Sybil562 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Hi I am very confused and am seeking advice.... Last night I hooked up with my married coworker. A bunch of us went out for early St. Patty's day celebrating and we all drank too much. This coworker and me have always had a 'chemistry' and I would flirt back with him but he always said he would never cheat so I never paid attention. Well last night.... One thing led to another and we ended up back at my apt. We did not have sex but we did fool around. He kept apologizing to me bc he couldn't sleep with me bc he was married . I don't understand??? I am confused bc on the one hand I am glad we didn't have sex but on the other I wish we did I am a horrible person I know. Hypothetically if I keep perusing him would he have sex with me? I sound so awful! I just don't know what to do. I know what I SHOULD do, it's only a matter of listening ........ Please help!! Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 He's a complete idiot and I hope for his sake he smartens up. How dumb to put himself in that situation. And, please don't knowingly pursue him and hope he'll have sex with you. you know this is wrong and I'm sure you don't want to have an A, be the OW and also be office gossip. People find out about romances at work, especially work place affairs. stay away from him and don't chase him if he comes to you. say NO and tell him to go home to his wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 You said, "I know what I should do". So why are you even considering going against what your gut, your conscience is telling you is wrong? Doing something that you already feel is wrong for you is just a recipe for pain. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
WakingUp Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 OH PLEASE DONT GO THERE It has the potential to ruin lives. It could ruin your career. It will cause more pain than you ever thought imaginable. Follow your instinct... just don't do it. Just laugh it off, say oops and never ever go back there. Make it very very clear. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Hypothetically if I keep perusing him would he have sex with me? But WHY would you knowingly go after a co worker whom you know is married and know it's wrong? Look within and yourself why you would 1)want to bang a MM and 2)want to help him cheat on his wife. Imagine you his wife and he was doing this with some co worker. Wouldn't you expect your husband to live up to your marriage vows? I'm sure you wouldn't want your family or friends, or co workers to find out, either. I sound so awful! I just don't know what to do. I know what I SHOULD do, it's only a matter of listening ........ You said it, I'm agreeing with you. You do sound awful. You have a conscious, you know this is wrong so DO NOT LET your hormones and selfish feelings get in the way of doing what is right or wrong. Anybody who encourages to you 'go for it' is wrong also. don't put yourself in a situation with him one on one anymore and do not drink and spend time with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sybil562 Posted March 17, 2013 Author Share Posted March 17, 2013 I'm sorry but I want to have sex with this man. Don't want a relationship with, just want to enjoy him. I've decided. Now I just have to get him to ha e sex with me! Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 I'm sorry but I want to have sex with this man. Don't want a relationship with, just want to enjoy him. I've decided. Now I just have to get him to ha e sex with me! You expressed confusion in your opening post and possible misgivings, but now you don't. So your problem is solved, I suppose. Be aware that few women can have just sex and dating a mm has a laundry list of all kinds of other crap that goes along with it, which often leaves a woman in a lot of pain and worse a lot of the time. Even women that aren't leaving the mm, most will advise you not to go there. I guess getting some strange from a single man is not an option? Link to post Share on other sites
WakingUp Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Why do you want to have sex with someone who is taken? You will wonder if he has just had sex with his wife. When he kisses you, is that her perfume lingering on him? Will he compare you to her? It wont just be about the sex... I promise, it will mess with your head. Your self respect will be seriously challenged. And you have your work to think about. Its a lot to throw away just because you have the hots for him. But, it sounds like you are intending to learn all that the hard way. I hope you keep posting months from now when you feel like laying on the floor and crying... when you are struggling to function normally and your self esteem is shot to pieces. Because that is what an affair can do to you. We will try to help you then, it sounds as though you aren't ready to listen now. No-one is going to say hey go for it. Trust me on that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Sybil, I think because he is a) Married. b) co-worker. It is already a sticky situation that could have some life changing consequences for BOTH you & MM. Some things to consider (some may be fair, some Not fair but probably true) -You lose your job -He loses his job -horrible gossip about you being a _____________ (insert derogative here) @ work & around) -Devastation and heartbreak to Children (if any) for years to come -The destruction of a family unit. -Attack from BW & her friends/family These are just a few off the top of my head. I guess what I'm hoping is that you approach this going forward from a realistic perspective instead of your current animalistic, horomonal perspective. * 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 I'm sorry but I want to have sex with this man. Don't want a relationship with, just want to enjoy him. I've decided. Now I just have to get him to ha e sex with me! So it's just that you're horny? Go buy a vibrator..don't participate in ruining people's lives. Or find a single guy to f*ck. Why does it have to be this guy? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy fields Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 I imagine if there are more after work happy hours you will have plenty of chances to see if this will go farther. But, is that how you want the hook up to be? Both of you not sober and doing things this guy probably wouldn't be doing with you sober. I understanding just wanting the hook up, but I would only want it if he was completely into me without the aid of alcohol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 Hi I am very confused and am seeking advice.... Last night I hooked up with my married coworker. A bunch of us went out for early St. Patty's day celebrating and we all drank too much. This coworker and me have always had a 'chemistry' and I would flirt back with him but he always said he would never cheat so I never paid attention. Well last night.... One thing led to another and we ended up back at my apt. We did not have sex but we did fool around. He kept apologizing to me bc he couldn't sleep with me bc he was married . I don't understand??? I am confused bc on the one hand I am glad we didn't have sex but on the other I wish we did I am a horrible person I know. Hypothetically if I keep perusing him would he have sex with me? I sound so awful! I just don't know what to do. I know what I SHOULD do, it's only a matter of listening ........ Please help!! Thank you what's there to not understand? he said to you quite clearly he doesn't want to cheat. drunken fumbling is irrelevant, listen to what he says when he's sober. why do you want to have sex with him? is it because he doesn't want to cheat and it provides some sort of a challenge to see if you can change his mind? stay away from taken men, no matter how horny you are. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 I'm sorry but I want to have sex with this man. Don't want a relationship with, just want to enjoy him. I've decided. Now I just have to get him to ha e sex with me! This is exactly how affairs start. Most think they can have intercourse and not get emotionally involved. And then they fall in love big time. Affair love is addictive. And then you will say "I never planned to have an affair, it just happened". Your story has been told a zillion times on the board. Just ask about how it usually ends, Are you willing to be in misery for the next several years. Most likely this guy is not leaving his wife and once you are in love you will feel like $hit. Furthermore he is married! Did your mother tell you to stay away from married men when you were growing up? Why don't you have sex with single men. It will be way less complicated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 I'm sorry but I want to have sex with this man. Don't want a relationship with, just want to enjoy him. I've decided. Now I just have to get him to ha e sex with me! Perhaps under your bridge would be a nice place? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sybil562 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Share Posted March 18, 2013 I didn't say we were drunk. We were buzzed, a nice evening buzz but certainly in control of our actions. And by the time we go to my apt the buzz was wearing off. I have always been attracted to him and I like being around him. We have a lot in common and get along great. He's always flirting with me and making suggestive comments. I have had sex without attachments or commitments before so I don't know why this would be different. I didn't force him to fool around with me. He says 'no sex' but we've fooled around already so I don't see his hangup over it??? Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy fields Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 In his mind if he is not having sex, he is not cheating. If he is stuck on that, it will be a hard hurdle to get over. Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 exactly. the guy's got pretty shoddy boundaries, but they are boundaries nonetheless. not a 'hangup'. he doesn't want to do the PIV thing, and you should respect that (and yourself) enough to know when you should quit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 I'm sorry but I want to have sex with this man. Don't want a relationship with, just want to enjoy him. I've decided. Now I just have to get him to ha e sex with me! Own this when you two get busted. And do not put all the blame on him. In fact, you seem to be implying that you're just going to go for it, reguardless of your own work reputation, reguardless of the fact he's married and said no to sex. You are going to chase him and push him until he gives in. And he will, don't worry. Problem is? These type of affairs are actually worse for an OW. HE WILL HATE you when he gets caught and put all the blame on you. Yes, he is the one married to his wife, not you - But he will make you out to be the devil and make sure people at work know this too, that you seduced and manipulated him. What will you say to his wife if she finds out and confronts you? Do you have it in you to say what in the above quote? What will you say to your family, your friends, co workers if his wife finds out and exposes you. Ready for the fallout? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 He says 'no sex' but we've fooled around already so I don't see his hangup over it??? Because in his mind 'fooling around a bit' isn't full on cheating and he isn't betraying his. Having actual physical sex with you IS what he considers cheating. He doesn't feel that bad about fooling around, but he WILL feel bad if he has sex with you. As warped as that is, its' probably what is going through his head. But, you don't respect him for saying no to sex or having a boundry. Again, just own YOUR part in all this when it blows up in your face. Hope the sex with him is worth the fallout you will face. And if he goes through with this, has sex with you, he's a fool and deserves what he gets too as the fallout and his consquences are high stake. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 I didn't say we were drunk. We were buzzed, a nice evening buzz but certainly in control of our actions. And by the time we go to my apt the buzz was wearing off. I have always been attracted to him and I like being around him. We have a lot in common and get along great. He's always flirting with me and making suggestive comments. I have had sex without attachments or commitments before so I don't know why this would be different. I didn't force him to fool around with me. He says 'no sex' but we've fooled around already so I don't see his hangup over it??? Uh..maybe he loves his wife and he doesn't think you're worth ruining his life over. I'm pretty sure this is all fake, but if it's not..get over it and find someone single. Or learn to masturbate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sybil562 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Share Posted March 18, 2013 Why would I make up such a dumb story? And how am I ruining his life? Pretty sure his wife wouldn't be ok with her husband 'just' fooling around. He has a strange view of cheating. Oh wait..... According to him he's not doing anything wrong, never mind. I like him and I trust him. Unfortunately he happens to be married. I'm not trying to 'seduce' him but I guess I am curious to see how far he actually goes. I'm in the process of looking for another job and have several opportunities lined up already so I'm not concerned about that aspect. And people already thought we were hooking up long before anything happened between us so any workplace other office rumors don't bother me. So I said befor, I just want to enjoy him, however that may be. If we never have sex then it doesn't happen, oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 Why would I make up such a dumb story? And how am I ruining his life? Pretty sure his wife wouldn't be ok with her husband 'just' fooling around. He has a strange view of cheating. Oh wait..... According to him he's not doing anything wrong, never mind. I like him and I trust him. Unfortunately he happens to be married. I'm not trying to 'seduce' him but I guess I am curious to see how far he actually goes. I'm in the process of looking for another job and have several opportunities lined up already so I'm not concerned about that aspect. And people already thought we were hooking up long before anything happened between us so any workplace other office rumors don't bother me. So I said befor, I just want to enjoy him, however that may be. If we never have sex then it doesn't happen, oh well. Just a few hours ago you were asking how to seduce him..now you're claiming that you're not trying to seduce him. Make up your mind. You sound like a spoiled child throwing a temper tantrum for a new toy. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 Sybil562 If you want to be the OW go for it. Obviously, you are not worried about his wife and family. IF you go the OW route I would advice to be careful and avoid a d-day. Those are very nasty and painful. To avoid the d-day I suggest you only have sex with the guy during the week and not on weekends when he is exprected to be home. If you are planning to communicate with him regularly such as texts and phone calls I suggest you purchase an affair phone for your guy. I also suggest you tell this guy to open up a secret affair email account so his main email remains spotless. The two of you should get checked for STDs before having sex and make sure you are on the pill. Establish the no contact hours early on so you do not have expectations. Try to find some back up guy to do things on the weekends and holidays. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sybil562 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Share Posted March 18, 2013 Well since yall think I'm a homewrecking troll I'll just put it out there: do you think I can get him to have sex with me? Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 Well since yall think I'm a homewrecking troll I'll just put it out there: do you think I can get him to have sex with me? For his and his wife and familys sake, I hope not! You sound like a bunny boiler OW that would become obsessed and try to wreck his life if rejected. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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