Long distance , Dumpee

[Farough]

here is my story !! need advice please

 

hello everyone i am 25 years old , living in China , i met girl of my life when i was 20 years old in US , we were together for 4 years and last year she left to Germany (she is German) as i have to finish my study i had to stay here , we decided to keep distance relationship till i finish study and i go to Germany and we get married there , 2 months back she came to US to meet me after 8 months , she was so excited as well as me , wow what a moment at airport , she was crying out of happiness , we had very great time together , im her first love and also her first and last boyfriend till now (she is 20 years old) , i had little problem with my family to convince them and because she is in distance and they were not accepting this kind of marriage but anyways my girl she knew it i will go to Germany and we get married there , the only problem we had was problem with my family , we never ever had a single fight or problem together

suddenly last week in the morning i woke up and i saw she sent me message !! she is tired , i have to let her go !! (reason is my family im sure , she was thinking alot about it and she was scared maybe my family will not accept in future !! anyways i was going to marry her no one else !! but she was scared and tired of thinking about it) so she sent me message !! and buuum ,, i was blocked on her phone ! Facebook ! email !! everywhere !

i tried to contact her many times even her friend , no success , everyone said she decided and its her final decision , IM 100% SURE SHE DOESN'T HAVE BOYFRIEND AND SHE LOVES ME SO MUCH , the problem is she was thinking alot about the problem about my family and it made her go crazy

so in this 2 weeks i talk with family many times and they accepted everything

but now she is not contacting me and not replying me !! me friend in Germany contacted her and told her everything but still she can not believable it that the problem is solve !!

 

we planned for life time ! even i job in Germany !! its only 6 months left till my studies get over ,, but know she is not accepting !! im sure about her love ! but she is kind of confused , tired of distance and scared of future(she told me before too),

 

help please

 

 

i need advice what can i do ? what to do?

what does she mean by blocking me everywhere ?

 

how can i have her back

[katylou84]

Is there anyway you can get yourself to Germany to get her back?

 

Long distance is so hard and conversations on text / email / skype can be all the more frustrating.

 

My advice do whatever you can to go and show her - us women get a bit crazy and dont realise how loved we are a big gesture like showing up will do the trick.

 

I am not sure from what you said to why your family were so against her but in the long run that does not matter and the stronger you are as a couple the more respect you will have. My advice dont tell your family any of the bad stuff if they have come round to expecting her as it will give the reason to "be right"

 

Good luck anc go and get her!!

[Farough]

no way i go to germany , atleast for coming 6 months

 

do you think she will come back to me or !

[katylou84]

I dont know as I dont know her, but I do believe the gesture of going to get her would win her back. Actions speak louder then words...

[onlyjs]

you definitely need to make some kind of gesture and that is get over to Germany and get your woman.

[Farough]

today my friend start chating with her ! and she was just lying to my friend that i didnt care for her blah blah blah just to convience herself that she is not doing anything wrong

my friend told her to stop lying and all , i didnt know they were chating

by the waynimwentmto the psychologist and doctor told me inhave signs of schizophrenia because of too much thinking about her i guess

and my friend told her be happy what u did to him , he has got schizophrenia,i didnt tell him to chat with her or talk about all this

 

then i got email she told me tell your dumb friend stop contacting me

i replied ok done , carry on with your beautifull life and the people around u as you told me before they are better than me

 

she send me email and said! **** off and be happy with your new girlfriend!

total crap

 

i replied

i have value for myself and other people i dnt have new girlfriend

 

i think i did mistake by replying her

 

what do you think i had to do? or what i should do now?

 

what does it mean when she sent me msg and said ****k off with ur new girlfriend!

 

what does she mean?

is she worried about my schizophrenia or she is just angry? does she care or not

 

please reply to me questions thanks

[TaraMaiden]

You now have 2 threads running on the same subject.

 

You are beginning to become obsessive.

 

Go No Contact, stay No Contact.

 

Why do you repeatedly ask for advice, then deliberately ignore it?

[TMichaels]

by the waynimwentmto the psychologist and doctor told me inhave signs of schizophrenia because of too much thinking about her i guess

 

You need to do some research on the causes of schizophrenia. You don't "get it" from thinking too much about someone. If your doctor implied that, you need to get yourself to another psychologist.

