge that the OW's husband would turn up at my door when I had no energy to deal with it. As it was he found out and beat her very badly, she ended up on my doorstep asking me for help (I worked in a social work setting and had contacts in Women's Refuge where I did voluntary work).

 

If I had been terminally ill I don't think I would have wanted to know. I just needed H when I was ill, he held the bowl for me when I was sick, rubbed my back when I had pain and was the only person I could break down to - had we separated he would still be the person I would choose to be with me as I have known him longer than just about anyone. However, I would hope he respected me enough to not have an A while I was dying, but can understand the loneliness some people feel when the person they love are terminal.

 

Seren, my oldest childhood friend was diagnosed with lung and brain cancer at age 34! we all lived her death sentence with her as she chose every medical and alternative treatment in the country. she would die within 10 months. we sat daily in hospitals waiting to see and encourage her.

 

she turned to her man, the one she planned to marry and have children with, and told him to go take care of his sexual needs because she could not.

 

he was so touched to be given her permission, but it was the LAST thing he was thinking of as she was so sick and he so loved her.

 

When she died, we all were concerned about him! he had slept, ate, lived in hospitals with her all over the country.

 

One year after we buried her, he called me up and said he had met someone special, someone he wanted to tentatively pursue a relationship with. he was seeking my permission as her oldest friend and I gave it. but I had one question for him. WHY this woman?

 

his response? She lets me talk of her and my love for her for HOURS without growing defensive, insecure and jealous.

 

THAT's a true love story.

 

Knowing that, living through that, I would be hard-pressed to wrap my head around someone who thought they had a right to a secret piece on the side while I lay dying, KWIM?

 

And, if it did happen without my consent or permission, please GOD, do not tell me.

 

let me offer it first, like my dear, loving friend did.

[ComingInHot]

Spark,

It's stories like that, that keep falling in love with life and humanity over & over again!

Thank You!

CIH*

[whichwayisup]

If someone is on their death bed, extremely ill, fighting an illness (going through chemo/treatments etc..) the last thing they need to face, cope with and feel all that emotion is finding out about a cheating spouse. That could be enough to kill the person or put them into a deep depression, quickening their death.

 

Also, if a person is mentally ill. ESPECIALLY if the AP knows of the condition of their MM/MW's BS. To knowingly pour salt, know if someone is ill, mentally ill and make their life even harder and more painful so they can't cope isn't right. I think most wouldn't want that blood on their hands and create more pain, since they are choosing to tell KNOWING the situation.

[BetrayedH]

ha! let me clarify here....IF I had enough time to change the documents, like 3 to 6 months I would!

 

But if I only had days, or a few hours before I left for the great beyond, do NOT tell me, please! Let me die ignorant with all my illusions when there is NO TIME to change the outcome.

 

And if you do tell me, it might be wise to keep me away from any weaponry.

[BetrayedH]

Also, if a person is mentally ill. ESPECIALLY if the AP knows of the condition of their MM/MW's BS. To knowingly pour salt, know if someone is ill, mentally ill and make their life even harder and more painful so they can't cope isn't right. I think most wouldn't want that blood on their hands and create more pain, since they are choosing to tell KNOWING the situation.

 

I guess there are a lot of forms of mental illness so I'm having a hard time picturing this exact scenario. My gut still says that they don't deserve to be lied to, exposed to STDs, and have their time wasted any more than anyone else. Maybe you can elaborate?

[ComingInHot]

It seems to me that if someone's spouse is "unstable", then that would be even more reason Not to cheat and more reason to leave (if they won't seek help or can't).

 

Guess I just don't buy Any reason to cheat then tell and/or cheat then Not tell or, well, cheat.*

 

Doesn't matter all the reasons Why people wouldn't "blame" ME for having an A, and there are many. I would blame me because a) it's wrong & b) I contracted AND vowed Not to cheat...

[dreamingoftigers]

I wouldn't tell a pregnant woman until after she delivered, probably about three months after, if there's no post-partim depression and she isn't isolated.

 

I was 8 months pregnant (high-risk pregnancy) when I found out and my body went under so much stress and weight-loss that I was scared I would lose the baby. I was in labor for three days and my fluids were low.

 

I have since learned the maternal stress levels can hurt the foetus' development. Running from a hurricane can have a bigger long term effect on the fetal development than the occasional snort if coke even.

 

(although frankly, I recommend NOT snorting the coke, and getting out of the hurricane's path. NOT getting out of the hurricane'spath would be WORSE for fetal development, really.)

