internet and jealousy

[bones1]

I met my girlfriend off of the internet. We have been dating for 5 weeks. Even though it is only 5 weeks, we see each other very often, and have agreed not to see others. She constantly is the one speaking of love, marriage, long term plans, me moving in, etc etc. I care about her as well, and things seem to be going smoothly. Now the problem....

 

I notice that she will not take her yahoo personal profile down. She is also always online for her job, and online at night when i am not there. Her profile has many pictures, says she is single and look for a buff guy, etc.etc. I have a profile too, but it is inactive with no info or pictures. I really didnt think about it, until i was at her place, and guys im her saying "thanks for the pictures", she gets pictures in the mail, and she has a buddy list with names like gorgeous john, etc etc.

 

I asked her to take it down, and she said that it is just for fun, and i am being controlling. She said she was going to take it down, but since i asked she wont anymore. To me, this is strange behavior for a 40 year old woman with 2 kids, and a career.

 

My question is, should i ignore this? SHould i make a stand? Should i forget it? In my opinion, if she feels about me the way she says she does, why have the need for a internet profile always online saying she is single, looking for buff, good looking men. After a while, it does make me unsure of what is really going on between us, regardless of all the things she says to me in person. I am honestly not sure if she is playing a game to keep me interested, or really seeking others, or just bored and likes attention.

[arnicka]

Looks like maybe this is her way of getting free "attention" and fueling her urge to be desired more than an actual desire to cheat on you or being on the lookout for someone else. It does sound bizarre to me that she is 40 and has kids and a monogamous relationship and carrying on like this.

 

How does she act while you 2 are out in public? Is this behavior only limited to when she is online? Does she seem to be trying to garner attention from other guys? Does she flirt with waiters or sales clerks etc? Have you told her that her online behavior makes you uncomfortable? How did she respond to that? Maybe her response is the only answer you need.

 

If it's limited to the Internet I wouldn't worry so much, if you start noticing letters or phone calls etc then I'd see those as signals....But so far doesn't seem to me to be that much of an issue.

[Tracy]

I am honestly not sure if she is playing a game to keep me interested, or really seeking others, or just bored and likes attention.

IMO it doesn't matter. If you two have made it clear that you are exclusive, and you have told her it bothers you, she should take it off. Really, she should be considerate enough of your feelings to already have taken it off, without you even asking.

 

She said she was going to take it down, but since i asked she wont anymore.

 

This is immature for a 20 yr old.

 

Talk to her, let her know that it bothers you, and let her share her feelings. You may find that it's not what you think and it's no big deal. If you still feel uncomfortable about it and she isn't willing to compromise, then take a stand.

[bones1]

Thanks for the advice. In public, she adores me. While we are together all is great. Outstanding chemistry. I feel no sense of her flirting, wanting anyone else, etc etc. She constantly talks of me moving in, travelling, love etc etc.

 

I guess I am a little insecure, since i met her off the net, maybe she does it quite often. I feel as though maybe this internet is more important than me. I hear many nice things from her, deep loving things, but when i am away, she seems more distant , and colder. This coupled with her online activity, makes me wonder.

 

And also, lets face it. Women almost never send unsolicited ims to men, no matter what i have on my profile. If i was getting 50 ims a day from naked women, it would be hard for me to concentrate on my significant other. Her profile is somewhat provocative, saying she likes buff, hot guys, and she has about 15 pictures on it. (no nudes)

 

The crappy thing is, that me asking her to remove it makes me feel insecure, and causes an uncomfortable tension. But at the same time, it is hard for me to imagine why she needs to advertise what she is looking for day and night, while she claims to be so into me. At times I want to drop the issue, and at times I want to leave her for good over it. Just confused i suppose.