Frustrated ...

[murphomatic]

So I've struggled with my weight for a long time in my life. I should preface this post with the statement that I believe I have an eating disorder. I simply cannot step away from food when it is in front of me. If someone makes me something to eat, or if I'm putting away leftovers after dinner, I can't stay out of it; I have to scarf every last effing crumb. I will even intend to not touch any of it, but will discover myself having subconsciously eaten through half of it without even realizing it before I can stop myself...and usually at that point, because I'm half way through it, I don't bother stopping.

 

A few years ago, I finally got sick of being fat and put myself on a rigorous plan of eating healthy and exercising plenty. Like all those magic pills on TV, good, old-fashioned exercise and sensible eating worked like a charm. I shed 80+ lbs, got into shape and became a runner competing in half-marathons and marathons on a regular basis. In order to stay out of food - I didn't go out with friends, I bought only proper groceries, and make sure my house was empty of any temptations or poor-choice foods. This was easy - I was single with the house and grocery decisions all to myself.

 

Fast-forward a year ... I meet a runner girl, fall in love and we get married. Things are great. She has a couple kids whom I quickly bond with as my own. However, this is a pretty massive shift in lifestyle, and I find myself having difficulty staying out of the treats and snack foods around the house that are simply artifacts of a family with children.

 

My wife suffered from anorexia and bulimia growing up, and has a stigma with the concept of "not eating enough." She eats a LOT now - constantly. She also runs constantly (I work and earn enough that she can stay home with the kiddos). She logs between 50-80 miles per week of running, which gives her some leeway in being able to eat whatever she wants without much of a negative impact.

 

Myself, on the other hand, am not able to run so much. I work a lot and find myself struggling to get in 10-20 miles per week. I have gained back much of the weight I had previously lost. This has had a very negative impact on my self esteem and my outlook on things; I feel very depressed over it. I have managed to gain some control over staying out of the pantry and sticking to sensible things to eat, but my wife is a stay-at-home wife and is always cooking and baking when she's not running. I often come home to an enormous home-cooked meal with cakes and treats for dessert. This is extremely difficult to deal with. I don't want to insult my wife by turning down the things she's cooked, and I have a hard time turning down anything when I have a plate of food handed to me the very moment I walk in the door. But, my wife knows my struggles with controlling my eating, but for some reason - she CANNOT stop feeding me. I've even had the discussion with her that it's very difficult for me to control what is basically an addiction, and if I'm given a plate of food, I will most certainly eat it. Every bite of it.

 

I'm so frustrated with this. Does my wife prefer that I be fat? I can't find enough time to exercise off the amount of food I eat, and I just continue to increase in weight. Today I'm frustrated because I got up this morning, had a sensible breakfast that consisted of a bagel with some peanut butter, and when my wife made waffles for the kids - she asked if I wanted one... I said "no thank you - I've already eaten." Not 20 minutes later, I'm presented with a plate laden with 2 waffles and sausage. Fnck me... Apparently she "forgot" that I said "no thanks" to breakfast.

 

I don't know what to do ... I need to either start throwing food straight into the garbage (the thought of which gives me TERRIBLE anxiety), or convince my wife that it's OK if I don't participate in all family meals, or convince her that I need approximately 1/3 the amount of food she piles on the plate she gives me.

 

Am I insane? Does someone just need to kick me in the nuts? Helpful advice from anyone?

[FitChick]

Sounds like both of you have an eating disorder. Suggest marital counseling to get to the bottom of things. In the meantime, tell her treats are just that, treats, meant for special occasions like birthdays or to celebrate a promotion. Not for everyday. Emphasize the health aspects of food -- soda and caffeine should be eaten very sparingly and not everyday. Maybe find a nutrition course she can take. Or make an appointment for both of you to see a registered dietician.

 

What were both sets of parents' attitudes toward food? That's where the key is.