digitally Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Hi loveshack, A co worker and I became involved a few months back, she is married w/ children. She came onto me and I was blinded by her good looks knowing I should have stayed away. We had a decent thing going, after learning about her home situation I understand why she does what she did.. doesnt make it ok tho, but I can understand. Regardless, it was going good, until one day I get a call from her, but it wasnt her...it was her husband, lets say he was pretty irate, instead of getting into it with him on the phone I just hung up. After that she pulled away which I understand. In person shes cold and shrugs me off, but we work together and she calls me at my desk numerous times a day like its all good. I started to pull away then she wants to know why im acting like I dont know her. I had to chase her down and corner her just to get her to confront this situation and bring closure to it. She wanted to know why i act like I dont know her, so I said you turned away on me, were not as close as we were and thats it..yet she still calls my desk, I dont want to be mean to her, i still like her, and have to see her everyday, changing jobs isnt an option. I dont really get it, she ended it with me, we dont fool around anymore, and i cant imagine what she goes thru with her husband bringing it up all the time.. so why does she still call me like she wants something to do with me? The second i ignore her she pursues me more like she wants to bring it back.. Im just confused. Lesson learned. do not get invloved with co workers, especially married ones.. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 She liked the emotional connection. Men are more into the physical connection (generally, of course). She probably has a mental thought process going on about you two still being "friends." And as long as there isn't a physical component, she can mentally justify that she's not doing wrong by her husband (since he's more likely to be stressed out by any physical contact). She gets the emotional component without "cheating." She's wrong about you two being friends. You can't unring a bell. But now she feels like you just valued the physical connection so her feelings are hurt. Mars vs Venus stuff. Disentangle yourself from this mess before the betrayed husband rearranges your face. Tell her you want no contact with her of any kind. This is the price you both pay for her pretending she's single when she's married. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 She wants to eat cake, still have you drooling after her, but doesn't want the hassle or the possibility of getting caught again. The office calls provide her the perfect place to get her strokes, very little chance of her getting caught there. I bet she never calls you from her home or cell right? Why...........cause she doesn't want to get caught, pretty sneaky uh? She uses you, and uses her hubby, well pretending to not be doing anything wrong. Contacting you only at work appeases her guilt a bit because she can tell herself there isn't any physical contact so it's not an affair any longer in her head. So the question is, are you going to let her keep using you like that? If not, then only talk about business, be formal, curt and short. She will get the message. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Ego! She loved having the attention, the flirting and you making her feel good. All that has stopped and you've backed off. She misses how it made her feel. I am surprised her husband hasn't suggested she quit her job, find another one or ask for a transfer. Or even 'out' the A at work. Keep on ignoring her and if she asks again why you are distant and ignoring her, all you have to say is you don't want to be the OM and she has a husband she can go home to for attention and affection. To stop looking to you for that stuff, that you are DONE. Hopefully she'll back off and leave you alone. You need the space so you can deal with your loss and pain. Having her in your face is selfish of her! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Digitally As a married woman who had an affair with a work colleague, I can say that the above three posts are spot-on. She is getting her "fix" yet holding you back from getting over the affair. Be firm. Keep any contact at work to just work. If she tries to engage you in personal chat, walk away. Don't feed her anymore. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author digitally Posted March 17, 2013 Author Share Posted March 17, 2013 thanks for the replies, see, transferring for either of us is harder then it sounds, and getting a new job really isnt an option. Its too good of a job to just leave over some situation like this. See, I realized that she was using me after a while, after the dust settled and I started using my brain and not my pants. ANd her husband has tried to tell her to leave and get her a new job, and worse even trying to get her fired. Thing is, wherever she goes she will probably cheat there as well.. What really made me pull away is that it took her so long to just talk about the end of it, that it was hurtfull. Thats what hurt the most. and on top of that she gave me the "youre a good guy" line. LOL. like really? You give me the good guy line and think im still going to talk to you..its like a slap in the face everytime she calls me to say hi. please if any of you find yourself in this situation just dont do it.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 thanks for the replies, see, transferring for either of us is harder then it sounds, and getting a new job really isnt an option. Its too good of a job to just leave over some situation like this. See, I realized that she was using me after a while, after the dust settled and I started using my brain and not my pants. ANd her husband has tried to tell her to leave and get her a new job, and worse even trying to get her fired. Thing is, wherever she goes she will probably cheat there as well.. What really made me pull away is that it took her so long to just talk about the end of it, that it was hurtfull. Thats what hurt the most. and on top of that she gave me the "youre a good guy" line. LOL. like really? You give me the good guy line and think im still going to talk to you..its like a slap in the face everytime she calls me to say hi. please if any of you find yourself in this situation just dont do it.. Oh, I completely agree that giving you the good guy line is a total slap in the face. I would be infuriated by that. She needs to leave you alone, but that's not going to happen until you make it perfectly clear that you want nothing to do with her need for an ego fix. I know it's hard if you work with her, but it can be done. So the question is, what are you going to do to set a boundary that makes her stop and allows you to continue with your job. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author digitally Posted March 18, 2013 Author Share Posted March 18, 2013 well is she doing this on purpose or does she not know what she is doing by calling my desk everday? Does she really think we can just be friends or is she unknowinlgy using me or knowingly? or is she just keeping me on the back burner in case her and her husband hit a rough spot again? Im getting sick of these mixed signals, and I might sound bad here but im not the type of guy who is just friends with a girl. LIke the posts above said, im sure she feels good knowing I still like her and I get the feeling that she doesnt want me to cut her out completely. Im well aware that if a women wants you out of her life, shell make it very clear. IF she just wanted a fling it could have went that way, we dont need to talk everyday or know eachothers life stories...her background is that he mistreats her, and cheated on her numerous times. So I cant really judge her. Ill be completly honest, I just want to sleep with her, shes obviously in a situation with children and a unhealthy marriage so if were not messing around then what. You women are so complicated sometimes.. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 Why not set YOUR boundaries on what you'll accept going forward? Make it clear to her that what she's doing is unacceptable. You've accepted that the affair is over...and she needs to do the same. Spell out clearly and concisely what you will accept and won't accept from her behaviors going forward. No reason why you have to spend much energy trying to solve the why's and why-nots over her behavior...just spell out YOUR boundaries and enforce them clearly. Much simpler. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 Why not set YOUR boundaries on what you'll accept going forward? Make it clear to her that what she's doing is unacceptable. You've accepted that the affair is over...and she needs to do the same. Spell out clearly and concisely what you will accept and won't accept from her behaviors going forward. No reason why you have to spend much energy trying to solve the why's and why-nots over her behavior...just spell out YOUR boundaries and enforce them clearly. Much simpler. OP want to have an affair. His complaint is about the fact that she does not follow through. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfinLuv Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 well is she doing this on purpose or does she not know what she is doing by calling my desk everday? Does she really think we can just be friends or is she unknowinlgy using me or knowingly? or is she just keeping me on the back burner in case her and her husband hit a rough spot again? Im getting sick of these mixed signals, and I might sound bad here but im not the type of guy who is just friends with a girl. LIke the posts above said, im sure she feels good knowing I still like her and I get the feeling that she doesnt want me to cut her out completely. Im well aware that if a women wants you out of her life, shell make it very clear. IF she just wanted a fling it could have went that way, we dont need to talk everyday or know eachothers life stories...her background is that he mistreats her, and cheated on her numerous times. So I cant really judge her. Ill be completly honest, I just want to sleep with her, shes obviously in a situation with children and a unhealthy marriage so if were not messing around then what. You women are so complicated sometimes.. Office affair is easiest to fall for and most diffcult to keep up with unless there is clear communication between you two. Are you married too? You need to make your intentions clear to her and let her make decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Author digitally Posted March 19, 2013 Author Share Posted March 19, 2013 OP want to have an affair. His complaint is about the fact that she does not follow through. This is excatly it. After getting caught the physical aspect of it ceased, she pretty much brushes me off in person, then hops on the phone and calls my desk. its confusing, dont get me wrong, its in no way stalkerish or harrassing, just confusing. And after the good guy line, its like what do you want already. Im not trying to be her ego boost with these games. Shes obviously stringing me along letting me think well hop back in bed together just enough to keep me talking to her. Im debating next time she calls me to not even play the "oh im real busy" line, or just hang up on her. I wont see her for a few more days at work so i have some time to think about this Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 OK...well...she's