Is the world trying to screw me over?!

[Lonely Ronin]

It's more likely your behaviour around women who are attractive to you, instead of women who aren't.

 

This^^

 

[10 characters]

[Pompeii]

I don't think there are any supernatural forces that conspire against any one person at one time. To have any inclination or to even entertain the idea that you are being conspired against indicates an overinflated ego and a narcissistic personality. Believe me when I say this: we aren't that important. Infact, I would even argue that the fact that the universe DOESN'T care about you is the reason why you are not having the success you desire.

 

I've never liked playing the victim mentality and I've never liked when people use the victim card. I've seen numerous people of different backgrounds, family structures, and socioeconomic levels transcend their perceived or already given metaphorical "hands". In order to get what you want in life, you need to position yourself accordingly and make steps towards that.

 

To people who wish to play the victim, my words may sound like tomfoolery and nonsense. But to those that want a better life for themselves and don't want life to pass them by, trying is worth a shot.

 

Another thing I've found important is not to be dependent on others for your happiness or validation. It took me a while to come to this conclusion but I have come to the fact that no one else's opinion of me matters. Most people in this life have no idea of what they're doing or where they're going. What makes you think that they know so much that they can compare you to their own relative measuring stick? If someone says you're a loser, fine. That shouldn't stop you. Yes, those things hurt, but just know that you're on the higher path to better things.

[Necris]

There is a bright side to dating women you're not attracted to. For one, you don't have to worry about your own looks and you can kind of just let yourself go.

 

Obviously, if you're someone who tries to look good for yourself that's not much of a benefit. But, if you're somebody who doesn't care well then there you go.

 

I would like to add somedude at least you have some options so you can't complain too much, you have not one but two girls interested in you so you could ignore them and wait for a few more years and maybe you might find an attractive girl but who knows, or see where it goes with one of the other girls already interested in you.

[Els]

I don't know what's going on, actions beyond me control keep happening and it's just frustrating.

 

Today was my math lab class that only meets once a week. I'm dropping the class, so today is my last day. There is a girl I'm interested in who usually sits next to me and I talk to her for 20 minutes or so till the end of class. Knowing that today was my last day I was planning on asking her out or getting her number.

 

I show up a few minutes late and she's not there. Thirty minutes later she shows up, she walks over to the seat next to me, I'm sitting by myself in a back row, I smile and say "Right on time" then she doesn't respond, looks to the front of the room and walks away to her girlfriends and sits next to them. Huh?

 

There is an exam tomorrow so she and her friends are doing math stuff. I wait till the end of class go over to their area and there is no chair in the spot next to her. Huh? Anyways I'm just wondering how I'm supposed to ask her out when she's with her friends doing math and I haven't even talked to her. At the end of class they always leave together and they are in the same class next. I leave without saying in a word and fall into a bad mood.

 

Ugh, just really bad timing. Sorry to hear that. I don't know about other girls, but for me, when there's an exam the next day, I'm so focused I wouldn't even know if the nuclear reactor next door blows up. Noticing a guy and making small talk with him would be the last thing on my mind. She was probably late because she was in a rush due to studying etc, and wanted to work on math problems for the exam.

 

How big is your campus? What are the odds of you seeing her after the exam? Could you just go to class anyway after the exam and ask her out then? In the college I used to go to, you can usually turn up for any class even if you're not enrolled, as long as the seating capacity isn't exceeded.

[GoodLovin]

Hmm, no offense, but you're pretty far gone. Right now, you are consumed by desperation, and blinded by your selfishness and immaturity. Not trying to be harsh, sorry if you are offended.

 

Utilize some common sense. You are taking a challenging math class, and these girls, believe it or not, may be trying to focus on the class itself, rather than entertain you with witty, flirtatious, or even submissive banter.

 

I could go on, but your priorities are so out of wack at this point, I have serious doubts about whether anything anyone says here can right the ship to any noticeable, much less significant degree.

 

 

I don't know what's going on, actions beyond me control keep happening and it's just frustrating.

 

Today was my math lab class that only meets once a week. I'm dropping the class, so today is my last day. There is a girl I'm interested in who usually sits next to me and I talk to her for 20 minutes or so till the end of class. Knowing that today was my last day I was planning on asking her out or getting her number.

 

I show up a few minutes late and she's not there. Thirty minutes later she shows up, she walks over to the seat next to me, I'm sitting by myself in a back row, I smile and say "Right on time" then she doesn't respond, looks to the front of the room and walks away to her girlfriends and sits next to them. Huh?

 

There is an exam tomorrow so she and her friends are doing math stuff. I wait till the end of class go over to their area and there is no chair in the spot next to her. Huh? Anyways I'm just wondering how I'm supposed to ask her out when she's with her friends doing math and I haven't even talked to her. At the end of class they always leave together and they are in the same class next. I leave without saying in a word and fall into a bad mood.

 

Next class is salsa. The girls I have absolutely no interest in come find me and talk to me for too long and they both want me to dance with them. I just wish they would leave me alone but I'm nice. We're rotating partners and I see that a girl I'm interested in is just a few girls away. The dance changes to Bachata and I start to get happy knowing that I get to dance really close to her. Then she leaves with her guy partner to the other side of the room. Huh? I have no idea why she moved and because she did, it meant that I would not be able to dance with her today Finally class ends, then she gets signed in by the instructor and she quickly leaves before I can say anything to her. Huh? Last Thursday I was able to get a last dance with her before she walked to her next class. Today she almost seemed to be avoiding me. Really? She was always fun and smiles around me so I don't know what's going on. Her next class was in 30 minutes so she shouldn't have been in a hurry.

 

Then just to make things worse, the two girls I want nothing to do with tried to call me over and give me a cupcacke or something but I told them I don't want to miss the bus. I think one or both like me or want to be my friend or something, either way I don't care. I was also in a bad mood and just wanted to go home.

 

I was super angry about what happened today and at least writing this calmed me down.

 

I don't know what to do. I've only gone to the last two math labs because of that girl. I could go again next week but it's getting harder to explain my presence since I'm not even in the class or taking the tests. I also feel that I'm putting in a ton of time and thought into a girl who will probably reject me anyways. Right now my options are to stick out another hour of math next week pretending to pay attention so I can talk to at the end of class, or ask her out on Facebook which basically doesn't have a chance in hell of working.

 

I'll see the other girl on Thursday but I don't know what to do about her. I need to time things right and my location in the room so I can talk to her and avoid the people I don't want to see. I have no idea if she was avoiding me or not. Things were starting to get fun with her so it feels like a total change of direction.

 

I just hope Thursday will go better. Or maybe something else will go wrong. Who knows?

[jma500]

I was going to respond with:

 

 

 

49, what you say is completely understandable, but just because confidence and self-assuredness didn't work 1, 5, 10, or 100 times doesn't mean it still isn't the best method. If you let the failing instances of it dictate an attitude, you really aren't that confident and you aren't even faking it to make it. It needs to be stuck with until every detail is perfected.

 

Another thing to consider is that the girl is completely unaware of the conditions which might have made him that way. It's not like he can say:

"It's true I'm reluctant to ask you out, but it's only because I've had some bad luck acting confident and self-assured before. Deep down I'm just the same as someone more bold." To her, he's just shy and hesitant. He's not granted an opportunity to explain why he's like that, nor would a girl suddenly grant him consideration on a technicality even if he had the opportunity to tell her. From her perspective, he's a shy, reluctant guy and that's probably all she knows.

Being shy and reluctant are NOT sufficient reasons to write a guy off. Men are human beings and fallible just like women. Both genders need to see each other as thus. I am a human being and fallible. If a woman cannot deal with or accept this, thats her problem. I am not perfect nor will i ever strive to be for anyone. On to confidence. Confidence is quite often misconstrued. Rock stars and actors are believed to be confident yet behind the scenes so many are drinking and drugging themselves into oblivion. The direct opposite of confidence. I have just enougb confidence. Again, if a woman cannot accept this, it his her problem. We don't even know what confidence is and yet we have labels for differing levels in men. Its just so laughable. Body language is another ludicrous reason to write someone off. People have bad days, problems in their lives, etc. Anyone who writes off someone for poor body language is simply looking for an excuse to reject said person. Any reason, no matter how flimsy will do.

It seems today that people, especially women, have checklists for what a potential mate must be, how much they must earn and by what age or they are losers. They then complain there are no viable mates left out there. If we treated each other as human beings, took the time to get to know each other, and found reasons to accept instead of reject one another. We would be a much happier society and much more capable of finding someone to love and whom would love us in return. Sorry for the length.

