Amelie1980 Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Yeah. The only thing I regret at this point is traveling and wasting 3 hours of my life at his graduation. Honestly, with minimal effort...I think minimal effort should be returned. Should I not go to his wedding, should I leave early like he did mine? I think I will tell him if he cannot make it to the entire thing, he doesn't need to attend. Only my mom, dad and step-dad will be there because the graduation is a distance away, but that is fine with me. Grow up.... tit for tat is something you ought to have outgrown as a child. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted March 23, 2013 Author Share Posted March 23, 2013 Not really. If you go out of your way for someone who does nothing in return, thay's what they should get. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 You are demanding your event be more important to him than it really is. This is the kind of nagging behavior men don't like in women. Let your brother do what he wants and stop being selfish about his right to schooner what he WANTS to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Not really. If you go out of your way for someone who does nothing in return, thay's what they should get. You have this all wrong. You don't do things for people expecting something in return. That's bull crap. You do it for YOU....not this "now you owe me one BS" I don't think id hang out with you either. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Not really. If you go out of your way for someone who does nothing in return, thay's what they should get. No people should give with no thought of reward...especially to family. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted March 23, 2013 Author Share Posted March 23, 2013 You have this all wrong. You don't do things for people expecting something in return. That's bull crap. You do it for YOU....not this "now you owe me one BS" I don't think id hang out with you either. Whatever, you're obviously ignoring the fact that when someone makes an effort for you...you should do the same in return. Being selfish is making other plans when you already promised someone something, not oops, I forgot and made other plans. Read the above posts. There is a history of my brother only thinking of himself and only contacting relatives when he needs something, like money, otherwise no one hears from him. Yeah, so forgive me for expecting some consideration in return. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Whatever, you're obviously ignoring the fact that when someone makes an effort for you...you should do the same in return. Being selfish is making other plans when you already promised someone something, not oops, I forgot and made other plans. Read the above posts. There is a history of my brother only thinking of himself and only contacting relatives when he needs something, like money, otherwise no one hears from him. Yeah, so forgive me for expecting some consideration in return. being selfish = making demands for some one else to spend their time the way YOU want them to, rather than how they want to. You are the one with the problem here, not him. He IS going, just not to your "standards" You sound controlling. Do you even hear what you are saying? You don't have authority over this man, yet you claim that he HAS to do it because "I told him the date" which means nothing by the way. You seem like the kind of person who is impossible to satisfy, even if he DID stay, you would find something else to nit pick and nag about 4 Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 No people should give with no thought of reward...especially to family. Family relationships depend as much on reciprocity as any other. Who goes to any graduation (other than her own) for herself? You do it for the other person. So if, over time, you notice a lack of reciprocity it's perfectly legitimate to take that into account when deciding your priorities. OP what I don't get is why you don't just try detaching from him. If my brother had made a scene at my wedding it'd be a cold day in hell before I'd go out of my way to do anything with him. Detaching means you have no expectations. No sulky ultimatums either (ie., come for the whole thing or not at all). Who cares? Not you. That should be your attitude... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted March 23, 2013 Author Share Posted March 23, 2013 Yeah, I've accepted that and my relatives have also figured that he is at a point where he's not thinking about anyone else but friends and partying. Not sure why the thread continues though. I'm not really that concerned over it anymore. If he goes he goes and if he doesn't, he doesn't. His loss. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted March 23, 2013 Author Share Posted March 23, 2013 being selfish = making demands for some one else to spend their time the way YOU want them to, rather than how they want to. You are the one with the problem here, not him. He IS going, just not to your "standards" You sound controlling. Do you even hear what you are saying? You don't have authority over this man, yet you claim that he HAS to do it because "I told him the date" which means nothing by the way. You seem like the kind of person who is impossible to satisfy, even if he DID stay, you would find something else to nit pick and nag about Not really. The point was that he told me he was taking time off and then "forgot" and made other plans. Then he got this oh well attitude and acted like he couldn't alter his plans. Only after that did he say he'd " try" to go like it wasn't that important. That was the point. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Read the above posts. There is a history of my brother only thinking of himself and only contacting relatives when he needs something, like money, otherwise no one hears from him. Yeah, so forgive me for expecting some consideration in return. This is probably against the TOS, but here goes, anyway. I suggest, OP, that you read your own posting history. I think it starts with something very similar to this regarding your own husband not behaving the way you feel he is required to. Then there are similar posts regarding your dad. Also regarding potential employers. And the thread about your outrage over not being included in your (hated) brother's bridal party. What is the common denominator? You. And how you impose your ideas of how things need to be upon others. I don't care whether everyone in your life is a selfish jerk or not; (if they're all so bad, then why are you still completely wrapped up in their behavior at this stage of your life?) I think it would be wise for you to take a look at the role you are defining for yourself in your life. Not a very positive one. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Not really. The point was that he told me he was taking time off and then "forgot" and made other plans. SO WHAT? You think he's not worth wiping your feet upon! You are super vocal about this! You should be doing the happy dance that he won't be tarnishing your "festivities." Why are you spending even ONE moment of emotional energy on this?? Seriously, this is extremely middle school-ish. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 You are all grown up now, with lives and priorities other than your brothers and sisters. If you attend something for your brother, do it for the joy of it. Then you won't be disappointed if he doesn't attend something of yours. If your brother attends some of your graduation, feel blessed to have him there! Don't be disappointed that he didn't dedicate more time to you. If you brother is selfish, give only what you give freely from your heart. Never give with expectation of getting in return. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 You are all grown up now, with lives and priorities other than your brothers and sisters. If you attend something for your brother, do it for the joy of it. Then you won't be disappointed if he doesn't attend something of yours. If your brother attends some of your graduation, feel blessed to have him there! Don't be disappointed that he didn't dedicate more time to you. If you brother is selfish, give only what you give freely from your heart. Never give with expectation of getting in return. You said it so very much more nicely than I ever could! Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted March 24, 2013 Author Share Posted March 24, 2013 (edited) Like I said, I am over this...you guys are continuing the drama in this thread by continuing to ask me to explain this. Read prior posts...it's been resolved. But every time someone new comes into this thread having not read the recent comments, I have to keep explaining it. I don't see what this has to do with my husband or my dad...apples to oranges and very different relationships. Yeah, I have a lot of drama in my family...must be all my problem, right? And potential employers...um what? Which has nothing to do with personal relationships. Edited March 24, 2013 by pink_sugar Link to post Share on other sites
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