Drunk talk vs Sober talk

[Lisa_Lisa]

Question: So the guy I'm sleeping with says some really awesome things when we're together and we've had a couple of drinks. Such as: I want you to meet my father and sister, we make a good couple (when we took a photo together), I could see us in a marriage with kids, etc, blah blah blah. I take it to heart, of course, even though I'm trying hard to guard it. He's also carried my purse and held my hand and said something like, don't hurt me then kisses me in the middle of the street.

 

But when he's sober it's like we're just getting to know each other. I told him what he said, about the marriage thing. He said, I said that? Well you know realistically I --- I cut him off mid sentence.

 

It was too much. Why he is so great and affectionate (supposedly lets the truth out-his words) when he is drunk? And then acts like we're just getting to know each other when he is sober?

 

We went out for a walk yesterday. He didn't hold my hand or try to kiss me or hug me or anything. I felt like we were two strangers meanwhile the night before we were out drinking and were all touchy-feely with each other. But we tried to keep the affection under wraps since we were with friends and they don't know about us.

 

I have strong feelings for him - not marriage or anything, but just a wanting to spend more time with him to see if we click. But I could already tell that he's saying things and not really pushing forward with action. ONLY when he's drunk does he seem to want to prove anything to me.

 

So I told him, let's just keep this sexual - since I have to keep my guard up. He said, well if that's how you want it, but I know how I feel and that's not gonna stop. You know I like you. I tried to brush it off and made a sex date with him, but when I tried to get off the phone he asked me not to. And we spoke some more. It's like he was trying to reel me in again.

 

Now that I've made it just sex and told him I can't wait to f*ck him, I don't know, it seems like he doesn't want me to be that way.

 

Can it be that he just wants me to fall for him without feeling anything in return? Why he is so different to me when he's drunk and then different when he's sober? I just don't get it.

 

Can you guys help me out with this?

[dj572]

Some say alcohol brings out the truth in people. I know that can be true at times but I personally don't take anything anyone says to heart when alcohol is involved. I've seen guys get all emotional when they are drunk but never would sober. I have had women hit on me that I know never would if they were sober. I have personally chosen to stay away from alcohol for this very reason among others. I know some people have a hard time expressing love but they can when they drink but I write it off under those circumstances. I had a female friend I loved very much and wanted a relationship with beyond friends but she would never give me a chance. I was the guy she called when things were bad for her or she just needed somebody to hold her and tell her it was okay. She would invite me over quite often for what I always felt like to fill in the blanks left open by the jackass guys she dated. She called me one night and asked me to come over she had been in a bad date with a new boyfriend. When I got there she was drunk. She passed out in the floor and I couldn't leave her there so I got her awake enough to make it to the bed. I tucked her in and told her good night and to call me the next day. She grabbed my hand and begged me to stay. I stayed on top of the covers and she had me hold her. She suddenly rolled over to face me and she said "you are so good to me I should just marry you" I told her that she would never give me the chance and I said I know its the wine talking anyway. I left shortly after that. She called me the next day thanking me for taking care of her. I asked her if she remembered saying she should marry me. She swore she never said it. I don't know if she truly didn't remember or if she just wouldn't admit it. Either way I knew I would never get a chance. Just my opinion here but if he has to be drunk to show emotions I don't see that working in your favor. Good luck. I hope you can work it out.

[NeoGen85]

Girl. Run for the hills. Love isn't that complicated.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I definitely wouldn't take it too literally...if he can say those things when he's drinking a few but not when he's sober then that's just purely a bit of exaggeration of emotions...he just sounds like an emotional drinker, someone who is introverted and represses a lot of his emotions and thoughts so when he does drink and let's his guard down a bit it comes out over-the-top.

 

I think when guys say this it is half-truths...they like the idea, the fantasy of it all, but it's not even necessarily about you as an individual, it's just about his feelings and what he's imagining but it's not personally geared towards you as personal as his words may feel. So he's able to indulge in these thoughts and emotions but when it comes down to "reality" I doubt he'd want to pull the trigger and actually want them to happen.

 

I think because you're being emotionally distant and guarded he's more letting the balls sit in your hands..or he's pretending to be, if you were to chase him he'd back away, but since you pull back then he just wants to pull you closer...it's like when you play tag with a dog, they just react to your posture/actions.