 

Another instance where I have not told and do not plan to was when a friend of mine, and her husband separated. (he was cheating on her). He moved in with gf, leaving her alone with two kids.

 

She had a fling, nothing serious, they were headed for D. He kicked himself in the head when his gf stepped out on him and the kids just hated him. After awhile of him going for counseling (and drug rehab, gf was also an addict) wife and MM made up.

 

He moved back and then decided it was his business to know what she had been up to while they were separated. She flat-out says it's none of his business, she could've boinked half of the city and he has no leg to stand on after what he put her through. Aside from that, he has no right to judge because of where he was and what he was doing. If he wanted to be a part of her sex life, he would've been around and worked on their issues, including his personal ones. She also says that she shouldn't have to feel guilty for being alone and deprived while she was under a ton of presssure both emotionally and financially. (he paid no support while they were apart until he got a job and tried to go home).

 

He accepted it. It's not my place at all to be like "hey buddy, she had a 5 day fling while you were off getting high and screwing around."

[Older 'n' wiser]

Are there any good reasons not to expose an affair to a BS? I'd love to see a healthy intellectual and respectful discussion on the merits of any/all reasons not to tell. I'm primarily thinking of exposure by an OW/OM but if you have other scenarios where you think someone else shouldn't tell, I think those are valid discussions, too.

 

Until recently, I felt that there were no good reasons to keep such a thing hidden from a BS. A recent thread brought up a scenario where the BS has a terminal illness. Considering the physical toll Dday had on me (lack of sleep and loss of 40lbs), it was a compelling argument to me. If others have compelling reasons, I'd like to hear them and request a respectful debate.

 

Wish I'd seen this thread earlier but seems it's still open, so here you go and you may remember this one:

 

My brother has been quadriplegic from a stroke for four years. My husband, out of work and recovering from a serious illness, swooped in and saved his wife and her sons in the months and years following the stroke by remodeling all kinds of things in their house - all commissioned by my aging father as H was living in my family's vacation 'cabin.' After a while, the swooping and saving led to swooning and swaying as I learned 3 years later. For much of this time I was out of the country (with H's blessing and yes, I know it's all hard to believe but true).

 

Well, d-Day was last June. I agonized as deeply as any traumatized BS can suffer regardless of the circumstances - because they did consciously conceal it and my H did claim to be committed to me - yet decided not to tell my brother at the advice of his care manager. Some months later, I had a heart-to-heart with his 20-year-old son, my nephew, who had finally been told the truth by his mother. (Don't forget what this kid had already been going through because of his father's tragedy.) This boy faced me, looked me in the eye and said clearly and authoritatively that his father should not know.

 

So there you have it. But since all this, I have had a change of heart. I agree with the posters here that SHE is NOT the person to be responsible for what is important to him before or after he dies. I even have a sinking feeling that she was trying to convince him to pull the feeding tube and get it over with (but I obviously don't exactly have an ear to the floor on that one any more to know for sure). Oh, and it gets even better: She's a freakin' lawyer, for pete's sake. (And she has been crossing her t's and dotting her i's and choosing her words with precision every f---g step of the way.)

 

You may say, yes, he should know for reasons already given, but think about this: I will be the fiend who caused his further agony, pain and - if he did decide to pull the tube because of this - his death. And... AND... she is such a scary mad person (seriously - she's been on anti-depressants her entire adult life, used to leave the family for days at a time or cry for days at a time if she was at home) and crazy b---h lawyer, that she would possibly - no surely - deny it and he might be left without enough funds for his care. Although my brother is - or was - a lawyer, too....

 

So, chew on that one a while. And I am not making up one word of it. Just look under my first thread as merrmeade. And I am still not convinced what is right any more except that I know I will not be able to go to my brother's funeral if he is not told.

 

And one more thing: Don't forget the fact that, as a quadriplegic, he is already suffering from his virtual and complete impotence as far as ever satisfying his wife is concerned. And then, to find out he was cuckolded by his BIL, his sister's husband, whom he'd been sponsoring and encouraging to rebuild his own home as well as the vacation house he was also living in - along with his wife? (Also the two of them claim they did not have intercourse, only oral sex - which we all have our doubts about, of course. I am trying to keep this about my brother and the topic at hand, btw.)

 

Oh! Forgot this part: My brother and SIL's marriage was on the skids when he had the stroke.

 

So convince me he should be told. I'd really like it if someone could.

