I hooked up with a married man and?

[threelaurels]

You're distracting from what I pointed out because I have a point. You totally danced around what I was saying where you quoted me.

 

 

Perceptions are different from being gullible to be anything just because someone said it.

 

And no I'm not sorry about his wife. I made no promise to her. She's not my concern. I'm not a mother to her kids. I have only one child. I know nothing about them. Him not committing to her is their problem not mine. Just facts.

 

Whether or not I, my friends, and my colleagues are gullible has nothing to do with this situation. This thread is about you. I am in a stable long term relationship with a man, I use protection to prevent pregnancy, and I have a job that provides me with the financial resources to take care of a child should an accident happen. I own property that I could always sell if I needed more money than my boyfriend and I both currently earn. I have two bachelors degrees and a masters. I could take on a second job or temporarily suspend my PhD to work full time at a decent paying job if I had to.

 

You are still living with your parents. I assume you have no degree because of your age, and you are only qualified to work an unskilled job as a result. Do you have enough money to pay for your own college let alone start saving up for your child to go to college? Do you expect to be able to support yourself and a child working minimum wage?

 

You are at the mercy of your parents, who you don't even have the decency to tell that you are pregnant. Where will you live if your parents kick you out? You are an adult. They have no legal obligation to provide for you anymore. They don't even have to put a roof over your head anymore.

 

You have no remorse for what you have done to his wife because you lack the ability to empathize and see things from outside your perspective. This is how a child sees the world.

 

Reality is a bitter pill to swallow. I don't know if you will be able to handle everything that stands in your way.

[Tracylove19]

Tracy - I am glad that you are making this decision for you and not him, his wife, or anyone else. This HAS to be your decision - and you sound firm in it, and to me, that's a good sign. You will figure it out - I'm sure of it.

 

I think that some folks are trying to scare you a little with the "you'll be starving on welfare" scenarios - but in all honesty, you seem like a smart enough girl to figure it out and make it work. Many parents have been young parents and did just fine. Struggles? Sure - but money isn't everything and a child needs a whole lot of things other than money, which I'm sure you will provide to your child. I'm also hopeful that your family will come around to accept this new addition to your family (they almost always do in these cases).

 

I'm also glad that you aren't allowing anyone to change what you KNOW about you. Good for you for being strong in who you are and what you want - that will get you far in life, and will be an asset to your child as well. Many women have raised children alone without the fathers being present - again, you'll figure it out.

 

My only concern would be, as another poster stated above, the MM and his wife and what they are going to do with this information. I do hope that he helps you financially, even if you don't "need" it - he helped make your baby, he should help provide for it. It would be wonderful if he would provide in other ways too -but it doesn't sound like that's going to happen, and frankly, depending on how his wife reacts to this - I wouldn't be too quick to hand my child over to her care. Hopefully they don't try to use their advantages over you (being more financially secure most likely) to do things to you that are selfish or unwarranted (try to take your child or something like that).

 

Give yourself some time to adjust to the idea of being pregnant - you have a little time if you are only 10 weeks along. It sounds like you are seeing a Dr and forming a plan for yourself and your child - again, good for you. The fact that your child's father is a married man is a very small part of the issue, imo. It will obviously cause some added complications, and hopefully not too many, but again - you aren't the first woman (nor will you be the last) to get pregnant by a man who is a legal marriage with someone else.

 

Good luck with everything - I'm wishing you and your child peace and health and success. Try not to take the really hard criticisms here too seriously - as there are people here who are trying to deal with their own hurt and some have a hard time getting past that and offering anything to you other than criticism and judgment and anger. You know you, you know your life and you know your abilities - Good luck!

 

 

I kind of have figured That he won't be involved I'm on my own with this I'm 20 almost. My focus is on my child and I making our future the best possible. I can take care of everything by myself. I don't have everything figured out but I'm trying to find my way and thank you for your words of encouragement.

[Tracylove19]

Whether or not I, my friends, and my colleagues are gullible has nothing to do with this situation. This thread is about you. I am in a stable long term relationship with a man, I use protection to prevent pregnancy, and I have a job that provides me with the financial resources to take care of a child should an accident happen. I own property that I could always sell if I needed more money than my boyfriend and I both currently earn. I have two bachelors degrees and a masters. I could take on a second job or temporarily suspend my PhD to work full time at a decent paying job if I had to.

 

You are still living with your parents. I assume you have no degree because of your age, and you are only qualified to work an unskilled job as a result. Do you have enough money to pay for your own college let alone start saving up for your child to go to college? Do you expect to be able to support yourself and a child working minimum wage?

 

You are at the mercy of your parents, who you don't even have the decency to tell that you are pregnant. Where will you live if your parents kick you out? You are an adult. They have no legal obligation to provide for you anymore. They don't even have to put a roof over your head anymore.

 

You have no remorse for what you have done to his wife because you lack the ability to empathize and see things from outside your perspective. This is how a child sees the world.

 

Reality is a bitter pill to swallow. I don't know if you will be able to handle everything that stands in your way.

Wrong I have an associate's degree. And still in school and have a not bad paying job I am going to work at in May.

 

You seem to be upset. Lol basically because I do have a point in that gossip and gullible people aren't the type of people one should expect a good result talking to them. Oh and trying to bag on me to make yourself look better doesn't change who you actually are.

 

And yeah, I have that planned out if that falls through with my parents.

 

Oh, and its not children that think that way. I've never felt "guilty" for anything. It's a waiste of an emotion. In the end, I won't regret my baby. So of course, I'm not sorry for having my baby. It's my gain her loss. I'm proud to be pregnant. The only time I felt bad about it with my bd. but now that he's trying to part his ways with me. It's all mine to enjoy.

[ComingInHot]

"I've never felt guilty about anything"

 

And therein squats the road. No conscience.

[Lillyfree]

Wrong I have an associate's degree. And still in school and have a not bad paying job I am going to work at in May.

 

You seem to be upset. Lol basically because I do have a point in that gossip and gullible people aren't the type of people one should expect a good result talking to them. Oh and trying to bag on me to make yourself look better doesn't change who you actually are.

 

And yeah, I have that planned out if that falls through with my parents.

 

Oh, and its not children that think that way. I've never felt "guilty" for anything. It's a waiste of an emotion. In the end, I won't regret my baby. So of course, I'm not sorry for having my baby. It's my gain her loss. I'm proud to be pregnant. The only time I felt bad about it with my bd. but now that he's trying to part his ways with me. It's all mine to enjoy.

 

And i hope you do. Being a parent is a unique experience. I wish you and your child all the best.

 

 

Re: bolded.. .who is 'her'?

[CarboniteCammy]

So...Just to recap this thread... You have no remorse for sleeping with someone else's husband. You get pregnant, and not one time do you say, "Gosh I can't wait to be a mom!" Rather, it comes off like you're keeping the baby to spite your horrible parents and your equally slimy married teacher boyfriend, who may either be really your teacher or a school administrator. We don't know which because you can't keep your story straight to save your life.

 

You WOULD have gotten an abortion if he had paid more attention to you... (I can't even comment on the depravity of that statement)

 

And you're not even going to BOTHER telling you parents that you're pregnant. They can just find out whenever you start getting pumpkin shaped...

 

You lie to your friends because you love avoiding conflict, yet you're an exhibitionist. 'Cause that makes perfect sense.

 

You have absolutely no moral compass to speak of from the things you've posted in your thread. If it's against you, it's wrong. If it's what you want, it's right.

 

You have yet to consider your child's individuality as a soon-to-be person.

 

Oh wait...I have learned that you're 19 whole years old. Almost 20? Closer to 21 then a teenager. That's what you keep repeating, so while that means little to everyone else, you seem to think that your age is important. 19!!!!! 19!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes!

Edited March 23, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Tracylove19]

Adoption isn't easy, for sure, BUT, if you choose that path, an open adoption can be a beautiful experience for all involved. But choose the family wisely.

 

My baby is adopted. We went through an agency and birth mom and her family are welcome to see child...we've formed a bond with Mom and family. Yes, Mom sometimes hurts, but seeing her child happy, heathy, and well loved helps. Seeing that he has everything that she wasn't capable of giving him (not just material things) at the time has made it much easier for her. And when she's missing him or has the need to hold him, she calls and we set up a meeting.

 

She loves her child, but she was able to recognize that she wanted more for him than struggling through life.

 

It's your choice, of course, and I'm not trying to sway you, but want you to have the information to make an informed choice.

 

Good luck.

 

 

I don't know I've considered it. I don't know when the time comes I'll be ready to do it. It's a choice I'm open to. I can't help it tbh I just want to be the best mom I can be to him or her.

[Tracylove19]

And i hope you do. Being a parent is a unique experience. I wish you and your child all the best.

 

 

Re: bolded.. .who is 'her'?

 

My gain in having my baby and her loss his wife 's loss that he cheated on her. That's all I meant.

[Got it]

I don't know I've considered it. I don't know when the time comes I'll be ready to do it. It's a choice I'm open to. I can't help it tbh I just want to be the best mom I can be to him or her.

 

And that feeling is commendable and the pathway to that can take many forms, i.e the poster talking about open adoption. Sometimes, given certain circumstances that is the best way someone can mother their child.

 

So you want to be the best mom. Great! What are some of your plans for that? I know you don't want to tell your parents but you might be overlooking the support they give you (of course after the faint ). You don't have to be alone in this. And you are right, you are 20, so you have every right to carry the child to term and keep it. But being the best mom, take care of yourself financially, emotionally and physically. And I do think you should look at child support as well. Just like you are responsible for the consequences so is he. He had every ability to make sure you didn't get pregnant and he didn't do it.

[Tracylove19]

And that feeling is commendable and the pathway to that can take many forms, i.e the poster talking about open adoption. Sometimes, given certain circumstances that is the best way someone can mother their child.

