Darren Steez Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 OP is shouting loudly "LALALALA" with her hands over her ears...see no evil.. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 "he's not the monster you guys see him as. He's really sweet and he made a mistake." A lot of these guys aren't "monsters." they are severely immature, mostly with poor impulse-control and very little sense for long-term consequences. *especially when the consequences don't readily present themselves* Lots of guys cheat. It doesnt mean that they are sadistic or mental. It means that unless they fix their issues, THEY ARE AN INCREDIBLY POOR CHOICE OF PARTNER. it means VERY MUCH MOST LIKELY that they will again. He got inked for you. He obviously had feelings before for you as well. None of this stopped him. None of that said he didnt love you "enough" and now he does. It says that regardless of how he feels on the macro end of things, when it gets down to it, he's easily swayed and cheats with little regard. And on some wavelength expects you to understand. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 6, 2013 Share Posted May 6, 2013 he knows if he cheated going forward I will leave. How exactly does he know this ??? Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
guilted Posted May 7, 2013 Share Posted May 7, 2013 this sounds like my situation and he is a narcissist / sociopath. run! narcissists do not change. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tootrusting13 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Share Posted June 11, 2013 I'm sure everyone must be rolling their eyes seeing this thread bumped back up. Firstly there has been nothing that has happened to further any doubts. Wedding invites sent out a couple of weeks ago. Nothing suspicious, no other woman have appeared. I'm beginning to trust again. Wedding planning going great. He is attentive and we spend all our time together. We are working on trust issues. One thing bothering me, and maybe this isn't the right place to ask, is the term narcissist that popped up a few times in replies. Does anyone have any experience with this? Although I do want to go through with the wedding I have read some bad things about narcissism and don't want to miss any signs. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 I Does anyone have any experience with this? Although I do want to go through with the wedding I have read some bad things about narcissism and don't want to miss any signs. Most of us who have STRONGLY recommended to you to postpone the wedding have experience with Narcissists and have outlined the signs - which you continue to ignore. Do any of these characteristics ring true with you fiance? Inability to empathyExpects special treatmentFeeling of entitlementInability to admit that he or she is wrongInability to receive criticismUnexpected, strong bursts of rage in situations that would not trigger rage in normal people. There aggressive outbursts are referred to as narcissistic rage.Does not react to tears. If other person starts crying due to the cruel behavior of a narcissist, that may even aggravate the rage of a narcissistStrong need for admiration. Admiration serves as a form of a narcissistic supply. Without sufficient amount of narcissistic supply a narcissist feels empty and unsatisfied. A narcissist is like a drug addict, and narcissistic supply in its different forms is the drug.Is often envious and mocks other people (often behind their back)In the beginning of the relationship idealizes one's partner and often talks about supreme, never-ending love. However as the relationship proceeds a narcissist often withdraws his or her attention and may become cold and uncaring, even cruel.Is often untruthful and due to this often ends up cheating in a relationship. Cheating is often a consequence of other traits of a narcissist, such as the feeling of entitlement (it is impossible for a narcissist to do anything wrong and so a narcissist does not perceive cheating to be a huge "crime"), inability to emphasize with the cheated partner and the need for admiration (narcissistic supply).Double standards: A narcissist twists the rules so that they fit to the current needs of a narcissist. For example, if the spouse of a narcissist is cheating on a narcissist, the spouse is considered to be dishonest and bad person, whereas if a narcissist is cheating it is not wrong, because a narcissist simply "fell in love" and followed his or her heart. Double standards also apply to other areas in life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 I'm sure everyone must be rolling their eyes seeing this thread bumped back up. Firstly there has been nothing that has happened to further any doubts. Wedding invites sent out a couple of weeks ago. Nothing suspicious, no other woman have appeared. I'm beginning to trust again. Wedding planning going great. He is attentive and we spend all our time together. We are working on trust issues. One thing bothering me, and maybe this isn't the right place to ask, is the term narcissist that popped up a few times in replies. Does anyone have any experience with this? Although I do want to go through with the wedding I have read some bad things about narcissism and don't want to miss any signs. haha, yes, cheaters can be crafty that way.... He's not going to start something up right away or leave clues for you...(well if he had half a brain at least...) Anywhos, if you're still on board after what he did to you, if you're still willing to marry him after the cheating, what's a little narcissism? why is that such a huge worry for you? Whatever narcissism he has, he's showing you - you've already seen it and are more than willing to accept it. What signs are you really afraid to miss? And furthermore, what is it that you're worried his narcissism will do to you that hasn't been done already? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 If you're experiencing serious doubts, then wait. I think that's the best advice anyone can give to you. There must be a reason in your mind that you are wanting to know more about possible narcissism. Just be careful, and guard your heart until you see long lasting change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 haha, yes, cheaters can be crafty that way.... He's not going to start something up right away or leave clues for you...(well if he had half a brain at least...) Anywhos, if you're still on board after what he did to you, if you're still willing to marry him after the cheating, what's a little narcissism? why is that such a huge worry for you? Whatever narcissism he has, he's showing you - you've already seen it and are more than willing to accept it. What signs are you really afraid to miss? And furthermore, what is it that you're worried his narcissism will do to you that hasn't been done already[/b]? It can get a lot worse, trust me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 (edited) It can get a lot worse, trust me. You totally know more on the subject than I do... But I mean she's already seen the usuals: - inability to feel empathy ... actually that's not true, she thinks he feels bad..... - thinking they are better than others and that they deserve better than the way they treat others - ability to do all that damage and not feel bad, but actually feel entitled, etc... I think she's already seen the obvious signs and is willing to keep him, do you think that she would actually break up with him over being a narcissist but not being a cheater? Edited June 11, 2013 by TigerCub 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Question for the OP: We are working on trust issues. How are you two - as a pair - working on trust issues? Please expand on this. And, did you ever consider postponing the wedding at all? What would the harm have been for extending the engagement one more year? Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 You totally know more on the subject than I do... But I mean she's already seen the usuals: - inability to feel empathy ... actually that's not true, she thinks he feels bad..... - thinking they are better than others and that they deserve better than the way they treat others - ability to do all that damage and not feel bad, but actually feel entitled, etc... I think she's already seen the obvious signs and is willing to keep him, do you think that she would actually break up with him over being a narcissist but not being a cheater? Depends on her life-context. I found the cheating so hard for my mind to accept and process that I started getting infuriated by the fact that he wouldn't throw his Kleenex in the garbage. Even as I sit here now, I _know_ that the cheating is supposed to be the ultimate piss off etc. it really just depresses me. It mentally body slams me. But that damn Kleenex. Whereas it bothered a tiny bit to clean up the area on his side of the bed. I internally feel myself start to flush a little red with anger. One day I might just look him straight in the face holding this white oiece of used yuck and scream, "GET OUT! JUST GET THE HELL OUT!" So if tootrusting needs to "blameshift" the pain to another completely valid part of this guy's personality, have at er.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SweetandHappy Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 This is definitely not the way to start off a marriage. It will get tougher. If you accept this kind of behavior now, imagine what will be happening in 10 to 20 years. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts