kopvr6 Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 Ok to keep this brief, my fiancee and I were engaged for 1 and 1/2 years, we were togeather for 2 years and ive known her since 7th grade. I'm 22 she is also 22. Everything was fine in the relationship in the beginning, until about 6 months in. There were little things here and there that i just really never caught on too. What started happening is i started to realise she was attached to her mom. She always put her mom at the top of her list and i always came in second. Whenever there was a problem she went right to her mom with it and never came to me, her and her mom would talk about it then come to me with there answer. We had no communication, i could talk for hours and would get absolutly nothing out of her. There was absolutly no compromising on her part either, it was always this is how i am and i will not change. Her mom even told me one time that its not that she didnt like me but she wasnt the one that had to live with me, now granted i never ever did anyhting to her mom, always helped her and even went out of my way to fix stuff for her. She told her mom absolutly everyhting, didnt matter what is was, some things were even very personal. Her mom got in the way of everything.....a few examples is she didnt like where we wanted to live, told us we needed more money saved for a house, told her that i should be saving more money, which i was, we decided to push the wedding back one more year and her mom automatically assumed that i didnt love bri (my ex-fiancee). Bri told me once we got married she would have to call home everyday and that if we had kids they would have to see her mom at least 2 times a week. I often asked her if she could stop listening to her mom and stop telling her mom things and she would say that she is really close to her mom, however there was a time she went shopping with my mom and she told her mom she went out friends, she was too afraid her mom would get jealous to tell her. Anyhting my parents would buy her she would say that i bought it so her mom wouldnt get mad. She comes from a family where her mom and dad dont talk, and it seems like she thinks this is normal. She just seems very much attached to her mom. She used to always say she hated her life and that she was a loser, which i told her she wasnt and tried to get her to get help but she wouldnt. It also seemed like everyhting was a competition for her, like just little stuff she would make it out to be that her family was better then mine. I dont think she ever got the concept of that once we got married we would essentially be starting a family of our own.. Anyhow we took a week off to think things over (my idea) and when the week was up i went to her house and tried to compromise with her and she wanted nothing to do with it, so we broke up. I just talked to her this past sunday, a month ago was the breakup, she told me that she was over it already, didnt even think about it, and it was for the best, after talking with her for 30 minutes it almost seemed like she wanted to maybe hang out again but she couldt say yes or no, just said i dont know. Now this girl has never been away from home, went to college but stayed at home. I mean i still love her, but there is no way to get through to her, what would you guys do, sorry this was so long. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kopvr6 Posted September 8, 2004 Author Share Posted September 8, 2004 One other thing i forgot to add is that the only other problem i had with her is she was unaffectionate, which drove me crazy, no hugs, kisses, no nothing unless i did it, Never any compliments either. SHe said those were for women, actuall y her mom said that. So i asked her one time if she could be just a little bit more affectionate and she told her mom this, and her mom said well you can tell him i'm sorry but i did not raise you guys to be affectionate, and that was that. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 It sounds like your fiancee wasn't grown up enough for marriage at the moment. You should thank your lucky stars her and her controlling mother won't be legally tied to you at such a young age. Did you really want to be married to a woman who would complain to her mother that you didn't flush the toilet on such and such a day? I would say take a break. Relax, and do fun things with your day. You've got years to find someone you want to settle down with-lots of fish in the sea. Link to post Share on other sites
krbshappy71 Posted September 8, 2004 Share Posted September 8, 2004 Tell me again why you are still in this relationship? You are dating someone who cannot stand on her own two feet, you know this and don't like it yet you are still doing it. Some people have a hard time leaving the nest. Quit trying to pull her out and move on to find someone who is out, and loving it. You will just continue to pull your hair out over this one. My two cents. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kopvr6 Posted September 8, 2004 Author Share Posted September 8, 2004 i really think your probably right, lots of my friends and her friends actually have told me the same thing, apparently she did this to her 2 precious b/f's as well, those relationships both lastes 2 years ironically. Its just hard hard because we did have fun and i do miss her, but i know its for the best Link to post Share on other sites
sonador_hermosa Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 i'm so sorry that you are in such a bad situation, but i'm glad you feel like it's for the best. this girl was obviously not grown up enough to be in an adult relationship. i believe in being close to one's family, but that's just twisted. i'm so sorry and i hope you feel better soon look at it this way: you have an opportunity to grow, to learn, and to meet someone who is sweet, loving, special, AND an adult. *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Author kopvr6 Posted September 9, 2004 Author Share Posted September 9, 2004 thanks everbody for the good comments so far Link to post Share on other sites
Fritz Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 Originally posted by kopvr6 i really think your probably right, lots of my friends and her friends actually have told me the same thing, apparently she did this to her 2 precious b/f's as well, those relationships both lastes 2 years ironically. Its just hard hard because we did have fun and i do miss her, but i know its for the best The hurt sucks but I dunno what your definition of fun is man. It doesn't sound like she was that much fun at all. Thank the stars you didn't get married, that would be the mother in law from hell. Sounds like momma bear doesn't want to lose her precious little cub and cub is just fine with that. Pity her and move on to someone with a brain/spine. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 22 is too young to get married. End of story. You might not like this statement now, but we'll talk again in 10 years' time. Link to post Share on other sites
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