Is the world trying to screw me over?!

[iris219]

Are any of those needed to go on a date with somebody?

 

Would having all of those mean that she would go on a date with me?

 

Yes and possibly.

[normal person]

Are any of those needed to go on a date with somebody?

 

Would having all of those mean that she would go on a date with me?

 

Not necessarily, but it's certainly better than giving her absolutely no reason. Would you go out with someone you know next to nothing about? No. Would you go out with someone if you first got to see what they're like, what they have to offer, etc? Possibly. You have to have something to offer her, you need something of value like humor, insight, intelligence, etc. Legitimate question: Why do you think she would agree otherwise?

 

The default answer is "no" until you give her a very good reason to say "yes." Thinking the other way around is very naive in my opinion.

[somedude81]

OP, you seem to really suffer from victim mentality. You should do some research on it as well as learned helplessness. You want all this advice and confirmation and sympathy (so it seems) for how hard your life is, when the reality is that your life is no worse than anyone else's. So what if you're shorter? So what if you're 31? The problem is that you sit around and b*tch about your life and how horrible the world and God are to you, when the reality is that you have it the same as most people.

I wasn't aware that most people remain single their entire lives.

 

At least those not in prison.

 

Now, if you lived in some impoverished, disease-ridden country where you had to walk miles to have access to clean water, then I would absolutely have sympathy for you. As things stand? You're creating your OWN misery.

God I hate that comparison so much.

 

There are people suffering in Sudan so your pain is meaningless.

 

Give me a break Treasa. That comparison could be used for you and anybody living in the western world to invalidate any hardship they have ever had.

 

Just think back to the most difficult time in your life that you have ever had and somebody trying to trivialize it by saying that women in Afghanistan have acid thrown in their face so your pain was nothing.

 

No matter what anyone here tells you, you're going to continue to be miserable until you stop assuming the world cares enough about your life to specifically take a dump on you.

I will continue to be miserable until I can get the results I desire. And I'm not just sitting around hoping things will go my way.

[clia]

I feel that I have accomplished nothing.

 

Will accomplish. I'll graduate from college this year. Hopefully get a job.

 

This is all a much, much bigger problem than your height. So, have you already started your job hunt?

 

I always thought it was embarrassing for a girl to be asked out when her friends are around, especially if the guy isn't some super cool dude.

 

I don't want to do anything to embarrass her, but if it doesn't matter, then I won't worry about it.

 

It never mattered to me, but the guys who did it to me knew I was interested. Do you have any indication that she is interested in you? Believe me, she is going to run and tell her friends immediately anyway, so if they are standing right there, it really doesn’t matter. She’s going to say no or yes either way.

 

Eh, as I'm not sure what girls want, it's pointless for me to think of the things I can offer.

 

I reckon I'm better off trying to meet the things they need. Frankly, I doubt there are many things a girl would want that I couldn't provide. It's almost like I want a challenge and an opportunity to prove myself.

 

I find this to be a really strange point of view. It makes you seem really bland and people-pleasing. Can you really not name anything that you think is good about yourself, that you can offer a girl? A number of people here have been trying to get at this, and you don't seem to want to answer. Why would a girl want to date you? What's in it for her?

[somedude81]

Not necessarily, but it's certainly better than giving her absolutely no reason. Would you go out with someone you know next to nothing about? No. Would you go out with someone if you first got to see what they're like, what they have to offer, etc? Possibly. You have to have something to offer her, you need something of value like humor, insight, intelligence, etc. Legitimate question: Why do you think she would agree otherwise?

 

The default answer is "no" until you give her a very good reason to say "yes." Thinking the other way around is very naive in my opinion.

I know that very well. In fact this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/376513-do-women-view-being-asked-dates-sex-equivalent-being-asked-money was all about that very concept.

 

Honestly, all I can hope for is that she's seen enough of who I am to give me a chance for a date or have lunch with me or whatever.

[Treasa]

I wasn't aware that most people remain single their entire lives.

 

At least those not in prison.

 

 

God I hate that comparison so much.

 

There are people suffering in Sudan so your pain is meaningless.

 

Give me a break Treasa. That comparison could be used for you and anybody living in the western world to invalidate any hardship they have ever had.

 

Just think back to the most difficult time in your life that you have ever had and somebody trying to trivialize it by saying that women in Afghanistan have acid thrown in their face so your pain was nothing.

