What was your experience with the BS in your situation?

[LFH]

If memory serves, even tOW said (after the first post about it) that she basically moved her child. The child wasn't shoved to the ground or any other abusive move.

 

Is it fine? No, but you're post makes it seem as if the BS here attacked tOW's child. No mother would scream for anyone to be locked up for a move like that. This seems to be something that a lot of WSs have grabbed to prove this woman is out of control. The sitting outside the apt at night is way more of an indication that something is really off than her moving tOW's child out of the way. So is the daily phone calls saying nothing.

 

Because to me it's unforgivable. This wasn't someone who gently moved a child out of the way with no anger in their motive, it was someone who proved that TOW's children were of no consequence to her either. If it had been the only incident then I wouldn't have said it, but in addition her sister refused to sell medication for the same children. She tries to have her removed from public locations, she's started going to the same places TOW is shopping, AFTER TOW went elsewhere to be considerate and now she's sitting outside her home.

Yes. It's time for her to do something. These are not reasonable actions. I bring up the kid because it shows that when she's in a rage she doesn't think. She just acts. That's dangerous.

[spice4life]

The sister here should have been reported. I don't know where you are, and I know tOW is in Scotland. Here in the states a pharmacist can get into professional trouble for refusing to fill a prescription. There have been instances where, for religious reasons, pharmacists were refusing and it became an issue. The sister here should have been reported. I can understand defending her sister, but not at the health expense of someone else.

 

The stalking is what I warned tOW about the other day. I do see exactly what you're saying. I just hope someone tries to help this woman see reality before she's arrested. Her husband should be stepping up. He is well aware that tOW is all alone in that apt with her children. He is just letting his wife do whatever she wants. He needs to talk some sense into her. If he won't one of her friends should step up.

 

I really hate the thought of this woman ending up arrested since I know this is coming from a place of unbelievable pain and despair. But it does need to end. If no one steps up and gets her to stop, then yes, tOW should call the police. Empathy stops when personal safety is in question.

 

The bolded are my thoughts exactly. What the heck is this guy doing?! Geeez.

[AnotherRound]

The bolded are my thoughts exactly. What the heck is this guy doing?! Geeez.

 

Eh - he can't control her, and she obviously can't control herself. I would contact authorities and have her routed to either a psychiatric ward (if that is warranted) or jail (if she is just committing crimes and is not mentally ill). Grief doesn't give people the right to become dangerous and harassing. If it did - wow.

 

She needs to learn to self soothe, adapt, jeez... is she a mother? I missed that part - but if she is, seriously? She needs to get herself together and handle life and stop sucking at that by not being able to maintain herself. Grief or not - I know that grief can cause people to act out of character - but when it becomes dangerous like this, those people need to be locked up one way or another before they hurt themselves or someone else.

 

I'm imagining a world where anyone can do what they want bc they claim to be hurt or upset and OTHER people are expected to maintain them and keep them from doing things that are harmful and dangerous. This is EXACTLY why we have the laws in place that we do and why we have Police Officers - bc sometimes, people are just out of control and this woman sounds like it.

 

As an aside - if someone ever put their hands on any children that I saw, I would have had her thrown in jail without hesitation. That is proof that she has no concern for anyone but herself - she seems very selfish and very self-centered and seems to feel entitled to act however she wants simply bc she claims to be in pain.

[LFH]

I don't know why tOW hasn't texted him to tell him to call his wife off. I know she's trying to stay away from him and really good for her for doing so, but enough is enough. A quick text telling him that if he doesn't do something his wife is going to end up in jail might make him react.

 

Someone needs to help this woman back to reality.

Cause the minute TOW texts or calls him, she'll the bad person again. She's be considered evil and vile and stalking HIM and that will be the catalyst to drive the wife over the edge.

 

I'm not really as insensitive or lacking compassion as people think I am. I just don't always feel the need to sugarcoat stuff.

[AnotherRound]

Cause the minute TOW texts or calls him, she'll the bad person again. She's be considered evil and vile and stalking HIM and that will be the catalyst to drive the wife over the edge.