 

and my friend told her be happy what u did to him , he has got schizophrenia,i didnt tell him to chat with her or talk about all this

 

then i got email she told me tell your dumb friend stop contacting me

 

I agree with your Ex. Your friend is incredibly dumb. Schizophrenia isn't contagious and she didn't "give it to you."

 

replied ok done , carry on with your beautifull life and the people around u as you told me before they are better than me

 

she send me email and said! **** off and be happy with your new girlfriend!

total crap

 

i replied

i have value for myself and other people i dnt have new girlfriend

 

i think i did mistake by replying her

 

what do you think i had to do? or what i should do now?

 

I think you need to get a life and leave the poor girl alone.

 

what does it mean when she sent me msg and said ****k off with ur new girlfriend!

 

what does she mean?

is she worried about my schizophrenia or she is just angry? does she care or not

 

please reply to me questions thanks

 

What does she mean? She means ****k off and leave her alone.

 

Is she *worried* about your schizophrenia?

 

What an odd thing for you to think she might be concerned about unless of course, you're disappointed your new-found affliction hasn't engendered the kind of sympathetic reaction you might have hoped it would.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[ExpatInItaly]

You need to leave her alone for a while.

 

Plain and simple.

 

If she wants to get in touch with you again, she will.

[Farough]

Finally she sent me msg

And i said

"You were not 100% on my side"""

""Thats alll I wanted in my life...living with you! I would have moved to any place in the world with you....but you didnt want. So I gave up""

"I broke up this way wirh you. You wanted it"

She told my friend she loves me n cant think about someone else also

 

What does she mean !! I mean i ****ed myself in first week just to contact her again (but she said i wanted break up)!! Then i start NC

 

What shall i do?

I replied and explaine everything ,, i said she is thinking wrong

 

What do i have todo?

I need her back but i dont know how

Help please

[Farough]

i was in llong distance relationship (3 and half years together and 6months distance) which it could be over in 6months

because of my studies i had to move to another city for 1 year , six months over but she broke up 23 days back with no Reason !!

i mean she blocked me from everywhere

i start calling , emailing for 2weeks but i didnt recieve any reply

even her friends told me to not talk about her !!

 

i started no contact

 

Finally she sent me msg

And i said

"You were not 100% on my side"""

""Thats alll I wanted in my life...living with you! I would have moved to any place in the world with you....but you didnt want. So I gave up""

"I broke up this way wirh you. You wanted it"

 

She told my friend she loves me n cant think about someone else also

 

What does she mean !! I mean i ****ed myself in first week just to contact her again (but she said i wanted break up)!! Then i start NC

 

What shall i do?

I replied and explaine everything ,, i said she is thinking wrong

 

What do i have todo?

I need her back but i dont know how

Help please

[IfiKnewThen]

wait for the reply. i hope you dint tell her off or blame her while replying.

 

i am a female...i am older but let me help tell you one thing about us females. we NEED to know someone is on our side. when she maybe vents to you about a friend or family member that hurt her> do you stick up for her or do you say to her "why did you do that"? do you sound like you blame her. think long and hard on this. because when a female doesn't feel safe and protected (not just from physical harm but from lack of emotional support), it becomes hard to stay with a guy. i dont know how old you are but your NEVER to young to read the book men are from mars and women are from venus. male and females hear things differently when we speak to each other. we say thing differently too. learn how to speak to a female in the language she understands. and try to understand why she hurt you by how she talks. and then maybe someday you can talk to each other in a way you both understand. when your not in contact with someone it give you time to step back and think on things.you can see the wrong you both did. i think she contacted you when she didnt hear from you because it gave her a chance to step back too.

 

also why does she say you didnt want to live with her?

 

anyway you sound like you do care. maybe she just didnt really see the demonstration of it. men give in ways that they think women want when in actually...she may have wanted something different than you were giving her. this doesnt mean its ur fault. i have no idea . all i know is writing her was a good thing IF you didnt sound insulting or unsupportive and you cleared any misunderstandings.

