Ex hates me now cause I moved on

[Panther]

To be short and concise. My Ex-Girlfriend broke up with me at the beginning of June after a very shaky Spring together saying she has fallen out of love with me. We tried to be friends a month later, and I was basically taken financially by her during that "friendship" period. I loved her dearly, but stayed around mainly because I adore her 5 year old child. It hurt pretty bad, and i took the NC rukle and have not contacted her in a little less than a month. I recently met someon new, and decided to try dating a bit. The new girl is a lot of fun, and has a lot of qualities I look for. We were out this Saturday night, enjoying our date, when we ran into my Ex at a place that we agreed would be my safety zone away from her. She had hers as well. She saw me with the new interest, before i had a chance to see her and leave. To make a long story short, I started getting nastyu phone calls that night into the morning, and finally a vicious email saying she could never be my friend again, and I disrespectected her by being out on a date.

First of all, I have been trying to avoid her like the plague. I didn't want to be in that situation while gettign ot know the new girl. We have been broekn up for over three months now, and I was told in no uncertain terms that we would never get back together but would likeot be friedns someday, and I treated her better than anybody, but doesn't know what she wants in life. I only put up with her stuff, cause I miss her child. She told me now the she hates me, will act like she doesn't know me in public, and I was the worst relatsionship she ever had. She has flipped her tune completely. I have left her alone with NC, moved on, yet I am now hated because of that.

If someone breaks up with you, because they fell out of love, shouldn't they be happy tha tyou met soemone new? Why would they be angry? I don't get it. I really wanted to be friends with this person, bu tam now being told she can't be even think of that because she doesn't trust me anymore. Trust what... she was at the club with another guy. I work at this place,a nd this was my night off, and we agreed she would stay away, and yet she shows up with soemone else knowing it would get back to me. I just happened to show up with my date. I wish her happiness, why can't she wish me the same? I don't get it.... She doesn';t want to be with me, but doesn't want me with anybody else, and thinks it is all a game. I don't date somebody to hate them at the end. I was loyal to this woman through and through, and all I am getting back now is unsolicited venom. Why can't she be happy for me? This is confusing......I am dating this other girl to get back at her. I got tired of moping aroudn wioshing she would come back, and went on with my life.... why can't she be happy for me?

[faux]

Originally posted by Panther

I am dating this other girl to get back at her. I got tired of moping aroudn wioshing she would come back, and went on with my life....

 

Was that a typo, or do you really mean that you do NOT like this new girl, and that you ARE ONLY dating this new girl to GET BACK AT your ex?

 

If you really like this new girl, stick with her. I think the above was just a typo, or at least I hope it was. Politely inform your ex that you wish to have nothing to do with her any longer, and if she insists on harassing you it is not out of the question for you to approach the police over it. Remind her that it is quite embarrassing to be served a restraining order, and leave it at that. She is no longer your problem, so just focus on your new girl and cheer up.

[Panther]

LOL That was a type-0. I meant to say she (my ex) thinks I am dating this girl to get back at her. I like this new girl a lot, and she is alot of fun. I would never date someone to get back at someone else. That woud be really wrong. I just don't understand how someone who left me could be mad at me for moving on. I would understand more if I dumped her for another girl, but I didn't. Funny, how things get stupid. I try to be adult and move on in my life, and the person who let me go, gets mad at me for that vwery thing she wanted me to do. Now instead of being happy for me, I am informed that I am hated.

Immature... I dunno....

Confusing.. yes.....

[Panther]

why is she acting like this????????

[Blah Toolz]

What it sounds like is that she wanted you to be miserable without her. For it to take a long time for you to get over her. That is... she doesn't want you, but she "wants you to want her."

 

I'm pretty sure this was what my ex was doing with me, and it was absolute hell on earth.

[Panther]

yeah, i have read you rposts,a nd it seems crazy that somone who doesn't want you anymore would get upset that you have moved on. It makes no sense. I feel for ya. I read your story, and it just makes me NOT understand people. You would think they would be happy for us. But instead they get hateful and full of spite and anger. You are right. I th as been hell on earth since we broke up. Tried the NC thing, and she found eay sto contact me about petty stuff. Found ways to make me feel terrible. But now after hangingout withthis new gilr a few weeks now, I am seeign that my Ex was a very controlling manipulative person ,and that is not what love is supposed to be about. I have no idea what is going to happen with the new girl. I hav emanaged to stay friends with mos tof my Exes afterwards. This is the first one to break up with me, break my heart and then tell me she hates me cause I let go and moved on. Was aI supposed to be miserable without her? Life is too short to cry over someone who doesn't want me around. Her loss, not mine...

Blah, what was the final outcome with yours?

[Blah Toolz]

Sounds like you're a tough mofo, Panther, you're alot further along than I was at this point after the break-up.

 

I don't know about the final outcome, but it's been almost 6 months since she broke it off with me. I spoke with her face-to-face today for the first time in 4 months.

[Panther]

oh, don't ge tm ewrong. It hurts. I at one piont had bought an engagement ring for her in the spring. I miss her little girl like crazy. It is like losing 2 people instead of one, but there is absolutly enothing I can do about it. I can't control other people. Only myself. I think about what could have been, but the future will be better.

What happeend with you rface to face meeting?

[lawofopposites]

I think it's discusting that some women think they have the right to do whatever they please despite other peoples feelings. She don't want you with anyone else in case she discovers things don't work out for her and then she can get back with you again. She's out there living a different way to see if it suits her, if it doesn't, she'll come a crawling back and it wouldn't surprise me if she used her little 5 year old as bait.

 

You can not have an adult friendship with someone who behaves like a child , treat her for the child that she is, It's tough about the little un, thems the breaks. I feel for you mate........change your number x

[Papillon]

Your ex sounds like a selfish, childish beeotch.

 

She did you the world of favours by dumping yo crazy ass

[Panther]

Well, I tried to be an Adult, and called up my Ex, and left her a Voice mail telling her that I was sorry she ran into my new girl and me the other night. I said it was unintentional, and I hope it didn't hurt her, and I hoped we could be friends down the road once the dust settles. I love rgher little girl very much, and I hope to continue a friednship mainly because of her daughter,a nd My Ex (or so I thought) was my best friend at one time. I realise things didn't workout for a reason romantically, but I still care for her as a person. I left the door wide open to be friends down the road, and I said goodbye. A day later I recieved an emaikl filled with tons of hate and nastiness. She said we would never be friedns because I betrayed her trust. I didn't know I owed her anyting three months after a breakup. I never cheated on her. I was always at her beck and call. I worked a lot, cause I was saving up for a ring for her, and wa splanningon marrying her. The email was a mean vicious attack and blamed me for everythign wrogn in the relationship. I was stunned. I am trying to take the hight road and be cool towards her, and all I get in response is a kick in the groin. Well, I screwed up. I responded tot he email, with a vicious verbal assault of my own. I let out all my rage and hurt and anger and frustration on her. Said thigns I wouldn't say to my worst enemy, and let her know all the hurtfull this she did. Since we broke up, I was basically taking all the blame for everythign because of my work schedule. But I kind of got tired of being a door mat. I go ttired of beign blamed for everything, even thought I was trying my best during the relationship. I just got tired of moping aroudn after we initiated NC,a nd decided to move on and date some. I never expected to meet soemone cool, and I have been having a great time withthis new girl. She is real sweet and nice,and alot of fun, and very giving. I get a call this mornign from a mutual friend who asked what the hell happened between me and my Ex, and that my ex is saying that she can't beleive I said those nasty things to her. Everythign I said had truth in it, but I agree I should have kept it locked inside. I am just a bit confused now. I thought I was more over my Ex than I obviosly am. If I was over, I wouldn't have lashed back at her email with a vengeance. But up until then, I was taking everything she said to be the "good guy" and all it got me was heartache and frustration. Well now, I strike backverbally to one of her assaults, and now I feel guiltyu for moving on and hurting "her" feelings. I like th enew girl. I still care for my Ex and her daughter. Yet how can I say I care, if I say such mean thigns to her, even though I was just expressign myhurt and dissapointment at her actions. I don't know if any of this makes sense..... I am trying my best to move on, but now I am afraid I will end up hurtign this new girl, and I don't want to do that either,a nd I don't want to be an eenmy of soemone I care for still either.

any words of advice.... I tried to take the high road, and it backfired, and isntead of staying the course, I fire dback,a d lowered myslef to her level.. yet I am feeling guilty for being happy.....

