Husband Has Roaming Eyes

[lorelee]

Hello All..

 

I have such a difficult time with my husband CONSTANTLY looking at other women, receiving emails from co-workers ( 10-12 a day ) that it dramatically affects the way I live my life. I'll go to bed angry, hurt and very discouraged.

 

He even goes so far sometimes as to ask me if I happen to agree the words on a particularly well endowed female as if I too am looking at EVERY female crossing our paths.

 

To make matters worse, his single brother ( who thinks women are on this earth literally for 1 thing only ) is staying with us for a few months until he can find a house to buy in his price range and all he does is egg him on all the time. He continually tries to get him to go to strip bars, look at porno and makes comments about what he sees on TV. Which he does EVERY DAY. rrrrr !!

 

To really make things bad, I am very flat chested and my husband insists it doesn't make a difference, ( yeah right ) but is ALWAYS admiring other women. It's getting to the point I can't go out anywhere with him because I know what I am going to be subjected to.

 

It makes me feel so insecure, so ugly. I am in my 40''s so there is no way I can ever compete with a 20 year old.

 

 

HELP !!

[quankanne]

got any close girlfriends? Invite her/them over and do a running commentary all evening about the men you see ... on TV, in the yard, the ones in your house. Be piggish about it; be very, very crass. And be sure to state loudly that you'd not only drink so and so's dirty bath water, but you'd F-him in a heartbeat, happily married or not, it's not like you wouldn't love your husband any less if you *did* screw around on him with some incredibly good-looking, well-hung, young, and RICH sex machine like so and so ... that's my first response, to just shock the hell out of him by being as crass as he is.

 

start making barnyard noises every time he or his brother do that (braying donkey?), letting them know you think they're being horrible. Or ask when did they learn that they were raised by wolves?

 

or, you can nicely tell him that he's being a jackass and that you *know* for a fact that he wasn't raised to be like this. And if you say it in a no-nonsense "mommy" type of voice, that usually gets them to behave!

 

I'd opt for door number one, where you out-crass him!

 

... but that's just me!

 

good luck,

quank

[HokeyReligions]

LOL! I vote for out-crassing them too! Look at their crotches and laugh kinda to yourself, and mumble "yeah, right - size doesn't matter, poor little boys" and chuckle evilly as you walk away!

 

Set some boundaries with BOTH of them. As long as little brother is in your house, he must respect your rules of conduct and your husband needs to understand and enforce that too. YOU come first.

 

My husband always thought I was just joking around when I would tell him honestly that he was hurting my feelings and I felt disrespected. He didn't see it that way and had the gall to tell me how I should feel about his behavior. I got through to him when I kicked him out. It took a third party (a counselor) to get it through his thick head that he couldn't just disregard my feelings like he did.

 

Maybe drastic measures are called for. Tell you husband that your marriage is in trouble and tell him that you need to go over your budget because you want to see a counselor and/or a lawyer. Maybe that will make him sit up and take your feelings seriously.

 

[hokey is now gritting her teeth and wanting to shake the husbands that behave this way, until their fillings fall out! ]

[tiki]

Originally posted by lorelee

I am in my 40''s so there is no way I can ever compete with a 20 year old.

 

...and you shouldn't have to compete with a twenty year old. I've had my share of the wanderin eyes and it SUCKS...oh...and I'm in my twenties.

 

I'd recommend that you have a heart to heart conversation with him and tell him that he's severely damaging your ego by doing this. If he continues, do it back to him, and see how *he* likes it.

 

And talk to him about the excessive emails. That's a little much. I'd be crazy.

[lorelee]

Thanks everybody for your comments. It REALLY helps when you can see how other females feel exactly as you do and you really are not alone. This is how I feel.

 

I've heard from some females that looking doesn't hurt...it's no big deal, why am I making it a deal ??

 

They have no problem with their men doing the same thing. Maybe they have incredible self esteem ? They don't really care ? How do they deal with it ??