[IfiKnewThen]

i replied to you on your other post. tmichaels is correct. i highly doubt you get schizophrenia from thinking about your GF too much. and isnt that when you hear voice or have hallucinations? you dont hear her calling or dont see her coming through the door do you? but seriously , i think thats what it is. hearing voices ...etc. i have to look it up.

[Farough]

wait for the reply. i hope you dint tell her off or blame her while replying.

 

i am a female...i am older but let me help tell you one thing about us females. we NEED to know someone is on our side. when she maybe vents to you about a friend or family member that hurt her> do you stick up for her or do you say to her "why did you do that"? do you sound like you blame her. think long and hard on this. because when a female doesn't feel safe and protected (not just from physical harm but from lack of emotional support), it becomes hard to stay with a guy. i dont know how old you are but your NEVER to young to read the book men are from mars and women are from venus. male and females hear things differently when we speak to each other. we say thing differently too. learn how to speak to a female in the language she understands. and try to understand why she hurt you by how she talks. and then maybe someday you can talk to each other in a way you both understand. when your not in contact with someone it give you time to step back and think on things.you can see the wrong you both did. i think she contacted you when she didnt hear from you because it gave her a chance to step back too.

 

also why does she say you didnt want to live with her?

 

anyway you sound like you do care. maybe she just didnt really see the demonstration of it. men give in ways that they think women want when in actually...she may have wanted something different than you were giving her. this doesnt mean its ur fault. i have no idea . all i know is writing her was a good thing IF you didnt sound insulting or unsupportive and you cleared any misunderstandings.

 

i replied her on same day ,, only thing i said i still love her , and dont hate her

i didnt even disrespect her or blame her for anything

 

we were together for 4 years ,not even a single fight in 4years

i dnt know what happend to her suddenly

she blocked me from everywhere and all i got no answer from emails text msges and friends too

 

by the way after replying to her email now 2days i didnt recieve reply again!

 

she told my friend she decided to finish this relationship and its her final decision

but if its her final decision

why she is emailing me like that( i hate her , or i wanted to break up, she broke up for me, and she told my friend she loves me so much and cant love anyone else)

 

it makes ke confuse !

shall i contact her again by email or her friend

or just continue with NC

 

i am 25 and she is 22

[IfiKnewThen]

ok heres my opinion. i would stop talking thru the "friend" i wrote this too on someone else post. i will copy and paste it and put it here as to WHY i think its a real BAD idea to talk to friends. here is that copy of that post:

 

Originally Posted by IfiKnewThen View Post

ok. no matter how well intended a friend or a mutual friend is people NEVER EVER seem to tell another person what we REALLY want them to say. OR unbeknownst to us, our friends and family alike, can say opinionated things of their own to to someone that make things look like that's YOUR opinion too when it may not be. outsiders......AKA well intended friends and family have helped screw up my life with things they have said either thinking its in my behalf or misunderstanding what i am truly telling them. i have truly learned now, that when i want to say something..i say it myself so i wont be remotely misunderstood , quoted or have a well intended person's opinion interjected in there. even if your mutual friend is not relaying any messages to him..... HER or HIS tone (your Mutual friend) can make a person maybe misread things. she even might actually misread him to YOU. life is full of mishaps and unfortunate events. and even if you tell someone something in secrecy ...everyone knows someone else they trust to tell the thing you told them. so someone else could also be giving him feedback info from something you said to this mutual friend, who thought they told something to someone who was mutual. i know this is hard to follow. but if you hone in to what i am saying you will realize, you might not be getting real accurate information and that acurate info isnt getting back to him proper either.

 

just as a test..try not to tell your mutual friend too much of what you are FEELING. because she could say to him. she feels bad or sad and misses you and it make him feel all powerful in the driver seat. she may not even know shes doing this to the two of u. ok this is NOT about the mutual friend, i get that BUT be careful how you speak to a "mutual friend".

 

also friends get jealous lots of time. seem innocent and have their own agenda and can screw you up. and youre theyre. thinking they are soo innocent. bad idea.

................................................................................

