I know she's is in love with me. I just don't feel the same anymore.

[someone_somewhere]

Hello

 

I'm going through a hard time at the moment and just read through some of the posts here, so I can see I'm not alone. My situation is a difficult one and I'm hoping I guess for any sort of advice from anyone about what I should do.

 

I'm in a relatively new marriage and I just don't feel anything there. It's my own fault for making a hasty decision, now I come to this point where I can either choose to live with it or do something that is going to break my partner's heart.

 

I care very much about my partner and I know she is in love with me. I just don't feel the same anymore. People have said to me that I need to take whatever steps to make myself happy, and that living miserably indefinitely is something I don't deserve, and that people do get over break ups, I know that. I just can't seem to do what it is I need to do for fear of crushing my partner.

 

You see, she has given up her whole world to be with me. She is from the USA and has moved to Australia. Her son has also come across and we get along very well, but the two of them continually fight and it rubs off on me, and I'm finding that lately I look forward to the start of the working week and dread the weekends or going home at night. I have no happiness, nothing that I can confidently say makes me feel "alive".

 

So I linger in guilt. Knowing that if I do end this, she will not only be heartbroken, but she will feel lost. She relies on me since she is relatively new to the country, and I don't know how she would cope. I am in the stage of procrastinating now, but I know that the longer it goes on, the harder it will be. Last week, we argued - she made references as to how I am no longer affectionate and that I have withdrawn. It ended in me hinting to her that I am considering moving out and being by myself for a while. But after two days of talking, I caved in to the pressure again and said I will try and make it work. It's very hard when the person that loves you and wants to be with you says things like "I can't bear to lose you." In my heart, I struggle, because my mind is made up but I am really fighting with what is the right thing to do.

 

I don't know how to approach the situation. I fear conflict and I know that it would be a bombshell and she could be rather vindictive about it if/when it does happen. I sit at work and ponder ways to get my life on track in order to move forward. I have entertained the idea of just disappearing overseas and starting fresh - Im not interested in all my material possessions (in the end, what is having everything when you aren't happy). But I know that it would be irresponsible of me to do that and that I should face my fears. I guess it will make me stronger in the long run, but it's so hard to put into place.

 

I hope some people have some advice they can share with me. Perhpas you have been through similar situations and can shed some light into how to deal with them properly. I don't know, maybe I'm reaching, but I know what I want to do, I just don't know how to go about doing it painlessly for everyone concerned.

 

Please help!

 

Thank you

D

[Girlie]

I wish I had some magic words for you, but it sounds like there's no getting around the fact that it's going to be painful. I know you look at it as crushing her, but in the end, you will probably be doing her a favor by ending it sooner rather than later. I know it's hard to look at it that way, and it probably won't feel that way once you see her reaction. But you really would be doing her a disservice if you didn't take care of things soon. Assuming you've made a concrete decision that you do want to leave, the sooner you do it, the sooner she can begin the healing process. Unfortunately, the healing process starts out with sadness or desparation. But eventually, she will likely move on with her life.

It sounds like she's pretty sprung on you, so be gentle. Let her know that you've decided that this isn't what you want right now, and that you're very sorry (because it sounds like you are) that whatever feelings you had have changed. But that's the way it is. You can't do anything about the fact that your feelings have changed, and she deserves someone who's madly in love with her.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. It sounds like you really care about this person. Be strong, and do what's best for the both of you. In my opinion it sounds like that's ending things...very soon. But good luck with whatever you decide.

[moimeme]

Read <URL removed> Go to a marriage counsellor. Right now, you are doing all the wrong things. You aren't discussing problems as a team and trying to solve them. You aren't trying at all to work on the relationship. You have trouble - you want to bail. This is no way to conduct any relationship, much less a marriage. Did you think life would be all sunshine and light once you stuck the ring on?

 

I've got news for you. No relationship will work for you if this is what you do. So do a little work on this one - it might even be salvageable.