3 years and a few lies later, is she checking her options or what?

[DJblue]

Here's the deal, i've been with my g/f for 3 years now, within the last 6 months things have taken a turn for the worse. She doesn't call as much, she get's calls from guys i've never met, guys that i found out that she went to meet off of a telephone dating thing. When i asked her about it she at first lied about it, before admitting that she had gone to meet him. She said that it was only friends, and i of course believed her. Next thing is this guy that she worked with, that she had gone to denny's with one night, telling me that she passed out watching tv on her couch at home. Same thing, she lied about it at first before admitting to it (i get some pretty good evidence before i confront her on things) So then i checked her cell phone text messages while she was using the bathroom, which is wrong i know, but i did it anyways, and he was telling her how attracted he was to her and all this other crap. She had said it was only cuz he was drunk and that there was nothing going on, and i believed that too. Now came the weekend, where she was goin out to a club with her "work" friends, and i asked her if steve (the guy) was going and she had told me that she wasn't sure. I found out later that he had gone, which kinda ticked me off but that not it. She came over that night after they came home, and ended up staying over. In the morning she was still sleeping, and she got a text message on her phone, and i couldn't help my urge to snoop, so i checked it out. It said something like "that's why i could never be friends with benefits with someone that i work with." That blew my mind! i didn't know what to think. When she woke up we got into an arguement about the whole thing, saying she didn't know why he'd send something like that because there was nothing goin on. After that, for some reason they ended up not liking each other anymore, she said he avoided her at work, and actually quit his job! If it was cuz of her i don't know but i've got some ideas running through my head!

 

Now the next thing that caught my eye (snooping text messages again) she sent a message to her guy friend that i mention earlier, saying that she wanted him to hook her up with one of his hot friends but she didn't want anymore one night stands. Just to fill you in, she was a virgin when we met and to my knowledge never slept with anyone else. So i asked her about that and she said that she just made it up because he had said he had a one night stand and she wanted to seem interesting or something.

 

Now she's talking to some guy that she met off of a website personal ad, and she still hasn't told me anything about this guy. I've got multiple resources for finding out information about people, pretty much anything i want to know, so i find out this guy lives like a block away from her. I'm just curious why she's never brought him up? How come she never tells me about these guys she's meeting? I'm not an overjealous boyfriend or anything like that, i just get jealous about the guys she decides not to mention.

 

I don't know what to do anymore, she's always late when she comes over, i mean she'll say she's on her way, it's like a 10 minute drive to my house, and she won't get here for 3 hours. Then she says she was watching a movie or doing something with her hair (she's one of those high maintenance types)

 

I'm i just too blind to see what's going on? whenever i confront her on something she says that i'm just over-analyzing things, that nothings really going on. But i've caught her lying a few times. Her excuse for the lies always being she didn't want me to get jealous, but finding out about the lies makes it even worse! I told her i wouldn't have a problem with her having guy friends just as long as she told me about them, but she never does, plus she meets them on the phone!

 

I told her that i didn't like that fact that she was meeting guys she didn't know without telling anybody, of course that dangerous cause i live in la and there's all sorts of messed up people around here, and good looking women end up missing all the time! She just brushed off my concerns. I also expressed to her that her being consistently late bothered me, and it made me worry about her when she was late, but still the same thing!

 

Am i overanalyzing thing? or am i just being played for as a fool? I'm pretty sure i'm being played, and we've broken up and gotten back together like 3 times in the last 6 months. The main thing is, i just don't know how to let her go! And the worst part about her end is she doesn't really have any other close friends, so that makes it harder for her to let go. Are we just in denial? She says that she loves me and she is incapable of cheating on me, but i have my doubts, just based on her track record with lies. Should i just end it now, am i just delaying the inevitable?

 

I feel like the only reason that we're together is cause she's waiting for something else to come around, like she's waiting for the next best thing, i'm only still involved because i'm all she's got and she doesn't want to lose me. I don't know, i've tried everything i could think of to get things goin good again, but it feels like i'm putting all the energy into the relationship, and she's given up. And then when she feels like putting energy into it, i'm not responsive, and remain distant to her. Are we locked in some endless circle? Are things ever going to work out? I'm so confused and depressed about the whole thing i sometimes obsess about what she's doing when she's not with me and that's not pretty good. anyways, that's about all i guess, any advise would be greatly appreciated.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

I am sorry but you would have to be a total masochist to stay in this relationship. She is making a total fool of you. Are you just going to wait until she gives you an STD? She is seeing other guys virtually in front of you. Get some self-respect and dump her and move on. She has absolutely no respect for you. She is acting like a single girl. What do you think her reaction would be if the roles were reversed. Why do you feel you so deserve so little? She is making a joke of your relationship and you accept it.

You deserve better than to made as such a fool. I do not see how you could be proud to have such a girlfriend. Wake Up!

[tanbark813]

Originally posted by DJblue

I'm i just too blind to see what's going on?

 

Yes.

 

Originally posted by DJblue

am i just being played for as a fool?

 

Yes.

 

Originally posted by DJblue

She says that she loves me and she is incapable of cheating on me, but i have my doubts, just based on her track record with lies....I feel like the only reason that we're together is cause she's waiting for something else to come around, like she's waiting for the next best thing, i'm only still involved because i'm all she's got and she doesn't want to lose me.

 

That's all you need to know right there. Remove everything she said, look at her actions, and ask yourself if those actions show her love for you. That will answer your question as to whether or not she really does. It sounds like you're her safety net. She may be moderately interested in you, but she's got her eyes (and maybe other things) out for other people.

 

I don't really know how many more signs you need. Look at everything you wrote. With all that, it doesn't really strike me as just being unjustifiably suspicious.

[Moka_maverick]

She is obviously on a different page than you.

 

You need to walk away because she is treating you horribly.

 

Sorry for the bad news, but there are other options out there.

 

Breaking up is hard, but in the long run, it will be beneficial.

 

You can't continue torturing yourself like this. If I were in your shoes, and my

boyfriend was acting like this, I would dump his ass and move on. You know that

you did what you could to make it work, and apparently she wants to see what

else is out there. Let her. Being with someone that is unavailable isn't healthy.

[eternalChaos20]

ok I have a few things running through my mind here about what's been going on with my g/f for the past 3 years that we've been together. See I've been having some doubts about our relationship and such. She hangs around all these guys and says they are just her friends. One time a guy named tom came over that she claimed that was her friend while she was on the phone with me. I was already pissed off that she wouldnt talk to me because she had claimed to be tired but when this guy comes over to her house she starts talking to him more than me. She said that she had known him longer than me and that she had to force herself to talk to him because he had suddenly and unexpectedly came over that night. She even let him hold her pet rat when she had told me that I would be the first to hold it. But she said that was because I was being jealous...of course I was jealous there was some guy over there with her that I hardly even knew!

 

Also I'd like to add how she's been treating me in the past. She always seems to ignore me whenever she's around some other guy and usually gets mad when I try to confront her about the ways she's been treating me. She says she couldnt talk to me as much around her friends and cousins because it was to hard for her to open up to someone she hardly knew. Plus I could swear that she calls me names and talks about me behind my back and usually denies it when I confront her about that as well. As for sex she was hardly aroused by me during my last visit but during the visit before that she was aroused or claimed to be. I pleasured her 3 times already and she has hardly given me anything back because she say's she was raped a year later after the first time she met me. She said that her attacker came through the window and put a pillow over her head so that she couldn't scream. That's what gets to me right there because how in the hell would that happen when her brothers room was right next to hers and her parents room is across the hall. She said they didnt hear anything or either didnt care but I think she's lying to me about that. They would have heard something if someone came into her room during the middle of the night and started rapeing her! Anyways she told me at one time that she had asked this guy brad about me and she said he didnt mind,claiming him to be someone she knew in her past life as her brother taking after the name of a video game character that goes by the name of link. ( This is not a joke) Is she really telling me the truth about all of this or is she just some other backstabbing bitch and slut that takes delight in hurting me?

[nugirl]

She sounds sexually promiscuous. You do not need to be with her. If she respected you, she would not do those things behind your back. People deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is faithful to them.

[Owl]

DJBlue-

 

One thing to remember about someone who cheats on you....they WILL lie about it. Yes, you are being blind. You have seen far more than you need to in order for you to realize this. Re-read your own post as though a friend were telling you about this situation...and think about what you would tell him.

 

She's cheating, she's lying, and she's not interested in changing her ways because she's getting away with it. Time to leave, and be thankful that you never married her!

[reservoirdog1]

DJ... dump her skank ass now. Yes, she's playing you. No, you're not overreacting. The only way she could make it clearer for you is if she blew another guy right in front of you.

 

She has no respect for you. If you stay with her, all that you're demonstrating is that you have none for yourself.

 

Now is the time to show her that you're not going to put up with that s*** from her. Sounds like you two live together, and if that's the case, I suggest you throw her stuff into the hall/onto the lawn and change the locks. Sure it'll piss her off at first, but she'll suddenly respect you when she realizes she can't walk all over you anymore. That'll give you a huge shot of self-confidence, and you can use that to find somebody who ISN'T a cheating slag.

[Hund1976]

This really blew my mind. Why the hell would your girlfriend be meeting guys through a dating service?!?!?! What did she say, "I want to make some guy friends so I'm going to use this phone dating service to meet some" What the hell is up with that?!? Get the hell out of there. You should have left her as soon as she said that in the first place.

[Grinning Maniac]

"It's ok, DJ! I just wanted a few new guy friends[to slap me with their cocks]..."

 

You are an idiot. It took you six months to figure this out? You're not exactly Adrian Monk, are you? The fact that she was looking for "guy friends" should have sent a few alarm bells off, but looking for them through a DATING SERVICE? Oh man...you are so gullable! What is that like?

 

I'm not even mentioning the METRIC TON of other lies she's told you. The best part is that you actually CAUGHT her lying time and time again, and then BOUGHT her ridiculous excuses that any other moron could see through a mile away.

 

Oh yeah...it takes her 3 hours to make the 10-minute drive to your house, because she's "doing something with her hair". It's pretty obvious she takes care of her hair by...

 

CLEANING THE CUM OUT OF IT.

 

...and then just getting it allll dirty again right afterwards. Whoops. Need another shampoo.

 

Wash. Rinse. Repeat. You are 100% her gullable bitch. It's so cute *pinches your cheek*