stevie_23 Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 Ok, well…I’m not happy today. Last night I barely slept, kept waking up, I have a headache that’s been there on and off for 5 days, I kept having disturbing dreams when I did sleep, I feel sick in my stomach, every single noise is irritating me horribly, I am exhausted but have to be here at work for another 4.5 hours before I can go home, and I cannot for the life of me get my ex-MM out of my f**king HEAD!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 I'm sorry Stevie that you are having such a bad time right now. Sleep deprivation can do some bad stuff to you. I suffer chronically due to my daughter's lack of normal sleep patterns. Can you take something to help you sleep tonight? After a good nights rest, things might not seem so bleak. Hugs... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 hi stevie... sorry to hear you're having bad day/s.... i found that when things are going badly anyway, and if i'm having an off day i miss OM more. almost like i pile everything bad i can onto myself and masochistically let myself get further and further down... another thing is - if i'm away from this forum it helps get him out of my head for longer intervals. i try to stay away on the weekends, and it's proven to be a good move - i keep myself busy and don't allow thoughts of him to spoil my day. i found that when i'm going through a rough patch, it displaces him further from my mind/heart. eventually you'll be free. how about once you finish work, you swing past an ice-cream place and get something the size of your head to enjoy on your way home *hugs* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 I'm sorry Stevie that you are having such a bad time right now. Sleep deprivation can do some bad stuff to you. I suffer chronically due to my daughter's lack of normal sleep patterns. Can you take something to help you sleep tonight? After a good nights rest, things might not seem so bleak. Hugs... I have four kids. It's often hard to get a decent nights sleep here. Anyways, LadyGrey is right about that sleep deprivation thing. Do what you can to get a good rest. It really can change your outlook on things. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevie_23 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Share Posted March 18, 2013 I'm sorry Stevie that you are having such a bad time right now. Sleep deprivation can do some bad stuff to you. I suffer chronically due to my daughter's lack of normal sleep patterns. Can you take something to help you sleep tonight? After a good nights rest, things might not seem so bleak. Hugs... Thank you. I'm ok. Just...so tired. Emotionally and physically exhausted at the moment. I normally sleep ok so I think (I HOPE) I'll be ok after tonight. *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevie_23 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Share Posted March 18, 2013 hi stevie... sorry to hear you're having bad day/s.... i found that when things are going badly anyway, and if i'm having an off day i miss OM more. almost like i pile everything bad i can onto myself and masochistically let myself get further and further down... another thing is - if i'm away from this forum it helps get him out of my head for longer intervals. i try to stay away on the weekends, and it's proven to be a good move - i keep myself busy and don't allow thoughts of him to spoil my day. i found that when i'm going through a rough patch, it displaces him further from my mind/heart. eventually you'll be free. how about once you finish work, you swing past an ice-cream place and get something the size of your head to enjoy on your way home *hugs* That is so true. Thank you, Lilly. I find I've been using coming here as a comfort...and that's both a good and bad thing. I think I just shouldn't indulge these low feelings for too long, and it'd be best for me to try to be positive and pull myself up a bit. And ohhhh yeeeah, that ice cream...it's a PLAN! Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 Sorry you're having one of those low days Stevie. I'm having a triggery day myself. I'm back where xMM & I started our A (literally in the exact hotel :/). XMM & I have plans to finally talk this week, and my thoughts are all over the place. I went to the bookstore here & bought Not Just Friends to try to read. Can you go home sick from work? Lack of sleep an really twist your mind... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevie_23 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Share Posted March 18, 2013 Sorry you're having one of those low days Stevie. I'm having a triggery day myself. I'm back where xMM & I started our A (literally in the exact hotel :/). XMM & I have plans to finally talk this week, and my thoughts are all over the place. I went to the bookstore here & bought Not Just Friends to try to read. Can you go home sick from work? Lack of sleep an really twist your mind... It really can. I woke up SOOO grumpy today. In the WORST, most irritable mood EVER. I won't go home sick from work. It's too busy (I'm at lunch right now). Yeah...very triggery last few days for me. Everything keeps reminding me of him. *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
LFH Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 My day sucks too. Also, sleep and headache. I hope you have a better day tomorrow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevie_23 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Share Posted March 18, 2013 My day sucks too. Also, sleep and headache. I hope you have a better day tomorrow. Thank you! I hope you do as well. At least for you (presuming you're in the US) your day is almost over. My day is just halfway through. *groan* Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorrigby Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 My day has been kind of craptastic as well. blah... Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 Sorry you had a sucky day Stevie. I spent my whole Saturday running around getting my chores done, and my whole Sunday working. It's going to be an insanely long week, and I have to work again next weekend. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'll be having 6-7 day weeks for the next couple of months. I'm exhausted already. I wish I could go back to being an assistant..I'm tired of using my brain!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevie_23 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Share Posted March 18, 2013 ..I'm tired of using my brain!!! Heheh, I know how that feels! Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherRound Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 Same - I've been fighting migraines all week - and with them come the insomnia. Maybe it's the moon, bc my clients have been having a rough go lately too... It's definitely in the air. Hope it gets better for you soon - and I agree, sometimes we keep doing something bc we think it comforts us - but the harm it does is more than the comfort (smoking comes to mind!). Find something to replenish yourself and take care of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevie_23 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Share Posted March 18, 2013 Smoking. Yes, I'm guilty of that too. And stuffing my face with junk food every night. lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 that's alright stevie - i find that when stressed, i tend to over indulge and can't say no to bad things so yeah, smoking... one thing i just can't darn kick. i don't drink nearly as much as when i knew OM though... i can actually just enjoy a glass of wine with dinner and not a bottle! so i could be on the mend after all, one crutch is gone... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
psm04 Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 Hope you are feeling better by now, Stevie! I'm right there with you about not being able to get the MM off of my head. I've started letting him stay in my head for a while. I think that's keeping me sane right now.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yellowteacup Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 I feel pretty good today! I can't get OM out of mind today. Yesterday, was fantastic! I love days like that and wish for more of them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loredo21 Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 sorry stevie and everyone else for all the crappy days....i have had one too! and i bought my 1st pack of cigs in 2 months. UGH! back to square one. Chin up stevie! I know how hard it can be when the thoughts overwhelm your brain. pamper yourself a little. Hot detox bath and some smooth r&b and tea (or wine!) always does it for me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevie_23 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Share Posted March 19, 2013 I feel much more in control today. I slept well last night, my headache is gone and I’m feeling not so down in general. Yay! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Wellll I'm glad you're feeling better...I, on the other hand, have found myself in a hotel room alone & PISSED at xMM. I'm in the same hotel where we first started our A and triggering like crazy. THEN, my coworker was showing me how to do something with the camera on our phones & I mad this ugly goofy face, and then he casually he mentioned he just sent it xMM (who used to work with us)!!! ARGHHH So xMM and I have created a place where we can leave messages for each other and last time he posted was Saturday, and kind of PG-13 message. So I responded with one sentence and No word since then. In the meantime, he knew I was flying yesterday, staying in the hotel where it all began, tomorrow's supposed to be our big video call, and he doesn't even check in.. Not a peep? I know this is completely illogical but I just feel upset. I've been thinking about him nonstop since I got here, anticipating tomorrows call, and he doesn't have 5 minutes to say hello, make sure I got here ok,etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevie_23 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Share Posted March 19, 2013 That’d be so hard, being in the same hotel. All those memories. Yuck. This weekend I was in the same place that I used to often go and film videos (this particular beach) for my ex-MM. Show him the waves and sand, the view, me, talk to him as I walked along the beach. And so that was a bit sad. I hadn’t been there since before he left me. And then I was at a net café booth thing in a shopping place next to the beach and it was the same net café I was sitting at when I found out he’d left me. Ouch. I think this is what set me off into my mild depression of the last few days. You and your ex-MM shouldn't be in contact at ALL I think...because ANY sort of contact puts pressure and expectations on your relationship (and yes, you do still have one) with him. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Yeah I know you're right but I've been so busy it's just been like a nice little icing on the cake, but it feels like we are overdue for a LONG talk. I'm just shocked that he hasn't said a word. And then of course I am a tiny bit worried that his W caught him again. It's just not like him. Is he regretting breaking NC? Tomorrow once she leaves for work, he's safe & alone at home, then flying out in the afternoon for a quick work trip, and all by himself. I've been so busy I haven't really thought about any of this but now that I'm alone in a hotel room, trying to read stupid Not Just Friends....yuck.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author stevie_23 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Share Posted March 19, 2013 See, this is where it just SUCKS. Your relationship is over, but you’re still expecting things from him. Like contact. REASONABLE contact, yes. It’s logical to expect that contact from him, if you were “friends”, but you are ex-affair partners and so there IS no logical and there IS no reasonable, you know? You’re overdue for a long talk? Did you have a long talk already when your affair ended? If so, then there shouldn’t need to be another one. It’s over. This is actually why I am grateful in a way that my ex-MM and I can’t have any contact. What good would it do? It’d just drive me crazy because we’d either get back together again, or I’d expect more than he’d be willing or able to provide me, as…”friends”… 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 He broke NC casually, then called a week later and sort of spilled his guts about how he felt about me, how terrible the last 4 months since DDay have been missing me, that he & his W never speak of me or the A. I told him that his casual call made me realize that I can't be just friends. He agreed. At a minimum, he wants to restart the A, I don't know if he has thoughts beyond that of leaving his W. I don't know if I even want that. Tomorrow is supposed to finally be the time we can really talk at length. I don't know where the conversation will go...if he just means to keep it light, but I feel like there's an elephant in the room that we need to address. I mean, he's already had one DDay and always claimed he didn't want to divorce. So where do you go from here? Link to post Share on other sites
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