What would you say to this rude person?

[SpiralOut]

I'm getting pretty good at telling people to back off, but there is one rude woman at work who just shocks me sometimes with the "no way out" questions that she asks.

 

For example, last week she walked up to me and asked me:

"Are you really so lazy that you can't walk over to pick up the other bin?"

 

She was upset that I was using a dark blue empty bin instead of a white bin. Which has NO effect on how well I am doing my job. What a ridiculous thing to get upset about. I was doing my job. No harm was being done. What I was doing had NO effect on her. So why call me "lazy" and then ask me to agree with her that I am lazy?? Her insult came literally out of nowhere. I just responded with "it's Friday" and she went off muttering.

 

Another example: she asked me at christmas when I was leaving and when was I coming back to town. When I told her she responded with "you dont' like spending time with your family???"

 

 

umm excuse me? Did you hear me SAY that I don't like doing that? Why would you make that assumption? I don't owe it to you to explain why I choose to spend x amount of time out of town. Holy geez what a rude, intrusive thing to ask me!

 

Another time I made a silly mistake that anyone could make and she called to me, from across the room: "what's WRONG with you, SpiralOut??

 

That one I just ignored.

 

She is also sometimes rude to me in the lunchroom if I'm sitting next to someone talking to them. She stares at me as if I'm weird, then she butts into the conversation to talk to me as if I don't know anything. Everyone else agrees that she is condescending and rude. Seriously I find this woman so difficult to deal with in comparison to some other people that I've told off. She gets upset and literally CRIES and complains to everyone else about you if you say something even the least bit rude to her. She is getting so aggressive towards me I'm going to have to say something soon but I'm not really sure what to say. . . . I'm just so appalled! What would you do?

[2sunny]

I'd simple respond in a neutral tone of voice "I expect you to speak to me in a respectful manner"... "There's no reason you need to be mean when talking to me - simply give me direction if you have a preference of how you want me to choose the bins".

 

If she asks personal questions just remind her that she's making assumptions.

[DannyMason]

"Jesus Christ, you're a condescending bitch! Leave me alone."

 

Although if she holds a position of authority over you, or is likely to be promoted to such a position in the future you may wish to consider other options.

[Silly_Girl]

"Goodness me, you take rudeness to a whole new level!". And laugh. Walk away

[Radu]

Can you involve management ?

[whichwayisup]

"You should ask for a raise because you're working two jobs!" Wait for her to look at you with that 'HUH' look on her face..And she will look at you and more than likely ask what you meant. Then say, 'your regular job and you watching every move I make and commenting on it." then walk away..

 

Zing!

[Star Gazer]

I'd respond to those questions with a question of my own: "Is there a particular reason why you ask such offensive/rude/condescending questions?"

[stevie_23]

I'd respond to those questions with a question of my own: "Is there a particular reason why you ask such offensive/rude/condescending questions?"

 

I'd follow this up with "Is it because you are so dissatisfied and inadequate in your own life and with yourself that your happiness is so greatly impacted by my actions?"

[TaraMaiden]

Pick an insult, any insult.....

[BehindBlueEyes]

This little Twit at my old job always kept asking me questions that back you into a corner, usually in front of others. One day He asked "Did ya get laid yet?" That was it, people were there and I told him "back off, little man and don't be taking out your insecurity out on me, boy" Go find someone that is interested in your stupid assed questions I have work to do and yerr in my way"

 

 

LOL I got a few atta boys that day and little man learned not to dice it up with me.

 

I took his crap for a long time and I got tired of those stupid questions thinking he is being funny.

[BehindBlueEyes]

I mean why would you give a hell if some other dude got laid? I DON'T want to know if some other guy got laid....I don't care......ever. What sort of stimulating(no pun) conversation would I ever get out of knowing if some dude got laid? I don't care, go away.

 

All them dudes always sat around talking about getting laid, wimminz, how they "socked her in the ***** with a huge ******* and she moaned like ******* errr Ok....big deal.....I don't want to know the fine details, because it absolutely makes me sick hearing that from Jack-O-Lantern, stained teeth looking redneck.

 

I don't care people think I am a wuss that way...I don't give a shiat about explaining to a group of men how good my sex was last night...or worse. That **** is private.....

 

I've even had guys try to show me their naked GF's on their phones.... No thanks, bra...Why in hell do I want to see your GF's crotch? Are you kidding me? Trying to prove your a big man or something? I really don't care either way....go away.

 

I have no idea how I served 13 years in that job....no idea at all. Most likely because it was very easy money.....28 dollars an hour, over 30,000 a year Winter off I could buy anything I wanted. About the only thing that kept me enthused about the job.

[venusianx13]

Flat out tell her: "I will not allow you to continue to be so disrespectful toward me." And then, act as if she doesn't exist from that point on, even if and when she speaks to you again. She's the one making a fool of herself, and your co-workers already see it.

