Trust Issues - Broken

[Lil Lady]

My fiance and I recently split, we were living together, and I was supporting both of us...paying all bills for myself, him and his son on my salary alone. He has barely had a job the whole time we've been together, maybe a total of 7 weeks at three different jobs in over a year. My bank account was almost zero, so we split so that I could get in a better financial situation, unfortunately that means moving back in with my parents while I build up the bank account again. He is supposed to be getting a job, saving up money and getting his own place, car...blah blah blah...anyways that's the backdrop for the story.

 

We video chat every night before bed and one night...only a week after we have been "separated", we were video chatting and I could tell he was typing on the computer. I asked what he was doing, he said that he was messaging with his father about a car. I was thinking that's great! A step in the right direction. We continue to talk, he tells me he is worried that I don't really want to be with him, because he is a "loser", I tell him that as long as we are honest, trusting, and faithful to each other, we just need to get into the right spot in our lives and then we won't have anything to worry about. He tells me that he understands, and knows that we will be good in the end. Well, he then claims to be extremely tired, and wants to go to bed, start the next day off on a good foot and start looking for the job. Not a problem, we get offline, and I log onto my Kindle. He hadn't signed out of his FB account and when I went on, I saw that he was messaging with a friend, saying that he had to get off chat with me, to wait like 5 minutes then his friend could come over. I was so d!mn mad, I sent him a message on FB myself and told him to have fun with his friend and not to worry about me. He was always telling me that he missed me more than anything...couldn't bare to be without me, and then he gets offline with me to hang out with a friend? Not to mention that he lied to me in the first place and wasn't even talking to his father about the car...he had been talking to his friend about coming over.

 

So we broke up...but I love him. I want to be with him...but I am now having trust issues. We are still separated, but still talk every night. He has my washer and dryer that I am paying on, my couch and loveseat because I have no room at my parents house. When he and I talk, he always says the right things. He always makes me feel as though there is nothing in the world but me...but when I sit here alone I think...how can I forgive him so easily? I know that people lie, but he did it while we are going through this rough time...I'm sure that he's lied before...but I've never caught him. Or did he lie in the past? How can I possibly know? I am questioning everything that has happened in our relationship...everything he has told me...but I want to try and learn to trust him again, but how do you learn to trust again...how can you ever know if someone is really telling the truth?

 

I am sorry for so many questions, but these are all thoughts that run through my head each and everyday...but when I chat with him, or talk to him, all of those thoughts fly out the window and I can only think that I want him...that I need him. What do I do now? I just have no idea.