 

so with all that said. NO please dont talk through the friend thats my honest opinion. theres a guy here on LS who said he was diagnosed as a schizophrenic and his friend went and told the girl . i mean please even tho thats important info....people tell things that you might not want her to know or that can create a feeling in her your not wanting to create. these friends of ours lol can ruin things unknowingly and knowingly.

 

heres whats a good thing to write her. tell her your interested in her. that you want to hear what SHE has to say. that her voice counts. that maybe you truly never understood where you went wrong but this time you want to get it right and at least understand. and that you ONLY have love for her in your heart. and that if you could have lived together or done something better that you wish you did it right. but that you want to know, so that she can be heard properly...what pained her in the relation. dont sound sarcastic or anything. say i miss you. and then say please feel free to write back. thats my opinion. if she doesnt answer you you go on living your life always KNOWING you did ur best and tried. you might truly answer a note like that. then you go N/C and dont let her hear about you from ANYONE. not the friend or neighbor or mouse next door. you have to disappear after that and be a complete and utter mystery. this might sort of smoke her out. make her real curious. she can ask herself why dont i hear from him anymore? why dont mine or his friends know whats happening with him? she will then if she really cares...contact you. and you would have left her with good thoughts about you from that letter. now this isnt about trickery. its a technique. but dont abuse that. the idea is to TREAT her right like females like to be treated. listen to them (lol) with understanding and compassion. then you and her have to work on each other for it to work. and no blaming. hopefully she will answer the letter that YOU write. (not a friend playing messenger. the messenger always messes us up) and when and if she does....then respond in KIND . kind being the key word. and if words..kind words dont wrok..you disappear again. good luck. all this is just my take on things and opinion. but i have witnesses this working. at least its a peaceful end.

[Farough]

ok heres my opinion. i would stop talking thru the "friend" i wrote this too on someone else post. i will copy and paste it and put it here as to WHY i think its a real BAD idea to talk to friends. here is that copy of that post:

 

Originally Posted by IfiKnewThen View Post

ok. no matter how well intended a friend or a mutual friend is people NEVER EVER seem to tell another person what we REALLY want them to say. OR unbeknownst to us, our friends and family alike, can say opinionated things of their own to to someone that make things look like that's YOUR opinion too when it may not be. outsiders......AKA well intended friends and family have helped screw up my life with things they have said either thinking its in my behalf or misunderstanding what i am truly telling them. i have truly learned now, that when i want to say something..i say it myself so i wont be remotely misunderstood , quoted or have a well intended person's opinion interjected in there. even if your mutual friend is not relaying any messages to him..... HER or HIS tone (your Mutual friend) can make a person maybe misread things. she even might actually misread him to YOU. life is full of mishaps and unfortunate events. and even if you tell someone something in secrecy ...everyone knows someone else they trust to tell the thing you told them. so someone else could also be giving him feedback info from something you said to this mutual friend, who thought they told something to someone who was mutual. i know this is hard to follow. but if you hone in to what i am saying you will realize, you might not be getting real accurate information and that acurate info isnt getting back to him proper either.

 

just as a test..try not to tell your mutual friend too much of what you are FEELING. because she could say to him. she feels bad or sad and misses you and it make him feel all powerful in the driver seat. she may not even know shes doing this to the two of u. ok this is NOT about the mutual friend, i get that BUT be careful how you speak to a "mutual friend".

 

also friends get jealous lots of time. seem innocent and have their own agenda and can screw you up. and youre theyre. thinking they are soo innocent. bad idea.

................................................................................

 

so with all that said. NO please dont talk through the friend thats my honest opinion. theres a guy here on LS who said he was diagnosed as a schizophrenic and his friend went and told the girl . i mean please even tho thats important info....people tell things that you might not want her to know or that can create a feeling in her your not wanting to create. these friends of ours lol can ruin things unknowingly and knowingly.