 

But when my husband yells at another woman "" Hey baby ... You 're lookin great !! "", how is that supposed to make me feel good ? HOW CAN THIS NOT BOTHER ME ???

 

Where the hell do guys get off thinking we are just supposed to sit back and take this ...just because...they're just guys ? Yeah...Right...

 

I have to laugh when I hear songs like ""The Reason "" by Hoobastank. Nice Thought. Not really realistic.

[indianatrucker]

I wish I could show you how some of us LOVE a flat-chested woman.If I'd have a few minutes you'd never worry about that again.As far as the baby your married to,he didnt get enough suckling as an infant, and will never grow out of it.

Not telling you directly but what does he really got ,so maybe its time to start looking for your own thing.

[Kitty04]

It's never a good idea to fight fire with fire. As great as it may feel to take on your husbands insulting behavior, it won't last. It would almost be like you are giving him a red light to act like a fool by saying "It's okay, I'll do it too". Someone of this mindset isn't going to look at this situation and say..."this really hurts, and she must be acting like this because of how she's hurting from me doing it to her."

 

He probably won't even notice you acting any different. He seems to be focusing his attentions in all the wrong places. Its a good idea to go out for an evening, just you and he and show him that you, too, can be sexy and be the center of attention. Wear your best outfit and feel sexy, get your hair done, whatever it takes to be confident. Confidence is something he WILL notice. Hopefully it will give you an opportnity to get things off on a more positive note, or at least give you a good chance to talk seriously with him about the way it makes you feel. Good luck whatever you decide. You have every right to think this is wrong. Acting disrespectfuly to those we love is never okay.

[Jonah]

Say this.

 

" I wish that you were beyond that. People would look up to you if you could just grow up some. This is probably even affecting your career! I am the love of your life, yet you are willing to demean me for your own pride."

 

For you Mrs., and trust me on this.

For him, those breasts don't mean much... except for yours that is. Just as your breasts are, that is where his heart is. For you are the most beautiful woman in the world for him.

 

Do him a real favor and get him to step up to a higher level. His concept of being a real man has been distorted by the media and his family. But you can help him with that!

 

You would be doing him such a favor if you could just describe your version of what a courageous man is. One that only sees his woman, and respects the rest as ladies.

[StillChillinCookie]

I'm 19 years old, I think that young women are beautiul, no doubt about it, however, Everything and everyone ages. I believe that the older you are, the prettier you are. There's more written in faces and bodies of older women and men. I find it attractive. You can compete with a 20 year old...But will you want to go there? NO! Tell him to stop acting like he's single. He had those days to do what he does. Tell him he is disrespecting you. If he dosn't stop, make comments about every male that crosses your path.

My fiance had that problem, only with hispanic girls, I'm irish, blonde hair blue eyes freckles, full figured, tall, I think I'm pretty but one day he asked me to go stand by a woman that was OK looking so he could compare closley, I looked at him and I told him I had enough. He's with me, I try everything to make him happy, he still does it but not with females in public. He'll do things similar in porn and tv, I told him if he did it again I would leave, one day, he did it again, i paacked my bags and got to the door, he did his song and dance, I stayed, but I think he knows now what he was taking advantage of and he hasn't done it since.

Tell his brother to chill out with this kind of behavior. Your hubby isn't single, he should stop acting like a 18 19 year old.

and about your "flat chest" I'm a 36D+ 26 38...It hurts your back to have large breasts, I want reduction. On top of that, it looks more classy with small breasts, large breasted women look like whores. (I'm not a whore) IMHO...

[Bubbles]

If I were in your shoes (which is a really crappy place to be by the way - poor you ) I would try to speak to the younger brother ALONE and tell HIM how this is making you feel. Tell him that your husband is going along with things and it may be all a joke to them but it's not funny to you. Tell him that he is dis-respecting you in your own home, would their Mother put up with something like this from their Father and his younger brother or a friend? Also tell him that someday HE may be married and he had better think about what he is doing right now because it may come back on him one day.

 

Pay-backs are a bitch Baby!

 

Bubbles