[ThaWholigan]

Being shy and reluctant are NOT sufficient reasons to write a guy off. Men are human beings and fallible just like women. Both genders need to see each other as thus. I am a human being and fallible. If a woman cannot deal with or accept this, thats her problem. I am not perfect nor will i ever strive to be for anyone. On to confidence. Confidence is quite often misconstrued. Rock stars and actors are believed to be confident yet behind the scenes so many are drinking and drugging themselves into oblivion. The direct opposite of confidence. I have just enougb confidence. Again, if a woman cannot accept this, it his her problem. We don't even know what confidence is and yet we have labels for differing levels in men. Its just so laughable. Body language is another ludicrous reason to write someone off. People have bad days, problems in their lives, etc. Anyone who writes off someone for poor body language is simply looking for an excuse to reject said person. Any reason, no matter how flimsy will do.

It seems today that people, especially women, have checklists for what a potential mate must be, how much they must earn and by what age or they are losers. They then complain there are no viable mates left out there. If we treated each other as human beings, took the time to get to know each other, and found reasons to accept instead of reject one another. We would be a much happier society and much more capable of finding someone to love and whom would love us in return. Sorry for the length.

You don't get it - its a subconscious decision. If you look like a "loser" with ****ty body language and shy beyond what is normal, chances are she will be turned off. That's all there is to it. I've lived it, I know it.

 

Its no good lambasting "who women choose". Its a futile endeavor which is why I laugh at the men who do it. They will choose who they choose.

[somedude81]

Somedude, I'm going to ask a series of questions, and I think it would be pretty cool if you could answer them all to the best of your ability. It may not be obvious where I'm going with them at first, but I assure you that it will get somewhere. Although I don't post all that much, I'm sure you remember various instances in which certain forum regulars have piled on you for having a single physical dealbreaker, and I've been one of the posters to say to tell them that their outrage is misplaced, silly, and is usually expressed only for the purpose of insulting you rather than helping you. As someone who had many of the issues attracting the opposite sex as you did (albeit a very long time ago, before I more or less became "normal" as far as my dealings with the opposite sex are concerned), I actually very much want to help you out. I would also encourage you to heed what posters like ThaWholigan say as well. As much as you feel your gut instinct telling you to behave like a contrarian (I have the same impulse all the time), these guys are absolutely, 100% RIGHT.

 

1. Name all of your good personality traits, regardless of whether you think they would make you attractive to women.

 

2. What have you accomplished in your life, and is there anything you are sure you will accomplish in the near future? Again, don't think about whether your accomplishments will be attractive to women.

 

3. What are your faults? What, if anything, have you done to address them?

 

4. Describe your ideal self, within reason. If you found the energy to focus on self-improvement, what would a significantly improved version of yourself be like?

 

5. What is your ideal woman like? Focus on personality traits, but by all means describe her physically as well.

 

Almost every source on improving dating success worth its weight in gold (including SOME PUA material) emphasizes the need for a comprehensive self-assessment that focuses on everything BUT your romantic life (or lack thereof).

That is a lot of in-depth questions. More than I want to spend tome on right now.

 

Though I will do one.

 

2. What have you accomplished in your life, and is there any2. What have you accomplished in your life, and is there anything you are sure you will accomplish in the near future? Again, don't think about whether your accomplishments will be attractive to women.

I feel that I have accomplished nothing.

 

Will accomplish. I'll graduate from college this year. Hopefully get a job.

 

Ugh, just really bad timing. Sorry to hear that. I don't know about other girls, but for me, when there's an exam the next day, I'm so focused I wouldn't even know if the nuclear reactor next door blows up. Noticing a guy and making small talk with him would be the last thing on my mind. She was probably late because she was in a rush due to studying etc, and wanted to work on math problems for the exam.

Thanks for bring up that point.

 

It's exactly why I didn't talk to her. She and her friends were studying for the test. That's more important than making small talk with me.

 

It really was bad timing.

How big is your campus? What are the odds of you seeing her after the exam? Could you just go to class anyway after the exam and ask her out then? In the college I used to go to, you can usually turn up for any class even if you're not enrolled, as long as the seating capacity isn't exceeded.

It's a huge campus and I would only see her in class unless we arranged to meet somewhere.

 

Yes, I will go to the next class and sit through it so I can ask her out. If she asks I can tell her I'm waiting to see how I did on the test to decide if I need to drop the class or not. I just need to make sure I don't forget my balls at home and actually ask her out on Tuesday.

