Starting over for real this time...Looking for ways to make it work

[behinditall]

Hi all. I've been reading posts here for some time and decided now to post my situation hoping for some answers. I will try to be as brief as possible. It was an affair that started some year and half ago. At the time we were both married, but without kids. Half year later we decided to leave our partners and be together. I did it but she kept finding excuses and avoiding it so eventually I left. For next four months there was either NC or me NIC. About a month ago she finally took the courage and told her husband that she wants divorce and came to tell me immediately. The divorce is underway and she initiated it, I know this from third person.

 

 

 

We started seeing each other but taking it slow (I asked for this). In many ways she is different. Doing little things that matter to me, having kind of attitude that makes me secure in her decisiveness to finish things at home which was not the case before. Yet, there are days when she all of sudden starts acting distant. We talked about it and in her words, one day she is euphoric over us while next day she wakes up feeling some void and indifference over everything in her life. She keeps repeating that she has no doubts over her marriage and that she feels surprisingly calm even though she expected to be in panic once things start rolling.

 

 

 

I do not know how to proceed. So far, I would step back when I feel she is in one of these distant days. She keeps saying that it is transitory state and it will pass. She is the one initiating contact, inviting me over for dinners when she is in good mode etc. I guess what I am asking is whether this behaviour is normal as I did not experience anything similar during or after my divorce. She seems genuinely confused and often it seems that she is almost apologising for not being happy all the time now that we can start normal. Also, I could appreciate advice from those who have been there is there anything I can do to help her go through this period as smooth as possible. Would it be better to step back or stick around, be supportive and wait for things to sort out in her head?

[lavenderlove]

I think it's normal. She has just made a very hard decision.