 

 

I will continue to be miserable until I can get the results I desire. And I'm not just sitting around hoping things will go my way.

 

So you're going to die tomorrow? If not, how do you know that you're going to be single your entire adult life?

 

My mom has been single, by choice, since she was 23. I mean, she's dated guys, but never found someone she liked for more than six years or something. She's 59 and pretty damn happy.

 

People did tell me, at my worst, that I had control over my own happiness. Like the idiot I was, I ignored them. Now I wish I had taken their advice a lot sooner.

 

Ok, continue to choose to be miserable. That seriously makes me facepalm.

[normal person]

I agree with you on the Sudan analogy, I think that's a little much. You're allowed to have problems even if they aren't as bad as someone else's.

 

 

Honestly, all I can hope for is that she's seen enough of who I am to give me a chance for a date or have lunch with me or whatever.

 

Up your chances by demonstrating more of who you are before you ask.

 

 

I will continue to be miserable until I can get the results I desire. And I'm not just sitting around hoping things will go my way.

 

This is where you might be shooting yourself in the foot. You won't get the results you desire until you stop being miserable.

Edited March 13, 2013 by normal person

[somedude81]

This is all a much, much bigger problem than your height. So, have you already started your job hunt?

I haven't graduated yet.

 

I have enough money to get me through the rest of the year so it's not a concern of mine yet.

 

It never mattered to me, but the guys who did it to me knew I was interested. Do you have any indication that she is interested in you? Believe me, she is going to run and tell her friends immediately anyway, so if they are standing right there, it really doesn’t matter. She’s going to say no or yes either way.

Frankly, I expect her to say no. I expect every girl I ask out to say no.

 

But maybe lighting will strike me when I'm asking her out so she'll take pity on me.

 

I don't care if she tells her friends. I wouldn't see her or them ever again. I just don't want to put her on the spot in front of her friends.

 

 

I find this to be a really strange point of view. It makes you seem really bland and people-pleasing. Can you really not name anything that you think is good about yourself, that you can offer a girl? A number of people here have been trying to get at this, and you don't seem to want to answer. Why would a girl want to date you? What's in it for her?

I'm pretty good at salsa dancing. I can also cook anything that comes in a box.

[Treasa]

I agree with you on the Sudan analogy, I think that's a little much. You're allowed to have problems even if they aren't as bad as someone else's.

 

My original point was in reference to his title: "Is the world trying to screw me over?!"

 

No, the world isn't. We all have different circumstances, but the people who are happy are the ones who CHOOSE to be happy, regardless of their circumstances.

 

I know really good-looking, wealthy people who are miserable, even if they're married. I know really poor people missing teeth and whatnot who love the hell out of their lives.

 

Stop blaming the external for your source of unhappiness.

[normal person]

My original point was in reference to his title: "Is the world trying to screw me over?!"

 

That's fair, I agree with you on that one. OP may have been a little dramatic in titling this one.

 

 

 

I'm pretty good at salsa dancing. I can also cook anything that comes in a box.

 

Salsa dancing is great, and you obviously have a sense of humor too. Odds are it'll be difficult to demonstrate your dancing proficiency beforehand, so you should rely on qualities like your humor that are more visible. Be affable, make a lot of jokes (do not be overly self-deprecating). Work to develop good qualities you can use in any situation, not just at a salsa club. I think that'd be s a step in the right direction for you.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

OP, how old are you?

[somedude81]

See, the whole reason why I think the world is against me is because I know that I'm a decent guy who can make a girl really happy. I see nothing about myself that is an obvious red flag. All I need is someone to give me a chance. But in the 31 years I've been alive, I've never received that chance.

 

I feel like I'm fighting against the world with my happiness at stake. And I'm losing.

[tbf]

somedude, something I noticed a little while back. Can't remember which thread it was but I think you were flirting or bantering with a woman or two on LS. Some of your comments were a bit too overtly crude. You might benefit from learning how to flirt by inference and usage of double entendre.

[somedude81]

somedude, something I noticed a little while back. Can't remember which thread it was but I think you were flirting or bantering with a woman or two on LS. Some of your comments were a bit too overtly crude. You might benefit from learning how to flirt by inference and usage of double entendre.

Aye, I know I need a lot of practice.

[ThaWholigan]

somedude, something I noticed a little while back. Can't remember which thread it was but I think you were flirting or bantering with a woman or two on LS. Some of your comments were a bit too overtly crude. You might benefit from learning how to flirt by inference and usage of double entendre.