Edited March 23, 2013 by Older 'n' wiser

[BetrayedH]

Wish I'd seen this thread earlier but seems it's still open, so here you go and you may remember this one:

 

My brother has been quadriplegic from a stroke for four years. My husband, out of work and recovering from a serious illness, swooped in and saved his wife and her sons in the months and years following the stroke by remodeling all kinds of things in their house - all commissioned by my aging father as H was living in my family's vacation 'cabin.' After a while, the swooping and saving led to swooning and swaying as I learned 3 years later. For much of this time I was out of the country (with H's blessing and yes, I know it's all hard to believe but true).

 

Well, d-Day was last June. I agonized as deeply as any traumatized BS can suffer regardless of the circumstances - because they did consciously conceal it and my H did claim to be committed to me - yet decided not to tell my brother at the advice of his care manager. Some months later, I had a heart-to-heart with his 20-year-old son, my nephew, who had finally been told the truth by his mother. (Don't forget what this kid had already been going through because of his father's tragedy.) This boy faced me, looked me in the eye and said clearly and authoritatively that his father should not know.

 

So there you have it. But since all this, I have had a change of heart. I agree with the posters here that SHE is NOT the person to be responsible for what is important to him before or after he dies. I even have a sinking feeling that she was trying to convince him to pull the feeding tube and get it over with (but I obviously don't exactly have an ear to the floor on that one any more to know for sure). Oh, and it gets even better: She's a freakin' lawyer, for pete's sake. (And she has been crossing her t's and dotting her i's and choosing her words with precision every f---g step of the way.)

 

You may say, yes, he should know for reasons already given, but think about this: I will be the fiend who caused his further agony, pain and - if he did decide to pull the tube because of this - his death. And... AND... she is such a scary mad person (seriously - she's been on anti-depressants her entire adult life, used to leave the family for days at a time or cry for days at a time if she was at home) and crazy b---h lawyer, that she would possibly - no surely - deny it and he might be left without enough funds for his care. Although my brother is - or was - a lawyer, too....

 

So, chew on that one a while. And I am not making up one word of it. Just look under my first thread as merrmeade. And I am still not convinced what is right any more except that I know I will not be able to go to my brother's funeral if he is not told.

 

And one more thing: Don't forget the fact that, as a quadriplegic, he is already suffering from his virtual and complete impotence as far as ever satisfying his wife is concerned. And then, to find out he was cuckolded by his BIL, his sister's husband, whom he'd been sponsoring and encouraging to rebuild his own home as well as the vacation house he was also living in - along with his wife? (Also the two of them claim they did not have intercourse, only oral sex - which we all have our doubts about, of course. I am trying to keep this about my brother and the topic at hand, btw.)

 

Oh! Forgot this part: My brother and SIL's marriage was on the skids when he had the stroke.

 

So convince me he should be told. I'd really like it if someone could.

 

It's bittersweet to have you back, MM.

 

So, you have to go pull the "my quadraplegic brother is the other BS" card, huh? I thought we had this all wrapped up. Please forgive my snarkiness. I'd like to punch your H and SIL in the face.

 

This one merits a lot of thought and I'm glad you paused to do it. What an awful scenario.

 

I'm tempted to ask about your brother's mental state. For some reason it seems that if he's still got all of his mental faculties then it's cruel to have everyone in his family know except him. If he's lucid, I'd hate to keep lying to him. I'd hate that my cheating wife was my caregiver and to be unaware. I'd want to make my own decisions about my health care surrogate, executor of my will, beneficiary of my estate, and be able to consider divorce. But somehow it seems that if he's mentally incompetent to make decisions for himself, it'd be cruel to just hurt him when he can't even make rational decisions about his ongoing care, life, estate, and such.

 

The fact that she isn't coming clean with him on her own is very bothersome to me. If she were truly remorseful and still wanted to care for her dying betrayed husband, I might leave them alone. But I don't recall her being a remorseful person at all and from what you've written here, it sounds like she's still quite a peach. The thought that he might have a decent sum of money still while she encourages him to pull the plug is just kinda unfathomable. She's demonstrated that she's not to be trusted since she slept with his sister's husband. Why exactly is she the one entrusted to make decisions in his best interests now? Has she demonstrated remorse? Does everyone trust that she's doing the right thing by him?

 

Most of all, I trust YOUR gut Mermaede. You know these people. You know your brother. You know his wife. You know about affairs. What does your gut say?

 

And what did you ever decide to do with that husband of yours? Forgive me, I just don't remember. If he's still around and remorseful, I'd hope for him to be supporting you thru all of this. Or do they both still just want to be covering their asses? Oh, and I still don't buy that oral sex line from them either. Didn't they claim that it was just "heavy petting" for a while, right? And now they'll acknowledge oral but no penetration? What nonsense.

