How would you react to this if your exMM did this to you?????

[AnotherRound]

they were found to be sexual deviants? A local news story recently came out (not me and not my exMM, lol) about an MM whose previous OW (she had broken up with him and went NC, although he hasn't been respecting that) reported that he was peeping on her!!!! She apparently caught him parking outside her street at night and taking pictures of her - and yes, masturbating to those pictures in the car.

 

I can't even imagine how this would change my perception of my exMM if he had done this! Apparently, the guy is going to court and will have some fairly serious legal repurcussions - not to mention the entire town knows about it (front page of the paper, names and all).

 

Who stays in a relationship with someone like this? I mean, especially and affair - considering they already have the one mark against them since they are married to someone else.

 

How would you Others respond to something like this? Oh, also - the guy won't stop lying about it - he is denying, denying, denying (apparently to his wife too, who decided to remain with him after the affair was discovered) - problem is - neighbors saw him and took pictures of him taking pictures of the exOW in her windows...

 

WTF? I am beyond interested to see how this one plays out - but couldn't help but think to myself, "Nope"... lol. Thoughts?

Edited March 18, 2013 by AnotherRound
To add: The exOW is pressing charges in this case.

[cocorico]

they were found to be sexual deviants? A local news story recently came out (not me and not my exMM, lol) about an MM whose previous OW (she had broken up with him and went NC, although he hasn't been respecting that) reported that he was peeping on her!!!! She apparently caught him parking outside her street at night and taking pictures of her - and yes, masturbating to those pictures in the car.

 

I can't even imagine how this would change my perception of my exMM if he had done this! Apparently, the guy is going to court and will have some fairly serious legal repurcussions - not to mention the entire town knows about it (front page of the paper, names and all).

 

Who stays in a relationship with someone like this? I mean, especially and affair - considering they already have the one mark against them since they are married to someone else.

 

How would you Others respond to something like this? Oh, also - the guy won't stop lying about it - he is denying, denying, denying (apparently to his wife too, who decided to remain with him after the affair was discovered) - problem is - neighbors saw him and took pictures of him taking pictures of the exOW in her windows...

 

WTF? I am beyond interested to see how this one plays out - but couldn't help but think to myself, "Nope"... lol. Thoughts?

 

I have had an x (not a MM, a SG - yes, we fOW are able to land SGs as well as MMs ) do similar to me. It's pretty outrageous when someone you've dumped refuses to acknowledge they're history, and feels they have a right to invade your space like that.

[AnotherRound]

I have had an x (not a MM, a SG - yes, we fOW are able to land SGs as well as MMs ) do similar to me. It's pretty outrageous when someone you've dumped refuses to acknowledge they're history, and feels they have a right to invade your space like that.

 

I'm just - shocked. I'm familiar with the MM in the situation, but not the OW. I feel bad for him in that he is obviously not wired quite right - but also bc the entire town is now aware of his deviancy, and he must feel really ashamed and humiliated.

 

But honestly - this type of behavior for a grown man shows some serious issues. It's a very adolescent type behavior and this guy is grown and married with practically grown children.

 

Sexual deviancy is a whole other topic I guess - but I really wonder about the women who stand by these men (the wife apparently is in this situation?) - about their stability and self esteem and such. And, the wife must be humiliated too that everyone in town knows that she stayed with him after the affair and that he has pined for this OW for apparently YEARS (and needed pics of the exOW for sexual satisfaction, which is another tidbit that is going around... ugh!)

 

Just a whole big train wreck, for sure - and I hate that it's such a small town bc it's going to take a while for this to die down for them...

[cocorico]

I'm just - shocked. I'm familiar with the MM in the situation, but not the OW. I feel bad for him in that he is obviously not wired quite right - but also bc the entire town is now aware of his deviancy, and he must feel really ashamed and humiliated.

 

But honestly - this type of behavior for a grown man shows some serious issues. It's a very adolescent type behavior and this guy is grown and married with practically grown children.