Yes. I have this problem myself - I'm very direct. It helps that I have a large vocabulary but still.

 

Aye, I know I need a lot of practice

 

Well there's two girls who seem to like talking to you who you can "practice" with .

[clia]

I haven't graduated yet.

 

I have enough money to get me through the rest of the year so it's not a concern of mine yet.

 

Have things changed this much? I started looking for a full-time job in earnest by my junior year in undergrad and had one lined up by fall of my senior year. Same thing for law school. I had a my full time job lined up by fall of my last year in law school. It can't hurt to start looking. It also makes graduation a lot more fun to know you have a job lined up.

[tbf]

While I'm not the best verbal flirt for sure, more flirtatious through facial expressions and body language, imagine verbal flirting like a form of nibbling instead of gulping down an entire meal. You take a nibble and back off for a second to observe the impact. If she responds in a positive way, take another nibble and on and on. With these forms of nibbling, infuse little compliments but not outright "I like your tits" comments.

[sweetkiwi]

I told him he could practice on me. But he never called back after date three.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I haven't graduated yet.

 

I have enough money to get me through the rest of the year so it's not a concern of mine yet.

 

Hate to tell you, bro, but the economy isn't so good right now.

 

I'm surprised to hear this statement coming from a 32 year old. Maybe if you start worrying about important stuff in life (ie: how you will live after you graduate and saving/investing money) and stop worrying so much about girls thing would be working out much better for you.

 

In other words, grow up.

[somedude81]

I told him he could practice on me. But he never called back after date three.

I can't do it when you're looking

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I told him he could practice on me. But he never called back after date three.

 

I need help too.

 

Could I practice on you instead?

[sillyanswer]

I don't know what's going on, actions beyond me control keep happening and it's just frustrating.

 

Today was my math lab class that only meets once a week. I'm dropping the class, so today is my last day. There is a girl I'm interested in who usually sits next to me and I talk to her for 20 minutes or so till the end of class. Knowing that today was my last day I was planning on asking her out or getting her number.

 

You left it too late to ask her out during class. That's not outside your control.

 

 

Next class is salsa. The girls I have absolutely no interest in come find me and talk to me for too long and they both want me to dance with them. I just wish they would leave me alone but I'm nice. We're rotating partners and I see that a girl I'm interested in is just a few girls away. The dance changes to Bachata and I start to get happy knowing that I get to dance really close to her. Then she leaves with her guy partner to the other side of the room. Huh? I have no idea why she moved and because she did, it meant that I would not be able to dance with her today Finally class ends, then she gets signed in by the instructor and she quickly leaves before I can say anything to her. Huh? Last Thursday I was able to get a last dance with her before she walked to her next class. Today she almost seemed to be avoiding me. Really? She was always fun and smiles around me so I don't know what's going on. Her next class was in 30 minutes so she shouldn't have been in a hurry.

 

You left it too late to ask her out during class. That isn't outside your control.

 

I could go on, but I think it may get repetitive.

 

I just hope Thursday will go better. Or maybe something else will go wrong. Who knows?

 

Carpe diem.

[somedude81]

You left it too late to ask her out during class. That's not outside your control.

 

 

 

 

You left it too late to ask her out during class. That isn't outside your control.

 

I could go on, but I think it may get repetitive.

 

 

 

Carpe diem.

It's funny how the advice is always chaging.

 

One person says I need to be have a relationship with her, know her friends, be friends with her, while another person says I took too long and should have already asked her out.

 

So do I build the comfort or not?

[tbf]

I can't do it when you're looking

Now that's a good inferred rapey dark humour flirt that shouldn't bother a personality type like sweet kiwi since she's comes across as someone with a good sense of humour.

 

But I wouldn't use it on someone really wide eyed and naive.

 

So it's good that you've...ahhhh...hate to use the PUA term but it's appropriate here, calibrated to your audience.

[somedude81]

Now that's a good inferred rapey dark humour flirt that shouldn't bother a personality type like sweet kiwi since she's comes across as someone with a good sense of humour.

 

But I wouldn't use it on someone really wide eyed and naive.

 

So it's good that you've...ahhhh...hate to use the PUA term but it's appropriate here, calibrated to your audience.

Hah, you've read into that a whole lot more than what I intended.

 

My intentions for that message was to say that I just can't flirt on command with her waiting for it but I wanted to say it in a humorous way that's also a little naughty.