I ****ing hate myself.

[Jagger341]

First off, I apologize if profanity is prohibited on the forums, but to my knowledge, there doesn't seem to be any rules against it. Now onto why I'm feeling a lot of self loathing right now.

 

I cannot seem to take any type of criticism. I care too much what people think of me and I can pretty much dish it out, but I can't ****ing take pretty much any insults thrown at me. Like usually, when I get insulted on the internet or something, I post an angry reply in caps locks and sometimes even ask them to come to where I live so I get into a physical confrontation with them face to face (never have I given out my street address, but I'm hoping it doesn't come to that). There's no way I can't possibly consider myself sane when this happens. I feel like I'm no better than my piece of **** father because my insecurity level is too damn high just like his.

 

I've had two relationships during my lifetime. One relationship I was in back in high school (2007-2008), I had attempted to use guilt to make her feel bad for not seeing me anywhere outside of school (she lied a lot, too, but my actions were still inexcusable nonetheless). My second relationship (2012), I never really had any problems because it was more of a friends with benefits type thing (we haven't talked since last year), that is however, besides the point. My father has used guilt and manipulation against every women he's been with, and I'm afraid I may wind up doing the same.

 

So there you have it, two major things that are causing terrible self loathing at this very moment. I feel like with the ability to just not care too much about what people think of me would really make me a very happy person (doesn't mean I'll let myself go, because I'm sure giving up hygiene and other important things would lead to serious health issues). So what can I do? How can I stop being so insecure and not need to manipulate any women I may get into relationships with in the future?

 

EDIT: I see profane language is automatically censored. Okay, then.

[TaraMaiden]

One: Don't balme your behaviour on your father. Genetics are not choices. Actions are.

If you don't like the way you behave, stop behaving that way. CHildren of Alcoholics tend to run a greater danger of being alcoholic themselves, but not every alcoholic's child becomes an alcoholic.

 

Two: get some therapy. Find out what your real problem is (lack of self esteem? Anger issues? Control issues?) and work, with a professional to master them and overcome them.

 

You can do it.

It will take work, because FINDING the problem, doesn't RESOLVE the problem. It merely makes it easier to see.

 

Good ****ing luck.

 

 

Oh yeah. So it does.

 

[todreaminblue]

First off, I apologize if profanity is prohibited on the forums, but to my knowledge, there doesn't seem to be any rules against it. Now onto why I'm feeling a lot of self loathing right now.

 

I cannot seem to take any type of criticism. I care too much what people think of me and I can pretty much dish it out, but I can't ****ing take pretty much any insults thrown at me. Like usually, when I get insulted on the internet or something, I post an angry reply in caps locks and sometimes even ask them to come to where I live so I get into a physical confrontation with them face to face (never have I given out my street address, but I'm hoping it doesn't come to that). There's no way I can't possibly consider myself sane when this happens. I feel like I'm no better than my piece of **** father because my insecurity level is too damn high just like his.

 

I've had two relationships during my lifetime. One relationship I was in back in high school (2007-2008), I had attempted to use guilt to make her feel bad for not seeing me anywhere outside of school (she lied a lot, too, but my actions were still inexcusable nonetheless). My second relationship (2012), I never really had any problems because it was more of a friends with benefits type thing (we haven't talked since last year), that is however, besides the point. My father has used guilt and manipulation against every women he's been with, and I'm afraid I may wind up doing the same.

 

So there you have it, two major things that are causing terrible self loathing at this very moment. I feel like with the ability to just not care too much about what people think of me would really make me a very happy person (doesn't mean I'll let myself go, because I'm sure giving up hygiene and other important things would lead to serious health issues). So what can I do? How can I stop being so insecure and not need to manipulate any women I may get into relationships with in the future?

 

EDIT: I see profane language is automatically censored. Okay, then.

 

 

my father was very controlling strict and treated me like a boy as far as telling me to suck it up and as discipline goes....he scared the crap out of me...when he took off his belt i knew what was coming.....the thing is........he had flaws, i dont hit my kids cant do it......i comfort them when they cry and dont look at them with disgust when they do breakdown......i know what it feels like i dotn put it on them because my father made em feel a certain way......so i learned that from my father......i also learned to love nature, the ocean , how to hang from a cliff with out a rope ......i learned about diving, treating people with respect, how to be independent, how to be responsible trustworthy and reliable.......i also learned how to hold my head up and keep my shoulders square in adversity....i learned how to be a team player,how to stand up for others, that he learned from his father my grandfather ....a true soldier of a man..to pass on to me.......i learned that everyone has flaws.....even him.......so i took what i needed to learn that was good and true.....as i do from any person........

 

 

 

 

you have to come to grips with you choose, what you do say or how you act you cant blame anyone, not even yourself because you are an imperfect creature with the capacity to change, the agency to choose...and the eternal capability to learn, only you can control what you feel ...you can either feel hatred or love ...for others and for yourself.You can try and find the good in others....and in that process...you find what is good in you...good luck..deb

[GorillaTheater]

Knock it off, Hanak. Fair warning that if you don't stop posting the same thing over and over, I'm going to report you.

 

Not because you're a spammer (even though you apparently are), but because you're getting on my nerves.