Mack05 Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 This article is written for me. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/divorce-grownups/200911/telling-your-spouse-you-want-divorce I'm going to do it exactly as he recommends. This should get pinned for "break ups" and "divorces". TA Talking the talk is one thing Techie, walking the walk is an entirely different thing.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Techie Artist Posted July 19, 2013 Author Share Posted July 19, 2013 Talking the talk is one thing Techie, walking the walk is an entirely different thing.. Hi, Mack. I hear ya. I have made up my mind, so the rest of me will comply. My heart is already broken, so I don't hear from her anymore. My soul is vigilant for my kids and my future. And so the rest of me must comply. Part of my hesitation was not having peace about the right words and advice in order to keep the declaration from becoming something ugly or wholly unexpected. With the right words, I know what to say and NOT say...I don't want push his buttons with unnecessary commentary. I also now know how to gently deflect having further conversation until after spouse has had a chance to digest what I've said. The article helps. As you may remember, we have poor communication between us. The last thing I need is for him to misunderstand what I'm saying. The article helps here too. I have someone getting the kids for "the declaration evening" so he'll have time to emote and pull himself together before they come home. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Techie Artist Posted July 25, 2013 Author Share Posted July 25, 2013 (edited) LS comrades, My spouse knows I'm on the site and knows my ID...not the login. So, I won't be posting here any time in the near future. Thank you for your comments, help, honesty, and candor. Inbox me if you want to contact me. Techie Artist P.S., We've had the talk. Edited July 25, 2013 by Techie Artist post script Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 I'm glad you are taking action on how you feel. That's reall now. I hope you are well and continuing with steps that take you forward. Message me if you have a chance to give an update to how you are doing. Positive thoughts - I'm sending them your way. Hugs Link to post Share on other sites
Author Techie Artist Posted November 5, 2013 Author Share Posted November 5, 2013 Hello, folks. I am hopping back on to say hello. It's been a while, and so my update is that I'm in the process of getting divorced. It's been a sad time, and I've dealt with the steps that led me to this. I made mistakes and so did he. I have forgiven myself and him. We haven't told our young kids yet. No need until he moves out. We had to wait for financial reasons. I am working on myself and looking toward the future with hope of genuine peace and contentment. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Misadventure Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Good luck, techie. Please keep us updated and don't get sucked into the negative. Link to post Share on other sites
imtooconfused Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 I remember how hard it's been for you to reach this conclusion. I am happy for you that you now seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel, despite the fact that there remain quite a few rough patches ahead. Good luck on this new direction for your journey. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Techie Artist Posted April 6, 2014 Author Share Posted April 6, 2014 It's been a while since I've been on. I wanted to share with you that I'm about half-way thru the divorce process. It has been emotionally upsetting in that I feel isolated. I have only shared my true feelings with my best 2 friends. One is kinda pushy (this is how *I* divorced so do it my way), and the other is a little "get over it...you're so blessed". It leaves me lonely. STBX and I are in the same house...as before. His job is paying his personal bills. He's emotionally hot and cold from day to day. Sometimes civil, sometimes grumpy and resentful. I understand. I'm the bad girl forcing him to divorce, which is "not in my vocabulary" as he says. Along with all this, I'm having a crisis of faith. It's a long story, but I basically resent being Miss Goody Goody and following all God's rules...and look where I ended up. Anyway, the spiritual change is tough, too. All my friends are Bible bangers. You can't win any arguments with them. And you have no right to your feelings in comparison to the "starving and godless" in some faraway land. My guy friends have headed for the hills. I've started to write about my sad childhood to try to heal myself. I'm so jaded right now, I can't tell any improvement. Maybe it'll come when I least expect it. I'm resentful, angry, tired, and hopeless for happiness. Sometimes it's hard to get outta bed, but I press on and handle my business. One day at a time. We still haven't told the kids. When one of us moves out, that'll be the time to explain the situation. They are so beautiful, and I fear that my choice will derail their awesomeness. I feel a little selfish. But if I don't do this, they will see a very sad and sick relationship as their model. I deserve better. STBX said the same for himself. BTW, he never did put forth the effort for MC. At first I was angry, and then I was hurt. Then the walls went up. Won't hurt me again. If my earnest attempts to reconcile were secondary to him, then I am secondary. And I DO deserve better! So, I hope that some of you have some feedback and some updates of your own I can read. Be well. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts