Want to take fwb with co-worker further

[jrosie]

I just started seeing this guy that I'm working with. I actually really really like him. I've heard through a few friends that he's really into me too. We usually hang out on Fridays with a group of other coworkers at one of their houses. One night he asked if I wanted to hang out with him alone and I said sure, he said he was going to run home and change and meet me back at work. He doesn't have a cell phone right now (a personal choice, he says he prefers to live in the 70's lol) so when I got off of work 10 minutes after him I had no way to contact him as to where I live. I told another one of my co-workers to have him call me when he got back to work. When he called me I gave him directions to my house and from hearing from another co-worker he was basically on cloud 9. He came over and we had a great time. First we went to Taco Bell (he paid) and got some beers and then went back to my house. He asked me loads of questions about myself, we laughed and got a long great. The next time we hung out we had great conversation till 7 in the morning. I asked him questions about his family and how he takes care of his elderly parents and I told him that it wasn't really right for his sisters to completely push the responsibility of taking care of their parents all on him. A few days later at work one of my other co-workers had joked that he wasn't sure but he thought that this guy wanted to make me his girlfriend. I said I wasn't really sure about all of that because I just got out of a pretty bad relationship with a guy that was mentally abusive. I told him I didn't want to "rebound" with the guy because I would feel bad because he was a really good, nice guy. Then a couple of days later he asked me if I wanted to be fwb. I mean, I'm tryna get mine, we get a long well and he's nice. So I said sure. The next time he came over he brought food over for me without me asking and we had another great time, then we went to the bedroom and had sex and he was just so sweet. He kissed me and rubbed his face on me multiple times (think kitty-cat style lol). He fixed my DVD player and we discussed what we would tell people at work if they asked, and we decided that if anyone asked him anything then he would just say that I still want to get to know him better before we took anything further, and I would say the same thing. Then he kissed me on the lips and left and told me he would give me a call when he got back from his weekend trip. Since he's been away for the weekend I can't stop thinking about him. I can smell him on my sheets still and I'm completely love stoned. I want to know if anyone thinks that there could possibly be a future in this? Or am I just confusing a nice guy for something else?

[KoKo0]

You don't mix business and pleasure, it just doesn't go.

[PogoStick]

If you want more than FWB might not be a wise choice.

[ses]

If you wanted something more initially then you should have been upfront with your feelings. You shouldn't have gotten yourself into this situation expecting a emotional investment from him because that's not part of a FWB. Good luck, but don't set your expectations too high. Think this through with a cold head.

[jrosie]

I understand where people are coming from on this one, I was always told not to poo where you eat, but a lot of people at my job hook up. I'm in the restaurant business I guess it's just the beauty of the beast in this case.

 

I have been trying to think about this with a very cold head. Just some of the things he does makes me feel like there's more. He rubs his face on me and smells me, kisses me not just on the lips but my shoulders, my back and neck, he's so attentive to me when we're intimate. I haven't had that kind of attentiveness from some boyfriends I've had. The other night he stayed over and we cuddled for awhile. We took a shower together. He told me about his ex fiancee. Cuddled some more and then fell asleep. He also takes care of things around the house that I can't, brings food over. He called me Babe a few times, and apparently talks about me often at work. When he left for work the other morning we kissed for awhile and he held me at my hips, it felt like I was kissing a boyfriend goodbye before he left for work. At first in this fwb relationship I was the cold one, didn't like kisses or anything I've been really hurt in the past and I openly told other co-workers I'm not ready for another relationship. But things just feel so right with him. I'm confused.

[jrosie]

Also that morning he left for work he said he would call me at some point during the day and it's been two days since then. So yea...very confused.

[ses]

He's showing you all the physical signs, but if you desire exclusivity within a relationship then you need to take the initiative and confront him. I'm sure it will be difficult and stressful but you need to have your peace. Ask him how he sees you and tell him of your honest feelings. There shouldn't be any unresolved questions or feelings after. Best of luck! Let us know how it goes.

[pcplod]

In my part of the world the phrase is "Never s**t on your own doorstep". But then, on the other hand, I'm sure I read somewhere that most people meet their future partners via work and that is despite the fact that some employers explicitly forbid fraternisation between their employees, fearing that they will have to deal with the worst of any aftermath. So, if it is actually wrong then there are an awful lot of people committing an offence. I guess the bottom line is to imagine the worst possible outcome if you fall out and decide whether both you and him can really deal with the fall-out. You won't get any help from your workplace over it after all, everyone will look the other way, at best.

 

And why worry about where it might go ultimately when you have figuratively scarcely got out of the starting block. The potential is so agonisingly delicious to you that it is almost painful even thinking about it, but these things tend to have their own natural pace which you hurry on at your peril. You might just have to bite your lip and bite your tongue even if the prospect is figuratively killing you.

 

You want to scream out loud about the potential ecstasy of it all, don't you? I guess that is what some people call love. Some people say love is blind. I don't know. I guess you are just going to have to find out and at least try to be patient.

 

Love it. And good luck to you both.