Somedude, I'm going to ask a series of questions, and I think it would be pretty cool if you could answer them all to the best of your ability. It may not be obvious where I'm going with them at first, but I assure you that it will get somewhere. Although I don't post all that much, I'm sure you remember various instances in which certain forum regulars have piled on you for having a single physical dealbreaker, and I've been one of the posters to say to tell them that their outrage is misplaced, silly, and is usually expressed only for the purpose of insulting you rather than helping you. As someone who had many of the issues attracting the opposite sex as you did (albeit a very long time ago, before I more or less became "normal" as far as my dealings with the opposite sex are concerned), I actually very much want to help you out. I would also encourage you to heed what posters like ThaWholigan say as well. As much as you feel your gut instinct telling you to behave like a contrarian (I have the same impulse all the time), these guys are absolutely, 100% RIGHT.

 

1. Name all of your good personality traits, regardless of whether you think they would make you attractive to women.

 

2. What have you accomplished in your life, and is there anything you are sure you will accomplish in the near future? Again, don't think about whether your accomplishments will be attractive to women.

 

3. What are your faults? What, if anything, have you done to address them?

 

4. Describe your ideal self, within reason. If you found the energy to focus on self-improvement, what would a significantly improved version of yourself be like?

 

5. What is your ideal woman like? Focus on personality traits, but by all means describe her physically as well.

 

Almost every source on improving dating success worth its weight in gold (including SOME PUA material) emphasizes the need for a comprehensive self-assessment that focuses on everything BUT your romantic life (or lack thereof).

 

Asking her on a date via facebook isn't ideal but if its all you got it might work. That's how I got my girlfriend to go on a date with me. Granted though there was no way I could see her IRL to ask. I first noticed her at a wedding (although we'd met a few times before) and I decided to just add her on fb. Then we began chatting and after a few days I asked her to meet me in the city. The important thing is not to just blurt it right out "want to go out on a date with me?" You need to establish some sort of rapport first.

Last three times I tried to ask a girl out on Facebook it didn't work. The three attempts were over various periods of rapport.

[Els]

Thanks for bring up that point.

 

It's exactly why I didn't talk to her. She and her friends were studying for the test. That's more important than making small talk with me.

 

It really was bad timing.

 

It's a huge campus and I would only see her in class unless we arranged to meet somewhere.

 

Yes, I will go to the next class and sit through it so I can ask her out. If she asks I can tell her I'm waiting to see how I did on the test to decide if I need to drop the class or not. I just need to make sure I don't forget my balls at home and actually ask her out on Tuesday.

 

Good luck. Where are you intending to ask her to? You don't need to plan obsessively, but think about it beforehand so you don't get stuck.

[jma500]

You don't get it - its a subconscious decision. If you look like a "loser" with ****ty body language and shy beyond what is normal, chances are she will be turned off. That's all there is to it. I've lived it, I know it.

 

Its no good lambasting "who women choose". Its a futile endeavor which is why I laugh at the men who do it. They will choose who they choose.

 

I am not lambasting anyone. In past years the women who got close to me did so because they took the time to get know me not because of spur of the moment whim. I had lousy body language, a negative outlook on life, homely, and overweight. Now i have some confidence, lost 33 pounds, look better, feel better, am a photo artist, have a few friends, have a positive outlook on life, and no girlfriend. So explain to me how my life experiences are directly opposite to your statements. Some women operate as you state but most don't. If i am mistaken in this, then those women who got close to me are exceptions to the rule. I hope this isnt the case because that would make them a rarity.

[Els]

I am not lambasting anyone. In past years the women who got close to me did so because they took the time to get know me not because of spur of the moment whim. I had lousy body language, a negative outlook on life, homely, and overweight. Now i have some confidence, lost 33 pounds, look better, feel better, am a photo artist, have a few friends, have a positive outlook on life, and no girlfriend. So explain to me how my life experiences are directly opposite to your statements. Some women operate as you state but most don't. If i am mistaken in this, then those women who got close to me are exceptions to the rule. I hope this isnt the case because that would make them a rarity.

 

Unfortunately bettering your odds does not guarantee that success will come immediately. Give it a few years.

