someone_somewhere Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 Hello I'm going through a hard time at the moment and just read through some of the posts here, so I can see I'm not alone. My situation is a difficult one and I'm hoping I guess for any sort of advice from anyone about what I should do. I'm in a relatively new marriage and I just don't feel anything there. It's my own fault for making a hasty decision, now I come to this point where I can either choose to live with it or do something that is going to break my partner's heart. I care very much about my partner and I know she is in love with me. I just don't feel the same anymore. People have said to me that I need to take whatever steps to make myself happy, and that living miserably indefinitely is something I don't deserve, and that people do get over break ups, I know that. I just can't seem to do what it is I need to do for fear of crushing my partner. You see, she has given up her whole world to be with me. She is from the USA and has moved to Australia. Her son has also come across and we get along very well, but the two of them continually fight and it rubs off on me, and I'm finding that lately I look forward to the start of the working week and dread the weekends or going home at night. I have no happiness, nothing that I can confidently say makes me feel "alive". So I linger in guilt. Knowing that if I do end this, she will not only be heartbroken, but she will feel lost. She relies on me since she is relatively new to the country, and I don't know how she would cope. I am in the stage of procrastinating now, but I know that the longer it goes on, the harder it will be. Last week, we argued - she made references as to how I am no longer affectionate and that I have withdrawn. It ended in me hinting to her that I am considering moving out and being by myself for a while. But after two days of talking, I caved in to the pressure again and said I will try and make it work. It's very hard when the person that loves you and wants to be with you says things like "I can't bear to lose you." In my heart, I struggle, because my mind is made up but I am really fighting with what is the right thing to do. I don't know how to approach the situation. I fear conflict and I know that it would be a bombshell and she could be rather vindictive about it if/when it does happen. I sit at work and ponder ways to get my life on track in order to move forward. I have entertained the idea of just disappearing overseas and starting fresh - Im not interested in all my material possessions (in the end, what is having everything when you aren't happy). But I know that it would be irresponsible of me to do that and that I should face my fears. I guess it will make me stronger in the long run, but it's so hard to put into place. I hope some people have some advice they can share with me. Perhpas you have been through similar situations and can shed some light into how to deal with them properly. I don't know, maybe I'm reaching, but I know what I want to do, I just don't know how to go about doing it painlessly for everyone concerned. Please help! Thank you D Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 If you've asked her to move to another country for you (with her child), then it's your responsibility to give her the money to return to her original country and start her life over. There's no way to end this painlessly. She's going to be devastated. It's going to have a big impact on her child, who has no doubt begun to thing you're going to be a father figure. Is there some reason why you haven't pursued couples counseling and tried to rekindle a spark -- or given her some other chance to talk all this through and perhaps work it out? Sounds like you've been feeling a lot and making decisions on your own. If you don't do all of that first, then you shouldn't make a commitment to anyone else until you are able. This is a basic part of any relationship. We all have our dissatisfactions. Or did you think married couples of twenty years didn't have periods where they were out of love and just living as sort of friends and then rediscovered a spark and then were just comfortable companions -- and, in other words, go through all sorts of up and down cycles? The committment is the thing that endures. The relationships reinvents itself perpetually. -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
sam5219 Posted September 9, 2004 Share Posted September 9, 2004 I feel for you but when I read that you just want to run away and start over somewhere else how is that fair to her? You seem to be wrapped up in your own guilt. Why don't you be honest with your wife and suggest going to see a marriage counselor immediately. Maybe you can find out some of the underlying problems in the relationship that is causing you to feel this way. Maybe you do truely want to be with this women? Wouldn't it be a shame if you ran away and you wake up one day and say you made the biggest mistake of your life? Best of luck.. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts