I did what I thought I couldn't but had to do

[Geek Down]

I've known K for a long time, over 7 years I guess.. She was a buddy's girlfriend when I met here. I always thought she was very pretty, but I couldn't get attached because of my buddy. I grew to know her and we became very close friends in our own right. They broke up and eventually my marriage ended..

 

Now, I can see myself with this girl. So can others. I've been told more than once that we work great together and that there seems to be something deeper. I could see it and so could others. You know that awkward feeling when she's sitting alittle to close and you know it...and so does everyone else in the room...and your mutual friends comment on it.. We hang out and she falls asleep next to me..I try to prop her up when she leans on me, so she doesn't wake up and freak...We've seen each other at our best and at our worst...We've seen each other at our highest and lowest. We've seen each other naked...We've been there for each other and we've lived our lives in close proximity for a long time...

 

Truth is I do love her...I have for years..Once she came back into my life after moving away, I realized what I had felt all these years was love..I couldn't put a reason on it..There was no reason....no rhyme...No reason why I loved her..I just did..I loved her for no reason except that I loved her.

 

Her other love interests treated her like garbage. Little boys that don't know how to love. She goes after the ultra alpha..You know the type..The ones that get the girl and then have to get another because they have no idea how to treat a lady in an equal partnership...Those guys..the ones that take her and use her..then leave or abuse her in some way...

 

I want to see her happy, and I know I can't give her what she wants, or thinks she wants in a guy. I can't go on looking at her across my table as she slowly and sexily winks her big doe eye at me..With the long slender lashes..I can't go on looking at her watching a movie when I'm dieing to grab her and hold her tight..

 

So, after a hard and bad night at the bar, I come home to a few shots...I DUI her and tell her how I feel...Two days later I text her to ask he just to say something.. She tells me she only has friendly feelings for me....You don't wink at a guy you KNOW has feelings for you!!! Don't toy with my already torn heart! I can still smell her perfume in my house...Taste her lipgloss on the blunt..Hear her laughter...

 

Then I came to a realization as I sat in the shower and let out years of pent up hope and feelings..The realization that I do love her. I always will..I realized I need to let her go...I need to untangle our paths..She is using me to boost her ego..She comes to me for the emotional relationship she wants, and then tries to continue that feeling with other men. There was a time I was content with being used, but not anylonger.. I have grown.

 

I tell her..We can't continue our relationship the way it is. I cannot keep giving you the ego boost you come to me to get. You may be doing it subconsciously, but you are doing it. You dont sit at my table and give me a sexy wink if there isn't something between us. I see it and others have too. My ex is not coming back and I am not going back to her. I think that you have been dating boys for so long that you can no longer see the nice guys for who they are. I would never cheat on you, I would never steal from you and I would never leave you. And you know that, so there is no challenge for you. I'm attractive, talented and Inteligent..Any girl would be lucky to have me..Its your loss..I hope you come to that realization that there is time for us.

[Yamaha]

I hope you come to that realization that there is time for us.

 

Don't count on this. You finally told her how you feel and she don't return the feelings. Unrequited love is a bi^ch! Now is when you have to think of you and your hopes and dreams. I would tell you to move on and find someone who does return those feelings but being in-love makes you see things through a hazy fog.

 

Take some time to get over the love and then be that guy with someone who can love you back. Hard but the probably your only option.

[Geek Down]

I'm not holding out any hope anymore....Just grieving now and trying to move on..

[Balahala]

Geek Down, I think just expressing your feelings has probably helped jump start the grieving process. I am going through this myself at the moment. Very fresh, as in just this week I ended a 7 year friendship with a male friend of mine who I thought I could maintain a friendship with and failed miserably.

 

I think you probably know in your heart, as painful as this process is, its the right thing to do. Its going to be really tough at times. In my own situation (I happen to work with him and we just came off a week long vacation just the two of us - talk about being a glutton for punishment), he is trying to be respectful of my decision, but is not handling it all that well. I can tell he is hurting, and your friend might be too. Its never easy to loose someone you've become so close to. But like you've said, you can not be their emotional crutch any longer. You have to do what is right for you.

 

You've said it yourself that you are deserving of a more fulfilling relationship. Someone that cares for you in the same way that you care for them. Someone who isn't going to toy with your heart and keep you around just for an ego boost.

 

Love and matters of the heart are such a tricky thing. And no doubt, every situation is unique, but as a woman, I can tell you with a fair amount of confidence that if she wanted more from you, you would know and she wouldn't be leading you on. She doesn't sound like she's shy about letting the opposite sex know if she's interested, so I think you are doing the right thing by distancing yourself.

 

Good luck, and stay strong...

[Vogeltron]

What you have gone through does suck. I have been in a similar situation. It didn't work out for me but I have felt much better ever since. I told her that when she met the man of her dreams to let me know and I would congratulate the both of them and shake their hands and hope they have a happy life together. Then I proceeded to tell her that she wouldn't know a good man if she got blindsided by a train. That she was a wreck from bad relationships and was too incompetent to learn from her mistakes. And that she would be in a cycle of bad relationships for the rest of her life. Bro, you can not help stupid. I hate to say it but some people just keep making the same stupid mistakes over and over again. That is the definition of insanity if you are hoping for a different result. You are right you do deserve better than that. Go out say f it talk some new women at the grocery store or the bar or anywhere else. Just get in the habit of trying to try to start conversations with new people and you will get out the box and see what everyone else has to offer. I will admit even several years later I am still kinda pissed or about a similar situation you described. But honestly you can't help stupid. It is impossible. There is nothing better than meeting somebody and getting in a good relationship and seeing an ex or somebody who rejected you pissed off about it. Even if you can't stand them it still feels great. This chick saw me happy with a girl who not nearly as pretty but 100x cooler and she called me up telling me that she was wrong and thought that seeing me with that "ugly" chick I deserved better and we should reconnect. I told her to f-off get some counseling and she was messed up in the head.

Edited April 7, 2013 by Vogeltron