EasternNC Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 Where to start. My parents seperated when I was about 13. It didn't effect me that much or so I thought. I lived with my mom and was a momma's boy through out highschool, went to college then on to work with my father. My dad is a great guy, but my mom doesn't think so because they fell out of love and he cheated on her years ago. She holds a grudge agaist him to this day. She told me and my sister about it while I was still in high school. I ended up working for my dad after I graduated college, and I think she holds this against me. She has her owns set of problems and past history that she does not know I know about. She can be highly volatile at times and will go off the deep end. Well its happened. I also think she may have a prescription drug problem. She owns her own business and so does my dad. I am getting married in a month and last week she has told me to have a nice life! It all started when our family friends became ex family friends. I don't know all the details there, but when my dad remarried these were still his best friends. I particulary don;t like the party in question either. Me and my fiance invited them to our wedding because they are my fathers best friends and I did invite anyone on my mom's side she wanted me to. My fiance and I told her we hated this woman as well and wouldn't want her at the wedding and we still don't. We just did the formality of sending out the invite. They declined to come. I told my mom and she flipped saying I and my fiance had lied to her and that my dad was controlling me and to have a nice life. My sister is supposed to be a bridesmaid and my mom has a great deal of influence over her. She too now thinks I have lied to my mother and done some wrong. I have done nothing wrong and now a moth before my wedding have been excommunicated from my mom. I don't want this to ruin the wedding, but I have been having a great deal of stress from all this. I am 25 year old male. I thik she is being completely irrational. I have tried to call. I tried the day after it happened, and all i got to say was I love you before she blew me out again telling me how bad I have hurt her and to have a nice life. She hung up on me and I haven't tried again. Its been a week tomorrow. I m at my wit's end. Please help me! EasternNC Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 You can try to get your mom to go to counselling with you, but it seems she has some pretty bad issues. Sometimes, you have to divorce a parent. She will regret it forever if she doesn't go to your wedding and serve her right for behaving so badly. Link to post Share on other sites
Maria46 Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 I believe that divorced parents need to think about the feelings of the child who is getting married and bury the hatchet for the wedding. It is unbelieveable how someone's parent can be so selfish and potentially ruin this special day for their child. Your mother definately has some serious emotional problems. I can only hope that you can put her issues to the side and not let it ruin your day. Have a great wedding and best wishes for a wonderful life together. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 I think you should start by talking to your sister about why exactly your mom thinks your dad is controlling you. Then send you mother a note addressing the main issues that your sister says. Explain that you regret that she thinks whatever, you would like her to come as she is your mother and you would like your fiance's family to meet her, etc. If she still doesn't want to come, you're probably better off. Link to post Share on other sites
Selpru Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 Boy, your situation reads somewhat like mine. I am right now in tears and cannot deal with it anymore. My parents also seperated when I was 13 but never divorced. Now my mother is not coming to the wedding if my father's gf comes, so my father's gf disinvited herself saying it was more important for my mother to be there. Because I am having my wedding in another country (my fiance's) my mother is now saying she is not sure she is coming because of expense and will decide that two weeks before the wedding. Hopign I guess that she thinksit will be too late for the gf time to organise herself for the wedding. But unknown to my mother the gf is still coming to the country to help with decorations and food, and if my mother knows this she is probably going to blow. My mother and I are always at war and now my brother who got married 3 momths ago has stopped speaking to me, as well as his wife. Well this is whole another story that has started a mnth ago. My dad and I have no idea why this has happened. But the three of them sit and badtalk my business and have now been making my life a living hell. I will be 27 in a few days and this is supposed to be a great time in my life. Instead it is hell and I wish I was not here. I wish I had my mother's love and support for once in my life. My father tells me to get over it and stop wishing for things I will nere get. He is a logical man and cannot get why I am hurting so bad. Please tell me how to block everyone out and be happy and try to enjoy the worst time of my life. Then my fiance's mother is not coming to the wedding. She is having attachment issus and cannot deal with her son marrying. Everyone else is so happy for us after having endured a two-year long distance relationship. Two months away and it is all a mess. HELP! Link to post Share on other sites
katie79 Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 I know of a few similiar situations like you are presently going through. She might wind up going in the end. That's ALWAYS what seems to happen regardless of the existing factors. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author EasternNC Posted September 15, 2004 Author Share Posted September 15, 2004 I think that I have talked my mom into going by making her step back and look at the big picture, what shes doing to me and what her mother would have done in the same situation. Worked for me, but not sure if it will for you. I'm not saying everything is peachy keen, but she will be there. I will never forget nor will my fiance! I defended her and me and won't let my mom try to control me any more. Sometimes you have to stand up and grow up and take the reins. I was just fed up with it so I didn't get emotional when I was talking with her (took a week to get her to even talk to me). Good luck and I hope all works out in the end. If not look at this way, no matter how hard it may be. its you and him till the end, not you and your parents. That's why your getting married. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 I agree with you EasternNC. You are marrying for you, not her and if she chooses not to go because of ego and possible uncomfortableness it's something SHE will regret forever. I know you want her there, and I really hope she does decide to go. Because if she doesn't it will change your relationship with her forever and that may need to be pointed out to her. Nothing should get in the way of your marriage and she being your mother should know that. But we can't control how FU'd our mom's are!! I think I have stop figuring mine out! All the best! Link to post Share on other sites
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