[CCBD]

Originally posted by Panther

why is she acting like this????????

 

 

Hi Panther,

 

It sounds to me like she's immature and doesn't know what she wants. Although she broke it off, it seems like she still wants you to hang in there at the same time. In other words, she wants to have her cake and eat it too.

 

There could be a number of reasons why she is acting this way. One of them is she could have a borderline personality disorder. They have a book out, I believe it's called, "I hate you/Don't leave me."

 

I've been studying a lot about personality disorders because my ex is a narcissist. He was also the same way with me. He said one thing, but meant the opposite. When he would break up, the next time he saw me (as a friend) so he said, he acted like we were still together (as if he never broke up).

 

He always contradicted himself and I was always confused. But, after reading about his disorder, I began to understand where he was coming from. Towards the end, it got to the point where I just didn't believe what he said anymore. Now, I realize he was punishing me because he would say cruel things if things weren't the way he wanted. It's all a form of manipulation and being insecure.

 

I hope this helps, but here are a few links that will probably lead you to some answers:

 

http://samvak.tripod.com/

 

http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/npd

 

My advice is that I think you've found someone new. Hopefully she doesn't end up playing games or manipulating you like your ex. Good Luck.

 

CC

[Merin]

Your Ex would've hated for you to move on regardless of the circumstance.

 

I don't believe she really wanted to just end things the way she said she did. This is the deal and if you think about it you know it's true......... when you've been in a relationship and it ends and you are DONE with it, I mean REALLY DONE then you really don't care what that other person is doing or whom they are seeing, as long as they are staying out of your life you're just happy when they find someone else to make miserable:lmao:

 

I think when she broke things off with you to begin with it was all a game to her. She thought you would be a chump and sit around crying about her indefinately and obviously she has a HUGE EGO or she wouldn't be all pissed off now that after 3 months of not being together that you somehow should still be grieving for her silly ass and wearing some fuzzy slippers with a pair of stinky sweat pants, watching Jerry Springer and those "kill yourself sunday night movies"

 

INSTEAD you picked your dignity up off the floor, wished her well, still love her kiddo and are a decent guy who just happened to meet someone else (as far as your ex is concerned this wasn't over because it was a game that you were not told the rules of engagment to) so now she is pissed off and full of herself and full of s%@t!

 

Don't get me wrong, I think in most circumstances when things end in a relationship people would like to think that the other person might miss them or think of them sometimes....... but this crap defies all reasonability. I don't blame you for going off on her sorry butt about her behaviour.

 

Best thing to do now......... don't contact her anymore.

[Dublinlad]

Why do Women do this!! I have the same problem myself!! I was dumped a while a go and i'm still heartbroken, but i get the impression my ex just wants me to be miserable all the time. She purposely dose things to hurt me by telling me on the phone what time she came home from parties and stuff and telling me about good looking guys she spoke to and that type of stuff, meanwhile she's telling me "u'l be okay, i know its hard", i get the impression she's enjoying knowing i still love her and the fact i'm hurt mean while she's out enjoying herself and treating our relationship like it never happened! For some reason i still think i need her in my life, but deep down i know she's no good for me, but i can't let go!!

[Merin]

Dublin, wow your ex is a mean girl for real!

 

However, IF she was SO happy and SO over you, do you really think she would spend her time on the phone with you telling you alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll about how happy she is and how over you she is? Hell naw!

 

She is just trying to get a reaction out of you.

 

No matter how much it's killing you inside when she starts asking how you are tell her you're great! Tell her you've been busy with "things" don't give her to much detail or information. Let her sit there and wonder WHY it is you're so great, and what "things" you've been doing. It will kill her more to think that you've moved on too.

 

AAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! Games are so sucky uh? BUT if you're going to play em, don't allow someone else to make all the rules then change them when it looks like they might lose.

