Girlfriend on holiday & acting very strange!

[airwave2010]

guys i already have a thread on here please read it...

 

my girlfriend is abroad in the algarve at the moment...

 

she is there with her brother, her sister in law, and 3 under 16 year old children.

 

so it's a bit of a family holiday....

 

 

the hotel they are stopping at, has free alcohol & lots of couples, singles & families drinking.

 

the problem is.... my girlfriend is acting very strange... she is texting me & so far we are keeping in touch...

 

 

but she is acting waaaay too nice! she is usually not this nice...

 

keeps texting me, about how much she adores me & i am her special man & her special guy!!!

 

 

then she keeps asking me, if she can meet my family as soon as she gets back & how we should get a car together (as mine is broken)

 

i just don't understand why she is being so nice? it just seems so over the top

 

 

i am worried she maybe seeing someone over there, or is planing to do so...

 

and in the mean time, is keeping me sweet or making sure that, she has got a solid relationship to come back to with me....

 

her behaviour seems odd

 

i know i have no choice but to trust her, as if she wants to cheat.... then she will find a way to do it....

 

what can i do in this situation.... our relationship has been rocky, to say the least... we have broke up twice & only got back together last week

 

 

please advice?

[OwlSoul]

keeps texting me, about how much she adores me & i am her special man & her special guy!!!

Maybe, she is missing you? But yes, if you're feeling something is wrong, it most likely something is going not right.

 

i am worried she maybe seeing someone over there, or is planing to do so...

Worrying and getting jelly will make everything worse.

 

and in the mean time, is keeping me sweet or making sure that, she has got a solid relationship to come back to with me....

People usually feel guilty if they're cheating, which makes them actually behave bad towards their former partner.

On the other hand, if a person has second partner, and the first one is unreachable, he/she is feeling more attracted to the one who is not here.

 

So yup, it's either or. Either she started missing you, maybe she is feeling the same as you (like thinking you could cheat on her), or, following your logic, she's cheating (which is less likely). The only thing you can do in this situation is to observe and not to panic. Any signs of you being unsure, unsecure, jelly will distant her.

[ThatJustHappened]

So..first you were stressing out that she wouldn't talk to you enough..and now you're complaining that she's talking too much and being too nice. This poor girl will never live up to your expectations will she?

 

Dude..you need to therapy.

[airwave2010]

Maybe, she is missing you? But yes, if you're feeling something is wrong, it most likely something is going not right.

 

Worrying and getting jelly will make everything worse.

 

People usually feel guilty if they're cheating, which makes them actually behave bad towards their former partner.

On the other hand, if a person has second partner, and the first one is unreachable, he/she is feeling more attracted to the one who is not here.

 

So yup, it's either or. Either she started missing you, maybe she is feeling the same as you (like thinking you could cheat on her), or, following your logic, she's cheating (which is less likely). The only thing you can do in this situation is to observe and not to panic. Any signs of you being unsure, unsecure, jelly will distant her.

 

 

 

would it be worthwhile, if i rang her out of the the blue a couple of times? see if she picks up....

 

i mean before she went on holiday, i told her she could ring me at anytime & she told me, that i could ring her at anytime.

 

so we would only be doing what we agreed on

 

 

will ringing her out of the blue, make me look insecure?

 

 

seriously my gut is screaming something is wrong here.... it feels to me, like she is trying to get re assurances from me, that i am still here & will be here, no matter what happens on this holiday of hers

 

she maybe having a fling & keeping check i am still going to be there

 

 

i could be wrong totally .... maybe i should play it cool. and see how things develop over the next few days

 

she will be at this holiday for another 5 days!!!

[Chi townD]

Dude, chill out.

 

If a girl is cheating while on a trip away, you can't get a hold of them, because they're usually occupied with someone else. Then, once they do the deed, they don't want to talk to you because they feel guilty. Then, when you do get a hold of them, they have every excuse in the book. I left the phone in the room. My battery died. My phone was in my purse on viberate, so I didnt hear it.

 

So, I dont think anything is going on. She probably knew you were stessed about it before she left. Now, she's trying to reassure you.

[Amelie1980]

So..first you were stressing out that she wouldn't talk to you enough..and now you're complaining that she's talking too much and being too nice. This poor girl will never live up to your expectations will she?

 

Dude..you need to therapy.

 

Exactly. I am nite surprised she has split up with you twice if this is what you are like.

[airwave2010]

Exactly. I am nite surprised she has split up with you twice if this is what you are like.

 

 

 

you don't even know my past history with her... stop stop making judgemants on me

[Amelie1980]

you don't even know my past history with her... stop stop making judgemants on me

 

Your reactions.are very weird. it appears that no matter what she does its wrong.

 

The Algarve is a two hour flight from the UK. Jump on easyjet and fo and see what she is up to.

[airwave2010]

i lost my passport lol

 

seriously wether you believe it or not, i,m a pretty level headed guy & would not think there was something wrong, if things did not feel out of the ordinary

 

and she has lied to me in the past before & has used a similar tactic of keeping me sweet & seeking re - assurance

 

i jus want some advice on how to handle all this

[Amelie1980]

i lost my passport lol

 

seriously wether you believe it or not, i,m a pretty level headed guy & would not think there was something wrong, if things did not feel out of the ordinary

 

and she has lied to me in the past before & has used a similar tactic of keeping me sweet & seeking re - assurance

 

i jus want some advice on how to handle all this

 

If she's lied to you in the past and you can't trust her why don't you end it and find someone else?

 

This relationship isn't good for you.

[airwave2010]

2 reasons

 

first i love her

 

 

second how can i just end it, like this, while she on holiday

 

 

also what if a i am wrong & she is not doing anything... it's just the not knowing

 

 

i sent her a text this morning, just said "good morning, i love you"

 

2 hours later... no reply

 

 

man this is hard

[Amelie1980]

2 reasons

 

first i love her

 

 

second how can i just end it, like this, while she on holiday

 

 

also what if a i am wrong & she is not doing anything... it's just the not knowing

 

 

i sent her a text this morning, just said "good morning, i love you"

 

2 hours later... no reply

 

 

man this is hard

 

Well why don't you drop off the radar then? Only reply to what she sends and take your time doing it.

 

I have to say that I only saw my last bf 1-2 times a week. I never wondered what he was up to or if he was cheating. It would be exhausting to deal with.

[airwave2010]

only two days into her holiday... and i ma already exhausted

 

before she went, she told me, i could text or ring her anytime.... but looks like that is not the case.

 

i think the only thing i can do.... is just drop off the radar like you said.

 

 

if she wants to stay in touch, then she will

[Amelie1980]

only two days into her holiday... and i ma already exhausted

 

before she went, she told me, i could text or ring her anytime.... but looks like that is not the case.

 

i think the only thing i can do.... is just drop off the radar like you said.

 

 

if she wants to stay in touch, then she will

 

I had a bf a few year ago who kept spending time abroad on various holidays. I didn't fully trust him and My suspicions weren't far off. In hind sight one thing I regret is staying in touch with him. I did as you did...worried where he was and I sent him lots of texts . I wished later that I had vanished and made him wonder where I was.

 

For your own sake try it.

Edited March 19, 2013 by Amelie1980

[airwave2010]

i know it's horrible...

 

if i text her, it takes her ages to text back.... its best to keep chat to a minimal

[MsIndependent1]

Trust her until she gives you a reason not to! Right not your mind is making scenarios that may not even be the case right now. Occupy yourself. Do things that keep you busy and not so focused on the times she doesn't text you back immediately. Eventually if she realizes your as busy as her and she wants to occupy more of your time, she will do so.

[airwave2010]

i am trying my very best to trust her....

 

 

it's just the length of time, for her to text me back, that is worrying me & her behaviour has been very odd too

 

 

just very over the top & not like herself

[anne1707]

Relax!

 

 

She's texting you. She seems to be missing you. Isn't that what you wanted?

 

You cannot expect her to text back straight away. It just may not be possible or she may even not have great reception on her phone.

 

As for her being extra nice - maybe she picked up on you being completely OTT re your insecurity and wants to show you that there is no need for you feel that way.

 

The poor girl can't win with you.

[airwave2010]

Relax!

 

 

She's texting you. She seems to be missing you. Isn't that what you wanted?

 

You cannot expect her to text back straight away. It just may not be possible or she may even not have great reception on her phone.

 

As for her being extra nice - maybe she picked up on you being completely OTT re your insecurity and wants to show you that there is no need for you feel that way.

 

The poor girl can't win with you.

 

i have hardly shown her any insecurities, i have give her lots of space.

 

 

i am getting lots of this off her, but she is normally not like this at all

 

 

 

"i want to move in with you, as soon as i get back"

 

"i want to show you, i am can be the best girl friend ever"

 

"i am never ever leaving you again"

 

 

she keeps mentioning us moving in together, as soon as she gets back!

 

why carry on like this, whilst she is on holiday!!!