pulled away after having been caught. Either she's afraid of getting caught again, or she doesn't want to continue. Regardless...what's the point of pushing this if she's not 'following through' anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 (edited) This is excatly it. After getting caught the physical aspect of it ceased, she pretty much brushes me off in person, then hops on the phone and calls my desk. its confusing, dont get me wrong, its in no way stalkerish or harrassing, just confusing. And after the good guy line, its like what do you want already. Im not trying to be her ego boost with these games. Shes obviously stringing me along letting me think well hop back in bed together just enough to keep me talking to her. Im debating next time she calls me to not even play the "oh im real busy" line, or just hang up on her. I wont see her for a few more days at work so i have some time to think about this I suggest you have sex with single women. It is much less complicated, but perhaps not as exciting as your MOW. For an MOW the prospect of eating cake is exciting because she has few options (being married). Single women may not be a flirtatious with you because they have options. I can see why you are attracted, but in the end it is not worth it. Furthermore her husband may be monitoring her. You don't want to be caught in the act with her, it could get ugly. Edited March 19, 2013 by Pierre Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Ill be completly honest, I just want to sleep with her as long as you're completely honest buddy... provides us 'OW' who thought we were in love a bit more insight i guess. careful though, might not earn you many friends here. most women here at some stage had their hearts badly broken and were hurting immensely. i for one can't make mine bleed for you not getting some. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Get a new job! Link to post Share on other sites
Author digitally Posted March 20, 2013 Author Share Posted March 20, 2013 How ball-less of you. You can bang his wife behind his back but when you're called on it, instead of manning up and taking your lumps, you wimp out and slither away. How admirable. And attractive. She was glad that I hung up. I hung up because,I didnt know what she had told him or what he knew. SO hanging up to me was better then saying something and possibly making things worse. Remember she was in front of him not me. And to the women who initiate things that are in a relatioship, if you initiate the affair with a single man, please make it clear where its going, its misleading. If the guy really likes you then he likes you more then you know. If you just want to turn it into a fling make it clear. Us guys get confused you know. ANd if you want to end it, then talk it out, please dont do what she does.. I will see her in a few days, I wil do my best to ignore her. Dont get me wrong, I do want to sleep with her, and on the other hand becoming more serious is a fork in the road, how would I expect her not to do the same thing to me she does to her husband. If she lies to him shell lie to me... I understand that i give her something she doesnt get at home and in a way that makes me feel good I guess. The biggest problem I have with her, is that she is a poor communicator, she cant be upfront. How can I confront her about this, without coming across as to pushy or aggresive Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 If she lies to him shell lie to me... I understand that i give her something she doesnt get at home and in a way that makes me feel good I guess. The biggest problem I have with her, is that she is a poor communicator, she cant be upfront. How can I confront her about this, without coming across as to pushy or aggresive You are very wise. She probably talks of both sides of her mouth. I suggest you give up your quest of sleeping with her. It will cause you more troubles and like I said: The H may be monitoring her. IN the electronic age he can know where she is at all times. I think you are smitten by her. As to whatt she wants: She wants to eat cake. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 She was glad that I hung up. I hung up because,I didnt know what she had told him or what he knew. SO hanging up to me was better then saying something and possibly making things worse. Remember she was in front of him not me. And to the women who initiate things that are in a relatioship, if you initiate the affair with a single man, please make it clear where its going, its misleading. If the guy really likes you then he likes you more then you know. If you just want to turn it into a fling make it clear. Us guys get confused you know. ANd if you want to end it, then talk it out, please dont do what she does.. I will see her in a few days, I wil do my best to ignore her. Dont get me wrong, I do want to sleep with her, and on the other hand becoming more serious is a fork in the road, how would I expect her not to do the same thing to me she does to her husband. If she lies to him shell lie to me... I understand that i give her something she doesnt get at home and in a way that makes me feel good I guess. The biggest problem I have with her, is that she is a poor communicator, she cant be upfront. How can I confront her about this, without coming across as to pushy or aggresive Why bother confronting her? You think that's going to change anything? There are plenty of horny single women out there..what's wrong with them? Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Why bother confronting her? You think that's going to change anything? There are plenty of horny single women out there..what's wrong with them? Single women don't play the game like MOWs do. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts