Already in my 30s and have no career, How will i meet a girl for marriage?

[quietGuy13]

I'm in my 30s . I'm unemployed and live with my parents.

I have no idea How to get a girl for marriage.

 

First of all, they all, including all the women in this site, think i'm a loser because i dont have a career.

 

But oh well. i have to start somewhere and that's the bottom.

But say i go out to try to meet women, they will all reject me because I'm not a career man?

 

If that's the case, then since i have this situation and it's part of my personal history(that i'm careerless), they will never ever like me no matter what?

 

What if i'm fun, and nice and a good hearted warm person?

THat doesn't matter?

 

In that case, how come some women volunteer to serve food to the homeless in Homeless places? If they think all those homeless people are losers cause they don't have a job, then does it mean, they're all putting up a front and just care about having Volunteering in their resumes instead of really caring about the homeless people that they're serving.

 

I've seen women in those places conversing with homeless. So is that just fake? If it's not fake, then that means they can get to like homeless.

 

But they would in the end just reject them , reject their friendship just cause they have no career?

 

Anyways,

how will i ever find love and marriage?

[Nyla]

Focus on improving your life and the women will come.

 

You should already have a career or be working on one at your age.

 

Have you thought of returning to school?

[Nuala83]

 

First of all, they all, including all the women in this site, think i'm a loser because i dont have a career.

 

But oh well. i have to start somewhere and that's the bottom.

But say i go out to try to meet women, they will all reject me because I'm not a career man?

 

What if i'm fun, and nice and a good hearted warm person?

THat doesn't matter?

 

Of course it matters but if you're unemployed, how do you expect to get married? Do you expect your wife to move in with you and your parents or do you expect to live with her and have her look after you financially? Most couples need 2 incomes just to keep a house so if a woman in her 30s is looking for marriage and children etc. they would probably disregard you because those things wouldn't be possible with you.

 

In that case, how come some women volunteer to serve food to the homeless in Homeless places? If they think all those homeless people are losers cause they don't have a job, then does it mean, they're all putting up a front and just care about having Volunteering in their resumes instead of really caring about the homeless people that they're serving.

 

I've seen women in those places conversing with homeless. So is that just fake? If it's not fake, then that means they can get to like homeless.

 

But they would in the end just reject them , reject their friendship just cause they have no career?

 

I don't even know where to begin with this. Just because you're kind to someone or you like them or they're a friend, doesn't mean they're suitable marriage material. I have friends that are unemployed and I have no intention of ditching them simply for being unemployed. But I also wouldn't consider them dateable unless they showed that they were serious about working. Simply because I can't afford to carry another person long term. If someone became unemployed while I was going out with them that would be a different story. Not having a career history doesn't make you undateable so long as you're commited to getting a job.

 

Finding love and marriage isn't easy, but it starts with being the best person you can be. Just having a job never mind a career would be a start. Being kind and loving is of great importance, but so is financial independence and the ability to look after yourself which you can't do at this present time.

Edited March 16, 2013 by Nuala83

[Apolodor]

You don't need a career to attract women. But you need to get a job and move out from your parents' house. That's a big turnoff for many women! You also need to keep in mind that what you do for a living does not need to define you. You can work on a building site and still be a swell guy with lots of interesting hobbies, etc. I have a friend like that and he's always in some relationship with some good looking chick. Last time I saw him he was in a proper relationship with a piano teacher..... Not all women are gold diggers, your looks and your personality are more important than your career.

[Els]

Wait... so... if you care about someone, you must want to have sex with them? Otherwise you don't care about them at all? Interesting. Time to apologize to all my friends and relatives for neglecting my caring duties.

[TigerCub]

I feel pity and compassion for the homeless. Doesn't mean I'd want to marry one.

 

 

I'd never want to be with someone that I actually pity and feel bad for.

 

You want to find yourself another mommy.

 

Why is it that you think it is ok for you to go into a relationship and contribute absolutely nothing? You wouldn't be a partner, you'd just be a leach.

 

Get a job and leave mommy's house and grow the hell up!

[taiko]

 

Second, it concerns me that in your post you don't show any sign of wanting a career. It sounds like you'd only want one because you think it's what women want from you. Is that the case? Or do you want a career because being unemployed is boring, and/or because you're passionate about X and would like to spend your life working on it? Those are the reasons a man's career would be important to me and, I think, to a lot of other women. Having a career just to say you have a career is pretty pointless, not to mention probably insufficient motivation to establish a career anyway.

It is the chicken and egg argument do we work because work in itself is exciting. Or do we work for the extras that work brings you like shelter, food and a mate who sees you as someone who can help provide shelter and food for them?

 

Think of a bell curve for every guy doing what he wants there are 10 others carrying mail.

