kkittyny Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 Well I could'nt sleep and I thought that I would play on the Internet for a while and I stumbled upon this site! I am 21/f from California. I fell in love with my old b friend over a year and a half ago. I met him at this party and we had a lot of fun getting to know one anohter. I went with him to Vegas shortly after that and we fell in love there. He was 39 and I was 20. He looks like he is no older then 28. We have a lot of common ground and met eye to eye. I have gone through alot and so thats all the justifying I am going to do on that point. We were in love...incredible deep love that only happens 1 or twice in ones life. We had some problems and and broke up and got back together on more then one occasion. He has always been very special to me, like a soul mate and no matter how many times we were angry at eahtother, that love never went away. He has since moved in with someone else and I have moved to a different state. We broke up in Jan. 2004. We recently started conversing again through emails and a few short phone calls. I can't get hinm out of my head! I think about him all of the time. He has admited to me that he does the same. He considers the women he is with a bookmark in the sense that she will never be me and that he thinks that after we fix ourselves and I go through college and mature a bit more ( get out of the party scene (which I have) then we need to be together. I can relate to him completely because no one can amount to him and I dont want anyone to. These emails he sends me are heart felt and right on with what I am feeling...we are still totally in love with eachother!! It never goes aways! I feel bad, I have never been one to be the other women, but I know that she is not me and they are not us and they will never have even close to what we still have...he knows it too. I am planning to suprise him for his birthday and meet up with him at his favorite teams football game for his birthday. I love this man...I always have and I don't want anyone eles...I will see others for now but really only love him...secretly..there is so much to this story, but it is late...any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 So he's just going to secretly use this woman until you're matured enough for him? And all the while will she be hoping, praying, and maybe even thinking he's in love with you? That's some nice guy you got there. -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
Author kkittyny Posted September 8, 2004 Author Share Posted September 8, 2004 Yes, I know exactly how it sounds. I was even taken a little aback myself when I heard that. I know that he loves her and he is having fun being with her. Thats all I know. I treated him really badly for part of our relationship due to my partying ways and the fact that I wasn't quite ready for such heavy feelings at the time. They were very intense. So I am glad that he is with some one where the feelings aren't anywhere near that intense and he can just have fun. I think they have a mutual respect for one another. They are both in the swing crowd environment at the moment so I think they are really just good for eachother at the moment. I fell bad I really do, but you can't help the way you feel when it comes to "the one" and although they are having fun now and love eacthother to a certain extent, there will always be me and this goes vice-versa...oooooo crazy world we are living in. Thanks for you thoughts. =) Link to post Share on other sites
lydiamarie Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 wait, wait, wait... so you do the party scene, he tells you you need to grow up, then he starts SWINGING?? doesn't really sound like your maturity should be an issue for this relationship. unless you aren't sufficiently experienced to be a swinger. if that's possible-i wouldn't know but really, honey, i think you need to be really really careful if you start dating him again. if he's a swinger than he has the chance to catch lots and lots of diseases. so make him get tested. lots. and wear condoms. because they don't have tests for everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kkittyny Posted September 10, 2004 Author Share Posted September 10, 2004 He was in the swinger scene since I met him. It was all so strange because I grew up in a fairly normal community not at all like Hollywood where he was raised and somehow I fell in love with him and had a lot of tolerance I was also in a discovery period trying to see what other people and life styles are like...it actually was a wonderful experience...there was a lot about him that I still to this day am so suprised that I was able to handle and accept...but I love him and when you love someone you love all of them...it doesn't bug me that hes into that...Let me set the record straight though, he does not impose that on me never has, and he really doesn't do that all too often..he just is very sexual and like to be around open minded, honest couplesand people in a sexy environment. When we were together we went to some of the parties which were pretty cool. Our friends own this company that puts the parties on and they rent out a huge mansion, get a dj and lighting systwem, you can wear crazy sexy outfits and meet a lot of really honest people in heathly relationships since they are so honest with one another..I dont condone it but I respect people for doing what they want and being honest...Tolerance and being empthetic is what we have to do to suvive in this world and not impose prejudices on others...but most people at the party really just went to be flirty and dress sexy and go to a really cool party...not so much to swing...itsd just there if you want to and done completely separate. We never really did stuff with other people...he never wanted to and I didnt we loved being with just eachother... I wont get to see him for a while and aI am living in a different state, but since we have been talking agin I have come to realize that those feelings I still have though they are 8 months down the road of the time we split up, are so strong and reciprocated to the highest degree. We just fit...though to the rest of the world we probably dont...The wired part is that from the moment we fell in love, outside forces were against us for no reason, when what we shared with eacthother was so special and beautiful, we both had never been so happy until we were with eachother, but friends, drugs and family were tearing us apart in different ways, it is truely tragic, almost like romio and Juliet, it is beautiful though I am at college right now and have 2 yeas left to go. I want to be with him when I am done at thisd point in time, and he feels the same, and as far as the other women he is with, they both are together out of mutual respect caring and fun they have as well as convienience she is stable and sober...it was a healing tim efor him and I think it actually worked out perfect becuase he will never be in love with her like soul mate marraige material love that we have, but they are together for now in whatever way they are. I just don't know how I am going to get through the next 2 years awith only seeing him maybe a few times. He is on my mind ALL the time...Im not ssad though,. Since we have finally put our feelings out there and he wants what I want, I am happy and suprisin gly patient and looking forward to a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow...thanks for your thoughts, I will keep you posted if you are interested as well as anyone else who cares to comment...and please do because I need different perspectives..thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
lydiamarie Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 you had better start now because you have a lot of work to do if you are ever going to be good and mature enough for your druggie/swinger boyfriend i really don't understand what sort of advice or opinions you are looking for. i find it hard to believe that anyone in good conscience could support such a relationship. my advice to you is to move on and start dating men your own age, not twice it. Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 this is a joke right? You expect someone like that to have a committed relationship with you? He's using you and the next girl and the next and the next and the next and will keep as many of you around as he can and tell all of you that you are the one he loves best. Your being with him and going to these parties enables him and makes him more attractive to the other freaks. Look he's got something, he's got that young babe. A trophy for as long as she lasts. Play your cards right and you'll eventually get to be "in love" with every guy at the parties. Being in an "open relationship/swinging", while you can call it honesty certainly lacks in loyalty, commitment, and love. Whatever these people may tell themselves and try to sell to you. Their relationships have failed and they've turned to random sex as a replacement, usually because they are scared to be alone, they keep the spouse around for financial security and companionship. If they were truly happy they wouldn't floundering around in a drug haze trying to convince everyone their happy and trying to find what they've lost. If everyone involved is ok with it, then fine. But people like you get chewed up in the gears. Link to post Share on other sites
lydiamarie Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 and how!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kkittyny Posted September 10, 2004 Author Share Posted September 10, 2004 Wow, not the reactio nthat I expected but ok, lets see what I can explain, I was living with the man for over 2 years and we were together practically every single night. In the whol coarse of the realtionship, he never slept with anyone else. And believe me, he is twice my age, but I can honestly say he looks not a day older then 28...I am not a trophy thing to some man, we are both trophy items, he is absolutelky goreous...he is in great shape...the bnody of a god, arms, chest muscles...the whole 9 yards....his skin is soft, tan...no wrinkles....little boy face...he was in the rock and roll scene back in the 80s and looks absolutley gorgeaous, whenever we went out, I had to fight girls my age from wanting him...well not really fight, but you catch my drift...I am not saying this to brag, but this is very important, because I know that if he was in fact, an 'older' man as what most of you have an image in your mind of, then for 1, I wouldnt be with him, 2 we were compleetely equal when it came to looks, so nop one out did the other and 3 I would have bvacked out and figured that out a long time ago...sometimes I wish it was the case of him using me and me being a trophy girl and him not looking hot because it would be soooo easy to figure out...but the fact is, we are two people who are good looking on even grounds, chalenge eachother mentally, are insatiable for eachother...and that is why this whole situation is crazy! Thanks for the thoughts..they are appreciated...you taking time out out of your life to get involved this way is truely amazing and does not go unoticed...I would like to also know if anybody else has a situation....if so then tell me and I will go to your thread and read it. =) Link to post Share on other sites
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