[ThaWholigan]

I am not lambasting anyone. In past years the women who got close to me did so because they took the time to get know me not because of spur of the moment whim. I had lousy body language, a negative outlook on life, homely, and overweight. Now i have some confidence, lost 33 pounds, look better, feel better, am a photo artist, have a few friends, have a positive outlook on life, and no girlfriend. So explain to me how my life experiences are directly opposite to your statements. Some women operate as you state but most don't. If i am mistaken in this, then those women who got close to me are exceptions to the rule. I hope this isnt the case because that would make them a rarity.

It's not particularly rare, but it's not common. Kudos on getting your life together. I'm still a way away but I am persistent. Like Elswyth said, it doesn't guarantee success. I know that because many of the things that I became good at didn't grant me the success I wanted. The point is, there is no blame on my part or raging against the world. It just is. I have to carry on, so I do.

 

And if I do rant about anything, it is usually about f*cking Arsenal FC playing with my emotions every season .

[somedude81]

Good luck. Where are you intending to ask her to? You don't need to plan obsessively, but think about it beforehand so you don't get stuck.

I actually had a decent plan for yesterday.

 

Last weekend was a Pow-wow on campus, a Native American gathering, it was a big event with lots of booths and dancers and music. I went.

 

At class I was going to ask her if she went, most likely she'd say no, then I'd ask her if she was on campus, most likely she'd say yes, then I'd give her a hard time about that and tell her that if I had her number I would have called her and we could have walked around. No matter what her answers to my questions I could have easily gotten her number.

 

Now I'll have to think of something else for next week.

[SteveC80]

Being shy and reluctant are NOT sufficient reasons to write a guy off. Men are human beings and fallible just like women. Both genders need to see each other as thus. I am a human being and fallible. If a woman cannot deal with or accept this, thats her problem. I am not perfect nor will i ever strive to be for anyone. On to confidence. Confidence is quite often misconstrued. Rock stars and actors are believed to be confident yet behind the scenes so many are drinking and drugging themselves into oblivion. The direct opposite of confidence. I have just enougb confidence. Again, if a woman cannot accept this, it his her problem. We don't even know what confidence is and yet we have labels for differing levels in men. Its just so laughable. Body language is another ludicrous reason to write someone off. People have bad days, problems in their lives, etc. Anyone who writes off someone for poor body language is simply looking for an excuse to reject said person. Any reason, no matter how flimsy will do.

It seems today that people, especially women, have checklists for what a potential mate must be, how much they must earn and by what age or they are losers. They then complain there are no viable mates left out there. If we treated each other as human beings, took the time to get to know each other, and found reasons to accept instead of reject one another. We would be a much happier society and much more capable of finding someone to love and whom would love us in return. Sorry for the length.

 

Women whether consciously or subconsciously want a man she feels is superior to her in some way..

 

Yes women are allowed to be insecure and unsure of themslves not men thats not gonna change either adapt or die

[Els]

I actually had a decent plan for yesterday.

 

Last weekend was a Pow-wow on campus, a Native American gathering, it was a big event with lots of booths and dancers and music. I went.

 

At class I was going to ask her if she went, most likely she'd say no, then I'd ask her if she was on campus, most likely she'd say yes, then I'd give her a hard time about that and tell her that if I had her number I would have called her and we could have walked around. No matter what her answers to my questions I could have easily gotten her number.

 

Now I'll have to think of something else for next week.

 

Hrmmm, the location being on campus is a little bit tricky. It leaves some room for interpretation, especially if you just say, "Hey, wanna go check out that Pow-wow thing?" There's a higher chance of her accepting and possibly even a real date stemming from that, but she might think it was just a friendly invitation.

 

Asking her out to an event or activity off-campus would be less likely to be misinterpreted.

[jma500]

Unfortunately bettering your odds does not guarantee that success will come immediately. Give it a few years.

 

I agree. Not complaining at all btw.

[clia]

I am not lambasting anyone. In past years the women who got close to me did so because they took the time to get know me not because of spur of the moment whim. I had lousy body language, a negative outlook on life, homely, and overweight. Now i have some confidence, lost 33 pounds, look better, feel better, am a photo artist, have a few friends, have a positive outlook on life, and no girlfriend. So explain to me how my life experiences are directly opposite to your statements. Some women operate as you state but most don't. If i am mistaken in this, then those women who got close to me are exceptions to the rule. I hope this isnt the case because that would make them a rarity.

 

How many women do you ask out on dates who have lousy body language, a negative outlook on life, are homely, and overweight?