 

Sexual deviancy is a whole other topic I guess - but I really wonder about the women who stand by these men (the wife apparently is in this situation?) - about their stability and self esteem and such. And, the wife must be humiliated too that everyone in town knows that she stayed with him after the affair and that he has pined for this OW for apparently YEARS (and needed pics of the exOW for sexual satisfaction, which is another tidbit that is going around... ugh!)

 

Just a whole big train wreck, for sure - and I hate that it's such a small town bc it's going to take a while for this to die down for them...

 

I guess "standing by him" is the flip-side of not wanting others to think he dumped her?

[spice4life]

Gross gross GROSS. Good thing this guy was caught! Ewww!

[Poppy fields]

No way. I would report and be gone in a heartbeat.

[AnotherRound]

Gross gross GROSS. Good thing this guy was caught! Ewww!

 

My thoughts too Spice. There are very few behaviors in life that warrant this response from me, as I have seen most of them. But this - the peeping thing, is just so damned creepy! I have had neighbors like this - that just ogle and that's exactly what it is - gross. And their SOs have been quite aware, but apparently, they are okay with their SO gawking at other women? I just don't get it...

 

This whole thing is a fairly huge story in this small town, unfortunately. And apparently his wife has always known that he has these, um, tendencies and has just looked the other way - ???? I'm glad that he was caught and that the OW pressed charges - I guess if the wife isn't going to do something about his icky behaviors, then at least the OW is.

 

I know this guy and he has always kind of given off that creeper vibe - now I know why! Who marries these creepers???? I can't even imagine it, it makes me feel like I need a million hot showers - lol.

[MissBee]

I don't think this is specifically related to affairs, even if he is a MM with an exOW.

 

He is simply bizarre and criminal and ANY person, regular ex boyfriend, current boyfriend, exMM, stranger who did that to me...well what reaction can I have besides complete disgust and worry for my safety?

[cocorico]

 

I know this guy and he has always kind of given off that creeper vibe - now I know why! Who marries these creepers???? I can't even imagine it, it makes me feel like I need a million hot showers - lol.

 

Desperate women.

 

Whose position will now become even more desperate, because if she dumped him now, who would want to date a woman who knew her H was such a perv, and enabled it?

[eleanorrigby]

Maybe the OW should have closed her curtains.

[AnotherRound]

Maybe the OW should have closed her curtains.

 

Lol... yes! But the wife knew he was a peeper and the OW didn't - that's so unfair!

[eleanorrigby]

Lol... yes! But the wife knew he was a peeper and the OW didn't - that's so unfair!

 

Wives can't control their husbands so this has nothing to do with her. It's not like she was in the passenger seat loading film into the camera for him.

[wisernow]

Lol... yes! But the wife knew he was a peeper and the OW didn't - that's so unfair!

 

Well, life ain't fair. Thing is you really never know what you're getting even in the most honest of relationships. But to be blindsided from a person who lies to you and others just to carry on an affair? Meh, I wouldn't be shocked.

[AnotherRound]

Wives can't control their husbands so this has nothing to do with her. It's not like she was in the passenger seat loading film into the camera for him.

 

She knew he was peeping (apparently) and that he has had this problem for quite some time and didn't report it to the OW! In fact, she didn't report it to anyone - but now everyone knows - so wasn't it her responsibility to keep him from peeping? Or, to at least warn his other lovers that he was a peeper? I mean, general consensus is that everyone involved should have all the information, right? Thing is, I hear that the OW is suing for damages (emotional strain maybe?) and the wife stands to lose things too - including the business the husband has that she lives off of. Like I said, it seems like it's going to get pretty ugly... I just have no idea how I would react. Wow.

[AnotherRound]

Well, life ain't fair. Thing is you really never know what you're getting even in the most honest of relationships. But to be blindsided from a person who lies to you and others just to carry on an affair? Meh, I wouldn't be shocked.

 

 

I don't know - I kind of feel like the wife had the obligation to warn the OW of the things she knew about him. I mean, it kind of creates an unfair triangle since she knows and the MM knows but the OW doesn't know - doesn't it? I mean, if the OW knew (like when they know of the MM cheating) and didn't tell - some people get pretty upset with that dynamic. Isn't this the same thing really? A duty to warn another person who is possibly being harmed by your SOs actions?