[Panther]

Games suck. I don't understand why some people think that games are a part of love or breaking up. If you don't love somebody anymore, the dumper should just let the person go. It is sad to think that someone could decide someone caring for them and hurting for them is "fun". The only thing I am learning from all of this, is this. No Contact is not a game to get them back, but a tool to use to get over them.I am unhappy. I miss my Ex. I truly want her and her daughter to be happy. Do I want her back in my Life. Yes, but more out of what I thought I had, then what the reality of it was. If I got back with her, I would always wonder when it would happen again. I am in the midst of a confusing episode now, cause I obviously still care for my Ex, and I am not completely over her, but I am dating someone new. The new girl is great. Obviously a rebound. I don't want to hurt this new one, cause she could end up being a very important part of my life. I don't want to hate my Ex. I don't want her to hate me, and I miss her little girl too. I said a lot of things to my Ex out of Anger, Hurt and frustration, and I probably went too far with my "insults". I felt good for about a half a day, and then I heard my Ex was devastated by what i said. Then I felt like crap. I just wanted her to understand how hurt I was, and how angry I was. She couldn't understand how I could say those things, and feel like she lost her best Friend, etc. etc. and doesn't know me anymore. I admit, I knew what buttons to push, and I pushed those buttons in my wrath. But on the other hand, she knew what buttons to push with me when she responded to my Peace Offering. I just wish I could have just let it go, and been the better person. I have mutual friends telling me I should apologize (Which I do want to), but at the same time, I don't want to come across as her door-mat again...... I dunno.......

[Dublinlad]

THanks for the advice Merin!!! And i think your right! I'm giving her way to much information and she's enjoying it!! Maybe when i strart telling her i'm having a great time and feeling really better, she'l maybe start to think "hang on,maybe he's over me already", i'l give her a taste of her own medicine! It'l be hard to do, but i'm gonna do it!! I'm going out tonight, and who knows i might get lucky!! or maybe not, haha, but whatever happens i'l tell her i had a blast!! Thanks again for the advice!!

[Dublinlad]

Its i difficult situation for u Panther!! its quite similar to mine!! In ways u know she's probarbly in the long term not the one for u, but like me its hard to say good bye! I still remember her when she was nice and was everything i wanted in a girl(which was'nt so long ago), now she's cold and seems treat the relationship like it never happened!! I can't understand why?? I guess i still hope deep down she'l come back to me, but i think its possible but not probable!! Try and stay positive Panther, u sound like a good guy who wants everyone to at least be happy and make the most of the situation!!

[magda]

Panther, No Contact is a tool to get over it and you broke the no contact. It's all a ploy on her part- even the supposed devastation over what you said.

 

Send her an email apologizing for saying mean things to her and then don't speak to her anymore. The 5 year old.. well, forget about it. Forget about trying to keep things so you can be friends down the road. Maybe in a year or so (or whenever SHE'S in a relationship) it could happen so that you can be civil to each other, but it's not advisable that you attend BBQs at her house or something or tkae her kid for ice cream sometime. It's over!

 

No contact worked out great for you - stick with what works. Ask her what happened to your safe spot? Tell you not to go there if she can't handle seeing you go on with your life apart from her. I mean, seriously., You sound like a sensible person so what is the question mark here?

 

Somehow I bet you haven't been calling the new girl much lately because of all your obsessing over this petty little issue with the ex. Clearly you have not moved on. Good luck.. sorry if that was a little harsh. I understand where you're coming from, but you are deluding yourself on certain points, namely the idea that you should remain friends with someone who acts like her and that you want to remain friends because of her little girl.

[Panther]

Thanks for all your advice. I realy do appreciate it. You are right on all counts. It sucks. She is not the person I thought she was. As far as the little girl is concerned. I miss her immensly, as I spent a lot of time watching her and taking her to the playground and watching all those kids shows I swore I would never do. (By The way.. I hate the Wiggles, but Kimpossible is Ok I guess) I guess if I can take one thing away from all of this is this. Before I met my Ex. I did not want Kids. Now I would love a child or two of my own. I am obviously as not over it , as I thought. No COntact is back on, and I wish her well. I sent her an apology note. She may not believe it , and I will never see an Apology from her, but at least now I know I took the high road finally. I don't know what is gonna happen with the new girl, but I guess it would be disrespectful towards her or any other future relationship, if I kept up a friendship with my Ex. Someday I will look back at this as one great big learning experience.

[magda]

Cool. You'll be alright.

 

And yeah, Kim Possible isn't bad stuff.

[Merin]

Dublin, you're welcome!

 

Hell yeah, get out there tonite and have a great time!!!

