Trust issues due to past events

[Cloasi]

Er, hello. First off, I feel inclined to apologize in advance in the event that I'm posting this thread in the incorrect section. I felt this little dilemma of mine could fit the bill of either the main relationship forum or this sub-forum, though I decided upon posting in here.

 

Now, to the matter at hand.

 

My boyfriend of five months and I have seem to have been running into some trust related issues lately. Just this night, after a rather emotional confrontation, he's made me aware of a feeling he's been keeping under covers. He's told me that, through the weeks, he's been feeling that I don't trust him, despite him "pouring [himself] into me".

 

I use quotes merely for displaying what his exact words were; Not because I doubt him in any way. I believe what he says is true completely, and I understand why it is he feels this way. I do have troubles trusting him. Although, it is a problem within myself, of which I have not the strength to conquer by my self, (and so, why I come to you all in hope of assistance).

 

What I mean by "a problem within myself", is that I've been abandoned multiple times in the past already. This is why I've concluded that my inability to trust my partner must have come from these past experiences. These experiences include the time my step-father walked out on us while I was young, along with my sister, who is his blood daughter. I've also been abandoned in my last relationship. I don't really think I should to go too in depth with these occurrences, though. They're stories all their own, and would eat up far too much time.

 

Anywho, I do indeed have trust issues now with my current boyfriend because of instances like these. I have also noticed lately that our communication has been suffering. We aren't as open as what we once felt to have been. I feel that this is because of the lack of trust I have.

 

I'd like to know how I could possibly begin to develop a deeper trust for my partner. Communication, I know, is essential for this. But. . . Well, there's another little glitch I've been noticing.

 

Whenever I attempt to assess an issue in hopes to fix it, I end up hurting him involuntarily. Almost as though the mentioning, the mere idea, that something could be wrong in the relationship terrifies him, to the point at which he is not willing to speak or think of the possibility. This is a huge obstacle in overcoming any kind of problem.

 

 

Even after only five months, I believe I love him, and very dearly at that. It pains me whenever an outlandish thought of doubt crosses my mind every time he forgets to call, or looks the other way. Is there any way to easily dismiss these thoughts as false interpretations of a simple mistake? And, is there any way to coax my partner into comfortably communicating with me on sensitive subjects such as this? I'd like to try and exhaust all possible solutions before even considering to resort to cutting it off.

 

Any and all help is highly appreciated. ~

[GSB81]

I know the feeling, I have the same issue. I've been burned several times over the years and as a result its like my guard is always up. I notice things, small things, that are similar to things noticed in previous relationships that were precursors to problems and sometimes history repeats itself. I've been seeing a girl for a few months now and I've been doing well working on my trust issues. One thing I've noticed is that the attitude of your partner makes a world of difference. It's easier for me trust someone who is considerate and open than someone who snaps at me for asking a simple question.