 

Ugh, I dunno - the whole thing just gives me the creeps - lol.

[eleanorrigby]

She knew he was peeping (apparently) and that he has had this problem for quite some time and didn't report it to the OW! In fact, she didn't report it to anyone - but now everyone knows - so wasn't it her responsibility to keep him from peeping? Or, to at least warn his other lovers that he was a peeper? I mean, general consensus is that everyone involved should have all the information, right? Thing is, I hear that the OW is suing for damages (emotional strain maybe?) and the wife stands to lose things too - including the business the husband has that she lives off of. Like I said, it seems like it's going to get pretty ugly... I just have no idea how I would react. Wow.

 

I really don't see how it can be assumed that the wife knew for a fact that her husband was a peeping tom unless she went on peeping expeditions with him.

[wisernow]

She knew he was peeping (apparently) and that he has had this problem for quite some time and didn't report it to the OW! In fact, she didn't report it to anyone - but now everyone knows - so wasn't it her responsibility to keep him from peeping? Or, to at least warn his other lovers that he was a peeper? I mean, general consensus is that everyone involved should have all the information, right? Thing is, I hear that the OW is suing for damages (emotional strain maybe?) and the wife stands to lose things too - including the business the husband has that she lives off of. Like I said, it seems like it's going to get pretty ugly... I just have no idea how I would react. Wow.

 

So the MW had a responsibility to flit about town, track down all his whores and clue them all in that this man is a creeper? That Is too funny. I'd love to see a link to this story.

[AnotherRound]

I really don't see how it can be assumed that the wife knew for a fact that her husband was a peeping tom unless she went on peeping expeditions with him.

 

Well again, small town - and she is talking to people about it and they are talking about it. I actually heard some about it this morning while getting my coffee at the local gas station - bunch of old farmer men sitting around talking about it and I overheard as I was waiting for coffee - I live in Mayberry, lol! Also, apparently the wife is in some sort of trouble for knowing that he was doing this (apparently they had arguments about it????) and not reporting it to anyone? I have no idea how true that is.

 

So are you saying that even though the wife knew (which is what she is stating currently) that she had no obligation (morally or decency wise or whatever) to 1, try to control someone else's behaviors or 2, to give the 3rd person involved all of the same information that she had?

 

I would disagree - but then again, I wouldn't be married to a known peeper either - lol. It's an interesting situation to say the least!

[eleanorrigby]

I don't know - I kind of feel like the wife had the obligation to warn the OW of the things she knew about him. I mean, it kind of creates an unfair triangle since she knows and the MM knows but the OW doesn't know - doesn't it? I mean, if the OW knew (like when they know of the MM cheating) and didn't tell - some people get pretty upset with that dynamic. Isn't this the same thing really? A duty to warn another person who is possibly being harmed by your SOs actions?

 

Ugh, I dunno - the whole thing just gives me the creeps - lol.

 

This is different to me. First, the wife I would assume does not know who the OW is that her husband is peeping on. (unless it was an open marriage like what you were involved in)

 

And even then, how in the world would she know unless she was doing it with him? You think her husband would come home and night and tell her who he peeped on that day as they shared a glass of wine together?

Edited March 18, 2013 by eleanorrigby

[AnotherRound]

This is different to me. First, the wife I would assume does not know who the OW is that her husband is peeping on. (unless it was an open marriage like what you were involved in)

 

And even then, how in the world would she know unless she was doing it with him? You think her husband would come home and night and tell her who he peeped on that day as they shared a glass of wine together?

 

Apparently, she and he had arguments about it - and his kids were aware that this was an issue (high school aged kids, who then spoke with their friends, etc.). And, she found some of his pictures on his computer - and they were obvious peeping pictures - but she chose to not do anything beyond confronting him (it sounds like she did confront him and try to tell him to stop, but left it at that).

 

Like I said, this is a lot of information from around town, and the truth will be sorted out eventually... but in such a small town, it's going to be super hard for them to not have everyone know about it, and for that, I feel bad for them (especially the kids, how embarrassing!).