 

heres whats a good thing to write her. tell her your interested in her. that you want to hear what SHE has to say. that her voice counts. that maybe you truly never understood where you went wrong but this time you want to get it right and at least understand. and that you ONLY have love for her in your heart. and that if you could have lived together or done something better that you wish you did it right. but that you want to know, so that she can be heard properly...what pained her in the relation. dont sound sarcastic or anything. say i miss you. and then say please feel free to write back. thats my opinion. if she doesnt answer you you go on living your life always KNOWING you did ur best and tried. you might truly answer a note like that. then you go N/C and dont let her hear about you from ANYONE. not the friend or neighbor or mouse next door. you have to disappear after that and be a complete and utter mystery. this might sort of smoke her out. make her real curious. she can ask herself why dont i hear from him anymore? why dont mine or his friends know whats happening with him? she will then if she really cares...contact you. and you would have left her with good thoughts about you from that letter. now this isnt about trickery. its a technique. but dont abuse that. the idea is to TREAT her right like females like to be treated. listen to them (lol) with understanding and compassion. then you and her have to work on each other for it to work. and no blaming. hopefully she will answer the letter that YOU write. (not a friend playing messenger. the messenger always messes us up) and when and if she does....then respond in KIND . kind being the key word. and if words..kind words dont wrok..you disappear again. good luck. all this is just my take on things and opinion. but i have witnesses this working. at least its a peaceful end.

 

Best advice you gave me

Im going to follow your advice

As i did the same i mean the reply to her i did 2days back was same as you said

Didnt abused her or blamed her for whatever she did

 

Started no contact from yesterday again

Hope it works

If not also , atleast im sure i did as much as i could

So no blame on me

Thanks again

[IfiKnewThen]

good luck i really hope it works. at least you can feel good about yourself which will help in the next relationship...because you did the honorable thing and fought the good fight.

[Farough]

good luck i really hope it works. at least you can feel good about yourself which will help in the next relationship...because you did the honorable thing and fought the good fight.

 

yea im sure its the best too

even if its over there is no guilt for me

[JustCallMeMike]

yo "ifiknewthen" great advice! < this person know what they are talking about.

[Farough]

yo "ifiknewthen" great advice! < this person know what they are talking about.

 

Agree 100%

Best advice

[IfiKnewThen]

aww you guys are sweet. i just wish you the best. all good things. that everything works out

[Farough]

aww you guys are sweet. i just wish you the best. all good things. that everything works out

 

No i was high last night and i broke up my contact

I sent her text on her phone and said

Be happy you broke up, there is no relationship anymore,im fighting for someone who doesnt care,BYE

 

i did stupid mistake ((

[IfiKnewThen]

i understand. rage can just set in like that. i am going thru the same thing actually. that anger feeling. but you tell it like it is,. that youre trying. you care a d shes not acting like she does. so who knows maybe that will snap her out of it or into some form of contact. basically you're still saying goodbye so u can continue N/C and see what she does next.

Edited March 20, 2013 by IfiKnewThen

[Farough]

i understand. rage can just set in like that. i am going thru the same thing actually. that anger feeling. but you tell it like it is,. that youre trying. you care a d shes not acting like she does. so who knows maybe that will snap her out of it or into some form of contact. basically you're still saying goodbye so u can continue N/C and see what she does next.

 

Yea lets see whats next move by her

I will let you know

Maybe if she reply me i need you advice

[Farough]

aww you guys are sweet. i just wish you the best. all good things. that everything works out

 

she sent me email and said:

Everything seems too impossible for me....you never made plans for you and me! You are not more than an illusion here in this cold world.

Someone who is in my dreams...but not reality.

So it wont happen that you come to me again.

It was just a dream...

 

((((she mean about future and if i wanna marry her or not i didnt have plan but it was for the first year of our relationship i didnt talk about marriage but she cant forget the past,, i made some mistakes at the starting of relationship but she never wants to forget those mistakes !

i made many changes in my life to show her im sure about her after that,, but still she doesnt want to forget the past)))

 

and i replied:

i have holiday after 19days i can come and meet you and show you its possible

i agree first year of our relationship i didnt have plan , but after that we did plan for everything and our life

now its your decision what you wanna do

im ready to come there and show you my sure about you and everything im talking about

 

and she replied:

 

You can find a nice girl when you come here....

 

 

i didnt reply her anymore she seems angry or mad or doesnt know what she wants !!

 

i wanna reply but i dotn know what to say

 

can you guys help me !!

what to say or shall i reply to her or not ?

 

remember i still love her (she does too because she told my friend 2days back)

.......