Kat R. Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 Just a little back ground on the situation...I was the one dumped after 38 years of marriage, 2 kids, several grands blah,blah...I was heartbroken and tried to stop it. He was smitten with some gold-digger who was already married with her own family. It has been 5 yrs during which I have tried several times to reconcile and he was very non-commital. I finally got to the point where it hurts but I can't do this to myself anymore; if he asked I would take him back but he hasn't. He did tell me he doesn't see her any more because "what would be the point?" and "I know you wouldn't like it"-that never stopped him before. The problem with no contact is I am still living in one of his houses along with our son (who himself is recently divorced). So I have to be in contact about the family and about the house. The ex will bring me flowers on Valentines, my birthday, Mothers Day and Sweetest Day even though I have said I don't want them. I told him all I wanted was a sincere I'm sorry and I love you...and have got neither one. He calls me every night to chat and sometimes I ignore the phone so I don't have to talk. I mean what the heck have we got to talk about EVERY NIGHT? Whenever I ignore it he will call the next night and say "I guess you were asleep?" I am not dating, although he acts like he wants me to ( I did in the first couple years and he didn't like it); I think he wants to get out of spousal support. So what can I say that would politely get it across that he doesn't need to call me every night? Link to post Share on other sites
Charlene78 Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 You can tell him that it hurts to talk to him after everything that has happened during the past years. You could tell him that you would like to move on with your life, but that you can't do that if he keeps contacting you. If he doesn't even care to sincerely say 'I'm sorry' or 'I love you', then this situation will keep hurting you. Politely tell him that you would prefer to cut contact. If he refuses, then you should consider to stop taking his calls entirely. Maybe moving out of his house would also be a good idea, because that would limit your contact with him. (to only when he comes to pick up the kids) Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 Not apologizing, assuming a person has truly wronged you, is a tell-tale sign that he/she values control and power over you as a person. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kat R. Posted March 16, 2013 Author Share Posted March 16, 2013 It isn't possible at this time for me to move out-I and my son have no place to live. Son is as broke as I am and my ex has drastically cut my court mandated alimony payments to 2/3 of what they were. He has me on a leash and knows it. That is why I try to be nice because he doesn't HAVE to let me stay here. I guess what I want is for him to just back off with the calls and flowers and let me live my life until I can heal again. In the many years he and I have been married we have gone through some horrid stuff with the kids and g.kids and it is like one more bond. They are all grown so it isn't a matter of him picking them up. I am 66 he is 72, I think he is lonely but I am sorry for that...I was lonely when he was off with the OW. When I tell him that I would like to cut back on calls he goes on the defensive and says things like "Oh so you don't want to talk to me-what have you got some one new?" I don't want to fight with him but he doesn't get it. And I don't know if anyone else experiences this but every time I think I have a good answer for him he comes up with something totally out of left field and I am stumped yet again. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 When I tell him that I would like to cut back on calls he goes on the defensive and says things like "Oh so you don't want to talk to me-what have you got some one new?" I don't want to fight with him but he doesn't get it. And I don't know if anyone else experiences this but every time I think I have a good answer for him he comes up with something totally out of left field and I am stumped yet again. Many phones have a "Do Not Disturb" feature that blocks calls from selected and programmable numbers. He would be the first person I'd use it on ... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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