 

He's just trying capture your emotions and attention...that's all it is, a lot of guys do this, and once that vagina and heart is conquered, it's time to move on....it's just "the chase"...if you were something serious he'd be acting completely different, but he's baiting you, that's all...don't be stupid, he's trying to mess with you.

[iKING]

Never take to heart what people say when they're drunk.

[Lisa_Lisa]

Thanks for all your advice guys. You're all right. I think he is trying to mess with me.

 

We were supposed to 'get down and dirty' last night, but I had to cancel. He texted me, why did you cancel, but I had already fallen asleep by the time he sent me the text. I texted him this morning and said, I can't wait to see you tonight. I'm going to make it up to you, blah blah blah. 'Cause I just want to...you know.

 

He texted me hours later and wrote, ok. Just ok, like it doesn't even matter. So I tried calling him and he didn't pick - he usually picks up. I texted him that I miss u and can't wait to see him, are we seeing each other tonight?

 

Crickets.

 

Do you think he's pissed at me because now I just want to keep it sexual?

[Ninjainpajamas]

He just knows he can control you, so he's pushing your buttons...and then you'll come begging thinking you did something "wrong".

 

He's doing it because he can....because you let him.

[miss_jaclynrae]

I would be worried just by the fact that he doesn't effing remember. Who gets that drunk when first dating someone?!?

[miss_jaclynrae]

Wait... So you guys aren't dating?

 

 

 

 

 

How can you ask for a purely sexual relationship and yet care so much. You are the one who ultimately set the tone for the relationship. You can't be a referees and then complain nor question the bad calls being made.

[Lisa_Lisa]

Thanks guys.

 

He came over last night and we talked about it. I know there are some things people say that they can't remember when they're sober. He told me that I said that I wanted to marry him in a drunken stupor a week ago. I was shocked! Mostly because I don't see myself marrying him. I guess it's just a fantasy played up in my head, but in the cold light of day it's something I wouldn't consider.

 

He told me he really likes me. I really like him. We don't know if it's going to go anywhere. What I do know is that I'm falling into a sex haze. He's so good. I'm getting hooked. And he's totally okay with hanging out with me, doing stuff, going places, etc. So I know he hasn't made this 'whatever it is' purely sexual.

 

I just told him to please refrain from going overboard with his feelings if he really doesn't mean them. He must mean them a little bit to talk about them, but he plays it up like it's more important than it really is so we're both just going to use action instead of words.

[veggirl]

This is the 21 yr old you have been hanging out with or whatever for like a couple weeks right? I'd think "I wanna marry you" and s.hit would send most normal people running that early on. I'd be really annoyed/creeped out by that.

 

tbh I don't think you know what you want and you should figure it out. You say you just wanna keep it sexual but you've also said you'd like to see where things go with dating this kid. and texting I miss you and stuff...? that's not keeping it sexual, and you get upset when he doesn't respond to your texts etc. You don't sound okay with just sexual but this kid is way too young for you to consider for serious dating.

[Lisa_Lisa]

I know. Everything is so convoluted. I know this is going to end badly. I'm beginning to feel things...but I've got to keep them under wraps otherwise I'm truly going to get hurt.

[KatZee]

I know. Everything is so convoluted. I know this is going to end badly. I'm beginning to feel things...but I've got to keep them under wraps otherwise I'm truly going to get hurt.

 

Why don't you just... move on?

 

You're in a sex haze? You do know you can meet someone who's genuine and can have great sex with a great guy who's not going to be black out drunk and creepy within the first two weeks?

 

You consciously acknowledge this isn't going to end well and you're going to get hurt, but you stay... this is the most distorted way of thinking and of living life that I've ever seen.

[Babolat]

Never have a talk or make relationship decisions when drinking, only when sober.

 

Sounds to me like you both have a drinking problem and you should not be making an relationship decisions at this point in your life.

 

I am dating a girl right now who likes her alcohol and has had blackouts. In some cases she does not remember times we have had sex. And she does not remember a lot of our talks. It's pretty much over for me.

[Lisa_Lisa]

Why don't you just... move on?

