BlackWidow Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 Hi, I usually flirt alot and I have a benefit friend (we usually just meet and shack-up! with no strings attached) ...n e . Havaing gotten some bad experience in life I realised that this isn't for me...since alot of people ended up knowing about me and THAT IS EMBARRASSING!. So what I decided to do was simply calm down and abstain altogether... Then I found some male friends...boy was I in a world by myself! - it turned out that each of them had their 'personal girl' but were just friends with me for a GOOD TIME!. When I discovered this I just clipped our friendship/relations immidiately (I found out cause one of them got insecure that the others would be with me instead of him and started to allow his feeling to get to the surfice... - his resentment of me as a friend since our school interets was over). It hurted so much. I actually he was attracted to me but when I sent him an e-mail he didn't even reply. So I was crushed and I deleted all the male friends from my life. The thing is, when I did this...my male (benefit friend) called for us to hook up...should I just tell him I'm seeing someone presently?...I really want to move on from this... How can I get things back together?...am I that bad looking...I'm over-weight...but goodlooking (I feel with a somewhat low selfesteme). N e tips? BlackWidow Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 Seems to me you have made a few mistakes here- most of them seem to stem back to you confusing physical attention for affection. It sounds as though you have realized this on your own and want to fix things from here on out (as you can't undo the past). 1st of all- these "guy friends" are not good friends at all. Friends do not gossip about one another, they do not make each other feel badly about themselves, and they do support each other when things look down. When was the last time these guys acted like a true friend to you? Think about it- if you had a friend who was making the mistakes you were- would you jabber behind her back, or try to help her move on to a better place? There is no need to lie if this benefit friend calls again. Simply tell him you have developed a higher respect for yourself and your body. Either he can accept that and continue being your friend as you search for someone who meets all your needs (not just physical) or he can join the other guys on your deleted friend list. Either way these gossip hounds will pass the word that you are no longer just out for a good time. As for the last- no wonder you have low self esteem- until now your so called friends have been repeatedly kicking you down. Once you find some truly supportive friends you will see that the prob wasn't all you- a lot of it was these low quality boys. Link to post Share on other sites
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