 

 

she sent me a text message about 4 hours ago, saying she is going to have her dinner, then she is going to bed to sleep (this is around 3pm, during the day) when she goes to sleep, she does not text back or take calls

 

so i text her back & said i will call your bedroom phone & we can chat for a while... she then changed her mind about going to sleep and decided to go to the shops instead.

 

then when she came back to her room later, we talked for about 10 mins and she then said to me, she is going to get some sleep now... and she will text me, when she wakes up.

 

so i said, ok no problem, will speak to you soon.

 

 

about half an hour later, i rang her back, because i forgot to give her my landline number.....

 

but she was up doing her nails? i said thought u was going to sleep.... she then said, i could not sleep... so decided to do my nails.

 

 

lol just strange behaviour

[airwave2010]

how does this look to me?

 

 

she tells me she is going to sleep, without even letting me know when she will be up, or when she will contact me again

 

 

she knows very well, in that time she is asleep, i will not be able to text or ring her & she will not take my calls

 

but then it turns out, instead of sleeping, she is doing her nails.....

 

 

 

so could it be, she is going out somewhere, maybe to meet someone & the sleeping thing, was an excuse, so she does not have reply to my text messages, or take my phone calls, while she is out

 

 

sounds like the perfect strategy to get away for a while.... plus she has told me, that her hotel room, phone is not working....

 

i rang it, it sounds like it is off the hook, or unplugged... so i cannot even ring her room, to see if she is there

 

 

plus her odd behaviour on top off that, is suggesting to me, that she is planning on seeing somebody there & she is keeping me in check at the same time, to make sure i am going to still be here when she gets back to uk

 

 

i am begining to realise, that if she wants to cheat on me, then there is nothing i can do.... but just leave it to her, and trust her

 

 

i cant spend the whole week, ringing her, checking up on her, that makes me look redicioulus

 

 

i am just going to let her get on with it, keep minimal contact with her. nothing else i can do

[anne1707]

Maybe you callling and texting her when she said she was going to try and sleep stopped her from being able to settle and get to sleep!

 

Now she is not even allowed to sleep! If I were her.......

[airwave2010]

Maybe you callling and texting her when she said she was going to try and sleep stopped her from being able to settle and get to sleep!

 

Now she is not even allowed to sleep! If I were her.......

 

 

 

what a load of rubbish you come out with.... she told me she was going to sleep, i did not text her once, or ring her once after that...

 

or have i been texting her or ringing her all day... i only spoke to her for ten minutes, then she said, she is going to sleep.

 

i rang back half an hour later to give her my land line number (she was not expecting this call) she was doing her nails instead of sleeping.

 

 

 

 

after she told me, she was going to

[Chi townD]

I'm about ready to give up....DUDE!!! You called her back and was doing her nails!! She was in her room, not running around, not out of breath and quitely moaning...She was in her room.

 

Dude, if you don't get a handle on these insecurities, you're gonna lose this girl. You need to get some individual counseling to help you get a handle on things. From what you wrote, there are no red flags that are popping my Spidey senses off. Someone already wrote that you need to trust her until you don't have a reason to.

 

If you can't trust her or give her the benefit of the doubt, you have NO relationship.

[KatZee]

I'm about ready to give up....DUDE!!! You called her back and was doing her nails!! She was in her room, not running around, not out of breath and quitely moaning...She was in her room.

 

Dude, if you don't get a handle on these insecurities, you're gonna lose this girl. You need to get some individual counseling to help you get a handle on things. From what you wrote, there are no red flags that are popping my Spidey senses off. Someone already wrote that you need to trust her until you don't have a reason to.

 

If you can't trust her or give her the benefit of the doubt, you have NO relationship.

 

Who cares if he loses her anyway? She apparently has a track record of lying and bad behavior.

 

Airwave, not sure if you answered my post in your other thread, but WHY are you in such a toxic and unhealthy relationship? There is no trust here. There is nothing. Saying "because I love her" is NOT a reason to stay. You've been together a mere year and a half not a lifetime.

 

Don't you think you can find someone you can actually trust and not have to start thread after thread about??? Questioning all her motives, what she says, what she doesn't say, how often she responds to you, how nice she is, how mean she is?? I'm exhausted and I'm not even you.

[geegirl]

Your behavior would drive me bonkers.

 

Granted you are paranoid because of the past, but when you chose to give her a second chance, you chose to trust her again.

 

If you can't trust her, then you have to re-evaluate because "I love her" is not enough. No trust, no relationship.

 

If she's going to cheat, she doesn't have to do it on vacation. She can cheat when she's back in your arms. Until she gives you a valid reason to mistrust, you need to quit the paranoia.