[Mr_Flay]

How many women do you ask out on dates who have lousy body language, a negative outlook on life, are homely, and overweight?

 

 

Outlook on life has nothing to do with attractiveness. Many Emo and Goth kids have got boyfriends and girlfriends, and can you imagine a worse outlook on life than theirs?

[jma500]

It's not particularly rare, but it's not common. Kudos on getting your life together. I'm still a way away but I am persistent. Like Elswyth said, it doesn't guarantee success. I know that because many of the things that I became good at didn't grant me the success I wanted. The point is, there is no blame on my part or raging against the world. It just is. I have to carry on, so I do.

 

And if I do rant about anything, it is usually about f*cking Arsenal FC playing with my emotions every season .

 

As i carry on. I go along living my life the best and most positive way i know. I have respect for women. You will never see or hear me lambaste or slander women in any way. Ever. The only blame i lay for my singleness is on myself. As i am 44 i would rather not wait a few more years.

[jma500]

How many women do you ask out on dates who have lousy body language, a negative outlook on life, are homely, and overweight?

 

Frankly i have only asked 1 woman out period. I thought i had screwed the date up but found out later she had a good time. I didn't recontact her though because thought i was too much of a screwup.

[normal person]

Being shy and reluctant are NOT sufficient reasons to write a guy off. Men are human beings and fallible just like women. Both genders need to see each other as thus. I am a human being and fallible. If a woman cannot deal with or accept this, thats her problem.

 

While I agree with you that they aren't sufficient reasons, I think you're missing the smaller, more relevant picture. Even if a women is wrong to write a guy off for being shy and reluctant, the fact of the matter is that it will still happen. The disagreement with their scrutiny won't actually change their scrutiny, y'know?

 

The world you're alluding to is just a fantasy one where girls will give the OP the benefit of the doubt because it's the right thing to do. That doesn't happen in reality, even if we are human and flawed, if you don't accept the fact that people will still require you to act at a higher standard regardless, you still aren't going to be successful.

 

So while I do agree with you, I think the thought is irrelevant in the real world. Wishful thinking.

[jma500]

While I agree with you that they aren't sufficient reasons, I think you're missing the smaller, more relevant picture. Even if a women is wrong to write a guy off for being shy and reluctant, the fact of the matter is that it will still happen. The disagreement with their scrutiny won't actually change their scrutiny, y'know?

 

The world you're alluding to is just a fantasy one where girls will give the OP the benefit of the doubt because it's the right thing to do. That doesn't happen in reality, even if we are human and flawed, if you don't accept the fact that people will still require you to act at a higher standard regardless, you still aren't going to be successful.

 

So while I do agree with you, I think the thought is irrelevant in the real world. Wishful thinking.

 

I won't argue the point. You are at least partially correct.

[iris219]

Why should this girl in math lab talk to you? Why should she go out with you? Does she know you? Do you have a good relationship with her? Are you friends? Do you think she thinks about you outside of class?

 

It sounds like you want women to like you before any sort of connection has been created.

[Treasa]

OP, you seem to really suffer from victim mentality. You should do some research on it as well as learned helplessness. You want all this advice and confirmation and sympathy (so it seems) for how hard your life is, when the reality is that your life is no worse than anyone else's. So what if you're shorter? So what if you're 31? The problem is that you sit around and b*tch about your life and how horrible the world and God are to you, when the reality is that you have it the same as most people.

 

Now, if you lived in some impoverished, disease-ridden country where you had to walk miles to have access to clean water, then I would absolutely have sympathy for you. As things stand? You're creating your OWN misery.

 

No matter what anyone here tells you, you're going to continue to be miserable until you stop assuming the world cares enough about your life to specifically take a dump on you.

 

I suggested a book to you once that you should read. I bet you never read it. I'm guessing you were too busy complaining here about your sucky life.

 

NO ONE can change your life except you. And I don't mean what happens to you, but HOW YOU THINK AND FEEL.

 

Don't believe me, though. Go ahead and stay miserable. I made that really hard mental change, and I still really have to work hard at it sometimes, but I can say I'm happy.

[somedude81]

Why should this girl in math lab talk to you? Why should she go out with you? Does she know you? Do you have a good relationship with her? Are you friends? Do you think she thinks about you outside of class?

 

It sounds like you want women to like you before any sort of connection has been created.

Are any of those needed to go on a date with somebody?

 

Would having all of those mean that she would go on a date with me?