 

So you want to be the best mom. Great! What are some of your plans for that? I know you don't want to tell your parents but you might be overlooking the support they give you (of course after the faint ). You don't have to be alone in this. And you are right, you are 20, so you have every right to carry the child to term and keep it. But being the best mom, take care of yourself financially, emotionally and physically. And I do think you should look at child support as well. Just like you are responsible for the consequences so is he. He had every ability to make sure you didn't get pregnant and he didn't do it.

 

To get a job. Then get a place to stay. Idk about child support I don't really want anything to do with him. I have gone job searching this one store hired me for the store they're opening in may. So all I need is a place to stay should save up by June or July.

[CarboniteCammy]

I still think you're an amoral very immature child who has put herself in a very bad position and has no way to remove herself gracefully. So, you're just pretending that you wanted all these things to happen to you so that you can appear right.

 

Or maybe you think people are falling for your tough act.

 

I don't buy it.

 

I think you're terrified, and frankly you should be.

 

Your nights are going to be difficult and very lonley because of the choices you've made. You should probably accept now the reality of what you've created and work towards making that better.

 

Working a minimum wage job in some store will barely make you rent, let alone diapers, formula, baby clothing...

 

I feel really bad, in a way, because pregnancy can be so so cool. Good friends and family throwing baby showers, the excitement of finding out what you're having, getting to decorate a nursery, grandparents going gaga and buying baby gifts...

 

Somehow, I don't feel like those things are in your immediate future and I think you probably know that.

 

Really, you should give your kid up for adoption. Regardless of anything else, it will give YOU a chance to start your life on some kind of normal footing and it will give your kid the chance to be raised by people who do have a moral conscience and who will be excited about having a child.

 

So many people can't conceive and they try for YEARS. Yet, someone like you gets knocked up and you could care less about this kid.

 

Do the right thing. Give your baby a chance.

Edited March 23, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[HopingAgain]

Yes because I'm her husband and made a commitment to her... I'm very selfish. I promise forever and always instead forever unless drunk.

 

*sarcasm*

 

I am managing my own life very well thank you I got a job opportunity my first day. I'm not in a relationship. I'm not the one who screwed her over.

 

If you don't like that I'm not sorry as the OW get out of the other man/woman section.

 

All of the above has done nothing but confirm many of our assumptions about your immaturity. For the babys sake, PLEASE reconsider adoption. It seems to be the best choice for all involved considering your current mindset. Give that baby a fighting chance for a happy, stable, normal life!

[MEJ76]

Tracy,

As I mentioned before, I am pregnant, too. My impression through all of these exchanges is that being in this forum is a form of escape for you from the real life you need to live. Lots of things to think about, plans to be made. More importantly, you need to keep your baby healthy. You have plenty of drama to come in real life, try to minimize the stress on yourself and your child. It is not good for either of you, and you are increasingly annoyed/pissed off/whatever with each post. Perhaps talking with a trustworthy confidant in your real life would serve you better at this point. Wishing you well.

[chaser0195]

Exacty how long do you have left in school? Unless it's less than 9 months and you still want to finish school then you have to realize how hard it's going to be to work enough to pay your bills, go to school to finish your degree and take care of a child by yourself. Since you are leaning toward keeping this baby, I suggest you go for child support regardless of how you feel about MM. This extra money will help you give this baby the kind of life he/she deserves and who doesn't want to give their children the best. Even if you get to a point where you don't need the child support to help finacially care for this baby you could always save the $ for babys future but as I see it right now you will need every penny you can get to help pay for everything a baby needs.

Edited March 23, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Got it]

Tracy, I am not sure of your medical situation so ignore me if this doesn't apply but have you thought about talking to Planned Parenthood about any assistance with the pregnancy, care, child development, etc? They are a free service center that can help with this.

 

How about looking at local classes on pregnancy and child development? Kind of Pre-Mommy and Me classes to help you with the process. Your primary care physican/OBGYN can help point you in the right direction.

 

Since you have decided to keep the baby at least till term, maybe post over in the pregnancy section for the best support.

 

It's a lot to handle and the hormones are/will be kicking in, please take a deep breath when posting and my BEST advice ignore the postings you don't like so you aren't matching energy with energy and the best way for things to die down. I do think many mean well, REALLY, and if they are short its from frustration and the written form which lends towards that.

 

I really think that on here people are concerned for you, don't bat them down too fast without looking at the big picture of their post. We are concerned for your age, there are many mothers here who are posting to you and they know what you are going to face and even how hard the best case scenarios can be. Most here mean well, try and see it through that lens and see what you have.

[Tracylove19]

Exacty how long do you have left in school? Unless it's less than 9 months and you still want to finish school then you have to realize how hard it's going to be to work enough to pay your bills, go to school to finish your degree and take care of a child by yourself. Since you are leaning toward keeping this baby, I suggest you go for child support regardless of how you feel about MM. This extra money will help you give this baby the kind of life he/she deserves and who doesn't want to give their children the best. Even if you get to a point where you don't need the child support to help finacially care for this baby you could always save the $ for babys future but as I see it right now you will need every penny you can get to help pay for everything a baby needs.

Yeah I don't really want to deal with him. I know it would help its just if I can do without it I will try. Also I planned put my schedule it'll be hectic but possible. Thanks for looking out.