annie2002 Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 Hi. I've been married for almost 3 years now, to a a really good guy....who I dated LONG DISTANCE for 6 weeks prior to the shotgun marriage. No kids, other than a couple of dogs. I was 21, he was 22 at the time. Looking back, probably not the wisest decision ever, but we were in LOVE. Neither of us had ever felt like that before, and thus decided to jump right in. There weren't any questionable motives at the time, we were just excited and rushed it. After the first 8 months, it started downhill, until we arrived to where we are today. Basically, we fight a lot. Every day, or at least 5 days out of the week. We have loud, screaming fights over the stupidest things where nothing is ever really settled. Sometimes the words on both sides get pretty nasty, and I (for my part) have more or less stopped feeling all that bad about it. We accuse each other of not caring and lay blame like there's no tomorrow. On one recent drunken night (we don't drink often), it got a little physical (I slapped him, he shoved me) and that really scared the crap out of both of us...even drunk, that we were capable of harming each other that way was unreal. We've been in counseling for a few weeks, but the counselor says that we have to cultivate common interests (because we don't have very many at the time, and don't exactly have the desire to find them) and spend quality time together (which would be nice if we didn't work and go to school full time, and if we were ever on the same schedule or had a single common day off - long story). But even on our beach vacation this year...we still managed to scream and argue, but at least only every other day. Anyway, the problem is that we were friends before we were married, and it seems like we're still just friends or roommates. I care about him, and I do love him, but I honestly don't feel any kind of super-strong connection that one would expect to feel toward a spouse. The thought of us divorcing doesn't make me want to break down, because I know I'm strong and independent, and everything would be alright. Sex... uh, no. We do it a couple of times a month, which he complains about, but there is such a small emotional connection there, that when we do have sex it's more of a chore for me. We've discussed all of these things over the past 6-7 months, and made plans to change, but the changes last for a week (usually less) before it's back to the old life. So, when is it time to throw in the towel? I feel like we're trying to bail out a sinking ship. We're both young, attractive professionals, and not dependent on one another for the material things in life. We're just in a stagnated state right now, I guess waiting to see how much worse it can get before one of us decides to take some kind of decisive action. Thoughts? Thanks for reading. Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 When you fell in love with him, what were the qualities that made you weak in the knees? Was it just the way he treated you or were there things about him in particular that made you certain he was the one? What are you fighting about? Do you suspect there are some underlying issues at work? -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 Hi. I've been married for almost 3 years now, to a a really good guy....who I dated LONG DISTANCE for 6 weeks prior to the shotgun marriage. No kids, other than a couple of dogs. What made it a "shotgun marriage" then? If either or both of you believe you were forced into the marriage, that would likely be the root issue. Link to post Share on other sites
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