Is the world trying to screw me over?!

[ThaWholigan]

Hey guys, guess what. Back when I was in my early 20's I had problems dating women my age and I didn't lie to anyone about anything.

 

For all I am concerned, my age is irrelevant.

 

Whether or not I have to lie about my age to get a date is meaningless to me.

 

This discussion about my age is a waste of everyone's time.

To be honest, I'm beginning to see that helping you in general is a waste of time because you don't listen.

 

All you have to do is stop taking rejection and dating so seriously, sort your life out and figure out more about what you want out of life outside of "I just need a GF".

 

I'm done until the inevitable next thread comes up.

[Lonely Ronin]

Hey guys, guess what. Back when I was in my early 20's I had problems dating women my age and I didn't lie to anyone about anything.

 

For all I am concerned, my age is irrelevant.

 

Whether or not I have to lie about my age to get a date is meaningless to me.

 

This discussion about my age is a waste of everyone's time.

 

 

You can not possibly be this dense..... it does matter, because to some women your age is damn important. Some women won't date you because they don't want to be with a guy your age. Some women will want to date you because your older. Some women could care less how old you are.

 

All this debate about age shows, is that you will do anything to get a date.

 

 

With regards to your early 20's, I beet you did the same thing you are doing now, not opening up, and telling women what you think they want to hear so you can get a date.

[normal person]

 

Whether or not I have to lie about my age to get a date is meaningless to me.

 

This discussion about my age is a waste of everyone's time.

 

Oh, so you're concerned about people wasting their time when it's detrimental to your own argument, but not when you have something to gain?

 

Unbelievable.

[iris219]

Hey guys, guess what. Back when I was in my early 20's I had problems dating women my age and I didn't lie to anyone about anything.

 

For all I am concerned, my age is irrelevant.

 

Whether or not I have to lie about my age to get a date is meaningless to me.

 

This discussion about my age is a waste of everyone's time.

 

No, your age isn't irrelevant. It's not irrelevant because it would actually be possible for you to get a date with a woman your age. I know several women in their 30s who would go out with you (well, they would until they learned that you prefer 20 year olds).

 

I have no doubt that you could get a date with a woman your age, yet you refuse to try to date 30 year olds.

 

I've said it before: you have almost a zero % chance of dating a 20 year old college girl. Target a different demographic (and this may mean waiting until you have a career) or continue to be disappointed.

[somedude81]

Since nobody understood my last post, I'll try again.

 

Back when I was in my early 20's I was having problems with dating women my own age.

 

That means that my age is not the only reason, or even a reason at all why I'm having problems with women. Even if I was 21 right now, I'd still be having problems with women. Talking about my age is pointless. It's a waste of time and energy.

[somedude81]

And just to make everybody happy.

 

I will tell every girl my age in our very first conversation and repeat it to her every five minutes so she will know and then randomly ask her my age at various points in the conversation.

[iris219]

Since nobody understood my last post, I'll try again.

 

Back when I was in my early 20's I was having problems with dating women my own age.

 

That means that my age is not the only reason, or even a reason at all why I'm having problems with women. Even if I was 21 right now, I'd still be having problems with women. Talking about my age is pointless. It's a waste of time and energy.

 

I understood your last post. I thought my point was implicit, but I'll explain it:

 

20 year old college girls have A LOT of options. They are surrounded by horny dudes on a daily basis. That's why it was hard for you to date them then. It's impossible for you to date them now because of that + your age.

 

Dating is different when you're over 30. 30 year old women are looking for different things than when they were 20. There are less options (because people are paired up) and they look beyond the superficial.

 

Why don't you just make an attempt to meet older women? What's the resistance?

[Lonely Ronin]

Since nobody understood my last post, I'll try again.

 

Back when I was in my early 20's I was having problems with dating women my own age.

 

That means that my age is not the only reason, or even a reason at all why I'm having problems with women. Even if I was 21 right now, I'd still be having problems with women. Talking about my age is pointless. It's a waste of time and energy.

 

And again either your reading comprehension is lacking or you need paint by number level instructions.

 

No one said lying about your age is/was your only problem. What everyone was suggesting was not compounding your known issues, by making issues out of something that doesn't need to be.

[Treasa]

Since nobody understood my last post, I'll try again.

 

Back when I was in my early 20's I was having problems with dating women my own age.

