She just wants to be friends

[Heartbroken dad]

Long story short, my marriage ended last November (it's all in my other thread). Since then I've started going out a bit, and met a very nice woman (who in fairness comes with lots of baggage). We chatted once a week when we saw each other and I was soon looking for "more" a couple of times when we were both drunk we had a close dance, and spoke about becoming more than friends. We needed to talk sober though, but there never came an opportunity. In jan I was abroad and decided to message her letting her know that how I felt and that I needed to know where we were heading. Got a reply back that I really didnt want to hear. She felt it was too soon for me to be getting into a new relationship right now. We would stay friends and see what happened which we have. Fast forward to last weekend and I'm invited to her house with all of our children there, who get on fantastically well. Few drinks for us etc and we all sleep over. Nothing happened between us, but I felt it was the first steps in building a relationship. Next night I thanked her for inviting us and duly invited them all to mine the following weekend. Then she tells me that her feelings haven't changed, and last weekend confirmed that for her so they were declining my invite. We exchanged a few messages where she was very grateful for the way I dealt with things and the respect I showed her etc. still wants to continue our friendship though. not seen her in person since.

I think I probably know the answer here, but I'm going to ask anyway. Is she interested and waiting until she thinks I'm "ready", scared of committing, playing me, not interested and trying to let me down gently, or something else?

Edited March 18, 2013 by Heartbroken dad

[skweezd]

From a woman's point of view, I think she enjoys your company but wanted to wait to see if she felt the spark, the butterflies in her stomach, and I'm guessing those feelings didn't develop. I believes she enjoys hanging out so if you want to keep her as a friend then it's your decision making time. Good luck.

[Heartbroken dad]

Thanks skweezd, yeah that sounds plausible. I want to stay friends with her, maybe in the hope her feelings change, but I don't hold out much hope of that happening. It's so frustrating after everything I've gone through recently this is so much harder to deal with than it really should be.

[skweezd]

Do you mind if I ask how long you've been out of your marriage? And how long you spent figuring out what you like now that you're single? I have been really enjoying my single life. I go to meetup groups for sports and hiking and running. I'm secure in my new found freedom. Embrace this time. Enjoy your space.

[Heartbroken dad]

It's 4 months out of the marriage now. I decided at the turn of the year what I want from my "new" life which is to enjoy the sport that I play a couple of times a week, and it would be great to have a relationship that moves along relatively slowly. While I enjoy my new freedom to come and go as I please, I'd love a special person around to enjoy a lot of lifes journey with. Does that make sense??

[skweezd]

Absolutely. Depending on your sport, I would think that would be a good place to meet someone. And try some new groups on occasion, the more active you are, the more attractive you become. Plus it's very healing. I organized a youth basketball program for three years just so I could find myself after a horrible relationship. Was an amazing experience and those kids helped me more then they'll ever know. But what I'm saying is in the process of learning all these new interesting things, you'll just meet someone along the way. Good luck to you on your new journey.