MrCastle Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I was wondering where being "cool" fit into attraction/dating. Now, being "cool" can mean different things to different people, but in my opinion, these are the traits of being "cool": -soft spoken/only speak when you have something important to say/don't speak just to hear yourself talk -never letting your emotions cloud your judgement/being able to look at situations objectively without freaking out or overreacting in any way -being open minded and not judging people -being easy going, not stressing over stuff, taking life how it comes -dressing fashionable but not by following trends that are in one day, out the other. To me this means dressing simply, for me it's t-shirts and jeans, and a nice jacket. Things that simple never go out of style. Classic fashion. -having interesting hobbies or things that most people don't have. Anything with the arts seems to be "cool", being an actor, or musician, or photographer, but it doesn't have to be strictly creative, anything out of the ordinary, really. I pride myself on being cool. I do believe it is something that can be worked on and improved upon. A lot of is in your body language, how you walk/talk, etc. I also believe it is a lost art. It seems like being cool isn't worth anything these days. People like the guy in my avatar, Marilyn Monroe, and plenty of others in the past oozed coolness/sexuality. I think that's what made them iconic. Not their looks. If James Dean looked the way he did but had Carrot Top's personality, I don't see him being as iconic as he is today. He is idolized to this day because he was cool. However, when talking about dating, neither gender says "I want someone cool". Is this because they don't care? Because it serves no purpose to them? Or because it's so rare to find that you can't actively just look for it? If someone "cool" went up against a regular person, wouldn't the "cool" person edge them out? Again this is hard to pin down, because we all have our own idea of what cool is. I'm just wondering if it has any influence on dating success/attraction 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Social intelligence is attractive. I'd better find somebody with some or my kids are doomed to be like me Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Hmm, you forgot Knowing what to say and when and how to say it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
iKING Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 If you were trying to give out compliments Castle, you should have just said something. The problem with cool is, cool isn't a cool word anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted March 13, 2013 Author Share Posted March 13, 2013 If you were trying to give out compliments Castle, you should have just said something. The problem with cool is, cool isn't a cool word anymore. Seriously though. Where does cool play a role in all of this attraction stuff? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 The word 'cool' is outdated which explains why you never hear anyone mention it as criteria for a mate. Most people refer to someone open minded as being open minded. Easy going? An easy going person and so forth. Some of those thing you mention are requirements for many people, but they just don't call those traits 'cool' Link to post Share on other sites
Bengal Tiger Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Yup, there was an episode of the show community where they were trying to figure out why women wanted to date this one dude and other guys desperately wanted his approval. He had incredible power over people while basically not doing much and having a dead end carnival job. It was because he was missing part of his brain for emotion and nothing bothered him. He was so damn cool. People turned into soft putty around him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I think it's most about being your best self than being cool. For me, being the quiet type doesn't work. I'm constantly talking about absolutely nothing and I have girls rolling on the floor laughing. Word around the work place is that I'm pretty cool. Link to post Share on other sites
TheZebra Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Don't forget sense of humor! A person who can make any situation humorous or interesting is always pretty cool in my book. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted March 13, 2013 Author Share Posted March 13, 2013 The word 'cool' is outdated which explains why you never hear anyone mention it as criteria for a mate. Most people refer to someone open minded as being open minded. Easy going? An easy going person and so forth. Some of those thing you mention are requirements for many people, but they just don't call those traits 'cool' So you're saying these traits are individual traits that people do in fact look for? They just don't refer to it as being cool? And wtf is this nonsense of no one says "cool" anymore? I'm 25 and people say it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted March 13, 2013 Author Share Posted March 13, 2013 Alright here's one: Guy 1 has James Dean's cool factor, but average looks. Not ugly, just average. Guy 2 has James Dean's looks, but a dull personality. Who wins out? Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Alright here's one: Guy 1 has James Dean's cool factor, but average looks. Not ugly, just average. Guy 2 has James Dean's looks, but a dull personality. Who wins out? And this will begin the descent of this thread to nothing more than a looks vs. personality debate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 So you're saying these traits are individual traits that people do in fact look for? They just don't refer to it as being cool? And wtf is this nonsense of no one says "cool" anymore? I'm 25 and people say it. Different strokes for different folks. Not everyone will place so much emphasis on style of clothing or someone who is into the arts. I say 'that's cool' as in when someone tells me a story about something interesting but myself and those closest to me never refer to a potential mate as 'cool' It is outdated. Link to post Share on other sites
iKING Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Seriously though. Where does cool play a role in all of this attraction stuff? I think the new expression is "smooth", which is typically associated with "player". Tough call really. I read an article about the appeal of bad boys, or smooth guys, women want the hero, they see some of the characteristics in the smooth takes charge guy, and think they've got the real thing. In reality they just want the hero and the bad boy ends up playing them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted March 13, 2013 Author Share Posted March 13, 2013 And this will begin the descent of this thread to nothing more than a looks vs. personality debate. No I'm just curious how far this cool thing goes. Can cool make up for other things you may lack? Or no? Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Alright here's one: Guy 1 has James Dean's cool factor, but average looks. Not ugly, just average. Guy 2 has James Dean's looks, but a dull personality. Who wins out? In what? Life? Women? Becoming the President? Having greasers idolize him? Link to post Share on other sites
Lani Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I say cool. And this guy, he's the definition of it - Well him, and Danny Zuko. Anyway, it's more about your general persona than anything in particular you do or don't do. I think being 'cool' is like being 'charismatic'. It's sort of undefinable in my opinion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 A lot of being "cool" indicates social intelligence, which is a big turn on, as is all intelligence and ability in general. At the same time, the guy has to be real, and if he's in theatrical mode being cool, I see it's a fictional character and get bored. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted March 13, 2013 Author Share Posted March 13, 2013 I say 'that's cool' as in when someone tells me a story about something interesting but myself and those closest to me never refer to a potential mate as 'cool' It is outdated. Hmm. Interesting. I don't hear it used for women as often, but I definitely hear women say it about men and I've heard it said about me quite a few times. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted March 13, 2013 Author Share Posted March 13, 2013 In what? Life? Women? Becoming the President? Having greasers idolize him? Well being that this is the dating section and not the political section.... Link to post Share on other sites
iKING Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I say cool. And this guy, he's the definition of it - So essentially, It's having the ultimate poker face. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I think the new expression is "smooth", which is typically associated with "player". Tough call really. I read an article about the appeal of bad boys, or smooth guys, women want the hero, they see some of the characteristics in the smooth takes charge guy, and think they've got the real thing. In reality they just want the hero and the bad boy ends up playing them. LOL smooth isn't a new expression. It's as old as suave. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrCastle Posted March 13, 2013 Author Share Posted March 13, 2013 At the same time, the guy has to be real, and if he's in theatrical mode being cool, I see it's a fictional character and get bored. Even more interestinger! I've said before I can get theatrical in my approaches but it has not hindered my success. I am theatrical by nature. I like playing up that role. I've said several times, I have to be "that guy", "the guy". I take no pleasure in being just another regular dude a woman dates. I have to leave my impression. Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 No I'm just curious how far this cool thing goes. Can cool make up for other things you may lack? Or no? Usually, my guy friends call me "cool." "Yeah, that's a cool guy. I would definitely be his friend." Women usually refer to me as "hot." I've also found "hot" to be more based on personality than looks. It's kind of like being charming and charismatic. "Hot" guys have a certain swagger about them. Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 The problem with cool is, cool isn't a cool word anymore. Hahahaaa. OP, I've never given that much thought to the term "cool" to describe a man. But if I had to, I'd think John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever... Or...it could be someone who is relaxed, laid back, a decent person (IE: "nah man, he's cool" ). Or, a cool rider like in Grease 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts