My wife left me without a warning!

[HipProfessor]

I am starting to think about hurting myself again. Thought writing here would hopefully alleviate the pain. My wife and I were married for over ten years and everything I do or see makes me think of her and I feel like I’m losing my sanity. What makes it worse is that she is moving on so fast. She moved out without saying a word. On the contrary, she pretended that everything was fine. She made me dinner at night and asked me what I am going to wear in the morning. That was deceptive and sneaky. I would have never done that to her! She brought a truck and cleaned out the house while I was at work. Why didn’t she talk to her partner and made demands/ultimatums? Why didn't she communicate with me? I would have fought for her.

 

After all our hard work, all the love we shared. How can someone just move on so effortlessly? We were together so long and she moved on like I was nothing to you. This pain is with me everywhere I go and I can’t seem to shake it. We have been apart 6 weeks and I don’t feel like things are even the slightest bit better for me. Every day is a ridiculous struggle for me. And as much as my head is trying to move on and trying to be myself again, deep down I know my heart is still wishing she were there and still holding on to a love that she let go of. I hope she can see my love for her even though she pulled the trigger in cold blod. This is some kind of love every woman would long for in this world. I know I didn’t show it. Thought that taking care of the household was enough.

 

I told her how I felt, but she didn't seem to care. She is relying on her selective memory …. Recalling all the negatives to justify it to herself. I know it’s over but for some reason I can’t seem to let go. I know she won’t stay single for long. She is an incredibly beautiful woman. I have thoughts of her making love with another man and it makes me ill. It is the most indescribable pain. I often think death will be the only way to take away the pain of it all …. but it’s my kids (we have none together though) that keep me going. If it was not for them, I wouldn't be here now.

 

What she did in the last month was very hurtful and excessive, but for some reason I cannot get angry at her. I am a wreck. She filed for divorce and ur initial court hearing is in a few days. I miss her so much and don't know what to do.

Edited March 12, 2013 by HipProfessor

[seriously-let-down]

I feel your pain. I too have been in similar circumstances. Nobody is worth ending your life for. In my darkest days I wanted to just step in front of an express train but just think of those that are less fortunate than ourselves and those that really care we'd leave behind. Life is precious. Go to your doctor's or seek therapy. Emotionally you are tired. At the moment it feels like we have no future, but I've started to rebuild mine and I still hurt. In time we rebuild our hopes and dreams. Take little steps now and remember we are here for you. Take care, we Will get through this.

[FazedOut]

I am starting to think about hurting myself again. Thought writing here would hopefully alleviate the pain. My wife and I were married for over ten years and everything I do or see makes me think of her and I feel like I’m losing my sanity. What makes it worse is that she is moving on so fast. She moved out without saying a word. On the contrary, she pretended that everything was fine. She made me dinner at night and asked me what I am going to wear in the morning. That was deceptive and sneaky. I would have never done that to her! She brought a truck and cleaned out the house while I was at work. Why didn’t she talk to her partner and made demands/ultimatums? Why didn't she communicate with me? I would have fought for her.

 

After all our hard work, all the love we shared. How can someone just move on so effortlessly? We were together so long and she moved on like I was nothing to you. This pain is with me everywhere I go and I can’t seem to shake it. We have been apart 6 weeks and I don’t feel like things are even the slightest bit better for me. Every day is a ridiculous struggle for me. And as much as my head is trying to move on and trying to be myself again, deep down I know my heart is still wishing she were there and still holding on to a love that she let go of. I hope she can see my love for her even though she pulled the trigger in cold blod. This is some kind of love every woman would long for in this world. I know I didn’t show it. Thought that taking care of the household was enough.

 

I told her how I felt, but she didn't seem to care. She is relying on her selective memory …. Recalling all the negatives to justify it to herself. I know it’s over but for some reason I can’t seem to let go. I know she won’t stay single for long. She is an incredibly beautiful woman. I have thoughts of her making love with another man and it makes me ill. It is the most indescribable pain. I often think death will be the only way to take away the pain of it all …. but it’s my kids (we have none together though) that keep me going. If it was not for them, I wouldn't be here now.

 

What she did in the last month was very hurtful and excessive, but for some reason I cannot get angry at her. I am a wreck. She filed for divorce and ur initial court hearing is in a few days. I miss her so much and don't know what to do.

Please don't think hurting yourself is the answer. I'm know its crossed my mind too, just to end all this pain! Its cold, cruel, seems never ending. But, I hear it will get better!! Just hold on...especially for the kids. Their lives would be forever damaged. That's what stopped me...and my special needs dogs.

 

What your wife did was selfish, but hurting yourself would compound that selfishness immeasurably.

I know the pain gets to be too much sometimes, if it does you HAVE to find a way to release it. Cry, scream into a pillow, punch your mattress, jog, punch a heavy bag, journal, something!!

Pm me too, just to write it all out. I'm of no use for advice, but I'm happy to lend an "ear" to anyone who needs one!

Edited March 13, 2013 by FazedOut

[lahnes36]

I am starting to think about hurting myself again. Thought writing here would hopefully alleviate the pain. My wife and I were married for over ten years and everything I do or see makes me think of her and I feel like I’m losing my sanity. What makes it worse is that she is moving on so fast. She moved out without saying a word. On the contrary, she pretended that everything was fine. She made me dinner at night and asked me what I am going to wear in the morning. That was deceptive and sneaky. I would have never done that to her! She brought a truck and cleaned out the house while I was at work. Why didn’t she talk to her partner and made demands/ultimatums? Why didn't she communicate with me? I would have fought for her.

 

After all our hard work, all the love we shared. How can someone just move on so effortlessly? We were together so long and she moved on like I was nothing to you. This pain is with me everywhere I go and I can’t seem to shake it. We have been apart 6 weeks and I don’t feel like things are even the slightest bit better for me. Every day is a ridiculous struggle for me. And as much as my head is trying to move on and trying to be myself again, deep down I know my heart is still wishing she were there and still holding on to a love that she let go of. I hope she can see my love for her even though she pulled the trigger in cold blod. This is some kind of love every woman would long for in this world. I know I didn’t show it. Thought that taking care of the household was enough.

 

I told her how I felt, but she didn't seem to care. She is relying on her selective memory …. Recalling all the negatives to justify it to herself. I know it’s over but for some reason I can’t seem to let go. I know she won’t stay single for long. She is an incredibly beautiful woman. I have thoughts of her making love with another man and it makes me ill. It is the most indescribable pain. I often think death will be the only way to take away the pain of it all …. but it’s my kids (we have none together though) that keep me going. If it was not for them, I wouldn't be here now.

 

What she did in the last month was very hurtful and excessive, but for some reason I cannot get angry at her. I am a wreck. She filed for divorce and ur initial court hearing is in a few days. I miss her so much and don't know what to do.

 

I can understand where you're coming from. The pain of a divorce is indescribable. In my case, I let my marriage go without much of a whimper a couple months ago, and only felt the brunt of my actions a couple weeks ago. That's when I found out my beautiful wife got remarried to her ex, and when it all settled in and I felt a pain that I thought was worse than death.

 

I've been staring at pictures of us in our happier moments, and that just made it worse. I try not to , but every waking moment I think about her and need to look at pictures of us being happy just to feel some sort of joy.

[GuyInLimbo]

NO ONE - I repeat NO ONE - is worth hurting yourself over. Don't let someone else's actions define how you feel about yourself. this is NOT your fault. First of all, are you in therapy? If not, stop reading this RIGHT NOW and call someone to make an appt for TODAY. Got it? You're in a lot of emotional pain and clearly having a hard time dealing with it. That's normal. But hurting yourself does nothing but hurt others (do you have friends? Family? Imagine their pain if you hurt yourself!).

 

You can, and will, get through this.

[HipProfessor]

Thank you for the empathy and compassion. Yes, I am seeing a therapist. I started NC yesterday and am feeling better. I also keep going our facebook pictures and wonder where all that love went. We have a court hearing next week. Hope it goes well. Thanks again.

[TailSpin75]

I too feel your pain Hip... I'm 3 months in since heard about my STBXW wanting a divorce. All of our stories are unique but the 'feelings' and 'thoughts' you describe... I know them very well.

 

Interestingly enough about 6 weeks in was a major turning point for me. Like you, I wanted no part of this divorce (still don't if I'm being honest) - but I began to fear that I would not make it past this. So I decided to develop a method that I believed would work for me. I honor the grieving process (get the thoughts and feelings I have out), I put in the effort to not dwell or ponder her or the past, I look at nothing that reminds me of her (no items, pictures, etc.), I have not listened to music at all since this has happened, and I absolutely keep interactions with her to a minimum and refuse to see her face to face.

 

We can't help wanting what we do - but I believe I do not have to 'feed' that want either. I don't trust myself to 'work an angle' or try to 'fight for her' when we interact (I've fought all I could before the big announcement) - continuing down that path (I know) will only crush me.

 

Your words could have easily been describing my experience through the first 6 weeks. And I completely understand your 'inability' to get angry... something I still do not experience at a sustained level. Most of the time now - I am ambivalent experiencing a hurt/sadness and a bitterness. Which one ha the upper hand seems to vary from moment to moment, but those feeling are not nearly as intense as they were during the first 6 weeks. (I did have a 'set back' moment today though where it all 'hit me' again... but even now I can sense it's passing).

 

I am so sorry that you are here friend... and know that you are not alone in your suffering and where I too couldn't imagine a life without her... things to get better.