[leyah2000]

I think they should know. As I betrayed partner I would want someone to let me know. Or at least point me in the right direction, that is, point out behavior that does not add up.

 

My cheater partner's OW has a betrayed partner too, her husband, who actually turns out to be "boyfriend's" cousin. I don't want to break news like this too anyone but maybe I should let him know.....somehow. They have kids too so I really don't want to be a part of this...but OW husband should know.

 

I'm glad I know the truth now.

[BetrayedH]

I think they should know. As I betrayed partner I would want someone to let me know. Or at least point me in the right direction, that is, point out behavior that does not add up.

 

My cheater partner's OW has a betrayed partner too, her husband, who actually turns out to be "boyfriend's" cousin. I don't want to break news like this too anyone but maybe I should let him know.....somehow. They have kids too so I really don't want to be a part of this...but OW husband should know.

 

I'm glad I know the truth now.

 

Why wouldn't you tell him?

[Gagirl]

Well it might not be a good idea to tell the BS if she was violent or crazy.

[leyah2000]

No tell her even if she crazy. She need to go ham on that a**.

 

the only thing that would stop me is that I don't want her to direct her anger at me.

 

Don't be mad at me, I'm just the messenger.

 

But it can be like that sometimes.

[leyah2000]

Why wouldn't you tell him?

 

I don't know him that well. Don't want to piss off anyone I don't know like that.

 

the "bf" is crazy too. Very concerned about his image. So if people start to see him for who he really is....

 

already told people in our circle so its probably gonna get back to him anyway. One day.

 

When sh** hits the fan...well, serves both of these lying hypocrites right.

[Older 'n' wiser]

It's bittersweet to have you back, MM.

 

So, you have to go pull the "my quadraplegic brother is the other BS" card, huh? I thought we had this all wrapped up. Please forgive my snarkiness. I'd like to punch your H and SIL in the face.

 

This one merits a lot of thought and I'm glad you paused to do it. What an awful scenario.

 

I'm tempted to ask about your brother's mental state. For some reason it seems that if he's still got all of his mental faculties then it's cruel to have everyone in his family know except him. If he's lucid, I'd hate to keep lying to him. I'd hate that my cheating wife was my caregiver and to be unaware. I'd want to make my own decisions about my health care surrogate, executor of my will, beneficiary of my estate, and be able to consider divorce. But somehow it seems that if he's mentally incompetent to make decisions for himself, it'd be cruel to just hurt him when he can't even make rational decisions about his ongoing care, life, estate, and such.

 

The fact that she isn't coming clean with him on her own is very bothersome to me. If she were truly remorseful and still wanted to care for her dying betrayed husband, I might leave them alone. But I don't recall her being a remorseful person at all and from what you've written here, it sounds like she's still quite a peach. The thought that he might have a decent sum of money still while she encourages him to pull the plug is just kinda unfathomable. She's demonstrated that she's not to be trusted since she slept with his sister's husband. Why exactly is she the one entrusted to make decisions in his best interests now? Has she demonstrated remorse? Does everyone trust that she's doing the right thing by him?

 

Most of all, I trust YOUR gut Mermaede. You know these people. You know your brother. You know his wife. You know about affairs. What does your gut say?

 

And what did you ever decide to do with that husband of yours? Forgive me, I just don't remember. If he's still around and remorseful, I'd hope for him to be supporting you thru all of this. Or do they both still just want to be covering their asses? Oh, and I still don't buy that oral sex line from them either. Didn't they claim that it was just "heavy petting" for a while, right? And now they'll acknowledge oral but no penetration? What nonsense.

 

Thanks for the considered suggestions and remembering! But now that I'm "back" and look at the incredulity of my situation and my brother's, it looks like a badly written soap opera. Would that it weren't all true...

 

So as far as the other things you asked about - B's mental state is decent, considering that his confinement in a nursing home 6 hours from home and he doesn't see his family much. Why he's there is another story. Just leave it that when they moved him there, it was because my father was still alive and my H (YAY!) was living in the vacation cabin. So the three of them were nearby and SIL and sometimes kids would make the 6-hour drive to visit maybe a couple of times a month - while H was in the cabin. Now that my father has died and my family is completely out (H is many states away now), my brother really only has the wife and kids now - I hope. I also hope that she will step up to the plate and do right by him, but I can't know very much if I'm not there. With the bad blood between us, I have no way of finding out anything.