 

If everyone, no if most did something that was their personal passion we would not call it work, we would call it play. Increasingly those raised in the self esteem society where they get a trophy just for playing on a team have lost that message and think just by being me and playing a computer game the woman of their dreams will see his passion and be attracted to it. It doesn't help that even the geeks in our popular culture get the Megan Fox and then the supermodel in the Transformers series of movies for an example.

[CarboniteCammy]

OP, are you saying that you can't even get someone to have a civil conversation with you? Also, why are you compairing yourself to a homeless person?

 

I'm betting that you have enough food to eat, access to a shower, and probably a TV to watch. Most homeless people live out on the elements and don't have any creature comforts.

 

You obviously have access to the computer and the internet, or else you wouldn't be posting here.

 

This time of year, (cause of Easter and Lent and things) you'll see charity workers open up soup kitchens because many times these people don't even have family to spend the holidays with.

 

If you live with your mom, I would assume that you have family and won't have to eat Easter dinner alone.

 

Many homeless people have mental illnesses which prevent them from mingling with normal society or holding down a job. Some of the homeless are also chronic drug users or have a criminal background.

 

I'm just trying to understand where you're coming from before I give you advice. I feel like I'm not seeing the whole picture.

Edited March 18, 2013 by CarboniteCammy

[Mr. Lucky]

Focus on improving your life and the women will come.

 

You should already have a career or be working on one at your age.

 

Have you thought of returning to school?

Agree 100% with this. You'll also find that moving towards something will give you a confidence that carries over to other parts of your life. And "I'm studying to be a mechanic/cook/architect/paramedic" is a much better conversation starter than "I live in my parent's basement". In fact, academic pursuit almost makes financial suffering hip. Most folks have gone through it and can relate ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[CherryT]

People care about their community but may not want to "marry" their community... if that makes sense? Just because people volunteer doesn't mean who they're helping is someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with. There's not direct correlation between the two. I volunteer autistic children... I don't have children myself, but these kids need people who can play sports with them and read. It's not fake and they're not my children, but I can still help.

 

Yes, women want men with good hearts and are fun and warm, etc. BUT who's taking on the load? So you guys get married... who pays for the wedding? The home expenses? etc? I'm not saying being "careerless" is a bad thing - some people want to live a simpler life. They have a job that they're happy with, may not pay the best, but allows them to put food on the table and gives them time with their families. I'll be frank... You're upset that you feel that most women will reject you because you don't have a job and not because of your personality. You fail to understand that someone has to take responsibility for living expenses. If it's not shared, then you're looking to marry someone that will be 100% supporting you... if you don't find a job. Is that fair?

 

The reason why a lot of people work is because they want to be able to afford the things they love to do... whether it's going to concerts, going traveling, trying new things. These are life interests outside of having a career, but a career helps you afford these things. A great personality is very important, but sharing responsibilities to create a life you both want to live is also just as important.

 

Focus on yourself... relationships are a partnership and you both should be bringing something to the table. At the very least, you hope that they're a nice, fun, warm person but beyond that, what do they offer you and what do you offer them?

[TiredFamilyGuy]

You have been refreshingly honest about your situation. So I will speak to the point in return: being "fun, and nice and a good hearted warm person" are all good things, but they are not enough for someone looking for marriage. For picking a friend in high school, maybe. Not for a man in his thirties whose life for whatever reason evidently failed to launch - so far.

 

It is part of the makeup of womankind, that a prospective mate must be independent. At some basic level it equates to the ability to provide for a family. It's not the only thing women want, there are the expected others: health, attractiveness, wealth, strength of character, education and level of culture, intelligence (raw and emotional) and so on. The mix is different for everyone. But you have to bring something to the table beyond being friendly, to be marriage material.

 

My view, hardly unique I imagine, is that You need to get a job, get a place of your own, and be independent. This won't happen by magic or all at once, I gotta be honest here. So take it a step at a time: volunteer, get some vocational skills, *get involved* with something.

 

Sounds like a lot of effort? Well, here's worse. It's not to get married. It's to become more of an independent person, which is a worthy and self-sufficient goal of it's own, and a good goal for a man. It won't get you a woman by magic, it will just fulfill a precondition for doing so.

 

If you lack the capacity to step out in that direction, then as another poster said (harshly but I gotta say, she had a point) then what you want is another momma.

 

So get going. You might also get practical suggestions to your situation from the "Self Improvement" board. Good luck with making decisions and having the strength of will to keep going with them.

Edited March 19, 2013 by TiredFamilyGuy

[KatZee]

Why exactly are you in your 30s still living at home with your parents? Why don't you have a job or desire to have a career?

 

I kind of agree that you're not looking for a wife for any other reason but to leave home, and move in with someone else willing to be a mother figure to you. Putting the lack of job, no career, no motivation, no social life, and living with your parents aside...

 

Dating someone who treats you like a mother is NOT ATTRACTIVE. Not even a little bit.

[musemaj11]

A man with no job is like a woman with no face. He is at the bottom of the barrel. Sad but true.

[leedlee1]

I think most people are jumping on the bandwagon a little bit because op still lives at home with his parents. I know many people in their thirties who have moved back home temporarily for either financial reasons or support in tough times. Myself included.

 

I now have a good career a great woman and i am very happy, But i also started from the bottom when i turned 30 from living with my parents.

[leedlee1]

A man with no job is like a woman with no face. He is at the bottom of the barrel. Sad but true.

 

Western society will tell you this till the cows come home

[CarboniteCammy]

Bob, is this you under a different name?

[Mme. Chaucer]

I think most people are jumping on the bandwagon a little bit because op still lives at home with his parents. I know many people in their thirties who have moved back home temporarily for either financial reasons or support in tough times.

 

I believe the OP lives at home with his parents because he is not able to take care of himself (not employment related).

 

OP - I have said this to you before, and you have never responded. You are a person with disabilities, right? Are you doing anything at all to get help with those and to find out how to gain some independence in your life? I think those things come first. Girlfriend / wife, maybe after you get your life on a different track.

[Els]

Western society will tell you this till the cows come home

 

'Western' society?

 

Seriously, try being an unemployed guy in Asian society. You probably wouldn't exist long enough to lament not being able to get a girl, though, because there's no social welfare in most of those.

[diipii]

"I'm in my 30s . I'm unemployed and live with my parents."

 

You're waiting for life to come to you. It wont...ever.

[lovelyde]

You can move to Japan and look for a Japanese woman to marry.

 

 

Or you can move to a foreign country and look for a foreign woman to marry.

 

 

You can take the foreign woman back home to your parents. The foreign woman can work for the family. The regular sex will help you get off your feet and find some way to produce income.

 

 

Tell your parents that it's hard to date a woman here in this country without having a high paying job. Therefore, if they want to see grandchildren, bringing home a foreign woman is a good choice.

[MissBee]

I'm in my 30s . I'm unemployed and live with my parents.

I have no idea How to get a girl for marriage.

 

First of all, they all, including all the women in this site, think i'm a loser because i dont have a career.

 

But oh well. i have to start somewhere and that's the bottom.

But say i go out to try to meet women, they will all reject me because I'm not a career man?

 

If that's the case, then since i have this situation and it's part of my personal history(that i'm careerless), they will never ever like me no matter what?

 

What if i'm fun, and nice and a good hearted warm person?

THat doesn't matter?

 

In that case, how come some women volunteer to serve food to the homeless in Homeless places? If they think all those homeless people are losers cause they don't have a job, then does it mean, they're all putting up a front and just care about having Volunteering in their resumes instead of really caring about the homeless people that they're serving.

 

I've seen women in those places conversing with homeless. So is that just fake? If it's not fake, then that means they can get to like homeless.

 

But they would in the end just reject them , reject their friendship just cause they have no career?

 

Anyways,

how will i ever find love and marriage?

 

This is very confusing.

 

Do you plan to get a career/job in the future? If not, then you should not try to marry anyone. Marriage is not just about love and romance but people also want partnership and someone to help them out and make their load lighter, and for some, that does include a partner who can pull their weight financially. Do you want kids? If so...you also will need a way to provide for them.

 

I think many women care about a man who has ambition and who even if right now the going is rough, he is showing that he is working hard and will eventually find a way out of a dismal situation. However, if a man seems content to be jobless and living at home, why would someone want to be with that person? It makes them seem lazy, irresponsible, immature and a host of other bad qualities. It is really about the qualities you give off. Fun, kind and good hearted do not make a relationship. Lots of people are fun, kind and good hearted. Likewise, simply having a career doesn't make you suitable for a relationship. People want a package which includes lots of things, and yes, ambition and being able to take care of one's self and a family are what many women look for in a future spouse.

 

Who said women thought homeless people are losers??? A homeless person is quite different from a guy living at home with his parents, jobless who has a roof over his head and for all intents and purposes doesn't have it so bad, but doesn't want to change his circumstance. As I said, thinking someone is nice doesn't mean you want to date/marry them. I have no issues with homeless people and I am not fake when I converse with them or volunteer...but I am not going to marry a homeless man. This makes no sense. Take homeless out of the equation, there are lots of people I will converse with, careered and jobless, who I won't marry or date. Everybody likes what they like and value what they value and the way my life is and what I see for myself, I need a partner who will complement me. A jobless guy living at home and content with it but trying to find a wife and complaining no one wants him although he is nice doesn't cut it.

[lovelyde]

Sigh... I'll just keep to myself on this one.

Edited March 25, 2013 by lovelyde