 

You're in a sex haze? You do know you can meet someone who's genuine and can have great sex with a great guy who's not going to be black out drunk and creepy within the first two weeks?

 

You consciously acknowledge this isn't going to end well and you're going to get hurt, but you stay... this is the most distorted way of thinking and of living life that I've ever seen.

 

 

I don't want to move on because I'm enjoying the moment. He and I already spoke last night and we both agreed we weren't going to talk sh*t about the future (cause we both know it's just a fantasy). We weren't going to say things that we didn't mean. Drunk or not. And we don't have sex drunk either.

 

The only thing I will feel when and if it ends is a deflated ego. Hurt pride. I'm not in love with him.

[Lisa_Lisa]

Never have a talk or make relationship decisions when drinking, only when sober.

 

Sounds to me like you both have a drinking problem and you should not be making an relationship decisions at this point in your life.

 

I am dating a girl right now who likes her alcohol and has had blackouts. In some cases she does not remember times we have had sex. And she does not remember a lot of our talks. It's pretty much over for me.

 

 

The only decision we made last night - sober - was that we weren't going to talk about 'us' when we're drunk because some things can get misconstrued. We leave drinking strictly for the weekends...we're not alcoholics.

[yessy21]

OH. Hes an EMOTIONAL Drinker honey. That sucks. He likes you though... hes just over talking.

[Lisa_Lisa]

OH. Hes an EMOTIONAL Drinker honey. That sucks. He likes you though... hes just over talking.

 

Exactly, Yessy, you hit the nail on the head. It took me a little bit to figure it out. Now that I know I won't put any importance on his words when he's been drinking, just sober.

[carhill]

Can it be that he just wants me to fall for him without feeling anything in return?

 

I imagine you're a lovely young lady so it's completely normal for any young man to 'want you to fall for him'. It's also normal for many young men to 'not feel anything in return', in the sense beyond superficial sexual attraction. It's fun.

 

Why he is so different to me when he's drunk and then different when he's sober? I just don't get it.

 

Brain chemistry. I've noticed this a lot with alcoholics/drug addicts and have loved a few over the decades, being close enough to see the good/bad/ugly of personality changes.

 

Can you guys help me out with this?

 

Watch his actions when sober. That's his truth. Make decisions in your best interest. Date other young men. Good luck.

[Lisa_Lisa]

I'm posting here cause I'm jealous. Steaming jealous.

 

My brother has a friend. Friend became interested. I tried to fight it at first, but accepted. He said all the right things when he was DRUNK. Sober as well, but only sometimes.

 

We've been screwing for the whole month of March, but last week at a gathering he was all over his cell phone. Which I thought was rude to everyone there and disrespectful to me. I got drunk and got mad and texted he is being disrespectful. I went with my gut. He had to be chatting up another girl.

 

I go to a room, lock myself in, and call up a guy just to talk. My 'guy' texted me if everything was ok then he came looking for me, saw me on the phone, and left me alone. When I went back out to join the crowd he was still on his cell phone so I made a joke and he got pissed and said 'I'm not the one who was on the phone for an hour.' And he disappeared. When I texted why'd he leave, he wrote 'don't talk to me anymore.'

 

It hurt so bad I started crying. But then he came back and I led him to my bed to sleep. My brother came to get the cigarettes out of his jeans and I think this is what my 'guy' didn't want. He didn't want my brother to find out.

 

He quickly got dressed and left. I thought he'd come back, but I woke up alone.

 

We haven't texted each other since. I went on vaca for about 4 days though.

 

But I found out from my brother that he brought a girl over to my house to fu*k. Again, knowing this hurt like hell.

 

I want to go NC, but how can I do that when I'm going to see him all the time?

 

He works with my brother and comes over to the house a lot.

 

Talking about what happened is pointless, so I want to ignore him, but I don't want to be immature about it.

 

So how do I do this?

[RachR]

As someone else said, don't take anything drunk people say to heart. When I'm drunk, it can act as both a truth serum or exaggerator. Alcohol can make people act more emotional than they would sober. Have you ever gone to house parties where everyone gets sh*t faced? How many people who hang off others going "I love you maaaaan" even talk to them outside of the party scene? Often, they don't, Lol