1yr. and 8 mos. and now pregnant

[LadyD06]

so to make my horribly long story shorter, basically..

i screwed up i was with a wonderful man since high school and i was the one who cheated and left numerous of times the longest was the last about a year and a half ago. me and teh other man were together for an entire year.

but my high school sweetheart took me back!! i'm so blessed and unbelievably grateful. Now we are living together 8 months now... and i'm pregnant i'm so excited he came around of course this was a huge surprise because i was told i dont ovulate so i couldnt conceive...but lo and behold i did.

but now and have been struggling' on the numerous of times we have gotten back together.... will he go off and get revenge?? he does have female friends that he talks to sometimes and i get mad and he stops but for some reason lately when i walk upon him seems like he's in a hurry to change the apps on his phone like every time i walk up he is juststarting to load a game... i asked him and he's like i just changed to this game or whatever it maybe. i just hate this feeling in the pit of my stomach that i get!

Has anyone been in my situation??? i was taught to never trust anyone and like i said i've done my share of cheating and every other realtionship i see there is always revenge of some sort.

I'm terrified i've changed my ways i give eveything up to my Lord and Savior. I feel the stress and anxiousness is not good for the baby.

[will1988]

so to make my horribly long story shorter, basically..

i screwed up i was with a wonderful man since high school and i was the one who cheated and left numerous of times the longest was the last about a year and a half ago. me and teh other man were together for an entire year.

but my high school sweetheart took me back!! i'm so blessed and unbelievably grateful. Now we are living together 8 months now... and i'm pregnant i'm so excited he came around of course this was a huge surprise because i was told i dont ovulate so i couldnt conceive...but lo and behold i did.

but now and have been struggling' on the numerous of times we have gotten back together.... will he go off and get revenge?? he does have female friends that he talks to sometimes and i get mad and he stops but for some reason lately when i walk upon him seems like he's in a hurry to change the apps on his phone like every time i walk up he is juststarting to load a game... i asked him and he's like i just changed to this game or whatever it maybe. i just hate this feeling in the pit of my stomach that i get!

Has anyone been in my situation??? i was taught to never trust anyone and like i said i've done my share of cheating and every other realtionship i see there is always revenge of some sort.

I'm terrified i've changed my ways i give eveything up to my Lord and Savior. I feel the stress and anxiousness is not good for the baby.

 

He has every right to get his revenge. You hurt him. You are the one at fault, not him. Personally, I think it was unwise of him to take you back. Once a cheater, always a cheater... I love how you bring god into this too! What you did was not a Christian thing! You broke your wedding vows! BTW I'm not religious, so don't turn around and say Jesus preaches forgiveness, I know... but doesn't that just suit you real well? It is your magic get out of jail free card!

[fungusamungus]

Hilarious. You cheated on him, he took you back and gave you his trust again knowing full well that you are one that has broken it before, and yet, you cannot do the same even when he has done nothing to deserve it.

[Calvin's wagon]

Hi, LadyD06.

 

I wanted first and foremost to congratulate you on your pregnancy! It is a great thing for that the doctors were wrong about your ability to have children and I'm glad that you will get that experience in your life, which is, as people say, one of the best that can happen in a person's life:) I wish you and the baby all the happiness and joy!

 

 

As for your question regarding your partner - I don't have kids and I was cheated on by my ex gf, so that colours my opinion. I will try to leave my issues with cheating aside and try to give you the advice that will, hopefully, help your baby, you and your future relationship with the father of your baby. I also hope it will help him.

 

 

In my experience, cheating leaves a big, big impact on a relationship and cannot be swept under the rug. I don't know about other couples, but after months of trying to work out the consequences of cheating by ourselves, we took up couple's therapy to help us address the cheating and other problems.

 

1. So I'd like to ask you how much did you and your partner talk, work,..., about the cheating, how it made him feel, how could the trust be rebuilt as much as possible? What have (both of) you done to make this relationship work in the future?

 

2. I'm glad that your faith has motivated you to change your ways. I hope you continue to work on yourself.

 

You also wrote "i was taught to never trust anyone" - what did you mean by that? If you have trust issues, there's a chance it will influence all your relationships, not just (this) romantic one(s). For example, your trust issues will affect your relationship with your baby...

 

Have you any idea why did you cheat on him? Have you any idea why you get mad just for him talking to his female friends?

 

 

---

 

So in a way, I think you as an individual and you two as a couple have a lot of options on how to try to resolve your individual/couple problems. A lot of times (at least in my experience) a lot of problems in a relationship stem from the problems that each individual has brought from into the relationship (perhaps your trust issues).

 

Therefore, I'd recommend to both of you to try to talk about these issues (both individual and as a couple), to try to use different types of help (literature, support groups, couple's counselling, individual counselling...).

 

There is always a chance that perhaps things won't work out for you as a couple. But you will still in any case, if you both work on it, have the opportunity to, by addressing your issues, have a good, functional non-romantic relationship, which will be needed as you will be parents to the baby. In the end, you both owe it to your kid to be the best parents you can be, and you can be great parents to you baby even though you might not be together. And sometimes, in my opinion it's better for a child to grow up with separated parents than to grow up in a toxic environment where the parents stayed together just because of the baby.

 

 

Also, I understand his anger and his hurt from being cheated upon. It has hurt me so much, and in the end it was too much for me to ever trust her again. But there are people on this site that say that they or the people they know have worked through such problems and are still together, so I hope they will give you more advice.

 

And personally, I think no-one has the "right" to cheat and that it wouldn't be beneficial for him or your relationship. But that's my opinion and I can't say whether he will try to have his revenge or not.

 

 

 

I am sure there are a lot of people that will give you more relevant advice due to their experience, so I hope to hear from you again in this thread:) If you want, we can all give you our advice on which books, what types of communication, trust-building exercises, types of support groups, counselling have helped us, as individuals and as a couple.

 

Looking forward to hearing from you again! I think no matter what happens with him, you have an excellent opportunity to work on your issues and become a happier person and a great parent:) Best wishes!

Edited March 13, 2013 by Calvin's wagon

[LadyD06]

I don't think this makes it any better whatsoever...but we were not married I did not break vows, we were high school bf/gf with an on again off again relationship...

I know what I did was not right regardless. I gave him my word I would be faithful that should be enough. I know this.

And what I said about me being brought up on not trusting anyone, is exactly that; trust no one. No one has your best interest at heart people don't want to see you succeed. But either way everyone has to get in a 2 thousand pound vehicle and pray that the other drive isn't drunk.

You don't trust anyone but you still have to go about your life.

I thank my bf everyday for everything he does for our little family I do. but for some reason it doesn't matter to him.

I came on here for advice and not to be told i'm a horrible person for what I did, I already know that.

Thanks

[Rorschach64]

Lady,

 

Have you just told him how you feel? I mean everything? He lives you so he should, in theory, hear you out and be understanding. Nothing anyone here tells you will soothe the paranoia or give you a quick fix, just talk it out.

 

In response to your never trusting anyone ever thang, as much as i with it, i have to argue that, taking that gamble with trusting someone is the same damn gamble as leaving your house and not dying. You can't live in fear of everything, so woman up and take a chance!

[denxnis]

This has Maury written all over it.

[NapoleonNotSheep]

If you don't trust anyone than how can anyone trust you? You have shown that you can't be trusted several times and he didn't. And you look only after your ass and how it will be best in your interest. Like now. I mean what then if he talks to his female friends? He is only talking and don't be b**** about it and let him talk to them. You had other di*** in you and he accepted you back when he could have any other girl he would want. You know karma is the best thing and it will strike you back and nothing will save you. You can't erase what you did even if you will be loyal from now on because once trust is broken you can't get it back.