 

And at some point, there was a text message, allegedly, to the former OW from the wife asking about contact (if it was still happening) and the OW responded that nothing was happening other than the MM wouldn't leave her be. So - the wife was aware to some point that her husband was still pursuing the OW and that the OW wasn't interested - I dunno.

 

I am not linking to it, way TMI for this site with it being such a small town. Sorry, lol...

[eleanorrigby]

It's amazing how much you know about their situation.

 

I still don't believe that in this situation the wife has the greater duty of care.

I'm also surprised that you would think that someone could control another persons behaviors. If the wife knew of his affairs and couldn't stop that, how could she stop his peeping?

 

Interesting as well how the gossip mill in your town apparently is denigrating the wife more for not controlling her husband rather then the husband not controlling himself.

 

Or maybe that's your own bias coming through.

[AnotherRound]

It's amazing how much you know about their situation.

 

I still don't believe that in this situation the wife has the greater duty of care.

I'm also surprised that you would think that someone could control another persons behaviors. If the wife knew of his affairs and couldn't stop that, how could she stop his peeping?

 

Interesting as well how the gossip mill in your town apparently is denigrating the wife more for not controlling her husband rather then the husband not controlling himself.

 

Or maybe that's your own bias coming through.

 

Well, the people in town have a right to their opinions - I'm not going to interrupt their convos and tell them to be nice! lol And I never said that they are denigrating the wife - I think most of them, from what I can tell, are just creeped out that she knew he was a peeper and was okay with it and stayed married and such - more about being grossed out than denigrating her not telling someone ( that's what it sounds like to me anyway).

 

I have no bias -I just can't get my head around someone being with a peeper - if I knew that my SO had this kind of deviant behavior I would be repulsed and bolt - it is akin to someone staying with a child molester in a way - it's a creepy behavior, period.

 

And sorry, but I consider peeping to be ickier than cheating - not that I would stay with someone who cheated on me or who peeped on others - but if I had to choose - I would prefer "normal" behavior (wanting to have a normal consensual adult relationship with someone else) vs creepy behavior of wanting to sneak around and creep on people...

[AnotherRound]

Seems privy to a lot of gossip, doesn't she?

 

Would a newspaper really print gossip? Ummmm, no, I don't think so, usually they try to print the facts, unless of course they are star magazine or some other rag you see at the grocery counter.

 

The newspaper printed the news about the case the OW has against the exMM - the rest comes from the town gossipers, lol. Although, our teeny tiny newspaper would be a lot more interesting if they did print what was being said at the local gas stations and such... lol. I guess in rural areas, when people come into town, they want to make a day of it...

 

It's a different world here in Mayberry, lol.

[awkward]

Why is there so much focus on this man's wife?

 

I really don't get it and see it in almost every thread now. The wife is not the one harming people in this story nor in the other cheating stories. They are the ones being betrayed. What is so fascinating about her for this entire board to be so focused on her?

 

I would react by divorcing.

[stevie_23]

I don’t know how I’d feel. If I was still with my ex-MM I’d most likely rationalise it, as people in love and in active relationships tend to do. As I’ve said before, they fall in love with the person presented to them, they base their feelings on that and construct their reality around who they know, and then when something happens later that doesn’t fit with their previously constructed reality, they rationalise it to fit that reality.

 

If someone was still with a guy who was peeping on them, they may feel like it’s acceptable because they’re together, they may even twist things and feel FLATTERED that the guy is obviously attracted to them enough to do that, they may view it as some sort of expression of “love”. Ugh.

 

If I heard my ex-MM was some sort of sexual deviant, it’d depend what it was he’d done, and how many times / over how long a period, but I’d be quite surprised and feel very weird about it obviously. I’d have to go back and deconstruct everything I’d ever felt and known about my previous reality with him.

 

There’s a murder investigation right now here in Australia about this guy who has been accused of killing his wife, and he had a 3 year affair with another woman, and this woman loved him and he’d told her they would really be together, etc, etc, and then it came out that he also had 2 OTHER women as well. How did he find the TIME I wonder!? He had 2-3 little kids as well as a wife, AND 3 other women!? OMG!