[sb129]

I work with a woman like that.

 

I am not brave enough to come out with some of the (very good) responses on here, I just ignore her and only speak to her when I absolutely have to.

 

It helps that Im going on maternity leave soon so I'm just counting down till I don't have to deal with ANY sh*t from work at all for a while.

[sb129]

And I know its immature and puerile but laughing at people like that behind their back can help.

 

THe one at our work has the nickname Ms Adolf.....

 

I just take comfort in the fact that nobody else likes her either.

[TaraMaiden]

You know, there's any number of quick-witted repartee-esque glib responses you could give.... but sometimes, a disdainful up-and-down look, followed by 'rolleyes', a shake of the head, then just turning away and getting on with whatever you were doing, can speak more volumes than any put-down.

[AlexDP]

I used to think witty replies would serve me well in these cases. Recently though I just say "stop" and look at them. If they start talking again, which is usually the case, I say "stop" again. That pretty much kills it.

[sb129]

You know, there's any number of quick-witted repartee-esque glib responses you could give.... but sometimes, a disdainful up-and-down look, followed by 'rolleyes', a shake of the head, then just turning away and getting on with whatever you were doing, can speak more volumes than any put-down.

 

 

And its easier to remember! I often remember great retorts AFTER the incident has passed...

[todreaminblue]

i would patiently explain what exactly it is i meant.........i have meta lot of people talked to a tonne for people actually and what i notice is everyone has a perspective everyone hears something and can take a different cue...not one person thinks the same way, has the same thought processes,processes information the same way,everyone is unique, the best way to adapt is to realize this and deal with what she says accordingly, try to see her perspective and answer honestly and openly........i can adjust, because i dont judge, people can tell when they upset me and i have had to deal with some rough characters in my life do you knwo they have all mainly apologised when i hav eexplained myself more fully.......You feel judged, but yet you are judging her as inappropriate.......try to see she is processing differently answering questions with questions, just take the time to explain to her what you are thinking, because honestly , she isnt picking up your social cues so help her pick them up, takes a little extra effort.....you are probably more evolved..........i wish you well....deb

 

 

someone upset em recently i made an omelette for a breakfast and i put too much herb in it......she said it tasted liek stuffing it was more the look on her face as she ate it that upset me,i made a joke about it, she apologised and said it wasnt her intention to upset or insult me me, and i felt bad, immediate guilt for bein gupset..... .......so thats a specific example i can give......deb

Edited March 18, 2013 by todreaminblue

[TaraMaiden]

You know, reflecting on the thread, we're all fairly glib (and I include myself, so no reproaches from me!) about the wittiest and best way to retort with a smart come-back and put-down....

 

But it strikes me this woman seems horribly lonely and insecure.... And, just like a cornered dog in pain, rather than accept the fact that others could be nice to her, she will bitch and bite, and show aggression.

it sounds almost like a self-defensive measure - "If I cut you dead first, there's no way you can hurt me first...."

 

I forget myself....

This is a true story, I promise you, and I'm ashamed it didn't occur to me earlier...

I used to work with a woman who had a reputation for being bad-tempered, catty and sarcastic. The results were, of course, that nobody liked her, and we all, to a person, talked behind her back and considered what good responses we could use - very much in the same vein we're doing here....

 

One day, I found myself alone with her, in the staff canteen-cum-rest room, and I just decided to exchange pleasantries with her, just greeting her to pass the time of day and not ignore her.... and i forget what she said, but I remember her response was unnecessarily abrupt and rude.

 

I know not whence it came, but my reply to her was in the vein and something along the lines of -

 

"I don't know why you think it's best to keep snapping at people the way you do. I can only guess that you have something very sad to live with, and that it makes you bitter towards people who actually have no quarrel with you, and would quite like to like you, if you gave them the chance."

 

Or something like that.

 

She came back with the expected "shut your face" retort, and I just left the room without looking at her, replying or paying attention. But I got the feeling there and then, that my comment had hit home.

 

I seem to recall, if I'm not mistaken, that she did not come into work the following day, and when she did, she was much subdued.

She left about a month later, without ceremony, goodbyes or announcements.

I don't know what became of her. But I can't help thinking that what I said was a lot closer to the mark than she ever dared to admit, and to be honest, I regret not having made more of an effort to talk to her after that.

[SpiralOut]

Thanks for all the suggestions. I didn't expect there to be so many responses so fast! I'm going to write some of them down and practice them out in the mirror. She has an everyday level of rudeness that is tolerable. The examples I gave here are the more extreme things she does when she's in an extra bad mood. Thankfully they don't happen as often, but I'm sure it'll happen again . . .

 

Taramaiden: Thanks for sharing your story. I'm wondering what happened to that woman now. Like did she go find happiness for herself . . .

 

And I think you are dead on about my coworker being lonely and insecure. She gets offended extremely easily, from things people say with no ill intentions. I guess that's why nobody calls her out on her crap. We all know something's not quite right and we don't want to hurt her even though we feel annoyed by her. Most people ARE nice to her, and she has a few friends at work, so I don't know why she acts that way. I've given up on trying to make small talk of any sort with her aside from "good morning" and "good night" just because her negativity is too much for me to take. I feel like she is more negative towards certain people than towards others.

[Got it]

I'm getting pretty good at telling people to back off, but there is one rude woman at work who just shocks me sometimes with the "no way out" questions that she asks.

 

For example, last week she walked up to me and asked me:

"Are you really so lazy that you can't walk over to pick up the other bin?"

 

She was upset that I was using a dark blue empty bin instead of a white bin. Which has NO effect on how well I am doing my job. What a ridiculous thing to get upset about. I was doing my job. No harm was being done. What I was doing had NO effect on her. So why call me "lazy" and then ask me to agree with her that I am lazy?? Her insult came literally out of nowhere. I just responded with "it's Friday" and she went off muttering.

 

Another example: she asked me at christmas when I was leaving and when was I coming back to town. When I told her she responded with "you dont' like spending time with your family???"

 

 

umm excuse me? Did you hear me SAY that I don't like doing that? Why would you make that assumption? I don't owe it to you to explain why I choose to spend x amount of time out of town. Holy geez what a rude, intrusive thing to ask me!

 

Another time I made a silly mistake that anyone could make and she called to me, from across the room: "what's WRONG with you, SpiralOut??

 

That one I just ignored.

 

She is also sometimes rude to me in the lunchroom if I'm sitting next to someone talking to them. She stares at me as if I'm weird, then she butts into the conversation to talk to me as if I don't know anything. Everyone else agrees that she is condescending and rude. Seriously I find this woman so difficult to deal with in comparison to some other people that I've told off. She gets upset and literally CRIES and complains to everyone else about you if you say something even the least bit rude to her. She is getting so aggressive towards me I'm going to have to say something soon but I'm not really sure what to say. . . . I'm just so appalled! What would you do?

 

I would calmly say to her, the next time she does something, is I do not appreciate the way you are speaking to me and would like you to either rephrase it or not say anything. That it is neither constructive or helpful and I find it very mean. If you continue I will need to go to management for assistance.

[Got it]

Thanks for all the suggestions. I didn't expect there to be so many responses so fast! I'm going to write some of them down and practice them out in the mirror. She has an everyday level of rudeness that is tolerable. The examples I gave here are the more extreme things she does when she's in an extra bad mood. Thankfully they don't happen as often, but I'm sure it'll happen again . . .

 

Taramaiden: Thanks for sharing your story. I'm wondering what happened to that woman now. Like did she go find happiness for herself . . .

 

And I think you are dead on about my coworker being lonely and insecure. She gets offended extremely easily, from things people say with no ill intentions. I guess that's why nobody calls her out on her crap. We all know something's not quite right and we don't want to hurt her even though we feel annoyed by her. Most people ARE nice to her, and she has a few friends at work, so I don't know why she acts that way. I've given up on trying to make small talk of any sort with her aside from "good morning" and "good night" just because her negativity is too much for me to take. I feel like she is more negative towards certain people than towards others.

 

I also think some people do it under the guise, the best defense is a good offense. I have seen many people make a big stink over something so that everyone else will back off. To some degree, and some circumstances, I see it as a form of bullying as you are intimidating others.

 

Outside of that I would just ignore ignore ignore.

[applej4]

I think responding to her at all is a mistake, unless it's for necessary business reasons. For example, answering her nosey question about your Christmas plans was not necessary. Replies such as "What concern is that of yours?" or "Don't worry about it." might work better. Or even a blank stare, then walk away. You might also talk to your supervisor about her nastiness.

[Jethro]

For example, last week she walked up to me and asked me:

"Are you really so lazy that you can't walk over to pick up the other bin?"

 

I would have replied, "Are you really so ugly that I want to gouge my own eyes out right now?"

[SpiralOut]

You know, there's any number of quick-witted repartee-esque glib responses you could give.... but sometimes, a disdainful up-and-down look, followed by 'rolleyes', a shake of the head, then just turning away and getting on with whatever you were doing, can speak more volumes than any put-down.

 

I tried this today. I think it was the best thing I could have done.

 

I had returned to work today after a week of sick leave. I had a misunderstanding with this woman about something silly. It was just as much her fault as it was mine. But she decided to pin all the blame on me.

 

She told me "maybe you need to go back home and get some rest."

I just stared at her as if she were crazy. Then she laughed and said "I'm teasing you!" I just sort of looked at her. She didn't see anything wrong with what she had said. I turned to the other woman that I had been talking to and acted like the whole thing hadn't happened at all.

 

It didn't make me feel bad. I was shocked.