sister and my best friend (male) went behind my back

[amy18wwjd]

Well, heres the deal... I am a senior in college and met the guy freshman year. we were really close friends and i've been in love with him for a year or two. He gets called overseas with the army and i wrote him every day, our friendship got closer and he said he was going to come see me when he got back. finally, a year later he got home and said he was coming up to visit, and he did. I was living at home at the time, it was summer and i hadn't gotten my apartment yet. He called and asked if i wanted to go to dinner. another male friend of ours was coming also. when i hung up my sister, who is 17, wanted to know where "we" were going, as if he had asked her to come to. I said that she wasn't going and that she wasn't to bring it up or invite herself along. she has a way of doing that and many of my friends have gotten to the point where they are sick of her rude, mean, and immature actions when she comes along and as i had not seen my best friend in over a year, most of which he was in danger of dying, i wanted to spend some time somewhat alone with him. once my best friend got there to pick me up i had to get something from inside and my sister was outside with them. i guess she invited herself along by saying it was ok with me if it was ok with them. I didn't want to look like a bitch by saying no if they didn't care so i said fine. we went out to eat and the whole time my sister monopolized the conversation talkign about her weight and other insignificant things. then when we got back to the house he was putting some pictures on a cd for me. i had to work in the morning so i was saying goodbye for good that trip so i gave him a hug and they left. when i went back in the house my sister stopped me and said that he was touching her leg all through dinner and kept saying "we need to talk" etc... she's like, i don't even like him and trying to make him sound all bad and stuff. i wasn't sure waht to believe at first but then she calls him and wants to take him out to breakfast, supposedly to pay him back since he paid for dinner the night before, and also to supposedly talk over what his problem was or whatever. when she gets back she tells me she likes him so much and they want my permission to date and that he kissed her and all. as both of them know how i felt about him i don't understand why the hell she thinks she is ok in what she did. as far as i know, he hasn't spoken to, written to, emailed or called her since and yet she still feels that their going to get together someday. he's lying to me about it and obviously doens't care about either of us which hurts but i don't really care anymore. i'm through with him becuase no matter what he's not worth it. i don't want to lose my relationship with my sister though but she doesn't seem to care either. what i had decided was that i didn't want to hear her talk about him at all and she got all defensive and thought i was being selfish and was all what if we got married? would you still not talk to or hear anything about him? i don't understand how she can do somethign like this. she has been increasingly mean since then talking to her friends about adam on the phone even in my apartment, talking about how he likes her more than me and how all guys would like her more and all this. what the hells wrong with her? i just want to know if i'm crazy in thinking she is completely wrong in all she's saying and doing.

[uriel]

I'm so sorry. This is a very painful thing that's going on. Yes, both your sister and your best friend are behaving badly. Although you and your best friend aren't an item, your feelings for him mean that he should treat you with care and sensitivity. Same goes for your sister.

 

The bottom line is that unless he's fallen in love with your sister, he shouldn't assume it's okay to casually date her given your feelings. Same for her. There's plenty of other available date partners for them both.

 

You've every reason to feel hurt. Someone who would do this for the sake of a moment's flirtation or pure animal lust isn't your friend. I would also assume he's not boyfriend material. If the guy was in love with you, he wouldn't have done what he did.

 

-- uriel