Koekie Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 It seems there are many wives in the same boat. The unappreciated, unvalidated, ignored and neglected boat that is. Whatever the reason is that we find ourself in this boat, I thought Id post a thread about the happenings and journey ahead of me with my emotionally unavailable husband and the last resort. In my thread here I posted some basic info:http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/377630-walk-away-wife-husbands-take-note So, the country that I live in has somewhat ancient laws. We have to have lived separately for two years before I can file for divorce. That will only be in December, since he has been living in another city for work during the week. (one can also get locked up in prison for 5 years, if one is caught in a naughty situation with someone other than your spouse) He is basically a good guy but a terrible spouse. He comes from a abusive childhood but hasnt really shown much effort in trying to fix it. I would want to walk away and he would really emotionally unravel and beg and plead and promise to change. It does for a while and then were right back to where we started. So this time he is doing the same as usual. Since I cant file for divorce yet I thought, well, Ill give him till December to see if he does change. BUT now were playing by my rules. I have told him firstly that for now we can only be friends. If I see him really going at self help, therapy etc. AND our friendship is operating on a deeper level, ie trust, mutual empathy etc. I will consider dating him again. NO SEX.(im not withholding sex for leverage, he usually does) If I see we develope emotional intimacy, and that there is a real and permanent change in him and how he behaves in relationships I might renew my vows to him. And he has till December. He has tried to get me to go back to wife mode, but Im sticking to my guns. Ive told him its my way or the highway. Ill keep an online journal to see how this approach works. Who knows maybe just maybe it works and someone reads it and its helps them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Koekie Posted March 13, 2013 Author Share Posted March 13, 2013 First journal entry. This is day 8 after I asked for a divorce. Im a bit emotionally numb, but he is taking it very hard. I sent an email after him begging for another chance, stating that I no longer have faith in his willingness to change and be emotionally available. I clearly stated my conditions and expectations and also clearly stated why I have been unhappy. He started throwing around some "im feeling so sorry for myself" comments, I made it clear that all choices have consequences. That I will not have anything to do with his issues etc. its up to him to sort it out. He tried to lay some of the blame at my door (its because I do this or that or whatever, but I dont believe there is any good reason for emotionally pushing your spouse away) I was having none of that. Again I clearly stated what I want from a marriage and its a shape up or ship out deal. I didnt make him "wrong" as such but simply said I need more emotional warmth and affection and maybe Im just not the girl for him. So lets see what happen next... Link to post Share on other sites
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