 

That means that my age is not the only reason, or even a reason at all why I'm having problems with women. Even if I was 21 right now, I'd still be having problems with women. Talking about my age is pointless. It's a waste of time and energy.

 

Wow, something I actually agree with.

 

Since you can't change your age, and since you can't change how others thing, I wonder if there's anything you CAN change? Hmmm...

[somedude81]

I understood your last post. I thought my point was implicit, but I'll explain it:

 

20 year old college girls have A LOT of options. They are surrounded by horny dudes on a daily basis. That's why it was hard for you to date them then. It's impossible for you to date them now because of that + your age.

So you are telling me to give up.

 

NO THANKS

 

Dating is different when you're over 30. 30 year old women are looking for different things than when they were 20. There are less options (because people are paired up) and they look beyond the superficial.

 

Why don't you just make an attempt to meet older women? What's the resistance?

If I interacted with 30 year old women on a daily basis I'd probably be interested in them too. Frankly, I don't even know where I can go to interact with women older than 25.

 

Right now I'm in a university where the average girl is about 22 years old. I'm not going to ignore them because they are "too young for me."

[Treasa]

That should have been how others think.

 

Anyway, so what ARE you going to change to have more success at being happy in your life?

[somedude81]

This one's for Wholigan.

 

I need to stop caring about what other people think.

[ThaWholigan]

This one's for Wholigan.

 

I need to stop caring about what other people think.

Exactly. So stop being a pussy and sort your life out .

[Mme. Chaucer]

The point is, if you sorted yourself out mentally, you wouldn't have to lie about jack.

 

AND, if you sorted yourself out mentally (and emotionally) you'd realize that the only people you want to go out with are people who are interested in, and accept you. For who you really are, including your age.

 

Why are you so resistant to all the TRUTH you are told around here, anyway? Why are you so stubbornly sticking to your guns about women, dating, sex, attraction, etc.? Where has your approach gotten you so far? When is it going to dawn on you that IT IS NOT WORKING?!?!?

[BubblyBeth]

AND, if you sorted yourself out mentally (and emotionally) you'd realize that the only people you want to go out with are people who are interested in, and accept you. For who you really are, including your age.

 

Why are you so resistant to all the TRUTH you are told around here, anyway? Why are you so stubbornly sticking to your guns about women, dating, sex, attraction, etc.? Where has your approach gotten you so far? When is it going to dawn on you that IT IS NOT WORKING?!?!?

 

 

Probably because he's so adamant on this belief:

 

(Will going out with one girl magically cure my ills?) No, but it would put me on the path towards recovery.

 

The truth is the exact opposite.

 

As in, FIRST being on the path towards recovery will increase his stock to attract a girl.

 

It doesn't work the other way around O_o It rarely does, especially considering SD's position.

 

You don't get the girl to recover.

You recover first and then attract girls.

[somedude81]

You don't get the girl to recover.

You recover first and then attract girls.

Like that will ever happen.

 

Trying to "recover" first without having my life situation change in any way is an exercise in futility.

 

I can go through hundreds of hours of therapy, be put on all sorts of mind fixing drugs and I'll still be depressed because I'm single.

[ThaWholigan]

Like that will ever happen.

 

Trying to "recover" first without having my life situation change in any way is an exercise in futility.

 

I can go through hundreds of hours of therapy, be put on all sorts of mind fixing drugs and I'll still be depressed because I'm single.

I hate to tell you this, really I do, but if you continue that line of thinking I fear you will be depressed for a very long time .

[sweetkiwi]

I hate to tell you this, really I do, but if you continue that line of thinking I fear you will be depressed for a very long time .

 

One dad he'll get fed up and realize that you have to look within to fix problems. Therapy helps you ask those questions you dont want to ask.

 

Honestly SD I dont think you're that far. You have got to tweek the way you view the world a bit. A more positive hopeful approach works wonders.

[BubblyBeth]

Like that will ever happen.

 

Trying to "recover" first without having my life situation change in any way is an exercise in futility.

 

I can go through hundreds of hours of therapy, be put on all sorts of mind fixing drugs and I'll still be depressed because I'm single.

 

My boyfriend gave you a chance to meet up with an ATTRACTIVE female friend of his, in her late 20s, to talk with you 1-on-1 about your issues. Not a date, but someone to HEAR YOU OUT, someone who is in the business of helping hurting people heal.

 

Even though you claimed at the time that was absolutely what you needed (as in, someone in REAL LIFE to talk to), you turned down the opportunity of a LIFETIME. When a person is stuck in as big a rut as you are, if they really wanted change to come, they would TRY ANYTHING.

 

That experience of your turning down my BF's offer told me a lot. You are depressed, and you would much rather stay depressed because it's comfortable and ALL YOU HAVE EVER KNOWN as opposed to actually trying to get real and be vulnerable with another person in real life.

 

That was a golden opportunity, SD. A chance for you to break out of your shell, talk with a professional (who is a good looking girl BTW) and work your way towards recovery. A really desperate person SEEKING CHANGE would have followed through and met up with her. Instead, you found an excuse to back out. That tells me, you're not really seeking change, despite whatever you may post on LoveShack. Actions do speak louder than words.

 

Everything for you ultimately comes back to 2 things:

 

-I can't, it won't work out, it's not possible (all extremely negative words that are crippling your life, period)

-I need a girl in my life to be successful

 

Well gee, you combine the two (i.e. I can't get a girl because I'm short, I don't know how to flirt, I didn't ask her out because I couldn't find the right moment, etc.) and it's no wonder you never ever get anywhere.

 

Hey it's your life. If you want this pattern to continue existing, go right on ahead with your head buried in the sand. You're just letting life pass you by. Every year it's the same issue with you, except notice your age increases. We did this thread 2 years ago, except you were 30 then.

 

Do you really want to make another thread like this, except you'll be 34 then? 36?

 

It is time to wake up.

Take a small step toward recovery, and go talk to your campus counselor. Seriously. Go take better care of yourself and your mind. The mind is a powerful thing, it can either help or crush us. Right now, you are using your thoughts to CRUSH yourself. If left unchecked, you will wake up one day and realize you should have taken more strategic and wise action at an earlier age.

 

The good news is, there is still time to get the help you need.

But, you're not getting any younger. You need to get on it (i.e. seeing a counselor) ASAP.

[sweetkiwi]

Great post^^^^

[somedude81]

Anybody else think that Beth and Meeks are the same person?

[Anela]

My boyfriend gave you a chance to meet up with an ATTRACTIVE female friend of his, in her late 20s, to talk with you 1-on-1 about your issues. Not a date, but someone to HEAR YOU OUT, someone who is in the business of helping hurting people heal.

 

Even though you claimed at the time that was absolutely what you needed (as in, someone in REAL LIFE to talk to), you turned down the opportunity of a LIFETIME. When a person is stuck in as big a rut as you are, if they really wanted change to come, they would TRY ANYTHING.

 

I thought about asking some guy from OKCupid, who was just there to make friends, to do this with me, but I chickened out - I was afraid of being one of those weird people that some complain about.

 

That experience of your turning down my BF's offer told me a lot. You are depressed, and you would much rather stay depressed because it's comfortable and ALL YOU HAVE EVER KNOWN as opposed to actually trying to get real and be vulnerable with another person in real life.

 

That was a golden opportunity, SD. A chance for you to break out of your shell, talk with a professional (who is a good looking girl BTW) and work your way towards recovery. A really desperate person SEEKING CHANGE would have followed through and met up with her. Instead, you found an excuse to back out. That tells me, you're not really seeking change, despite whatever you may post on LoveShack. Actions do speak louder than words.

 

Everything for you ultimately comes back to 2 things:

 

-I can't, it won't work out, it's not possible (all extremely negative words that are crippling your life, period)

-I need a girl in my life to be successful

 

Well gee, you combine the two (i.e. I can't get a girl because I'm short, I don't know how to flirt, I didn't ask her out because I couldn't find the right moment, etc.) and it's no wonder you never ever get anywhere.

 

Hey it's your life. If you want this pattern to continue existing, go right on ahead with your head buried in the sand. You're just letting life pass you by. Every year it's the same issue with you, except notice your age increases. We did this thread 2 years ago, except you were 30 then.

 

Do you really want to make another thread like this, except you'll be 34 then? 36?

 

It is time to wake up.

Take a small step toward recovery, and go talk to your campus counselor. Seriously. Go take better care of yourself and your mind. The mind is a powerful thing, it can either help or crush us. Right now, you are using your thoughts to CRUSH yourself. If left unchecked, you will wake up one day and realize you should have taken more strategic and wise action at an earlier age.

 

The good news is, there is still time to get the help you need.

But, you're not getting any younger. You need to get on it (i.e. seeing a counselor) ASAP.

 

I wish you would listen to her SD. I've told you before that I can relate to you in ways, despite the assumptions that women have it so much easier. I'm 37, and still struggling - things I know should be much easier, still aren't for me.

 

I'd like to see you happy - everyone here would like it, that's why they respond to you. I wish I'd been braver with this stuff when I was younger.

[Treasa]

Merely seeing a counselor isn't going to change your life. It's what you do with what they give you and all of the internal work you do on your own that changes things.

 

I literally one night decided to just start being positive and happy regardless of what I was facing. Even if I had to fake it at times. All of a sudden, my life got better. Work got better, friends started drawing closer and I realized that I had more friends than I had thought, and I pretty much didn't have to fake it. People react to true positivity and happiness with the same. We tend to mirror what we see in others.

 

Stop letting your perception of what others think control your emotions. You'll always be at the mercy of others, then, even if they're having a bad day because of something that has nothing to do with you!

 

Seriously, please read and re-read that book "Go Suck a Lemon: Strategies for Improving Your Emotional Intelligence." It's a pretty quick read, and you can either spend a couple of hours doing that, or you can just whine and complain.

 

Either way, time is going to keep marching by.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I disagree with the masses here. There's nothing wrong with him. He's in school and he's working (right?) and aggressively targeting women.

 

So what if he wastes time whining here? Other people spend just as much time here whining who have no trouble getting dates apparently.

 

Here's the harsh truth about people.

 

I have three degrees from good schools and I have been to five different continents and I have a lot of talent at different things. Women don't care about any of that sh@t (most men don't care either to be fair).

 

Whenever I have spent time getting to know a woman and she has seen all of those good things that I have that I spent years acquiring, it is rejection.

 

When I express my interest early, I get rejected too. But I have hit a few. But all of the women I have hooked up with (not many) knew none of that stuff about me. They didn't know what I did (for the most part), didn't know where I've gotten my degrees or where, didn't know I've played in bands before, and didn't know I've traveled to South Africa, Europe, Asia, and South America. Didn't know how much time I spend volunteering. With the current one, I don't even have a job. Oh. They also don't know that like OP, I struggle with periods of depression, bad self esteem, and even bitterness.

 

The truth is it's about looks. And numbers. About finding one who likes your looks or doesn't care otherwise.

 

He just has to hit on more women.

 

That's pretty much all there is.

Edited March 16, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember

[ThaWholigan]

I disagree with the masses here. There's nothing wrong with him. He's in school and he's working (right?) and aggressively targeting women.

 

So what if he wastes time whining here? Other people spend just as much time here whining who have no trouble getting dates apparently.

 

Here's the harsh truth about people.

 

I have three degrees from good schools and I have been to five different continents and I have a lot of talent at different things. Women don't care about any of that sh@t (most men don't care either to be fair).

 

Whenever I have spent time getting to know a woman and she has seen all of those good things that I have that I spent years acquiring, it is rejection.

 

When I express my interest early, I get rejected too. But I have hit a few. But all of the women I have hooked up with (not many) knew none of that stuff about me. They didn't know what I did (for the most part), didn't know where I've gotten my degrees or where, didn't know I've played in bands before, and didn't know I've traveled to South Africa, Europe, Asia, and South America. Didn't know how much time I spend volunteering. With the current one, I don't even have a job. Oh. They also don't know that like OP, I struggle with periods of depression, bad self esteem, and even bitterness.

 

The truth is it's about looks. And numbers. About finding one who likes your looks or doesn't care otherwise.

 

He just has to hit on more women.

 

That's pretty much all there is.

I don't think he's going to do that though. He has to take care of all that other stuff before he tries that, I'm convinced. Or he'll be back here complaining about the same sh-t.

 

I don't think you should be encouraging his mindset. He's basically saying he will continue to be depressed until he gets a GF/some dates. That's plain f-cking stupid IMO. You cannot rely on people for your own happiness and self-esteem. I like people and even I know that. In fact, its precisely BECAUSE I generate my own happiness and self-worth that I have a high opinion of people.

 

Somedude has to have a higher opinion of himself and he has to stop pinning all his hopes on getting a GF, because ironically it will make his job harder. I don't like the piling on, but the very people who defend and stick-up for him only serve to further entrench himself into his comfort zone when he really needs to be edging out of it.