 

My other brother - B2 - and wife, who live in yet another state, are going to see B1 very soon. B2 doesn't know about the A. I'm going to see what they can tell me about B1 - how he's doing and what the situation is with money and family. It's also possible they'll figure out about the A. I don't think my kids and I could have been the only people with suspicions, so why wouldn't they have had them? Anyway, SIL will give off plenty of red flags when they ask her about us, so it will be edifying to find out what they learn on their own.

 

[i am out of the country again - taking a break and reassessing my life with or without H. We are in touch and planning to get back together but .... but ... I'll post again when I get a better handle on if and when - since this topic was whether to tell my brother about his sleazy wife.]

[sunshine63]

I was the OW. I am responding to share a viewpoint on whether or not to reveal an affair to an unsuspecting spouse. I would appreciate not being flamed for my actions/choices. I have gotten enough of that.

 

Anyhow...

 

I do not know my MM's wife. I would not know her if I saw her on the street. She found out her husband was having an affair. That is for them to work out, without me involved. He requested no contact from me, I am respecting that. It is the very least I can do. Obviously, she knows.

 

I am not a big fan of "revealing the affair," to an unsuspecting significant other. This is why: Revelation is never done for the sake of the unsuspecting significant other. I don’t care how the message comes packaged. When a cheating significant other discloses an affair, 99% of the time that disclosure is done to purge their own guilt and their conscience is cleared at someone else’s expense.

People involved in affairs have personal/personality issues they need to deal with. Those who cheat make a choice, albeit a bad one. They need to be responsible, seek counseling and figure out why they did what they did, and what need it filled. No one held a gun to their head and made them have an affair. No one is going to hold a gun to their head to make them get better either. The cheater must want to get better. They need to pursue this healing on their own while keeping the human collateral damage at a minimum. *I include myself in these statements.

[stevie_23]

How about some of the more typical answers we hear? Such as,

 

It's not my place to tell her; that's between her and her husband.

 

She doesn't want to know; she's buried her head in the sand.

 

It's better for me to carry the burden of guilt rather than making her suffer.

 

I don't really feel guilty; I would just be doing it out of revenge.

 

I think some OM/OW truly believe they have good reasons not to tell and while they don't need my permission, I do want to invite them to the discussion. And I hope that they aren't chased off by inflammatory opinions.

 

Well, as an ex-OW / WS whose affair has ended and who is still with my long term partner, my reasons for not telling are...

 

- I don't want to hurt her

 

- She wouldn't leave me if I told her (that's not my concern), but she would blame herself, she already has somewhat low self esteem as it is (not because of me. I've always supported her and encouraged her and built her up) and this would knock her further down

 

- Her last relationship before me ended because her ex got bored with her (aka - didn't know what she wanted, fell out of love, was bored with her own self) and instead of ending it honestly and respectfully, she drifted away (after 5 years) and at the same time, blamed my partner for her feelings, saying she was boring, fat, useless, etc. Terrible. My partner has always been worried I'd get bored with her and leave also...and me telling her would seem like a similar repeat-scenario to her, and she'd blame herself and feel boring and useless and like it was HER fault all over again. And I wouldn't know how to possibly make her see it is NOT her fault.

 

- I don't know what I want in my life in terms of a relationship. If I told my partner about my affair and my general feelings of uncertainty, as I said above, she wouldn't leave me but she'd stay and be constantly scared because I DON'T know what I want. I don't know if I want to stay with her forever. I know I don't want to leave right NOW or any time SOON, but that's about it.

 

I know that if I told her about my feelings and the affair, she would mainly want to know whether I wanted to leave. And I would say no. But...then down the track once I DID work out what I really wanted, if I DID want to leave, all that time in between telling and leaving would be...hideous for her.

 

This is why I haven't told.

[stevie_23]

Hmm. Trapped. Yes, but only by my own self. My partner doesn’t trap me. She’s not keeping me here with her. It’s my own choice entirely and if I honestly knew what I wanted, I’d be able to end things with her (IF that’s what I wanted) and it’d be ok. It’d be horribly painful for her and very sad for me, but it’d at least be definite. There wouldn’t be that waiting and hoping and being scared of everything constantly (on her part). But yes, I do feel trapped. Trapped by uncertainty in not knowing what I really want.

[3blindmice]

My younger brother confessed to me 17 years ago about an affair he had. At the time he and his wife of a fifteen year marriage were trying to have kids. He felt guilty and it was over for years when he told me.

 

My brother and his wife had 2 kids and he's never cheated but that once. They've been together 30 or more years now. I don't see any reason to tell her so many years after the affair, that was already over years before he told me.