EC Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 I had posted earlier about my concerns on cheating and a poster brought up a good question.... They say what you don't know won't hurt you.. If you were in an LDR and your BF cheated and there was no way of you finding out.. Would you want him to tell you or would you rather not know? Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 I would definitely want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 Hello, gibit1994. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 Yes, I would definitely want to know. That way I could cut his balls off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EC Posted September 8, 2004 Author Share Posted September 8, 2004 That way I could cut his balls off. LMAO and feed them to da bunnies! Link to post Share on other sites
lexnmike4enomore Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 no Link to post Share on other sites
moonbeam Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 If the affair were over and done with I probably would not particularly want him to tell me. Just to ease his consciense and give a lot of grief?? But if he was in love with the OW and wanted out - I would appreciate being told and not made a fool of. The divorce would probably go smoother the more honest and up-front the ex-to-be was. Link to post Share on other sites
billybadass36 Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 I'd want to know for sure. It makes me sick to think that my SO could possibly cheat on me and live with a secret like that for years down the road. Myself, I'd be too guilt-ridden to keep it from her if such a thing happened, and I would like to think that I'm not with someone that could look me in the face and not tell me that she was intimate with someone else. Simply shocking the lack of loyalty that exists these days. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EC Posted September 8, 2004 Author Share Posted September 8, 2004 I agree with most of you. I would like to know. For many reasons. First of all so I can go get checked for "other girl cooties" u know what I'm talking about. And second because I deserve to know. And right away. I don't need to be with a man that would do that to me. Besides I think If I loved my guy that there would be more of a chance to forgive him ( if I would even consider forgiving) if he told me right away to my face...than if I found out or he told me after a while of keeping it. Link to post Share on other sites
Honesty Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 I would definitely want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 Sorry to all of you who are like, "No, there is no point." Yes, yes there is a point. What happens if he contracts something that would sterilize you as a female? And you had no clue. So, you wait until you don't get your period for like 2 months, and when you go to the gyno you find you have chlamadia. Or Aids. Or Herpes. Or syphillis. Or whatever. You name it, its alllll out there for the catching. So, to sum it up, f*ck yeah I'd want to know! Also, there is that little part about liking to make decisions for myself. If someone cheats and lies about it, then they are taking your decision away from you about whether or not you want to stay with them. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 Hello, gibit1994. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 I know if I cheated on my guy I would tell him, so I think I deserve the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Tracy Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 If it were a committed relationship, I'd want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
young&idealistic Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 YES of COURSE!!! I can't even imagine how some people would not want to know. YellowLioness is totally right--there are STDs out there besides the obvious killers that could destroy your life, such as strains of human papilloma virus (the most common STD), that will probably never become symptomatic but can lead to fatal cervical cancer or infertility. By the time you found out, it could be far too late to treat. On a lighter note, even without threat of STDs, I would have to know. It's not fair for me to live a life of celibacy while I'm away if he's out messing around. If he's doing it, then why the heck am I turning down that hottie at the coffee shop!! If I even found out my boyfriend had made out with someone else, even if it was a year ago, I'd have his balls. But then again, I can be neurotic! Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 It would hurt horribly to know BUT it would hurt worse if he could hide it from you without feeling the need to tell you. Even if the relationship is a LDR they still should have enough love and respect for themselves and their partner not to cheat. But since it can happen, I would for sure want to know because either 1) I would want to move on and end it with someone who didn't respect me/us or 2) I would want to know that he told me because he felt actual remorse (and came forward if he didn't get busted). If it did happen, knowing is the best thing IMHO because imagine being with someone, loving them for months/years and them having a secret knowing that they've had sex with someone else, imagine them not respecting you enough to tell you, or even not respecting you enough to stay faithful.... Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 I would definitely not want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EC Posted September 9, 2004 Author Share Posted September 9, 2004 I would definitely not want to know. I have heard reasons why you would want to know but came someone who feels opposite please explain why they would not want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
dnm1010 Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 want to know what you don tknow will probably jump up from behing and bite you Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd I have heard reasons why you would want to know but came someone who feels opposite please explain why they would not want to know. LDR's require more effort and emotional investment than more casual relationships. I think it's safe to say that I wouldn't be in an LDR with someone unless I'm madly in love with her. Knowing what it is to love, I don't think I could emotionally deal with the idea of being cheated on. I'd feel so worthless and confused--I'm pretty sure I would know if something was going wrong--there'd be a noticeable emotional withdrawal, but if she can maintain the charade, so can I. I'm not sexually active--but we'll assume I am for the sake of discussion. I'd rather die of an STD than have my heart broken like that. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 I'd rather die of an STD than have my heart broken like that. Aww:(. I'd want to know. Love can't be one sided. If they are cheating on me that means they don't really love me like I think they do. Even though you're madly in love with them, a person has to have a little bit of respect for themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EC Posted September 14, 2004 Author Share Posted September 14, 2004 I agree with you Honey and yet I see dyer's point. But Let me say I used to think like Dyer till I realized life is short. If I am in love and they cheat on me now while I'm young and I'm not married and don't have kids I have all the time in the world to find someone else who will appreciate me. So I would want to know so that I would not waste my time and find out that they are not for me later on. Yet, I agree with Dyer lets say if I was already married and old and had kids with that person. I wouldn't want to go through all the dramaand i wouldn't want my kids to go through that nor myself nor the embarassment I would go through with my family. The thing that would worry me would be the STD thing though:( But for now I definitely would want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd But Let me say I used to think like Dyer till I realized life is short. There's not much else to live life for than love. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be in a relationship where something like that would happen--but if it ever did--I'd rather have a pleasant delusion than a harsh reality. It's unhealthy--I know--and I think I'm even contradicting what I've said in the past, but I imagine the burning in your heart would be a lot worse than the burning when you pee. Link to post Share on other sites
babybear Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 YES! You want to know. My bf cheated on me and I told him to go get tested, but he didn't think it was that easy to catch an STD. Guess what? He had caught one! You never know who has what...there's tons of stuff going around....and if I had slept with him and he hadnt told me, I would have it too...and who knows when I would have found out? You hardly go get tested when you're in a monogamous relationship. Point is, if your bf has the capacity to cheat and lie, you have the right to determine if you want to carry on with that individual. Bb Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 I see Dyer's point, too, but if someone was cheating on me it would tell me that they didn't really love me as much as I loved them, and I know I deserve someone who will return the feelings equally. It's not just about STD's, it's the fact that someone who supposedly loves you would do something that would hurt you like that. Link to post Share on other sites
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