THE ONE NIGHT STANDS OF WOMEN - AN EDITORIAL

[Tony T]

I guess you might put this post in the category of an editorial rather than an answer to one particular post. This is a personal editorial...I have NO affiliation with LoveShack.org management or this website.

 

However, there is a rather lengthy thread going below and it has to do with men dumping their girlfriends because they find out they had three or four one night stands prior to their meeting.

 

Men are notorious for having one night stands. And, unless they are homosexual, they have to have females to have these one night stands with. So for every one night stand a female has, there is a man who has also had one.

 

Then, later on, these same guys go berzerk when they find out their lady had some one night stands. They go so bananas they want to get out of the relationship. They just can't stand the thought.

 

That says a whole lot more about the men than it does the women. What it says about the men is they are hypocritical, judgemental, hold women up to a much higher standard than they hold themselves (double standard???), and perhaps they are often jealous because the woman had more of these opportunities than the man.

 

I am embarassed to be the same sex of these guys who are so sickened by the normal sexual encounters of their extremely honest and forthright ladies. While I personally think the sexual history of every person is a private matter which should be kept to themselves in all except life threatening cases, if people want to go around telling their boyfriends/girlfriends how many sex partners or one night stands they've had, go for it. However, I see nothing positive coming from such disclosures and it's none of anybody's business, including a fiance or a spouse.

 

Women have just as much right as men to have these one night stands. In the majority of cases, they are seduced by, uh...DUH...a male. I don't think this is a sign of changing times. I think people have always had one night stands. As long as the proper protection is used, as well as other personal safety precautions, they aren't a terrible thing and they're just going to happen sometimes in the heat of the moment.

 

That a woman has had a handful of one night stands says absolutely NOTHING about her ability to be an excellent partner. First, it says she is being honest to her current boyfriend in disclosing this information. Second, it says she has a normal sexual appetite. Third, it says she is human. Fourth, it says she went through a phase of learning she had to go through just like we all do.

 

In a great many cases, women have one night stands out of emotional desperation or confusion. I don't think that's something that ought to be held against anyone. We all do things we wouldn't normally do when we are emotionally distraught.

 

Frankly, I would prefer a woman I loved to have had five or six one night stands than to have had five or six long term relationships where she got one big screwing at the end of each and got so hurt that she can't love me completely because of the head stuff which has accumulated.

 

Men who make this a problem for themselves, in my opinion, have massive egos. They just can't stand that their ladies are human, have human tendencies, and are susceptible to the same sexual drives as men.

 

I also think that men who make this a problem may be jealous because it's so much easier for women to have one night stands than for men. But I would bet, in the scheme of things, that far more men have one night stands, indiscriminately and without any feelings for the woman, than women ever will have. So, yes, that does say there are many woman who don't have them, perhaps, or have a lot fewer of them. Maybe it says there are a small group of women out there who have hundreds of them. And a lot in between. But there are many scumbag men out there who don't know understanding and forgiveness.

 

In a lot of cases, they label a woman a slut for having a one night stand when a guy is just being a guy. That is tragically sick thinking.

 

Well, guys, I'm going to end this with a disclosure. More women than you know have had one night stands. Many of them had them when they were intoxicated with alcohol beyond comprehension, some because they were horny at the moment, some because they were deeply hurt by another and even some out of spite or a grudge for a guy who wronged them. Many more had them because they were excited about the opportunity of meeting and knowing someone that could be an important part of their future...and they made an error.

 

I think 99 percent of men have one night stands to achieve an orgasm and nothing more. I think more than 50 percent of these one night stands became such because the sleezebag man never called again.

 

So when you weigh out the motives and statistics, I think it's the women who ought to be repulsed and disgusted with the history of one night stands of their men. However, they seem to be much more forgiving and understanding. Women seem far less affected by the one night stands of men...or is it that more men are liars about how many they've had...or if they've had any at all. And women seem to be far more understanding, accepting and forgiving of the guys they had great hopes for that never called again...the men who actually created the one nigh stand that occurred.

 

But, again, for every woman who's done it...there's a guy out there. And one guy's not doing them all.

 

Ladies, the only thing I can say is that while men seem to demand the truth, they certainly can't handle it. It's no wonder so many of you are fed up with men. Some of them give you an excellent reason to be so.

[Paulie]

Tony:

 

I agree with 95% of your "Editorial."

 

And by the way, do you work for the LoveShack? Is your background in Psychology?

 

(Just Kidding, how many times have you been asked these questions?)

 

One point that I don't necessarily disagree with, but certainly question the accuracy of, is your assertion that for every man that has had a one-night-stand, there must be a corresponding # of women.

 

Upon first glance, this must certainly be the case. My contention (which I'm not 100% convinced is the case, but I've seen quite alot of evidence to support it.) involves the sexual activities of very promiscuous women. I find that women who are promiscuous sexually, are more likely to be VERY promiscuous. In other words, yes...30 men might all have had one night stands, but it was with the same 15 women. The other 15 women are pretty reserved, and generally don't have one-night stands.