 

Um - I think that the wife is already over the edge... her behaviors are ridiculous AND illegal. I would just contact the authorities - that's what they are there for - let them do their job.

[spice4life]

Eh - he can't control her, and she obviously can't control herself. I would contact authorities and have her routed to either a psychiatric ward (if that is warranted) or jail (if she is just committing crimes and is not mentally ill). Grief doesn't give people the right to become dangerous and harassing. If it did - wow.

 

She needs to learn to self soothe, adapt, jeez... is she a mother? I missed that part - but if she is, seriously? She needs to get herself together and handle life and stop sucking at that by not being able to maintain herself. Grief or not - I know that grief can cause people to act out of character - but when it becomes dangerous like this, those people need to be locked up one way or another before they hurt themselves or someone else.

 

I'm imagining a world where anyone can do what they want bc they claim to be hurt or upset and OTHER people are expected to maintain them and keep them from doing things that are harmful and dangerous. This is EXACTLY why we have the laws in place that we do and why we have Police Officers - bc sometimes, people are just out of control and this woman sounds like it.

 

As an aside - if someone ever put their hands on any children that I saw, I would have had her thrown in jail without hesitation. That is proof that she has no concern for anyone but herself - she seems very selfish and very self-centered and seems to feel entitled to act however she wants simply bc she claims to be in pain.

 

I understand that, but I would think he would at least tell her what her actions may lead to - hospital or jail if she doesn't get a grip.

[AnotherRound]

I understand that, but I would think he would at least tell her what her actions may lead to - hospital or jail if she doesn't get a grip.

 

I can see that, but are there honestly adults out there who don't know this information? That stalking and harassing and threatening are illegal and have very real legal consequences?

 

Personally - I think she needs to be locked up, period. I don't think that she deserves to have people continue to coddle her while she acts like a lunatic towards others - especially towards children. It's not a secret that we have police and laws and she shouldn't be surprised when she ends up sitting in jail for acting a fool. And over an ended relationship? Nope. That's not normal - stable - or healthy and it's getting into dangerous territory.

 

I wouldn't allow anyone to act like this towards me - I would call the authorities and let them handle it. Follow the laws or pay the consequences.

 

If she truly doesn't realize that what she is doing is illegal (wth? lol) then whatever - I wouldn't even give her that (esp not if she had put her hands on my child!). Whatever, actions have consequences - she needs to learn that, and quick. I'd be more than happy to assist her in learning that lesson if I was TOW...

[spice4life]

Um - I think that the wife is already over the edge... her behaviors are ridiculous AND illegal. I would just contact the authorities - that's what they are there for - let them do their job.

 

The more I think about it you are correct - her only option is a warning from the authorities. I just can't help but think her husband is just sitting passively by while she is running around doing this stuff though. I didn't think about the incident of shoving TOW's child aside and her continued harrassment as a lack of concern for anyone else but herself until you pointed that out.

[LFH]

And who mentioned that she should be allowed to do this? Why are you imagining a world where people can do what they want? No one suggested that anywhere.

 

The woman's behavior has not become dangerous. She is at the point, however, that becoming dangerous could become a reality.

Every time someone says "Well she's been through a lot" or "well her heart was broken" or "She's the victim" they are making excuses and saying it's ok for her to act like this.

Her behavior has crossed line. If you surveyed 100 people on this board, I think you'd have a hard time finding even 1 who would say that they would touch a child (especially one that belonged to someone else) in ANY way while they are in a fit of uncontrollable anger.

That's why I keep bringing it up. It's a sign of uncontrollable behavior. She isn't thinking clearly.

Do I want it to come to this? Of course not... but if it comes down to her spending a night in jail having a reality check or the rest of her life in prison after she crosses a line that can't be uncrossed I know what I think is the better option.

Edited March 18, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[AnotherRound]

The more I think about it you are correct - her only option is a warning from the authorities. I just can't help but think her husband is just sitting passively by while she is running around doing this stuff though. I didn't think about the incident of shoving TOW's child aside and her continued harrassment as a lack of concern for anyone else but herself until you pointed that out.