[Panther]

Magda,

I sent that apology note, and I get a text message saying she wishes me well with the new girl, and hopes that gilr can make me happy beter than she could. She then says she doesn't want to know about her or anything about my new relationship. That I get allon Text. Then she sends me an email telling me she won't read the Aplology, and is very sad, and that I have hurt her worse than anybody else in the world, and that those words cannot be taken back. She then goes on to say that she cannot beleive that I have moved on so quickly after the relationship broke up, and that I must have never ever really cared for her at all. We broke up at the beginning of June. We were together a year and a half, and I never even got a b-day card from this person during our time together. Enough of that.....

[Panther]

SO at this point I am thinking that I won't hear from her again. I am thinking that it is finally done. I apologised, I walked away at least knowing I tried to be nice to her. So here it comes. My Safe Spot away from her is also my place of employment. I work at a nightclub. I am not a clubber, but that is how I make part of my living. I own my own business, and have a nothe rpart time job at a radio station. I am the DJ at this particular club and have worked there for years, and the night I work is a prety popular hangout foer that night. My Ex never goes out on this particular night. It is a Tuesday, and in the year and ahalf I dated her, she came in to see me 4 times on this night while I was working. I used to work this club on Fridays and she would come in adn see me all the time on that night, but I quit that night and moved on to a different club on Fridays. So to be safe, I thoyught I wouldn't have to deal with this mellodrama at my work. I could have her banned, but I really didn't think I would have to deal with this at work. This was my safe zone, as her and her girlfriebnds have a bunch of places that they go to. Well, this last Tuesday, Guess who comes into the club. MY Ex, and her friends. I was shocked. I called the new girl, and warned her that there might be some "wierdness". Well, anyway, the first half of the night, My Ex and her friends ignore me, and I ignore them. I tell the new girl, that I am not going to get into a war with my Ex that night, cause I am at work. Security tells me that they are gonna watch her, and if she starts anythign she is out. I agree, but say that if no trouble starts, let her be. I want to be Adult with all of this. My new Girl agrees. About halfway throught the night, My Ex gets drunk and starts dancing with different guys and flirting with them within a foot of my DJ Booth. I ignore it. My friends that are there come up and tell me that they cannot believe how much she is "f%$*ing with me. I tell them that it doesn't bug me. I see her pushing guys away after her show. I still ignore her. I am respectful of her,a nd of my new girl the whole night, but in no way do I put on a show, as I find that immature and stupid. I pretty much keep to myslef when I start gettign hit with Ice from a drink. I look up, and it is my Ex. I gnore her. Shje does it again later, and I look up and get eye contact and just smile, and then get back to work. She keeps walking by my new girl, and looking at her and walking away in a huff. I, of course, gett all this information from my friedns that are there and my new girl. My Ex dances within a foot of my DJ booth the whole night. I make it through the night, and give my new girl a ride home. I notice that tyhere is a text message on my cell, and it ios from Ex. She sent it three hours earlier, and I didn't notice it, cause phone was in car. All it said was "I dont hate U". I don't get ehr game. I sent her a reply saying "I dont hate U either". I really don't hate her, but I know we can't be together, but would like to friends someday.

I like the new girl, but I have realised that obviously I am not completely over my Ex. I like the new Girl, but still love my EX. Thsi sucks. My ex sent me an email last night, saying that she is sorry, but can't give me friednship right now, and that the wrods I wrote in that nasty letter cannot be taken back, but maybe in time we can be friends. And was sorry.

I am well, confused. I don't know why she would come in to my job. I have tried to be mature and adult here. I really do like is new girl, but it is like my Ex i scoming around to confuse me. If she would have come in and ignored me I would probably be OK... but instead I got a show. I got a myriad of times my New Girl, and friends caught her staring at me right in front of me, and then ther eis the Ice Throwing trying to get my attention, and the text. I know she was drunk.... but what thwe F*#&?

[baglady]

What a silly ,silly girl. Have you not noticed a pattern forming here?

 

You love her, she don't want you

you get over her, she wants you

so you love her again, she don't want you

 

This is what life will be like with her.

 

She 's jealous as hell when you move on so she spins her web and does everything possible to catch you in it, when she's got you, she torments you and you manage to escape, then she gets mad and lulls you back into a false sence of security, THE FEMALE OF THE SPECIES at it's best.

 

YOU are a FOOL to let her into your head

 

SHE is playing games cos she CAN.

 

Demorolize her, say something really bad and mean it -get her off your back 4 good, she really aint worth this