 

Men are far less likely than women to turn down a sexual advance. Therefore, women who ARE very sexually motivated are in a position that allos them to have far greater numbers of sexual partners than a corresponding male with an equally high sex drive.

 

There were a few girls at my college who had one-night stands with (no exaggeration) maybe 100 guys each throughout their college career. While most guys either had a girlfriend, or had one-night stands every once in a while, the one-night stands were often spread out among the same pool of (slutty) girls.

 

See my point?

[Ed]

I am in agreement with Tony and Paulie. I don't know about the statistics of the whole matter, but I'm sure there have been lots of studies done on this subject. I don't think the statistics really make any difference though. To me, the biggest issue is THE DOUBLE STANDARD that is perpetuated - that it is somehow OK, or otherwise excused, if men have one night stands...But a woman is chastised and labeled as a whore if she does it. If someone thinks that one night stands are immoral or wrong - then both the male and the female involved should be held to the same standard of judgement.

 

It's up to each of us, individually, to determine how we feel about one night stands, in general, and what we think about people that engage in one night stands. Be aware that most peoples perception of the "act" and the "actors" is distorted by our society's, sometimes twisted, view of sex and sex acts.

 

I have two other subjects that relate to one night stands I would like to see further discussion on by anyone interested. I am going to start them as seperate posts in case they get a lot of responses.

[Queenie]

Tony,

 

I LOVE YOU !!! I wish you were my older brother. Your guidance could have been very useful to myself and some of the males who have been in my life. I have had 3 one night stands in my lifetime, one was just to experience the whole "one night stand" issue and found it quite empowering, I know that maybe that sounds selfish but I guess at that point in my life, for once, I needed the control over a sexual situation. The other two were just to experiment and I actually discovered how sex could be fun! that it didn't have to be "serious" all the time.

I guess you might put this post in the category of an editorial rather than an answer to one particular post. This is a personal editorial...I have NO affiliation with LoveShack.org management or this website. However, there is a rather lengthy thread going below and it has to do with men dumping their girlfriends because they find out they had three or four one night stands prior to their meeting. Men are notorious for having one night stands. And, unless they are homosexual, they have to have females to have these one night stands with. So for every one night stand a female has, there is a man who has also had one. Then, later on, these same guys go berzerk when they find out their lady had some one night stands. They go so bananas they want to get out of the relationship. They just can't stand the thought. That says a whole lot more about the men than it does the women. What it says about the men is they are hypocritical, judgemental, hold women up to a much higher standard than they hold themselves (double standard???), and perhaps they are often jealous because the woman had more of these opportunities than the man. I am embarassed to be the same sex of these guys who are so sickened by the normal sexual encounters of their extremely honest and forthright ladies. While I personally think the sexual history of every person is a private matter which should be kept to themselves in all except life threatening cases, if people want to go around telling their boyfriends/girlfriends how many sex partners or one night stands they've had, go for it. However, I see nothing positive coming from such disclosures and it's none of anybody's business, including a fiance or a spouse. Women have just as much right as men to have these one night stands. In the majority of cases, they are seduced by, uh...DUH...a male. I don't think this is a sign of changing times. I think people have always had one night stands. As long as the proper protection is used, as well as other personal safety precautions, they aren't a terrible thing and they're just going to happen sometimes in the heat of the moment. That a woman has had a handful of one night stands says absolutely NOTHING about her ability to be an excellent partner. First, it says she is being honest to her current boyfriend in disclosing this information. Second, it says she has a normal sexual appetite. Third, it says she is human. Fourth, it says she went through a phase of learning she had to go through just like we all do. In a great many cases, women have one night stands out of emotional desperation or confusion. I don't think that's something that ought to be held against anyone. We all do things we wouldn't normally do when we are emotionally distraught.

 

Frankly, I would prefer a woman I loved to have had five or six one night stands than to have had five or six long term relationships where she got one big screwing at the end of each and got so hurt that she can't love me completely because of the head stuff which has accumulated.

 

Men who make this a problem for themselves, in my opinion, have massive egos. They just can't stand that their ladies are human, have human tendencies, and are susceptible to the same sexual drives as men. I also think that men who make this a problem may be jealous because it's so much easier for women to have one night stands than for men. But I would bet, in the scheme of things, that far more men have one night stands, indiscriminately and without any feelings for the woman, than women ever will have. So, yes, that does say there are many woman who don't have them, perhaps, or have a lot fewer of them. Maybe it says there are a small group of women out there who have hundreds of them. And a lot in between. But there are many scumbag men out there who don't know understanding and forgiveness. In a lot of cases, they label a woman a slut for having a one night stand when a guy is just being a guy. That is tragically sick thinking.

 

Well, guys, I'm going to end this with a disclosure. More women than you know have had one night stands. Many of them had them when they were intoxicated with alcohol beyond comprehension, some because they were horny at the moment, some because they were deeply hurt by another and even some out of spite or a grudge for a guy who wronged them. Many more had them because they were excited about the opportunity of meeting and knowing someone that could be an important part of their future...and they made an error. I think 99 percent of men have one night stands to achieve an orgasm and nothing more. I think more than 50 percent of these one night stands became such because the sleezebag man never called again. So when you weigh out the motives and statistics, I think it's the women who ought to be repulsed and disgusted with the history of one night stands of their men. However, they seem to be much more forgiving and understanding. Women seem far less affected by the one night stands of men...or is it that more men are liars about how many they've had...or if they've had any at all. And women seem to be far more understanding, accepting and forgiving of the guys they had great hopes for that never called again...the men who actually created the one nigh stand that occurred. But, again, for every woman who's done it...there's a guy out there. And one guy's not doing them all. Ladies, the only thing I can say is that while men seem to demand the truth, they certainly can't handle it. It's no wonder so many of you are fed up with men. Some of them give you an excellent reason to be so.

[Deejette]

It makes me very angry too to think about the double standard: Like girls are supposed to keep themselves virgins for the one guy they might meet some day, while the guys are allowed to go out and experiment.

 

Most one-night stands are not very romatincally satisfying and often the girl will feel horrible afterwards because of the emotional bonding that many girls feel after sex while the guy is already history.

 

It is an experience that teaches a woman that a satisfying sexual relationship involves love, care, follow-up, etc. Sometimes a woman has to go through that to understand the incompleteness of sex without love. To judge her for learning about love and sex in the past is rigid and uncool.

I am in agreement with Tony and Paulie. I don't know about the statistics of the whole matter, but I'm sure there have been lots of studies done on this subject. I don't think the statistics really make any difference though. To me, the biggest issue is THE DOUBLE STANDARD that is perpetuated - that it is somehow OK, or otherwise excused, if men have one night stands...But a woman is chastised and labeled as a whore if she does it. If someone thinks that one night stands are immoral or wrong - then both the male and the female involved should be held to the same standard of judgement.

 

It's up to each of us, individually, to determine how we feel about one night stands, in general, and what we think about people that engage in one night stands. Be aware that most peoples perception of the "act" and the "actors" is distorted by our society's, sometimes twisted, view of sex and sex acts. I have two other subjects that relate to one night stands I would like to see further discussion on by anyone interested. I am going to start them as seperate posts in case they get a lot of responses.

 

[Nic]

That says a whole lot more about the men

than it does the women. What it says about the men is they are hypocritical, judgemental, hold women up to a much higher standard than they hold themselves (double standard???), and perhaps they are often jealous because the woman had more of these opportunities than the man.

it's double standards alright and it makes me absolutely sick.

That a woman has had a handful of one night stands says absolutely NOTHING about her ability to be an excellent partner.

Damn right. are you reading this david???? if she still wanted one night stands, she wouldn't be with you would she? it hasn't changed who she is a person, it's probably made her realise that being in a loving relationship is a lot more satisfying for her than one night stands.

Fourth, it says she went through a phase of learning she had to go through just like we all do.

everything we do in our lives we learn from somehow. if a girl had 3 or 4 different jobs in one year because she was trying to find an occupation she feels happy in, would a guy hold that against her? no. so why get all trivial over sex?

In a great many cases, women have one night stands out of emotional desperation or confusion. I don't think that's something that ought to be held against anyone. We all do things we wouldn't normally do when we are emotionally distraught.

been there, done that, AND LEARNT FROM IT. a lot of women i know have been in this situation out of insecurity, wanting to be wanted, etc. everyone has been hurt and confused at some stage in their life, and just because someone else might not act like that, doesn't mean someone has the right to condemn them for what they thought was the right thing to do at the time.

Frankly, I would prefer a woman I loved to have had five or six one night stands than to have had five or six long term relationships where she got one big screwing at the end of each and got so hurt that she can't love me completely because of the head stuff which has accumulated.

and not to mention tony, i know guys who are more bothered by their girlfriends having been IN LOVE numerous times, yet wouldn't be bothered by casual sex. isn't a few emotional encounters something to feel more threatened about than non-emotional, non-threating ones? (not that people should be be bothered at all unless their partner still feels something for an ex).

 

and guys whose girlfriends have had experience should be thankful for that. how would these guys feel if their girlfriend was a virgin until they met them and decided in a year or two that they want to see what else is out there?? you can't win can you?

Men who make this a problem for themselves, in my opinion, have massive egos. They just can't stand that their ladies are human, have human tendencies, and are susceptible to the same sexual drives as men. Maybe it says there are a small group of women out there who have hundreds of them. And a lot in between. But there are many scumbag men out there who don't know understanding

 

and forgiveness.

 

yeah, and there a plenty of guys out there who's girlfriends have done this and there not even aware of it. but should it matter anyway when this woman is in love? NO!!

In a lot of cases, they label a woman a slut for having a one night stand when a guy is just being a guy. That is tragically sick thinking.

it's totally disgusting and again, double-standards and chauvinistic. guys who think like this are not living in the real world and need a good smack in the head. a guy has no right to make a woman feel like a "dirty skank" when she's done NOTHING WRONG.

...and they made an error.

and don't we all make errors? as long as these errors weren't made while in the relationship, why should anyone give a #####??? you can't punish or condemn someone for being human, so to all you guys who think like that - GET A LIFE AND TAKE A LONG HARD LOOK AT YOUR OWN MISTAKES INSTEAD OF HERS!