 

I just don't have any tolerance for this type of behavior, from anyone. If my own sister was acting this unstable, I would not attempt to stop her myself - I would contact the authorities so that she could be evaluated. I can't be objective with my sister - and I want what is best for her - if that is learning to control herself, then so be it. It's called tough love, lol, and I would do it in a heartbeat if it would keep her safe and from doing further harm.

 

This woman is on a mission - and she is committing crimes in the process. How much warning should everyone give her? Again with the time limits? What? Nope.

 

When the OW after me started to threaten me - I contacted authorities immediately - bc she was doing something criminal, something illegal and those laws are in place to protect people like me who aren't criminals and aren't out doing things that are illegal simply bc we "feel bad" about something that happened in our life. I probably could have gotten away with killing my es step-father when my mother was murdered - but that wouldn't have made it "right".

 

But this case? Nope - she's never going to pass on that whole "crime of passion" crap - she is plotting, for extended periods of time - and feeling entitled to just do whatever she wants bc she fancies herself a victim. Please - let her sit in the psych ward to be evaluated - if found to be stable, let her sit in jail and think about what she is doing. Maybe she'll learn a little self control and a few things about consequences when you are an adult. I sure hope she doesn't have children - if she does, and this is her example of how to handle life when it knocks you down - well, good luck to them bc the world is gonna roll them just like it did her.

[Got it]

I was reading around on here and realized that I wasn't really clear on many posters here and their stories regarding this? Are you currently in the A - and if so, is the BS aware? How long has your relationship with your MP been going on? Any contact or confrontation from the BS? Just curious and instead of trying to find it in old threads - was hoping I could consolidate it and catch up on some of the current posters histories!

 

No longer in the affair, we are multiple years past it and the divorce. Around dday I received two emails responses to an email I sent him after we broke up. Outside of that there has been no interaction or communication on either side since that point. He interacts with her, I do not.

[TheOW]

Thanks everyone for ur words

 

I was just going to leave things as they were, I thought in time when she controls her emotions things may calm down, I understand the pain she is in buy I've come to realise this is not healthy (just this morning she has driven past my house 3 times, which I have noticed) I had thought about texting mm but I don't want to make things worse for her I know he is probably doing everything he can to fix things and probably doesn't realise what she is doing. I had been thinking about moving away for a while to let things calm down, but I don't think this is my kids best interest moving them away from their father and from other family members.

 

MM and family have several properties abroad and I thought that they would go away for a while.

 

I think next time I see her (on my own without children present) I am going to have to ask her what she is doing and if it continues I will go to the police, I've also thought about telling her I have pictures of her driving past my house (I haven't but this may make her back off abit)

 

She won't drive me out of the town she's tried and failed.

 

I must also thank LFH thank you so much for ur words of support.

[cocorico]

And sometimes - people are just unstable - the situation around them doesn't matter. Sometimes, they just cope inappropriately and attempt to harass or attack another - regardless of their label, this is wrong, and punishable by legal force.

 

If someone is truly unstable - they can be evaluated at any hospital ER. If they don't meet the criteria for being mentally unstable then yes, they may go to jail, bc at that point there truly is no excuse for their behaviors of threatening, harassing, or attacking another person - no matter what they think they have the right to do.

 

So, imo, if someone attacks me, I take the legal route and how that ends up is regardless of my input. The OW after me in my situation was placed into a psychiatric ward during her "reactions" to finding out that exMM had decided not to be with her. She was in her 50s and should have known better - and was found to be mentally unstable, warranting a stay in a hospital to keep her, and others, safe. That's nobody's fault. But, if she was found to be stable and continued to choose to attempt to bully and/or harass someone - then she deserves to be in jail. It's a crime for a reason.

 

Thankfully, the wife in my situation is not unstable that way, nor am I. So, we had absolutely no confrontations. Come to think of it, neither did I and my exH's OW - we spoke on the phone once when I called her to let her know that I knew - it was a short convo, and nothing else came of it. Neither of us decided to follow the other around or take it to an unhealthy and dangerous level.

 

You can't excuse bad behavior because someone is upset - that's why the legal defense of legal insanity is rarely able to be used with any effectiveness - if there is any preplanning at all, it's a chosen behavior - not an action of passion. Nobody drives other people "crazy" - someone is unstable or they are not - they can deal with life or they can't - regardless of what is thrown at them. It's called resiliency - and if someone doesn't have it, it is sad, but it's not anyone else's fault that the other person can't roll with the punches of life like the rest of us have to.

 

Agree 100%.

[AnotherRound]

Imagine a world where people didn't engage in behavior that could cause this kind of pain...

 

When you are betrayed by the person entrusted to protect you and its aided by a fellow mother who had no compassion for you or the children, it IS rather normal to freak out... People who get slapped have the urge to slap back. What kind if poly-Anna nonsense is this to help destroy someone's life and then get angry they are doling out the same kind of activity towards you?!?

 

My ex H's ow was paid back for what she did to my family, I wasn't in need of help, I was in need of getting my self respect and boundaries back, I was in need of justice for my family. I took it back, and when I was satiated it was done.

 

People who don't like to pay the piper shouldn't dance to his music....

 

 

Well, if I harassed her and such - that would be equal pay out. She is more than welcome to attempt to sleep with my husband, or boyfriend, or whatever. She is not, however, allowed to behave like a criminal and put me into physical danger. Regardless of what I've done to her psychologically (or what she blames me for).

 

That, imo, is a very childish reaction - and no, not "normal" for someone in pain and/or grieving. For someone who is childish and has very limited coping skills and ability to adjust to the world around them perhaps - but not for someone who is an adult with the emotional intelligence of an adult - sorry, we're going to have to disagree on that one.

 

Have her locked up. Let her sit in jail (or the hospital) and think about her behaviors. Criminals (who are not mentally ill) deserve to pay the price of their actions.

[cocorico]

. She is more than welcome to attempt to sleep with my husband, or boyfriend, or whatever.

 

 

Exactly!

 

Why do some BS think this is such a crime? I have absolutely no problem with any wannabe OW flinging herself at my H - hey, I thought he was worth a roll in the hay, why wouldn't she? And of he complied, well, that's on him, not on her. I just don't get how some BS see the OW's seduction attempts as morally reprehensible - especially when they ascribe them moral, or even legal, equivalence of *real* transgressions, such as harassment, stalking, pushing kids out the way, etc.

[spice4life]

Thanks everyone for ur words

 

I was just going to leave things as they were, I thought in time when she controls her emotions things may calm down, I understand the pain she is in buy I've come to realise this is not healthy (just this morning she has driven past my house 3 times, which I have noticed) I had thought about texting mm but I don't want to make things worse for her I know he is probably doing everything he can to fix things and probably doesn't realise what she is doing. I had been thinking about moving away for a while to let things calm down, but I don't think this is my kids best interest moving them away from their father and from other family members.

 

MM and family have several properties abroad and I thought that they would go away for a while.

 

I think next time I see her (on my own without children present) I am going to have to ask her what she is doing and if it continues I will go to the police, I've also thought about telling her I have pictures of her driving past my house (I haven't but this may make her back off abit)

 

She won't drive me out of the town she's tried and failed.

 

I must also thank LFH thank you so much for ur words of support.

 

(((TheOW))). Maybe calling the authorities is the best way to go. I don't think confronting er is going to work because she is going to tell you to move. Plus, she may get violent and/or try to set you up by turning this around on you by saying you came after her. The best thing to do is to let the authorities handle it. You've done everything you can possibly do and it's not working.

[LFH]

Unbelievable.

First, it's nice that you're offering what she can do as a reaction, but no one asked her in the first place, so really you don't get to pick the reaction. Sorry - not how life works.

Second, I realize it must be such fun to keep saying 'have her locked up' but she hasn't committed one single crime, has she?

 

Get a grip people. The best thing here is to get her to stop before something does happen. Right now going to the police because a woman is using a public road? Well have fun.

 

As I said before, I think she needs stopped before she hurts someone, possibly even herself. Her behavior it out of bounds. Honestly, I think simply a visit from a police officer reminding her that she's not above the law could be effective, or a letter from an attorney, but she's so far wrapped up into "I've been wronged" mode that she isn't seeing it. And she has been wronged... I'm not saying she hasn't, but she's not being rational and someone has the potential to get hurt, and the longer this goes unchecked the more likely it is to happen.

[cocorico]

Unbelievable.

First, it's nice that you're offering what she can do as a reaction, but no one asked her in the first place, so really you don't get to pick the reaction. Sorry - not how life works.

Second, I realize it must be such fun to keep saying 'have her locked up' but she hasn't committed one single crime, has she?

 

Get a grip people. The best thing here is to get her to stop before something does happen. Right now going to the police because a woman is using a public road? Well have fun.

 

In my country, pushing a kid out of the way is assault, and that is a crime. She may not get a jail sentence for it if it went to court, but it would certainly warrant a community service sentence caring for AIDS orphans or cleaning a shelter for abused kids, to teach her some compassion towards kids.

[AnotherRound]

In my country, pushing a kid out of the way is assault, and that is a crime. She may not get a jail sentence for it if it went to court, but it would certainly warrant a community service sentence caring for AIDS orphans or cleaning a shelter for abused kids, to teach her some compassion towards kids.

 

In the US I'm pretty sure that barging into someone's house, without permission (as I think she did?) is trespassing. And, if the person who owns the house and the property lives anywhere with the Castle Law (I do) they could use any force necessary to defend themselves, even killing her, and there would be no legal repurcussion as long as they were in fear of their life, or protecting a 3rd party (like their child). She's lucky she didn't get shot and killed, honestly.

 

Also, not only did she barge in, uninvited (like a lunatic) but she then assaulted a child - no matter how "gently" she did it- she has no right to place her hands on someone else's child - ever. No excuses for that, period.

 

People get hurt every day -have their feelings hurt, end relationships or have a relationship ended - this over-reaction to these very normal life happenings is ridiculous. Oh, my feelings were hurt by that person so now I can just do whatever I want and it will be justified bc my hurt outranks their right not not be assaulted! What? Lol Um - not so here in the good ole US - thankfully. Jeez.

 

This is seeming very similar to some thinking that they can verbally attack whomever they want bc they are hurting - that all of a sudden they don't owe anyone else any respect or human decency. I cannot believe that people are defending this woman's action of shoving a toddler - not HER toddler even (which is still freakin' unacceptable) - but someone else's child out of the way so that she can throw a hissy fit bc her SO has chosen another.

 

This IS the Twilight Zone. Again, I say, lock her up. Her behaviors are illegal - no matter how she tries to spin her justifications (seriously? How old is this person? 5? jeez oh) that bc her feelings are hurt she has some right to act a fool and commit crimes until she feels better.

 

All actions have consequences. Criminal behaviors are consequenced with legal confinement. She made that choice. TOW took her consequences of being an OW - but those consequences aren't legal confinement - oh well, life isn't fair. This is why people get shot and killed - seriously -bc some seem to think that their hurt feelings entitle them to whatever they want until they are soothed (gagging as I write that) - and when will that be? Because she OBVIOUSLY is unable to self-soothe - which in itself is worrisome, to say the least.

 

Ridiculous. Absolutely and insanely ridiculous. I hope that she reaps what she has sown, and soon.

[Owl]

This is simple enough...if she broke the law...then seek legal assistance.

 

Let the law enforcement system manage the situation.

 

If she hasn't...well I'm reminded that as long as what is being done is not illegal, it doesn't matter if anyone else thinks it's right or not. Seems we just had that discussion recently.

[William]

As this thread appears to have focused in on one member and their issues, rather than a collaborative discussion inclusive of all members, I'm going to close it without prejudice. Members are free to continue specific discussion of this member's circumstances in an existing or new thread. If the member has an existing thread, I'll see if moderation can accommodate consolidation to that thread. Thanks for your participation.